What Have You Been Doing Without Knowing To Make Your Life Worse?

I know many will ignore this, but for you, I hope you take your time to understand the magnitude of what you are about to read so next year can really be the way you want it.

As 2011 draws to a close I wonder as you reflect on this year what has been your primary focus. I wonder what you have spent most of your time directing your mind to. It’s important to understand this because it’s why your life is the way it is now. If you’re not happy with what you’ve got then clearly a change has to be on the cards for you!

In this post today I will share with you what I believe to be one of the most important messages you will ever receive

Take a moment to think: What have you been feeling and thinking about this year and why?

Most people have problems of some kind, but what’s interesting is because the problem becomes their focus, all the persons’ energy is directed towards the problem. [Read more...]

Relationship Lessons: The School Of Hard Knocks!

When relationships go wrong, life is not forgiving at all. Speaking to one of my clients recently I could hear the desperation as he shared his fears. He loves his wife and children with all his heart, but he knew it was possible that he was about to lose them all, plus the house he loved. He then bitterly told me that he could see that he would be working everyday to paying for them all to have a great life without him.

His resentment was huge, so his motivation to put the relationship right became his number one mission.

My concern for him was, is it too little too late for his wife? Most couples come to sessions far to late! Mind you I can’t blame them with the amount of horror stories around about couples counsellors.

  • This is why my service is designed to be very different [Read more...]

Are You Struggling to Forgive Your Partner

Is there something in the past in your relationship that has caused you to feel resentment towards your partner?

Have you felt that you have been treated unfairly, or you have felt betrayed in some way?

Ask yourself this… Is there a possibility that you have contributed to the situation that has caused you to feel pain and then attached these feelings of resentment to your partner.

You see, really understanding each other here is critical and most couple don’t.

Unless you can forgive your partner the chance of a happy marriage are slim.

Everyone makes mistakes it is an inevitable part of life and living together. So unless the couple understands how to forgive then the resentment can take over. Being right can in this place become far more important than understanding, love and compassion.

I know that some of you have experienced the worst betrayal of all infidelity. It really is one of the most painful discoveries any partner can experience. The hardest part for the victim of infidelity is the understanding that they in some part where also party to that journey in some way.

Please note: No one seeks out an affair if they are really happy and all their needs are being met in their relationship. It’s important to know that the potential cost of not meeting each other needs is very high.

In fact when problems strike the issue is always a needs issue for the couple, most people are not aware what their needs are let alone how to communicate them to their partners. So the couple are disabled to create success.

Most people don’t think past the pain they feel, for them it’s simple you did wrong, I feel pain, now you must pay for my pain. This single minded approach is perfect if you want to design a divorce!

The longer the couple/individuals choose not to forgive, the relationship dies a little every day. The quest of being right, or dishing out more punishment is not preventing them from doing it again, it is teaching them they are in the wrong relationship.

So make sure you understand the result you want before you decide to act.

Choosing the path to growth through being true to you is always the right choice.

So now the question is how do we become true to ourselves.

This is the knowledge that creates the path not only to happiness, but also towards life fulfilment.

  • So what do you really want? Do you want to grow or destroy your relationship?

It this has struck a chord please get in tough today!
Please click: Relationship/Marriage Coach

The Calm Before The Storm: A Message For Men – Is There A Time Bomb In Your Relationship?

Most men who have experienced problems in their relationship are usually very confused at why it seems so hard to please their partners. For him it can seem almost impossible to keep her happy. He can also feel he has put up with what he feels is her becoming over emotional, irrational and inconsistent for ages.

For him this inability to be able to please his partner is emotionally crippling, BUT he can do something to help her, but most men don’t know what to do…

If this goes on for long enough the woman will start to feel that the messages she has clearly been giving to him has not being listened to. She feels alone, ignored and insecure.

This for her can lead to depression and all sorts of physical and emotional problems putting further pressure on the relationship.

Depending on how the man has dealt with her emotional outbursts will drive her next course of action. [Read more...]

Couples With Problems Want Fast Results Help And Direction!

What’s interesting about the couples I see is they really only have to do a few key things to make a massive difference with each other combined with a little nudge from me…

These few key things make up about 80% of what’s really important/critical.

