Selection of Testimonials

To help others feel inspired to get results some of my clients have been kind enough to provide detailed information on their experience of what it’s like to work with me.

I hope their stories will inspire you to know massive changes are possible…

To your success

Stephen Hedger


  • My wife told me that she loved me but wasn’t in love with me
  • Break-up: Coaching – I lived with a narcissist for 14 years
  • Relationship Coaching – Husband had moved out
  • Coaching after an affair – Struggles to accept affair
  • Dating Coaching – Years of being alone ended in happiness
  • Relationship coaching – Igniting passion
  • Reuniting families
  • Crisis Coaching – Couple on brink of divorce
  • Pre-Marital Coaching
  • Life coaching – journey of self-discovery
  • Coaching for Chronic Fatigue (ME) & Marriage problems
  • Coaching to overcome fears
  • Infidelity puts marriage in crisis
  • Please save our marriage
  • Coaching through Emotional trauma
  • More…
  • He stood tears rolling down his face…

    Smiling through his tears, at last he could see there was hope for the future for him and his wife, he felt lighter, free and he could feel within him confidence for his future start to fill his body.

    Four hours earlier he thought he understood how his life worked and why it was going wrong. He was shocked to discover he was totally in the dark and happiness for him and his wife was a totally random event.

    He discovered there was a way he could be a man in his relationship and in his life. He now knew what he had to do to love and protect all those he cared for, plus he could do all this without fear. [Read more...]

    The pillars for relationship success

    I’m sure you will agree that if the foundations of the relationship are not strong then the relationship is going to suffer.

    So what are the foundations?

    • The individuals in the relationship have to understand what it takes to make themselves happy.
    • They have to understand what needs are important to them so they can communicate those needs to their partner.
    • They have to understand how their partner is different to them and learn about their needs.
    • They have to learn how to have conflict and grow from it, most people have conflict and die each time they argue. [Read more...]

    Relationships: Getting Back to the Basics

    There are some fundamental basics that when in place will make a significant difference to any relationship.

    Relationships are a place to give. Anyone who enters a relationship to take what they need will find themselves in problems very fast. Some people do give, but they give so they can get back. This causes problems too because this is a trade and anyone who trades love will find they lose passion fast. A loss of passion is a big relationship killer.

    So giving love unconditionally is critical, anyone choosing to not do this is creating an uncertain future and weakening the foundations of a relationship they want to keep. This happens because as the love comes and goes fear enters the couple bit-by-bit and this builds resentment. [Read more...]

    Relationships are destroyed because of this one action…

    If your relationship is struggling it’s usually because there is a needs issue. The couple feel that their own needs are not being met and so they feel that something is wrong.

    For example a man could be complaining that the intimacy has declined. A woman could complain that she has to do everything?

    Everyone has their own versions of their needs not being met so when it happens it can cause real problems.

    What you can notice is the emphasis is on what THEY are NOT getting. If this goes on for long enough they can stop trusting each other to be the source of happiness. [Read more...]

    Can My Marriage Be Saved?

    It is true that not all relationships can or should be saved. Some relationships are in real crisis and need special attention that’s designed to discover if they are really compatible.

    The balance of goals is usually different for couples in place i.e. one person wants to save the relationship the other wants to leave. I like to take the pressure off this situation, by focusing on helping them to achieve something good for themselves.

    The goal initially becomes a focus on a future of happiness for the individuals regardless of the outcome. The possibility of happiness brings a breath of fresh air to the couple and takes pressure off the person who wants to leave the relationship.

    You see if the relationship has been going wrong for a while both people will have changed how they react to each other due to the accumulated fears of an uncertain history  together.

    They will have tried to make it work, but with no relationship education they will only be trying what they know, and this will be limited. Now they feel they have proof the relationship is over.

    In other words “fears” will be making decisions and they usually make bad ones.

    So it becomes a real relief for the individuals to create a new goal to focus on creating confidence and happiness within themselves at a time when they are saturated with a focus on getting strong and moving away from pain of all that wrong in their lives.

    The initial goal is to align the individuals to create behaviours within them that protect them rather than destroy them. A focus on fear or emotional pain on any level just ends up creating more pain.

