I feel detached from my partner, what is happening to me?

Detachment is the process of self protection. The person may feel that over months or years they have not been happy in their relationship. They may feel that their partner does not care about them, is not interested in them, or simply doesn’t love them.

The persons feelings towards their partner will have changed and the relationship can feel wrong to continue. Reconnection for this person can feel impossible and the desire to fix the relationship problems are usually very low.

The person in this situation will have a vision that the past will be a reflection of the future, so it’s painful for them to even consider, all this is normal. [Read more...]

Do you have a marriage you’re proud of?

As your children grow they are learning how life should be from your example. You are showing them through your actions what is normal. You are giving them their first blueprint of what an intimate relationship is like with another human.

So when you think about the relationship you are having with your partner, are you proud of what you are presenting to your children? Are you happy that they may adopt your relationship as their model for success?

If you don’t have children, would you be happy to present your relationship as the model for others to follow? [Read more...]

“Home became quite hostile which affected our children…”

Tim and I went to see Stephen Hedger because after nearly twenty years together our relationship seemed to have fallen into an unhappy rut which neither of us knew how to get out of.

Like most couples at the beginning of the relationship we were blissfully happy and both felt incredibly lucky to have found each other and looked forward to sharing our lives, making a family of our own and growing old together.

Life was good to us generally but the everyday stress of work, three children and buying a house we couldn’t quite afford slowly chipped away at our relationship.  [Read more...]

Let’s talk man-to-man

Many men struggle to understand their wives, partner, girlfriend. In fact this struggle for men is widespread and is such a frustrating place for him to be.

He knows he loves her, but for him she acts as though she doesn’t believe him, or doesn’t trust him. He feels that he can’t win and that she acts as if she doesn’t care about him.

At times he feels she can seem impossible to please and reasoning with her just seems to spark her into a frenzy of accusations that just are not true from his perspective. [Read more...]

Is your marriage this bad?

These are all live cases that came for my help….

Case 1. She decided she wanted to live in the country without him, kids had left home and she couldn’t bear the thought of them spending the rest of their lives together.

Case 2. She thought her husband didn’t love her, he spent all his time away from her doing the bear minimum, he thought the relationship would have to end.

Case 3. He had an affair which resulted in a child, his wife kicked him out. [Read more...]

Understanding Men: What do men want?

Many women who come for sessions with me have a real challenge with the concept I’m about to share with you.

When I ask the men in the session if it’s true they all confirm 100% it’s true, but even though she hears it straight from him, she still struggles to believe it. If she doesn’t understand this she will be challenged in the process of how to solve any problems they might have. [Read more...]

How do you know when to get a divorce?

Unfortunately divorce is a very real part of our society, the question many people ask when their marriage is going consistently wrong is, “how do you know when to get a divorce?”

This is a great question because if anyone is asking this question they are clearly not happy to stay in a marriage that makes them unhappy. I couldn’t agree more, why should anyone accept ongoing misery year after year.

Everyone deserves to be happy and staying in a marriage just to please others is not the answer. [Read more...]

Appreciate me for who I am

If you’re in a relationship and you feel that you can’t be you, you won’t feel happy and over time you could start to feel that life doesn’t feel right for you.

Are you the person who has to tread on eggshells, who has to hold on to how they really feel, or who picks and complains, but hates themselves for it?

If you find that you have changed to cope with your relationship then maybe now’s the time to reflect on what you want your life/relationship to be like. [Read more...]

What makes us happy?

For 72 years, researchers at Harvard have been examining this question, following 268 men who entered college in the late 1930s through war, career, marriage and divorce, parenthood and grandparenthood, and old age.

The answer won’t surprise you.

Source

If Your Marriage Looks Like It’s Ending What Do You Do?

If one person thinks the marriage is over and the other disagrees, what do you do? This couple from Manchester, Brian and Christine share their personal story of trauma and their courage to discover their truth for their son…

My wife told me out of the blue that she loved me but wasn’t in love with me anymore. This came as a complete shock to me. I had known that things weren’t great between us but had just assumed it was one of those patches that every marriage goes through. Clearly my wife felt very differently.

As we have a young child we agreed that we would go and see a couples counsellor – a decision that was pretty disastrous. That counsellor took a difficult and upsetting situation and turned it into something much worse.  The sessions were bleak, depressing and frankly fairly poisonous – they made us both feel awful about ourselves and our relationship and made us believe that there was little hope for us to turn things round.

After several sessions with that counsellor things kind of fell to pieces and I was pretty convinced that we were heading for divorce. [Read more...]

My Wife Has Fallen Out Of Love With Me Please Help

She told him the marriage was over, she had lost all feelings for him. He knew there were problems, but was totally shocked at her sudden desire to want to end the marriage.

