They had lost love, connection and themselves and an affair was on the cards

On paper this couple had it all, but they had lost what so many lose and that’s their relationship. They ended up two people that just happen to live in the same house doing their own thing.

They had slipped into a unhealthy pattern that neither knew how to break.

They had lost how to connect with who they really were and what was important to them. They had lost how to show up the relationship and be valuable to each other. They had lost how to attract each other and how to be attractive in the marriage.

Essentially they became a mum and a dad together they had lost how to be best friends and lovers.

With energy very low in both people and not holding out much hope they knew had to take action and get help.

[Read more...]

Relationship Mastery: What’s the real fight?

What happens when a person has learnt (without knowing) a way to protect themselves from feeling emotionally hurt, but what they have learnt will never lead them to happiness?

In intimate relationships this desire to protect oneself is heighten. In intimate relationships we feel more at risk of being hurt than almost any other area of life.

In their quest to protect themselves I see many people running old outdated patterns of behaviour that was designed for a different life condition and a different time.

I see many people adopting new models of behaviour they think will protect them, but will only limit their life and make it smaller. [Read more...]

The shocking truth…

Many couples are living together disconnected passionless and miserable not because they are incompatible or wrong for each other, it’s because they simply don’t know how to live together.

So in todays post I’m going to highlight the thinking that is causing couples so many problems.

The challenge we all face growing up is, we are given the idea that ‘the wrong principles are the route to a safe and happy life.

So below are a few common illusions that have the ability to create significant emotion challenges in those that practice them. [Read more...]

#692: In marital crisis? Why talking about your problems may not be the answer?

Many couples in crisis try to sit down and talk about their problems. They have the best of intentions to solve their problems, but the result is more bad feeling.

How frustrating!

To be 100% clear I am NOT telling couples to stop talking. Cloe and I make it our mission to have meaningful connection every day. When couples I work with are out of crisis this what they are also taught to do.

What this post is about is when to know when talking is counterproductive and you need a new approach. [Read more...]

10 relationship illusions that can lead a couple to divorce

Principles, philosophies, ways of thinking. Whichever way you cut it just like life, relationships have simple laws that if broken will cause problems. 

The challenge we all face growing up is, we are given the idea that ‘the wrong principles are the route to a safe and happy life.

So below are a few common illusions that have the ability to create significant emotion challenges in those that practice them.

1. I have no control over what I feel

2. Loss of love is permanent 

3. Loss of love is something that just happens to us [Read more...]

Avoiding unhappiness is not the road to happiness

When I really understood what this meant my life totally changed forever and is foundational in my clients transformation(s). You see the act of moving away from what you don’t want (unhappiness) does not necessarily move you towards what you do want.

In fact the act of moving away from what we don’t want “our fears” is highly likely to make those fears come true.

One lady came to me last year, she had discovered that her husband had been having an affair. When I asked her about the relationship from her perspective she told me this was her biggest fear.

She said she knew this would happen. She knew he would have an affair. [Read more...]

Infidelity, depression, suicidality

What do you do when a man enters your session telling you he’s afraid he will end up killing himself. He was breaking down and didn’t know how to stop it. 

So confused he came to me with a quest to save his relationship which was really dead for him and his partner. 

This gentleman is a well known professional in his field and has been kind enough to share his words after a few weeks of us working together. He has asked for his words below to remain anonymous.

A 20 year relationship ended by my infidelity, and a breakdown which came seemingly out of nowhere when I ended the affair were the just the start of my problems.

I approached Stephen because I felt I had never given my long term relationship with the mother of my children a fair chance.  I believed that my addictive reaction to my affair partner had doomed my attempts at rebuilding the relationship when it first fell apart. [Read more...]

This is powerful…

If you want to get your partner back into the relationship, if you want to understand why you feel so bad in your relationship, if you want to avoid a divorce and build a successful relationship you are going to need the following information.

This information you are about to learn we should all have learnt long before we go into any relationship, because it’s critical for the couples long-term survival together.

When couples start to struggle with their relationship what they are not understanding is three critical factors are at play. [Read more...]

Please Save Our Marriage! – Testimonial

Please Save Our Marriage! This was the first email I recieved from Darren and Sue, they were at breaking point.

When they first entered my clinic you could cut the atmosphere with a knife. This was a couple with young children on the edge, breaking up seemed like the only option open to them…

Sue recounts what happened next…

When Darren and I first came to see Stephen, Darren and I were very disconnected in our relationship. We were in the midst of a power struggle and were successfully bringing out the worst in each other in our relationship. I had pretty much lost hope [Read more...]

As a young man I had never questioned this idea before…

One of the most fundamental and foundational philosophies that will lead us to our future good or bad, is the power our thoughts can have over the quality of our lives and the direction it ultimately takes.

What I discovered changed my life forever and I wanted to share this with you today. A persons thinking actually has the power to create the life they end up living.