I wonder how your relationship would be different if you knew about these few key things and applied them?

This couple did and this is their result…

…We couldn’t believe that in one two hour session so much could change. My husband learnt what to do when I became upset, he felt important in our relationship for the first time in years and I felt so much safer with him. Stephen also worked on my depression of 9 years in that same session and it just went. I even had a little panic when I tried to get my depression back and couldn’t.

We are so excited about each other and our lives again!

There were a few things that were amazing about this couple. Firstly despite their frustration with each other they were eager to learn. They wanted to fix this but were clear very frustrated with each other.

He had no idea how to make her happy and was giving up, and she was too depressed to respond to any good deed which further renforced to him she could never change and he could never make her happy.

She also repeated the same message to him over and over hoping in vain he would understand her and of course he didn’t.

Now I had a big challenge. I could see they were on the edge and I knew her depression of 9+ years was going to hamper our effort to rebuild the trust in the relationship and with no trust their wasn’t going to be growth.

Of their first two hour session, I had to understand their story and teach them how to understand why it had gone wrong and give them the plan rebuild the trust, understand the importance of meeting each others needs  before igniting the passion and then create goals for the future.

He couldn’t be succesful whilst she was this depressed…

So I had 40 minutes left to rid her of this depression. I told her this was my plan and she agreed to go for it.

After 40 minutes of very fast intensive work she stood standing facing me after a rollercoaster of emotions, tears, shock, laughter, she went through it all. Her pale worried face had now been replaced with a healthy glow and a confident smile.

Seeing the massive change in her I asked her to turn to face her husband, as she turned and look straight at him, in an instant he broke down. I rushed across the room just to check his tears were relief, they were!

The following week

I had a good feeling her change was going to stay by the way she responded to the session however I waited to see them a week later.

They walked in to my session all smiles and upbeat, always a good sign in my world.

She told me that after the session she had experienced minor panic attacks. What was interesting is her attacks were because she was so used to being depressed, when she couldn’t get depressed she felt lost, amazing! Of course this desire to become depressed was short lived and she embraced the new calmer her and so did her husband.

What he did was grab the opportunity to give her what she needed,  through his strength he met his own core needs and hers. She explained how through the changes we had put in place he was becoming far more attractive to her and he felt in a position of power in a caring loving way.

The attraction was returning and the trust had been rebuilt.

  • If this has stuck a cord with you and you would like to find
    out how Stephen can help you please get in touch today.

The Biggest Rule Break in Relationships

Before I share this rule break, I want to say that those that do it have no idea that it’s causing them so much pain. To them this behaviour is normal and is how the world works. The belief that what they do is normal is a real challenge and one they have to undo to ever have a chance of creating a relationship that works to meeting the relationship rules.

If they don’t change this behaviour they will never get the real love they desire

  • The biggest rule break is this: If I give to you, what do I get back? Or put another way trading for what you want!

This behaviour is fundamentally the desire to trade for what they want/need. So they will trade for love, for security, for significance even for sex.

This is the “… if I do this for you what will you do for me?”  This behaviour really causes so many problems, because this trade is all about “me” and therefore selfish and immature. So a person who gives their partner presents, time, or love could be expecting something in return, and when they don’t get back what they think they should, they become cross with their partner’s ungrateful selfish behaviour.

If a partner gives because he or she wanted their partner to feel good because he or she loves them and the intention is just to want them to feel wonderful about themselves, then this act moves them to attach wonderful feeling to this selfless act.

Unfortunately many men and women are setting up many trades every day to get their needs met in their relationship. The problem happens when their partner is unaware of the expectation of the trade. E.G. If I give you flowers will you give me sex or love. Now what happens is the person who created the trade gets cross that the trade has not been fair, even though the receiver had no idea that any expectation was there.

So think about this, if you are going to trade in your relationship why not be honest about it? Why not tell your partner you want to trade with them? Why not tell them that the trade you want is you want something in return. E.G If you give them flowers what you want in return is sex.

THE REASON YOU DON’T IS BECAUSE ITS MANIPULATING AND CONTROLLING! You’re more likely to get a slap…

You can’t buy love, or sex from your partner, a relationship is not a trade, as soon as it becomes one watch your passion and relationship die.

