#693: Couples in crisis naturally question compatibility

It’s natural to question if you married the right person when you have been suffering in your relationship. Some people suffer due to instant breaches of trust such as affairs. Some people suffer for years through stacking resentments towards their partner.

If you have ever questioned your compatibility and are concerned about the future, what you are about to read could be worth considering.

Incompatibility can come in many forms, so I will outline a few that cause couples a challenge.

  • Different life goals: – Mission/life purpose – Geography – Parenting styles
  • Sexually misaligned: [Read more...]

Want to solve your problems?

Do you feel that your problems are impossible to solve? Any individual or couple that have a problem they feel is impossible to solve is going to feel that way for one reason.

They are keeping their problem alive by the way they are approaching their problem(s).

It’s easy to keep approaching a problem in the same way, keep failing and then concluded it’s impossible to solve. So many couples are divorcing for the wrong reason and they have no idea. Many feel they have tried everything, however the truth is it’s likely they have only tried what they can think of trying.

A lady came to me recently, she was struggling to get over a recent break-up. She was clearly harming herself with her approach to her challenge, no sleep, loss of weight, emotionally empty she was heading for bigger problems and she knew it. [Read more...]

You have to be a team…

Couples that want their relationship to last have to become a team. This is important because if you’re not a team you can’t plan your relationship experience to be the way you both need it to be to stay happy. If you can’t plan your relationship then you’re in danger of not sharing the same journey and goals and this can cause real problems.

If you’re not sharing the same vision of how to experience the journey towards an agreed future please expect a significant challenge, as you read on you’ll discover why…

I have yet to meet a couple who really have a plan. I have met couples that think they have a plan and when pushed they crumble within minutes.

When a couple doesn’t plan their relationship what happens is they end up living with what feels like separate lives. [Read more...]

[IMPORTANT] Few couples are aware of this…

So here is an interesting thought, what if the identity you live in day-to-day works for one part of your life, but is disastrous for the other important parts and you don’t know this, or the impact you are having on your family.

Every couple that is in trouble experiences this in different ways, below is a couple of examples. As you scan through this post you can start to see how this pattern could have affected your relationship and what needs to happen to change it.

I remember one lady telling me she felt like one of her husbands employees. Obviously being CEO of his wife was never going to work, but he had a challenge, he was a very successful CEO and was so comfortable within his CEO identity this is how he lived his life even at home.

The challenge he faced was he had become upset at how the people that didn’t work for him (his family) responded to him. He thought his CEO status should just bring him love and respect, he was confused when it didn’t happen and assumed his family specially his wife didn’t love him. [Read more...]

She nearly lost a perfectly good marriage

The reason for sharing this post today is because many individuals leave their marriage and regret it later when it’s far too late to get it back. The impact on themselves and their family is destructive.

They think what they feel at the point they decide to leave the marriage is what they will still feel later and this is their illusion.

When a person really takes the time to understand why their thinking is leading them to want to leave the relationship, they are very likely to discover far more than they were consciously aware of.

This couple were married for over 15 years and everyone thought they were a great couple. He knew the relationship wasn’t great, but was not aware of how bad it had become for her. She loved him as a friend, but she longed for that youthful spark again, the fun, the passion, the hope of new adventures and surprises. She was a good mum, but she wanted to feel like a woman again.

She didn’t want an affair, but she knew she wanted more from her life of love. [Read more...]

“You are not alone…”

In todays post we will be exploring why so many people struggle in certain areas of their lives and what they have to start to focus on to make successful changes. If you are struggling please know you are not alone.

To become successful we have to understand certain critical factors, one of which I will talk about today.

For humans to understand the world we live in we have to create internal maps. The maps we create help us navigate our world. The more we explore the world the more comprehensive the maps will become.

For example: You will have a map of how to get from your bed to the kitchen to make a drink in the morning. A heart surgeon will have a map of how to successfully replace a persons heart with a new one. Like the surgeon if you have studied you will have mastered a map in your profession. [Read more...]

How to get a couple from near divorce back to love step-by-step

One of the reasons I love the process of coaching couples through their problems is the precision in which I can help them both see how to get to their desired result. 

Through the diagram below I will explain how it works.

Six-step-chart

Every couple is different and so the process from A-B will be unique to them

The green letter ‘A’ represents where the couple are today. This is important to understand because the couple will present where they think they are and sometimes it’s far worse than they think and sometimes it’s far better. [Read more...]

What really causes marriages to fail?

I have never shared this before, this information I’m about to share is normally reserved for my “Marriage Breakthrough Program” clients.

 So please take your time and follow this carefully.

Most people think that what causes marriages to fail is affairs, arguments, inability to communicate, stress, negativity, loss of sexual connection, money problems, boredom etc.

What if you knew that this wasn’t true, what if all the problems couples face is not their real problem. Would that now make sense to why so many couples go round and round in circles frustrated at each other. [Read more...]

Are you and your partner team?

When two people decide to give the best years of their life to each other it’s a wonderful commitment.

They have chosen to go on a journey through life with each other, they have chosen to become a team, some couples choose to become leaders of a bigger team as children become part of their plan.

So to build a successful team we need clear goals and we need to know the strengths and weaknesses of the team members so the journey to the chosen goals becomes easier.