    So if the relationship is wrong it’s far better if both people in the couple can see that and agree there is more pleasure in them parting. This creates a far better relationship if they have children.

    The reason behind this is so the couple can look at the relationship from a new resourceful perspective knowing that whatever happens they will be happy.

    It’s far easier to correct a relationship if you feel happier in yourself than trying to fix it whilst focused on all your fears and internal pain.

    The process of removing fears within the individuals gives the couple a new perspective that helps them get to a place where there are open to building trust with each other.

    If the trust building process is successful then we can focus on the needs of the individuals and how they can support each other.

    Helping each other meet critical needs is a critical step to help them rebuild the passion which would have gone many month/years back.

    As the couple start to reconnect then we can discover the truth in the goals that might cause problems.

    Usually what we discover is now the connection is focused on loving and contributing to each others happiness any goal which pulled them apart no longer seems so attractive.

    So “Can My Marriage Be Saved?” the next step is up to you, walking away is easy, but don’t you want to know if you can really trust what you feel?

    • Has this struck a chord with you? If so please get in touch today

    Is My Relationship Worth Saving?

    Here is a typical situation, a couple is wanting help, but with very different goals. One person wants to fix the relationship no matter what and the other is unsure if it is worth it.

    I agree that it is not right to save a relationship that is fundamentally wrong, the question is how do we find out if it is wrong before we agree parting is the best solution for that couple.

    Some couples that come to see me should not be together I can see it quite quickly, but for the most the challenges they face is more about a lack of understanding than compatibility.

    How I help these couples

    To help a couple in this place we all need to agree we share a common goal. I like to take the pressure off the couple and make happiness their goal for themselves. I do this because they are both likely to be in fear and so very “me” focused. Happiness would always feel like a great goal.

    This disarms the couple to be in a place to learn.

    You see when the filter of experience is focused on their problems and fears, not being enough, not being loved etc. The chances of them learning how and why the relationship has failed is zero.

    With the pressure off and knowing my intention is for the good for the individuals and not just on fixing the relationship. Both people learn that maybe there are critical pieces of information and understandings that were missing for them both.

    New understandings bring fresh perspectives, on their relationships.

    What this process does is help the couple to understand how they can easily meet each others needs whilst meeting their own. They discover how they can do this day-to-day and most importantly at the critical points of conflict.

    Couples that have learnt this with me don’t take long to decide that their relationship is worth saving after all.

    New commitments are made and growth and passion are now possible again.

    Meeting Your Partners Needs Are Core Relationship Skills: Are You Up For The Challenge?

    The task is to find 5 things per day you love about your partner for just 21 days. Write it down every day and present your “Love List” to your partner on the 22nd day. How you present your “Love List” after 21 days it is up to you. For those of you on your own find 5 things you love about your closest friend.

    Most couples and especially those having problems spend a lot of time focused on everything that’s wrong with their relationship. This exercise creates a very different focus and result in the state of the couple.

    Of course it is important that your loved ones know how much you love them, but the shift with your happiness as a result of this “GIVING” exercise is the critical factor. The real key to happiness is giving to those you love.

    21 days from now the world you live in could feel very different and you may have created a very different pattern in your relationship.

    Sign up below (it’s FREE) and you will be sent a email reminder every day for just 21 days… Starting Today!

    “We went to Stephen for pre-marital coaching…”

    Vic & Ali a wonderful couple full of love for each other, they could see an amazing future ahead of them. Their eyes were also wide open to the ups and downs married life could bring and so they came to me with a clear goal. They wanted to know how to effectively deal with the unexpected challenges they knew life would throw at them.

    They were already aware that they needed help, dealing with existing external factors that had the potential to negatively affect their relationship and marriage together.

    The Pre-Marital work I do for all couples is bespoke to their specific situation. We covered not only how to plan for the future they wanted, but also covered their own personal histories and specific individual needs so we could understand what could cause potential problems in the future.

    The goal was to create relationship that not just lasted, but lasted with passion, no matter what challenges crossed their path…

    On their wedding website they wrote:

    Some people see a priest before their wedding day- instead we prepared for a long and happy marriage with help from Stephen Hedger.