This was the kind of information that kept me awake at night until I had fully understood what it meant and how it really worked. You see I was just as skeptical as the next person, but I never believed I knew everything so I was keen to seek out what I didn’t know.

In fact today I enter every situation with the philosophy of, “…what don’t I know?” [Read more...]

Should we be together?

This is the question for many individuals stuck in a relationship that simply doesn’t work. These people are confused, as to what to do so worried they might be making a life long mistake they seek professional help.

The people looking for guidance do not want someone to take sides, they don’t want the professional help to have a personal agenda, all they want is the truth.

The truth is what will set the couple free, free to either rebuild their lives together, or free to part for all the right reasons.

A path that’s built on the truth is always the right one to walk. [Read more...]

Do you have a success philosophy?

A secure prosperous life is dependant on understanding this key to success in any area of your life… Please don’t ignore this because it’s critical to understand and at the end of this post I will share one of the key philosophies that lead my clients to success that you can start taking action on today.

Every day millions of people are spending significant time and money on what will make little difference in terms of gaining them the lives they really want. These people are not horrible trouble makers, they are really nice hard working people, but they have unchallenged life philosophies that will actually lead them to disaster. Worse is when individuals feel their philosophies are secure even though their life is screaming at them that something is wrong.

So lets look at some examples: [Read more...]

I Think My Marriage Is Over?

Is your marriage over, have you had enough? Maybe you partner has expressed a need to leave. No matter what side of this fence you are on it’s a very stressful place to be.

Many people with marriage troubles tell me they think they married the wrong person.

Some couples love each other, but simply struggle to get along together suffering as their problems keep coming back.

Some people feel rejected, unloved and alone. Some are full of resentment so much so they now feel detached from their partner questioning their love. [Read more...]

Do you know what feelings your partner is attaching to you?

As our relationships progress our partners are attaching feelings to us. This happens automatically without conscious thought.

So if you cast your mind back over the past week? The past month and the last few years what do you think your partner has attached to you and is it what you want them to attach to you?

Some couples experience heightened attachments, such as when a trust is broken. This can create an attachment that stays with that person forever. [Read more...]

Don’t do what they do!

I was once told to look at what the unsuccessful people were doing and make sure I was not doing that, especially if success was what I wanted.

So here is what you must never do because this leads to relationship breakdown.

  • Never judge your partner
  • Never make your partner wrong [Read more...]

I was in for a shock…

So two young men have the same back ground. They have gone to the same schools, they have the same opportunities. They are both married today. Both have children.

They both work at the same place today, the only exception is one person is a line manager and the other is the President of the company.

The question is what have these two people done differently? [Read more...]

“Home became quite hostile which affected our children…”

Tim and I went to see Stephen Hedger because after nearly twenty years together our relationship seemed to have fallen into an unhappy rut which neither of us knew how to get out of.

Like most couples at the beginning of the relationship we were blissfully happy and both felt incredibly lucky to have found each other and looked forward to sharing our lives, making a family of our own and growing old together.

Life was good to us generally but the everyday stress of work, three children and buying a house we couldn’t quite afford slowly chipped away at our relationship.  [Read more...]

Men do you want to win your marriage back?

If you want to win her back then this could be for you. She might have told you she loves you, but she’s not in love with you, you may think she is having a midlife crisis. She may have told you she’s had enough and she wants a divorce.

Whatever she has said and no matter what she has done, don’t give up.

One of the key reasons men struggle when their marriage goes wrong is they use male logic to try to fix their problems. [Read more...]

Selection of Testimonials

To help others feel inspired to get results some of my clients have been kind enough to provide detailed information on their experience of what it’s like to work with me.

I hope their stories will inspire you to know massive changes are possible…

To your success

Stephen Hedger


  • My wife told me that she loved me but wasn’t in love with me
  • Break-up: Coaching – I lived with a narcissist for 14 years
  • Relationship Coaching – Husband had moved out
  • Coaching after an affair – Struggles to accept affair
  • Dating Coaching – Years of being alone ended in happiness
  • Relationship coaching – Igniting passion
  • Reuniting families
  • Crisis Coaching – Couple on brink of divorce
  • Pre-Marital Coaching
  • Life coaching – journey of self-discovery
  • Coaching for Chronic Fatigue (ME) & Marriage problems
  • Coaching to overcome fears
  • Infidelity puts marriage in crisis
  • Please save our marriage
  • Coaching through Emotional trauma
  • More…
  • He stood tears rolling down his face…

    Smiling through his tears, at last he could see there was hope for the future for him and his wife, he felt lighter, free and he could feel within him confidence for his future start to fill his body.

    Four hours earlier he thought he understood how his life worked and why it was going wrong. He was shocked to discover he was totally in the dark and happiness for him and his wife was a totally random event.

    He discovered there was a way he could be a man in his relationship and in his life. He now knew what he had to do to love and protect all those he cared for, plus he could do all this without fear. [Read more...]