So the question I now receive is, “…so how do I get what I want?”

The way to get what you want is to create an adult relationship, and come out of the child model of taking. A loving adult relationship is not about you, it is about your desire to want to help your partner to be happy, to give them what they need and expecting nothing in return. Yes I did say that!

You do this because you are a loving person by definition. NOT someone who pulls love away because the trade is not fair.

You see this relationship rule of giving because you love your partner when done with zero expectation is so loving and selfless that it moves your partner so emotionally that if done consistently their desire to want to do the same will feel natural within them.

  • Now the question is who goes first? Honestly – It’s the one who grows up first!

Spend some time now thinking about the trades you are aware of in your relationship today. What does your partner trade for? What do you trade for? If you do anything with a expectation of something in return you are trading and it’s hurting you both.

I’m constantly in fear of losing him…

Whats interesting about this message is, that the focus on losing him will make losing him a possibility. If you are in this place, or you know of  a friend who has this worry the best way to help is through understanding.

Have a think about these words

  • How attractive is the person that is always worrying?
  • The person worrying is likely to be very behaving differently from the happy version of her
  • Controlling behaviours are very likely
  • Loss of emotional control through fear
  • Maybe looking for proof he will go

You see the best way to keep your man is to become an amazing you, if you worry and focus negatively you become internally focused and on a search for more  problems. Of course you will find them which will help you to worry more. In this place you will want to protect you, and so you may pull your love away just in case, of course he feels this and will start to feel he is failing you.

  • Your focus on your problems is helping him to feel bad about himself, if this goes on for too long he will attach those bad feeling to you.

The best way to keep your partner is to change your focus from worry about losing him to a new question focused on keeping him. What kind of man does my husband or partner want to be, and what kind of behaviours in a woman would he find attractive?

You only have to look back to your dating days to find answers…

What I am saying is switch your focus to becoming an amazing you. The fearful you is hurting you both. Your mission is to create a new confident you one that understands your own needs, one that knows how to give herself what she needs and is then free to fearlessly give to her partner what he needs.

The focus of this new woman is on growth and contribution, her focus is on where she is going and who she wants to be, so she feels safe to give.

If you are interested to learn more about how to stop negative behaviours and build confidence please get in touch today.

Who taught YOU how to have a relationship?

Who do you think taught you to have a relationship? When you consider this, where do your thoughts take you? Was it your parents, the schools, your friends, did you learn what you know through trial and error, what is the answer for you?

When you think back to who taught you, do you think they were really qualified to help you? Did they have a relationship that you would like? Did they know how to help you have a relationship that would be successful?

  • The acid test is to look at the relationship you are in now. Are you really happy?

If your relationship is struggling it may not be yours or your partners fault, it maybe that the model of what equals a successful relationship, that was given to you both as children, may have been the wrong one and you didn’t know.

Of course if this has happened to you, then you may not be aware of this because, whatever you grew up with was normal to you.

So what you went through growing up and the model that was presented to you may not be normal to your partner.

So when the differing “normals” clash problems start to happen and fighting can start.

Examples of what clients have called “normal” and who taught them

  • Someone always has to back down in relationship so to keep the peace I made that someone me. She copied her mother. The result: She spent years resenting her husband and their sex life died.
  • To keep my wife calm, shouting at her works, she might get upset initially, but it stops her. He copied his father. The result: His wife became very depressed, stressed and ill all the time.
  • When I become depressed I get more love. Her depressed mother showed her how to do this. The result: She stayed depressed.
  • If i’m going to give to her, what’s in it for me? Both his parents taught him this. The result: resentment, lack of respect, loss of passion.

This list is potentially massive, but you get the idea.

BUT what is important is where do these thoughts take you. It’s likely that you can see your partners parents in his, or her behaviours. BUT can you see your own if not, ask them see what they say.

Is it time to learn how a relationship really works? Are your parents relationship skills questionable?

A relationship is a life decision, and because you only get one life getting it right is critical, especially if you have children. After all if you have learnt the wrong pattern as parents, you are likely to pass it on to them is this what you really want?

You can learn the truth here today!