    In their own words…

    “We went to Stephen for pre-marital coaching…”

    The instigating factor were family challenges that we knew might have a negative impact on our relationship if we didn’t learn how to deal with them effectively.

    We learned how to better manage that situation and were able to get married confident in our skills to deal with the inevitable issues life throws your way.  But we also got so much more than that.  We learned all about our values, the different versions of ourselves that present themselves in a variety of situations, we learned how to really listen to each other, and create a joint vision of what we want our married life to be all about.

    We learned how to jointly decide what to do when several options present themselves and so much more. Stephen’s approach is warm and humorous whilst challenging you to be your best self.

    I  highly recommend working with Stephen for pre-marital coaching to any couple who are serious about not becoming one of the 1/4 who later divorce.  It won’t protect you from the challenges of life but will arm you with powerful tools, ways of thinking and behaviours that will help you navigate your way through life together.

    Vic and Ali Godding – Married on Friday 22nd July 2011

    Sharing this journey with Vic & Ali has been a real pleasure.

    It is always so refreshing to be able to help couples at the start of their lives together, to help them learn how to really understand themselves and then how to understand and contribute to each others wants, needs and desires.

    They discovered how to create a heartfelt understanding that lead them to a solid foundation for trust, respect and certainty for the future. They are now aligned to live consciously together without the fear of not coping when times get tough.

    I want to personally wish them every success and happiness, they are truly amazing people that deserve the very best!

    What is Love Really?

    “Love” is a wonderful word with so many potential meanings, that can be combined with the hope of a future of connected happiness, harmony and passion with a significant someone who you believe has your best interests at heart. Not just your lover, but your best friend too.

    So if a couple gets into trouble and the future looks very unstable how can the couple claim to still love each other?

    Some couples in this situation may even say “I love you, but I’m not in love with you!” is that really possible or is that a smart get out clause.

    What does this magical word “Love” really mean?

    I remember being with a group of women who wanted to have a session to collectively ask me questions about relationships. [Read more...]

    What Is Your Life Purpose?

    Putting some meaning to the reason you are on this planet may or may not be important to you. Although in my experience when I have asked clients the emotional response I consistently receive is usually very telling.

    If it is important to you then I hope this may help a little.

    For me personally I have made it my life mission to help others create the best possible relationships with themselves and their partners. Leading the way for a decline in broken families.

    It was not always this way for me!

    I remember in my early career days of marketing (yes I started in marketing) feeling unable to connect honestly with the daily prospect of enticing people to buy what they didn’t really need. My thoughts went consistently out to those who saved lives, the armed forces, nurses, firemen, policemen to name a few. My life in comparison at that stage felt meaningless. [Read more...]

    Why do a lot of people fail to get the life they want…

    One of my biggest quests has been to understand the answer to that question. The answer to this question has helped me to help others create the happiness they deserve. After all if we could understand why people fail all we would have to do is do the reverse….Simple!

    That sounds reasonable, in fact most people already know what to do, but on the whole they don’t do it.

    For example:

    • Many people know smoking will kill them, but they continue anyway.
    • Many people over eat and even though they can see themselves getting fatter, but they keep eating.
    • Many people are struggling financially, they know what they have done so far has not worked, but they carry on doing it anyway.
    • Many people are very wealthy, they know that money is not fulfilling their happiness, but they carry on in a single minded quest for more cash, never feeling fulfilled. [Read more...]

    Relationship Test – “The Love List”

    I am going to do this with you so in 21 days I will share with you my results with my wife.

    • Note: For those of you that are single please do this, but use a friend as this is as much for you as it is for  them.

    I like to keep things simple and discover how to create the biggest impact for couples and those seeking love. I would like to share with you this one exercise that I ask individuals and couples to complete. If you are in a couple you can do this on your own and make this a wonderful gift for your partner.

    How to complete the love list

    The task is to find 5 things per day you love about your partner for just 21 days. Write it down every day and present your “Love List” to your partner on the 22nd day. How you present your “Love List” after 21 days it is up to you. For those of you on your own find 5 things you love about your closest friend.

    Most couples and especially those having problems spend a lot of time focused on everything that’s wrong with their relationship. This exercise creates a very different focus and result in the state of the couple.