Any business leader knows this is critical if they are to gain the outcomes they are after. [Read more...]

7 Reasons You Know You’re In The Wrong Relationship

Being in the wrong relationship is an upsetting time, but how do you know? What do you need to look out for? Love is not always enough to keep a couple together if the following situations arise.

1. If your partners intent is to try to hurt you physically or emotionally

2. If your vision or goals for the future are totally different

3. If you believe their fears for losing you is helping them try to control what you think and do

4. Your partner is only interested in taking from you no matter how much you give

5. If you dislike who you become in their company [Read more...]

If you punish your partner what do you think will happen within them?

Society teaches us that if someone has done us a wrong we have a right to punish them. We are taught from a very young age that wrongs get punished, parents punish, schools punish, laws are there to punish.

So punishing our partner when they upset us is OK right!? You might want to rethink this one…

The challenge this punishment model provides is this: In our personal relationships it actually creates a destructive effect rather than a positive corrective one. This usually creates the reverse of what the person punishing actually wants.

You see if you punish your partner, their instinctive response will be to run away from you. Even if they don’t physically, there is a good chance they will emotionally. [Read more...]

Marriage Tip Five: Understand Why You Are Together?

Will a couple survive if they don’t share a reason to be together? Couples who plan their journey though life and work as a team towards those goals are far more likely to want to stay together because they have a real purpose.

Creating that purpose helps to build a strong lasting intimate connection.

Most couples vision starts with attracting each other, moving in, getting engaged, getting married and having children. The couple excited about life can race through these goals within a few years. [Read more...]

If we split up are we making a mistake?

Who Have I Become?

This is a significant worry that just prolongs the agony of staying in a relationship that feels wrong.

I also see too many people regret their decision to leave their partner, so if you are unsure please find out.

Too many people find that the solution of leaving is very painful so some short term effort could avoid that long-term pain. [Read more...]

Are You And Your Partner A Team?

Do you think knowing where you are going as a couple and why is critical to you and your partner?

  • What is the purpose of your relationship?
  • Why are you together?
  • Does your relationship have a direction?

When two people choose to spend their lives together do they share their vision, their expectations their dreams. Do they help each other to plan an adventure or do they simply agree to exist?

Unless you have a shared plan you won’t have a direction if you don’t have a direction you can’t become a team. If you’re not a team what are you?

Team members agree on their direction and they work together using their unique strengths achieve their goals and enjoy a journey of all they desire.

Many people don’t plan past children and then life takes over…

Secrets of a successful marriage

If you are looking for the secret of a successful marriage then the starting point is to understand that building a successful marriage takes skill, understanding and is definitely not for the lazy.

A successful relationship is one that is lasting and passionate. Lasting sexless relationships are not the goal of couples choosing to marry, but unfortunately this is the way they end up.

So what needs to be in place for you both to survive the years of the ups and downs that life throw at you. [Read more...]

You are amazing!

My belief is within every person there is an amazing person screaming to get out and you are no exception. You have the ability to have and create the life you really want.

If there are people out there that have what you want, all that’s happened is they have used their time differently to you. Successful people generally use their 24 hours very differently to those that are not.

  • Just so we are clear success = chosen goals + fulfilment.

Many people go for fame and money and then commit suicide, that’s because they were not fulfilled in their lives. Money doesn’t make people happy believe me. I meet unhappy yet very wealthy people every day. [Read more...]

Compatibility In A Relationship

This is a question that I get asked almost every day… “are we compatible?” When relationships go wrong it’s the most obvious question. People worry “Maybe the relationship happened too fast, maybe we had children too quickly?”

It’s true that many people rush into relationships without thought.

Most people go into relationships based on a combination of key factors such as it was easy geographically i.e we worked together or live in the same town. [Read more...]

Important Life Lesson: What’s more compelling than your fears?

We all have fears that hold us back, fears that keep us stuck, fears that limit our quality of life? Fears that stop us earning more, or having rewarding relationships, fear that stop us growing.

Are you aware of what you really fear, or have you chosen to bury it?

Most people do all they can to move away from their fears, but without realising their fears then control their lives.

When recently working with a client, I asked him a question. “If I asked you to walk on a plank of wood 1 foot wide, 12 foot long that was 1 foot off the ground, would he do it for twenty british pounds?” [Read more...]

Will My Relationship Pass The Test Of Time?

What are the top three critical things a couple can focus on that will make 80% of the difference to the success of their relationship? Are you aware of what’s critical to make your relationship work? Many couples don’t know and so they can find themselves stuck, unhappy, lonely in their relationships.

So as you scan the points below what do you think you have missed or not understood fully? [Read more...]

Is Your Partner Trying to Control You?

Do you feel that you are in a constant power struggle with your partner? Is this wearing you out? Do you worry about what the future will look like if this continues?

Control takes many forms, not all control is bad. For example if a man is in control of his ability to passionately love his partner in the way she wants, then this is a form of control that benefits them both.

Control in the negative  is usually based around a fear of some kind.

Control is a persons’ method of trying to rebalance their world so they feel ok, if this is based on fears such as losing love, or not feeling they are enough in some way, then emotions can run high and they will control to feel normal or get rid of their pain. [Read more...]