The benefits are massive: If you take the time to unlearn what doesn’t work and replace it with what will.

Not only will your relationship last, but the passion will naturally grow again.

How to quickly sort relationship problems

The challenge all couples face with relationship problems is they can’t see how to stop their problems. They use the same strategy over and over again with always the same results – destruction!

So if you are both doing the same thing and it’s not working then maybe it’s time to change that behaviour.

Understand what drives your partner

When couples are in crisis, what happens is they both revert to wanting whatever drives them the most.

For example: If a female is worried about the relationship she may want to feel secure again. If the man is worried he might feel that the relationship will never work and so he might feel insignificant as a man. He can’t make her happy and can’t fix the problems in the relationship.

To feel significant again, he may become frustrated/angry and either give up in some way, threaten to leave, or get very loud.

If she is driven by security or certainty, his frustrated behaviour will fuel her lack of certainty and she will pull her love away spend more time with friends or family. This fuels his fear that he will never be enough for her.

These are not the only patterns that happen in relationships, but you can be sure that there will be one you are both fueling.

I recently saw a couple with this pattern, at the start of the session you could see that for both of them the end was not far away. He could not see a future with her and told her and she had lost all trust that he would keep her safe. They looked doomed, but with a young child I knew they both wanted help fast!

By using their core driving forces I was able help them both understand how they could meet their own core need and meet their partners at the same time. When they both realised they could do this and feel good they embraced a new behaviour that meant the relationship could grow.

He then could see a future with her, she felt safe again and they left smiling and hand-in-hand – the trust was rebuilt and the needs were met.

All this happened in one session.

Change does NOT have to take along time it happens very fast, but only when they both feel safe to change. So it’s the feeling safe to change that takes the time. My job is to help them feel safe fast by helping them understand that not changing was not going to meet their primary needs. Once they understood that the change was easy.

Will it last?

This is a question I always get asked. If the couple keep focused on meeting each others primary needs especially when further challenges hit they will be successful.

This couple learnt how to do this in detail and why it’s important, we covered many areas of human behaviour and differences between men and women. So the couple always goes away with tools to help both themselves and each other without me there.

What Are You Doing To Save Your Relationship?

When a couples relationship hits problems the first person they blame is usually their partner. They look to their partner to make changes that will help them to be happy.

This usually helps the couple enter into a tit-for-tat blame game, as each person blames the other for the poor state of the relationship.

“…if you never said X, then I would have never have done Y, so clearly you are the cause” This type of exchange is very common, BUT the question is where is the growth in this exchange?

Unless the couple are creating growth in their communication the only way the relationship is heading is down.

So if you blame your partner then this puts you in a vulnerable situation.

What would happen if you took a long hard look at YOU. What could you do or change, to make your relationship better. This simple refocus would put you back in control taking action to save a relationship or marriage that you probably really want to save.

So take a moment what could you do?

What could you change about you that would save your relationship? You might just discover the compound effect of lots of little things can make a massive difference.

Testament to Life Coaching

OK I know initially I went  as I hoped to save my marriage.  Well it takes two to do that and my ex-husband wasn’t committed to doing so – the lure of the new woman was just too great!

Left with having to pick up the pieces of ‘me’ I’ve continued to see Stephen over the last 11 months, determined to get myself into a better state of mind.  I will readily admit there have been times when I’ve ‘fought’ Stephen with a passion, feeling and believing that I was right and he wrong!  I’ve had sessions cancelled by him as he wasn’t prepared to waste my money (for which I am grateful!).  I’ve argued with him and I’ve had moments of disliking the experience.  None of which sounds very positive!  But in hindsight 99% of these arguments have actually been with myself as I’ve battled to change how I view things, to take responsibility for me and to learn and understand how I can make things different for me. To learn and to realise that I needed to become my own best friend. [Read more...]

Be True To YOU… gain freedom, peace, confidence, strength and love…

If you want a life that’s happy and rich full of all you desire then being true to you and what you believe in is critical.

The question now is who are YOU?

  • Do you know what you believe in?
  • Do you know your core needs both for yourself and in a relationship?
  • Do you know how to communicate your needs to your partner?
  • Do you know what is important to you and why it is?
  • Do you know how to translate negative feelings in to questions that create growth in you and those you love?
  • Do you know how to give you, what is important to you?

