Fix your relationship with one small easy change that anyone can do…

What if one small change could make all the difference to your marriage and could save it from months or years of problems.

What if there is one small change we could all make to keep our relationships safe. Safe from misunderstandings, safe from no win arguments, safe from the ups and downs that life throws at us.

What if this one small change could break the patterns of destructions many couples have lived with for so long.

This small change that everyone can make is simply to be the best they can be in their relationship, or more importantly how to learn to be the best they can be. This is really important to understand… [Read more...]

I am supposed to be intelligent and successful….

One of my clients at the top of his career came looking for help with one part of his life he was struggling with. He was having problems with his relationship and was desperate for help. He sent me an email wanting to share with you his experience of working with me.

His email started this way.

Hello Stephen

I drafted a comment about your excellent assistance some time ago.  I am trying to convey that while someone can be well educated this does not extend to relationship education and intelligence. 

He went on to write the following for you… [Read more...]

Quick relationship tips

One of the causes of relationship and marriage problems is when a person is focused on themselves for more and more of the relationship.

There are some times you have to focus on you of course, but life is about balance. I for example am very focused on my personal growth, to do this I do have to focus on me, but I’m mindful that this does not take over and my focus goes to giving what my wife Cloe needs.

So below are some examples, but whenever you are focused on you especially when you are together or communicating you are going to have a problem. [Read more...]

I feel detached from my partner, what is happening to me?

Detachment is the process of self protection. The person may feel that over months or years they have not been happy in their relationship. They may feel that their partner does not care about them, is not interested in them, or simply doesn’t love them.

The persons feelings towards their partner will have changed and the relationship can feel wrong to continue. Reconnection for this person can feel impossible and the desire to fix the relationship problems are usually very low.

The person in this situation will have a vision that the past will be a reflection of the future, so it’s painful for them to even consider, all this is normal. [Read more...]

Do you have a marriage you’re proud of?

As your children grow they are learning how life should be from your example. You are showing them through your actions what is normal. You are giving them their first blueprint of what an intimate relationship is like with another human.

So when you think about the relationship you are having with your partner, are you proud of what you are presenting to your children? Are you happy that they may adopt your relationship as their model for success?

If you don’t have children, would you be happy to present your relationship as the model for others to follow? [Read more...]

“Home became quite hostile which affected our children…”

Tim and I went to see Stephen Hedger because after nearly twenty years together our relationship seemed to have fallen into an unhappy rut which neither of us knew how to get out of.

Like most couples at the beginning of the relationship we were blissfully happy and both felt incredibly lucky to have found each other and looked forward to sharing our lives, making a family of our own and growing old together.

Life was good to us generally but the everyday stress of work, three children and buying a house we couldn’t quite afford slowly chipped away at our relationship.  [Read more...]

Let’s talk man-to-man

Many men struggle to understand their wives, partner, girlfriend. In fact this struggle for men is widespread and is such a frustrating place for him to be.

He knows he loves her, but for him she acts as though she doesn’t believe him, or doesn’t trust him. He feels that he can’t win and that she acts as if she doesn’t care about him.

At times he feels she can seem impossible to please and reasoning with her just seems to spark her into a frenzy of accusations that just are not true from his perspective. [Read more...]

Is your marriage this bad?

These are all live cases that came for my help….

Case 1. She decided she wanted to live in the country without him, kids had left home and she couldn’t bear the thought of them spending the rest of their lives together.

Case 2. She thought her husband didn’t love her, he spent all his time away from her doing the bear minimum, he thought the relationship would have to end.

Case 3. He had an affair which resulted in a child, his wife kicked him out. [Read more...]

Understanding Men: What do men want?

Many women who come for sessions with me have a real challenge with the concept I’m about to share with you.

When I ask the men in the session if it’s true they all confirm 100% it’s true, but even though she hears it straight from him, she still struggles to believe it. If she doesn’t understand this she will be challenged in the process of how to solve any problems they might have. [Read more...]

How do you know when to get a divorce?

Unfortunately divorce is a very real part of our society, the question many people ask when their marriage is going consistently wrong is, “how do you know when to get a divorce?”

This is a great question because if anyone is asking this question they are clearly not happy to stay in a marriage that makes them unhappy. I couldn’t agree more, why should anyone accept ongoing misery year after year.

Everyone deserves to be happy and staying in a marriage just to please others is not the answer. [Read more...]

Appreciate me for who I am

If you’re in a relationship and you feel that you can’t be you, you won’t feel happy and over time you could start to feel that life doesn’t feel right for you.

Are you the person who has to tread on eggshells, who has to hold on to how they really feel, or who picks and complains, but hates themselves for it?

If you find that you have changed to cope with your relationship then maybe now’s the time to reflect on what you want your life/relationship to be like. [Read more...]