They had a child together and torn with what to do, they sought help. She was convinced the marriage was over, but driven by guilt she felt she owed it to her son to try one last time. Her efforts however seemed half hearted as she shifted between, resigned, cold and sad almost at the same time.

He came to me on his own initially, he wanted the very best service I could offer to help them. He didn’t believe the marriage was over and he told me he would throw all he could at saving his family.

I explained to him that I do run intensive programs for Marriages in Crisis [Read more...]

Life Secrets: Relationships, Money, Health

If you knew there were simple steps to becoming successful in the areas of life that are important to you wouldn’t you want to know what those steps were?

Within every person that comes for help I am looking for ways in which I can help them discover their strengths. Powerful parts of themselves they have hidden without knowing.

I believe there is a key to everyones inner strength something that will create the desire within them to take action and to claim the life that will equal fulfillment for them.

We all have strengths and yet months or years of battling with life, careers, relationships, children and even ourselves can wear us down.   [Read more...]

Understanding what men want

Yes men have needs too and if she can learn to understand what he needs he will feel great about himself and attach that great feeling to her. So below is an outline of what he wants/needs. Of course every man is different and so try out some of the suggestions below and see what reaction you get.

He wants to know he can please her. This is a primary driver in most men and is a significant source of pain if he feels can’t. If she’s not happy he will be in pain.

He wants her to give him feedback. If you don’t tell a man when he’s done well he will assume his actions haven’t worked and he will never do it again. [Read more...]

Groundhog Day…

Many couples live in a Groundhog Day existence , with activities such as work, children, same kinds of things happen every day.

This kind of life just happens to people they don’t actually plan it…

So do you ever feel like this, maybe you’re bored with life and you wished there was more? Or maybe you are one of the lucky ones that’s got the perfect life?

Well it got me thinking, what if you were to design the perfect Groundhog Day, what would it look like?

This is the Groundhog Day you would be very happy to live every day… [Read more...]

Maintaining attraction from dating through to married life

Today’s post is highly relevant to married couples as well as for single people looking for love. It is important because creating attraction is critical no matter what relationship phase you are in.

The pitfall that most people fall into in the early stages of their relationship is they naturally give to their partner what they think they themselves would like.

The problem the couple now face is they are very likely to want to please each other, but they could be turning each other off without knowing. People who are dating end up losing partners that are potentially good for them and married couples end up fulfilling their emotional needs outside the relationship. [Read more...]

Dating advice that leads couples to pleasure not pain

Knowing how to date in a way that protects you is critical. I have seen so many married couples in trauma it’s easy to see why when you explore how they dated.

What was the foundation of their relationship and how has it affected their dynamics?

If you want to get the best out of your dating then learn from those who have got it wrong. Discover what they did wrong and do the opposite. Today I will cover one aspect of dating that is key if the goal is to find a long-term partner.

If you speak to couples in trauma what you would discover is what initially attracted them to their partners is no longer attractive and is one of the main causes of their break up. [Read more...]

Relationship Mastery

Give your love unconditionally, or it may cripple your relationship. Read on and I will share how this can happen. A few months back a couple came to see me she had decided the relationship was over, she felt he was no longer the man she married and she saw no future.

He was very keen to get her back. I was concerned because he was so fearful about losing her, he would do anything to get her back and be unsuccessful if his efforts felt weak and needy to her. She was very clear she would be open minded, but he has to do this for himself not for her, or just to get the relationship back. [Read more...]

How easy love can die yet a simple change can bring it back

For twenty years they lived together, she never felt loved by him, but he loved her with all his heart. He showed his love in so many ways, but she never really felt it.

He gave her everything he could think of, but he knew in his heart whatever he did was never really enough. Even though he knew she was not truly happy inside he could never let her go, because he loved her so much. He hoped she would see what a great man he was and the unspoken problems would go away. [Read more...]

How to make him want you back

If you want him to want you back, then you have to understand why you’re not together today. What is it that helped him feel that you were not right for each other?

The number one reason is going to be that he didn’t feel good about himself when he was with you.

The question is why did he leave you?

Most men leave relationships because they don’t feel they can be successful with their partners in the way they want. [Read more...]

He stood tears rolling down his face…

Smiling through his tears, at last he could see there was hope for the future for him and his wife, he felt lighter, free and he could feel within him confidence for his future start to fill his body.

Four hours earlier he thought he understood how his life worked and why it was going wrong. He was shocked to discover he was totally in the dark and happiness for him and his wife was a totally random event.

He discovered there was a way he could be a man in his relationship and in his life. He now knew what he had to do to love and protect all those he cared for, plus he could do all this without fear. [Read more...]