A man or woman who is being true to who they are understand all of the above and with a passion have decided to no longer live in reaction to the world, they have chosen to become who they are designed to be. They have chosen to behave true to their own beliefs. [Read more...]

The Meanings We Create For Life

Do you have a partner that never seems happy no matter what happens, or do you feel that maybe there is more to life than what you are currently getting? If so then this is critically important for you.

Meanings and emotions are massive drivers for how we experience the world so understanding how they work is of course critical if we want to be happy in it.

Many people feel the world first through their emotions and then try to make sense of what they feel inside. Many don’t question what they feel, because this is just who they are. They are so used to consistently reacting in a certain way, to them it’s totally normal, or feels like home.

This is called living in reaction and although it will feel normal it can feel quite scary too, because living this way never feels, successful or fulfilling. If the individual accepts that this is who they are, low quality living is also accepted, this can lead to a negative outlook on life, or depression, even a desire to end it all. [Read more...]

Happiness How Does It Happen?

Most of us want happiness, we want to feel the way we want to feel in all parts of our life. But how does happiness really happen? Is it something we need to wait for, or is it something we create?

If you have decided to wait for happiness then what happens if it doesn’t turn up? What happens if happiness is not due to show up for 5 years? What if happiness forgets to come?

What if happiness does not happen this way what if happiness is down to you? What if the best way to happiness is if you take control and become the creator of your happiness.

What if you decide to learn and master the art of happiness? [Read more...]

Relationship Tip For Sunday

When couples get into relationship struggles one of the things they do is go in search of more problems and it’s doesn’t take long for them to find them.

They then put meanings to their problems, because as humans we have to make sense of what we think. Because we trust ourselves we then believe the meanings we create, those meanings become unchallenged facts.

Those facts then allow us to become the judge of our partners.

This is one of the most dangerous practices individuals make in their relationships. NO ONE, and I mean no one is qualified to judge the behaviours of their partners.

By all means give feedback on what effect their behaviours are having on you, but never judge them.

Your judgement will be based on your assumption of the intention behind their actions, and viewing their behaviours based on your life experiences and core values. Their behaviours will be based on their life experiences and core values which will be different to yours.

To complicate things further, men and women are designed to experience the world differently due to their inbuilt survival instincts.

So becarefull that some of your judgement is not based on them being in their true gender. This can cause problems as the couple can start to distort themselves to fit into the relationships thus causing even more resentment as a polarity shift can happen and the individuals can then become unhappy or depressed as life is not how it should be.

The woman becomes masculine and the man becomes feminine. Neither happy in these roles, but ironically stuck not wanting to change through fear.

Judgements of others shows you and those you judge little to no respect, values such as respect are important to us, not some of the time, ALL THE TIME!

When you don’t live by what you say you value, trouble, unhappiness, depression, relationship break-ups are never far away.

So…turn your judgments into a cry for help from your partner, that for them something is wrong, and they are telling you because they believe you can help them.

If you knew what they really needed was your help, what would you want to give them now…?

How to remain positive when you just want to give up

Do you have some days when you just want to give up. Relationship is up and down, work is getting more demanding, keeping up with all the things you know you should do seems impossible, you can’t remember the last time you had sex and you’re so fed up it doesn’t seem to matter, life is just a bit #@$>!

We all have those days, weeks, months, when the world seems to be against us. It’s not that we’re lazy, it’s like there is an overwhelming feeling of what’s it all for? You feel somewhat helpless…

I expect you look at relationship coaches and counsellors and psychologists and make the assumption that their lives are some how perfect. Rest assured we all face relationship challenges just like everyone else.

No matter how good you are at understanding human behaviour even the very best cannot help themselves or their partners to feel good in the moment all the time.

I remember before I really understood how relationships work and why they don’t, how out of control things can feel. Of course today for me is very different as 95% of what happens is much easier to deal with the other 5% needing some thought.

I have no doubt that sometimes you just want to scream as yet more relationship problems land at your feet. So I expect when you read this blog that explains how to deal with your partner or you read about how happy couples are after working with me your natural reaction could be jealousy, anger, hurt, frustration.