    Of course it is important that your loved ones know how much you love them, but the shift with your happiness as a result of this “GIVING” exercise is the critical factor. The real key to happiness is giving to those you love.

    21 days from now the world you live in could feel very different. Remember I’m going to do this with you.

    Sign up below (it’s FREE) and you will be sent a email reminder
    every day for just 21 days… Starting Today!

    Relationship Problems Explained

    I have many couples and individuals come to me when life doesn’t feel how they had hoped. They share with me feelings of not being themselves, disconnected in some way.

    From this place everything seems worse, they create a fear that life may not be the same again, this serves to create more fear.

    This fear is normal within individuals no matter what situation they find themselves in. From victims of affairs, to those on the receiving end of a break-up all feel that fear, but in any relationship situation that does not feel right, that fear can feel very real and scary.

    Those that find themselves in this place are usually after two key things, they want to feel “significant” and they want to feel “secure”. [Read more...]

    Happiness How Does It Happen?

    Most of us want happiness, we want to feel the way we want to feel in all parts of our life. But how does happiness really happen? Is it something we need to wait for, or is it something we create?

    If you have decided to wait for happiness then what happens if it doesn’t turn up? What happens if happiness is not due to show up for 5 years? What if happiness forgets to come?

    What if happiness does not happen this way what if happiness is down to you? What if the best way to happiness is if you take control and become the creator of your happiness.

    What if you decide to learn and master the art of happiness? [Read more...]

    The most important lesson…

    If you don’t have the life you want today, one of the most important things to change about you is your attitude. Change your attitude about your past and do it fast. If your past is anything other than a school of learnt experiences that you can grow from, then you are in for a tough ride in the future.

    Yes your life may have been full of knocks, maybe you had poor parents, or no guidance, maybe your partner left you for someone else, maybe you lost your business, or you just feel unlucky…

    What do you want to happen? Do you want the next 5 years to be the same as the last?

    Tell me this what will you gain from thinking about how you have been wronged over and over again. Will this lead to your happiness? [Read more...]

    Emotional intelligence the key to happiness

    If you desire happiness and fulfillment in your life, what is it, that will really create the difference for you?

    The starting point is this: If you do not understanding how you work prepare yourself for pain. If you want a relationship and you don’t understand how you work prepare yourself for massive pain.

    • Why do you think the way you do?
    • Why do you behave the way you do?
    • Why do the same things create different reactions on different days for you?

    The biggest problem most people face and I see this in all my sessions is my clients are under the illusion that what they think is true, or a fact.

    I can tell you now that most of what you think and feel is due to conditioning from society, and this conditioning has hypnotised people how to think and behave. [Read more...]

    How to remain positive when you just want to give up

    Do you have some days when you just want to give up. Relationship is up and down, work is getting more demanding, keeping up with all the things you know you should do seems impossible, you can’t remember the last time you had sex and you’re so fed up it doesn’t seem to matter, life is just a bit #@$>!

    We all have those days, weeks, months, when the world seems to be against us. It’s not that we’re lazy, it’s like there is an overwhelming feeling of what’s it all for? You feel somewhat helpless…

    I expect you look at relationship coaches and counsellors and psychologists and make the assumption that their lives are some how perfect. Rest assured we all face relationship challenges just like everyone else.

    No matter how good you are at understanding human behaviour even the very best cannot help themselves or their partners to feel good in the moment all the time.

    I remember before I really understood how relationships work and why they don’t, how out of control things can feel. Of course today for me is very different as 95% of what happens is much easier to deal with the other 5% needing some thought.

    I have no doubt that sometimes you just want to scream as yet more relationship problems land at your feet. So I expect when you read this blog that explains how to deal with your partner or you read about how happy couples are after working with me your natural reaction could be jealousy, anger, hurt, frustration.

    If you experience a negative force within you understand this: Your mind can be a force that can work with you, or against you and you have the power to choose.

    One of the reason why couples are so successful with me is not because they are any better than other couples. The reason is they never gave up. They never gave up, no matter how tough the sessions became, or how much they felt they hated their partners for what they had done.

    They kept going even when they didn’t want to. They believed they could make things right even when they didn’t know how.