What makes us happy?

For 72 years, researchers at Harvard have been examining this question, following 268 men who entered college in the late 1930s through war, career, marriage and divorce, parenthood and grandparenthood, and old age.

The answer won’t surprise you.

Source

If Your Marriage Looks Like It’s Ending What Do You Do?

If one person thinks the marriage is over and the other disagrees, what do you do? This couple from Manchester, Brian and Christine share their personal story of trauma and their courage to discover their truth for their son…

My wife told me out of the blue that she loved me but wasn’t in love with me anymore. This came as a complete shock to me. I had known that things weren’t great between us but had just assumed it was one of those patches that every marriage goes through. Clearly my wife felt very differently.

As we have a young child we agreed that we would go and see a couples counsellor – a decision that was pretty disastrous. That counsellor took a difficult and upsetting situation and turned it into something much worse.  The sessions were bleak, depressing and frankly fairly poisonous – they made us both feel awful about ourselves and our relationship and made us believe that there was little hope for us to turn things round.

After several sessions with that counsellor things kind of fell to pieces and I was pretty convinced that we were heading for divorce. [Read more...]

My Wife Has Fallen Out Of Love With Me Please Help

She told him the marriage was over, she had lost all feelings for him. He knew there were problems, but was totally shocked at her sudden desire to want to end the marriage.

They had a child together and torn with what to do, they sought help. She was convinced the marriage was over, but driven by guilt she felt she owed it to her son to try one last time. Her efforts however seemed half hearted as she shifted between, resigned, cold and sad almost at the same time.

He came to me on his own initially, he wanted the very best service I could offer to help them. He didn’t believe the marriage was over and he told me he would throw all he could at saving his family.

I explained to him that I do run intensive programs for Marriages in Crisis [Read more...]

Life Secrets: Relationships, Money, Health

If you knew there were simple steps to becoming successful in the areas of life that are important to you wouldn’t you want to know what those steps were?

Within every person that comes for help I am looking for ways in which I can help them discover their strengths. Powerful parts of themselves they have hidden without knowing.

I believe there is a key to everyones inner strength something that will create the desire within them to take action and to claim the life that will equal fulfillment for them.

We all have strengths and yet months or years of battling with life, careers, relationships, children and even ourselves can wear us down.   [Read more...]

Understanding what men want

Yes men have needs too and if she can learn to understand what he needs he will feel great about himself and attach that great feeling to her. So below is an outline of what he wants/needs. Of course every man is different and so try out some of the suggestions below and see what reaction you get.

He wants to know he can please her. This is a primary driver in most men and is a significant source of pain if he feels can’t. If she’s not happy he will be in pain.

He wants her to give him feedback. If you don’t tell a man when he’s done well he will assume his actions haven’t worked and he will never do it again. [Read more...]

Groundhog Day…

Many couples live in a Groundhog Day existence , with activities such as work, children, same kinds of things happen every day.

This kind of life just happens to people they don’t actually plan it…

So do you ever feel like this, maybe you’re bored with life and you wished there was more? Or maybe you are one of the lucky ones that’s got the perfect life?

Well it got me thinking, what if you were to design the perfect Groundhog Day, what would it look like?

This is the Groundhog Day you would be very happy to live every day… [Read more...]

Maintaining attraction from dating through to married life

Today’s post is highly relevant to married couples as well as for single people looking for love. It is important because creating attraction is critical no matter what relationship phase you are in.

The pitfall that most people fall into in the early stages of their relationship is they naturally give to their partner what they think they themselves would like.

The problem the couple now face is they are very likely to want to please each other, but they could be turning each other off without knowing. People who are dating end up losing partners that are potentially good for them and married couples end up fulfilling their emotional needs outside the relationship. [Read more...]

Dating advice that leads couples to pleasure not pain

Knowing how to date in a way that protects you is critical. I have seen so many married couples in trauma it’s easy to see why when you explore how they dated.

What was the foundation of their relationship and how has it affected their dynamics?

If you want to get the best out of your dating then learn from those who have got it wrong. Discover what they did wrong and do the opposite. Today I will cover one aspect of dating that is key if the goal is to find a long-term partner.

If you speak to couples in trauma what you would discover is what initially attracted them to their partners is no longer attractive and is one of the main causes of their break up. [Read more...]

Relationship Mastery

Give your love unconditionally, or it may cripple your relationship. Read on and I will share how this can happen. A few months back a couple came to see me she had decided the relationship was over, she felt he was no longer the man she married and she saw no future.

He was very keen to get her back. I was concerned because he was so fearful about losing her, he would do anything to get her back and be unsuccessful if his efforts felt weak and needy to her. She was very clear she would be open minded, but he has to do this for himself not for her, or just to get the relationship back. [Read more...]