If you experience a negative force within you understand this: Your mind can be a force that can work with you, or against you and you have the power to choose.

One of the reason why couples are so successful with me is not because they are any better than other couples. The reason is they never gave up. They never gave up, no matter how tough the sessions became, or how much they felt they hated their partners for what they had done.

They kept going even when they didn’t want to. They believed they could make things right even when they didn’t know how.

Even when I gave them things to do that didn’t work at that moment, they kept going. The biggest killer is when individuals doubt themselves, doubt that they are enough for the relationship, not attractive enough, not lovable, not a good enough mother or father.

Even when friends and family jump to their defence telling them, their partner is not good enough for them and share their version of what they should do based on what their life experience tell them they should do, they never listen and never give up.

The answers are within you and your relationship. But as you know there are many different versions of you and some will hurt you and some will give you happiness.

Know which one is making decisions before you press the button on your relationship.

Turn your focus to where you want to go and not where you have been. Your past is simply a series of memories based on the state you are in at any given time and the meanings you gave it from that state.

Your history is not the fact you think it is there is much you do not understand or may have missed.

Remember your life is a series of perceptions. When you learn how you can create the ones that enable you to be the emotional state that will support your personal and relationship growth only then will you accept tough days and put actions in place to experience the world just the way you want to.

Your future is really down to you, if you want to understand your relationship and life then the biggest hurdle is to understand and conquer you.

Then being positive when life gets challenging is never as hard again.

No one wants to “WORK” at their relationship!?

I have to say, I can’t blame them… How many times have we heard that we have to work at our relationships. Do we listen to these words and think FANTASTIC I can’t wait, or do we shudder at the prospect. I mean it’s not an attractive prospect is it, at best it’s boring…

Isn’t the word “work” a suggestion that it’s going to be a labor, tough, hard, or something we do in return for something? Where does unconditional love fit in here?

Plus what kind of “work” are they suggesting. I’m a Relationship Coach and I’m not sold.

How about this…

If you were to take constant actions to do something, and it made you feel great, would you be more likely to do it?

Of course you would… If you enjoyed it would it feel like work? Of course not.

I help men and women discover how to change their behaviours so they can become successful with each other, once they get over the initial fear of doing something new, they embrace their new skills with both hands, quite literally in many cases.

You see getting a relationship to be successful is not “work” it is fun, but only when you know how.

It’s only work to those who have no idea what they are doing and so it’s the trial and error small successes and big failures that feel like hard work.

You maybe successful at creating a relationship that feels wrong, but here’s the good news, you know that what you practice consistently works. So all you have to do is practice something different and that will work too.

When you learn how to help your partner feel great about themselves in the context of you then they will stop at nothing to help you feel amazing about you too.

I know for a fact that when men learn the secrets to how to make their partners happy they will stop at nothing. When women learn what their men really want then the fun can start all over again…

No work, just fun and intelligent behaviours designed for relationship growth and lasting passion.

Interested, give me a call.

Relationship Advice: Reverse Polarity

Reverse polarity is a when a couple finds themselves in a relationship where the woman is the strong, driving force, more masculine than feminine. The man is usually more feminine in his approach in the relationship maybe wanting a quiet life and just going with the flow even if he does not want to.

What seems strange is at work however he could be strong and respected he could even be a leader on some level. The woman could also connect with her feminine side with friends and children. So day-to-day life does actually bring out their true polarity yet in their relationship they switch back.

Lots of relationships work this way and no one is qualified to judge them, couples that live this way and are happy have no need or desire to change for them it works.

The problem arises when one, or both people in the relationship are not happy, but don’t know why. Reverse Polarity could be the cause, because the what the individuals in the couple really want is to be more of the gender they are designed to be, consciously this will not stand out as the problem and so the problems will present themselves in different ways.

The woman may complain at the man about day-to-day stuff, the man will shut down or remove himself in some way this create a bigger gap between the couple as she becomes stronger to cope and he becomes more beaten knowing he can never please her.

For example: A woman can resent her partner for not being the man in the relationship. She wants desperately to connect with that vulnerable, soft version of herself. But the thought of doing so scares her, because she has a fear that she will not be safe if she does. She needs that masculine strength and power to cope with life. At some point in her life she learnt this.