    Even when I gave them things to do that didn’t work at that moment, they kept going. The biggest killer is when individuals doubt themselves, doubt that they are enough for the relationship, not attractive enough, not lovable, not a good enough mother or father.

    Even when friends and family jump to their defence telling them, their partner is not good enough for them and share their version of what they should do based on what their life experience tell them they should do, they never listen and never give up.

    The answers are within you and your relationship. But as you know there are many different versions of you and some will hurt you and some will give you happiness.

    Know which one is making decisions before you press the button on your relationship.

    Turn your focus to where you want to go and not where you have been. Your past is simply a series of memories based on the state you are in at any given time and the meanings you gave it from that state.

    Your history is not the fact you think it is there is much you do not understand or may have missed.

    Remember your life is a series of perceptions. When you learn how you can create the ones that enable you to be the emotional state that will support your personal and relationship growth only then will you accept tough days and put actions in place to experience the world just the way you want to.

    Your future is really down to you, if you want to understand your relationship and life then the biggest hurdle is to understand and conquer you.

    Then being positive when life gets challenging is never as hard again.

    You Can’t fail If You Know This

    What is the one thing that makes the difference in every relationship without fail. What is the one thing that if not done will always cause problems. What is the one thing that will always create happiness?

    There is one thing, and in all the coaching sessions I have ever done where someone is not happy with their relationship or their life, this one thing has always been the cause.

    • The inability to live by what they say is important to them. If anyone sets themselves a standard and they don’t live by that standard they will always be unhappy, without fail, every time!

    The reason people don’t live to their highest standards is because they are fearful that something bad will happen to them if they do. The trouble is they are not consciously aware of all this going on so they carry on hurting themselves.

    In some cases they have the ability to make sure they stay stuck in this poor standard of living by saying this is just how I am.

    Are you living life to your highest standards?

    An example: We all believe that honesty is important, but is it important some of the time, or all of the time? In the context of a relationship is honesty important?

    I’m not talking about the small silly stuff, I’m talking about why someone might walk on eggshells in their own home, why someone would bully someone, or be bullied and stay. Why someone would constantly accept bad behaviour just to keep the peace. Why someone would run away every time life isn’t the way they want it to be.

    None of these behaviours are honest on either side, but more than that, they are not respectful either. In fact this way of living creates a prison for both people neither of them free, neither of them at peace with themselves or each other.

    Fears create the fear

    If two people in a relationship could understand this their fears actually create their biggest fear. The solution is simple, drop the fears and live by what you truly believe in.

    You won’t die, what will happen is you will discover an honest strength and courage to be the person you have always wanted to be, in the life you have always wanted to live.

    • Don’t look back in fear, you have done that long enough, know what’s true and start living that truth today!

    Is today the day..?

    …you will hold YOU to a higher standard?

    • If you are going to have values, become those values you say you live by. Anything that is valuable has a cost attached. A cost to get it and a cost to not getting it. Only one will give you happiness.
    • If you want an easier relationship, work out how you can be a better partner. If you would like less arguments learn how to communicate better.
    • If your relationship is not working go in search of what you can do to make a difference. Searching for what your partner has done wrong is the easy route to more pain.
    • If you want to judge your partner find out how you are qualified to do that job, because your not.
    • If you are going to punish your partner, ask yourself if he or she did that to you, would you feel more or less love? Now ask yourself if you want them to feel less love towards you.
    • If your future looks dull or boring don’t blame your partner, it’s you that has not designed your future your partner is not your entertainment committee.
    • If your life today is not the way if should be, don’t let blame be your route to a comfortable loss of control over you. Take charge of you today.
    • Don’t let fear be your guiding light, let what you value show you the way.
    • People who live in their heads only ever get pain, it’s the people who live in their hearts who discover true peace and happiness.
    • The greatest gift you can give yourself and your partner is the commitment to help them to grow into the person they have always wanted to be in the life they have always wanted to live.

    It’s only those who are lost and in pain, that choose to blame, that look to take, and make others wrong.

    The people who succeed are the one who choose to give, add value and ask what can I do to make things better and then commit to those changes persistently throughout their lives.

    • They are the ones who are happy becuase they live an honest life true to what they value!
      The question is… are you being true to you?

    Your happiness or lack of it will be reflecting that truth - that is a message listen to it!