“I love you, but I’m not in love with you…”

Many couples that come to me with relationship problems usually have one person who is more shut down than the other.

This person is usually in a state of confusion, not sure if they want the relationship or not. They have feelings of love from the past, but right now they are confused because they resent their partner for helping them to feel so miserable.

They have plenty of evidence that on some level their partner cannot be trusted.

Right now all they want to do is escape the pain they feel.

To them breaking up seems like the only option.

No matter what has happen between this couple this relationship can be saved with the right approach.

The hurdles to get over are firstly that what they believe about the relationship and themselves.

Many of them are waiting to feel feelings of love for their partner, but they don’t and so they assume the relationship for them is dead. They feel emotionally shut down at this point.

We have all experienced things that we did not want to do and then afterwards we discovered we actually really enjoyed it.

The gym is a prime example, sex is another, we all put off doing things because we want to feel great about doing them before we do it.

Relationships are no different. The problems is when we first met our partners we did not have to do anything to feel amazing and the explosion of chemicals we felt was automatic.

Nature designed us that way, but even nature can’t keep that intensity going and so the relationship changes and we have to do things to feel great again.

So waiting to feel love after months of battling is unlikely, but if one of you got sane fast and became the best partner you could be first, before you felt what you think you should feel, you just maybe surprised what happens next.

Too many couples use taking love away as a weapon to teach their partner a lesson and all this does is to trigger fear states in each other, the future does not feel secure at all when couple do this.

The faster couples learn that the answers are in giving love, and not in punishment the faster they will receive the love they crave.

Is this you, or do you know a couple that are doing this if so, take action fast.

Your mind is complicated and believing all you think is sometimes dangerous.

What do you have to lose? After all you think the relationship is dead so you can’t lose that, so all you could lose is time.

It’s better to lose a little time than spend a life time regretting what you did from a place of fear which is likely to be where you are.