She could have come from a divorced family or she may have created the masculine versions in past relationships to cope with being mistreated or her current relationship could have created this tough version of her.

He has also learnt his behaviours either from a dominant mother or maybe a string of relationships where he felt he could never please his partners and so he gave up. He will have a burning desire to please his partner, but will find he never can and so he gives up.

Couples that first meet in this place have a huge connection and a passionate chemistry because the reverse polarity creates a unique attraction for them. BUT, it is usually not long before one of them goes to a place of fear, because something does not feel right and they either split-up quickly, or distort themselves to cope with their relationships.

They create a relationship that is one big compromise, never really connecting with who they are, but too scared leave the relationship. In a strange way this for them becomes home and it’s likely eventually to be devoid of all passion.

Like brother and sister, but also not… She might say to friends… “ I have him well trained” and he will have lost his spark seemingly going through the motions, maybe using disrespectful humor to cope with his dominant partner.

It becomes a strange mix of a lack of respect with no desire to be apart for those who hit the “wall” and decide to stay and accept that this is good enough, better the devil you know.

Do you wish your man could be the man in your relationship and keep you safe, and love you no matter what. Or are you a man that has lost his masculine energy and you feel that whatever you do you cannot please her.

If this is you I can help…

Values: The Key To A Passionate Love Life

When a couple has a values conflict the first thing to go is their sex life.

Many people see VALUES as just a list of words and as a simple list, yes you could say they are important, but miss the immense power they hold to change your life for ever.

If used incorrectly values can cause depression, anxiety, relationship break ups, abuse, violence, anger and many many more problems.

When values are understood and lived by life takes on a success they could never have imagined. People close to suicide discover a new lease of life. Victims of abuse discover how to give themselves security.

All the greats this world has seen understood the massive power of understanding and applying their values to their life consciously.

It’s really simple: If you don’t understand your values and your partners values then expect a traumatic rollercoaster.

It’s bad enough for one person who has no concept of their values for life, but two people attempting to live together will soon run into big trouble.

Values are the most important words you will ever learn, because they mean so much to us that they become a compass for our lives.

Many couples come to me with a conflict of values, they claim that certain values are important yet they fail to live by what they say is important to them.

It’s like a smoker that claims health is important, but carries on smoking. Something nags at them and so they talk about giving up for years but never actually do it. It’s the values nagging!

Couples claim that love is important yet they punish and hurt each other. They claim that trust is important and then they act in an untrusting manner that scares their partner to trust them even less.

It is this total lack of living by the values and standards that help couples fail.

If you are unhappy then the chances of you suffering from a conflict of values is really high. If you are having relationship problems the first place to start is with yourself. Become the best partner you can be by living by what you say is important and then help your partner through their problems.

How To Make A Relationship Work

Millions of people globally are searching for information every month that can help them understand the answer to the question – How to make a relationship work?

Experts across the global can agree on one thing, and that is you have to get to know you first, and understand what you need to be happy so you can communicate those specific needs to your partner.

After all your partner is not a mind reader.

Getting to know the real you sounds great, but how do you really get to know you. What or who can really help us understand who we really are and what we really need?

Some people believe going travelling will work, some go to self-help seminars, some spend time alone, some have many partners. There are many strategies, but do any of them really work?

The answer is yes and no, because you can get to know one version of you, the version of you that always knows what to do when the pressure is off, but what about the version of you that crumbles when life gets tough.

You see there is not just one version of YOU! In fact there are 20+ different versions of you that live by very different rules. These different versions will create different futures for you, some not as good as others some amazing and some really destructive.

Getting to know them all and understanding the versions and their purpose is your real BIG goal that will help you understand why you do what you do and help you understand when you are being destructive.

The version of you that causes real problems is going to be a fearful version of you, a version that will distort the world and limit you whilst giving you the illusion of balancing your life to feel normal.

This is the version that lets you down when you need it most. Just imagine knowing which version of you that will always create great futures and discovering by choice how to be that person.

  • Do you want to discover the real you? If so I run self discovery sessions it takes about 2 hours per person. If you are interested please let me know. Click here