Unhappy marriage: Communication problems? Going round in circles? Then this is for you…

Todays communication is really important to understand because the message you’ll receive is a significant bridge that helps couples maintain attraction which is critical.

Have you ever spoken to your partner and felt they understood what you said only to watch them behave in ways that prove they didn’t?

Do you feel like you are banging your head against a brick wall as you struggle to be heard or understood?

Are you starting to feel that communication is impossible with your partner and there is no point in speaking.

Circular conflicts are very common in relationships because couples are not aware of what their partner is hearing or feeling, when they are speaking.

Many people helping couples in these types of situations teach something called “active listening” which means the person is 100% present with what the other person is saying. They are not distracted by what they want to say next, or by something else.

Active listening is very valuable, but…

…what if what’s being said is not the real problem?

This is a very common problem. [Read more...]

“The Win-Win”

For a relationship to work the couple need to be in a position where they have created a dynamic that helps both people to “WIN” within their relationship.

By “WIN” I mean both people feel connect to what they value which means they are happy with the result of their conflict, communication, situation in fact any experience they have together.

So many couples are using a ‘win-lose’ strategy which ultimately creates a ‘lose-lose’ result which means the couple are likely to be stacking resentments towards each other.

In relationships if anyone loses you both lose, because losing in a relationship creates resentments. So one person may feel they have won an argument, but the big picture is, if they have won then their partner has lost and that formula is destructive. [Read more...]

“Please Just Tell Me The Truth…”

The real answer couples are looking for in their relationship is the truth. Why did you have the affair? Are we really compatible? Why do you keep lying to me? Am I emotionally safe with you? What made you fall out of love with me? If we try to fix our marriage, how can I trust it will last?

The truth is what sets us free in life and in relationships.

Many think that I fix relationships and that’s my job.

My real mission is to help couples/individuals discover the truth in their relationship. I do this by asking the questions that are most likely to lead both me and the couple to a deeper understanding of their relationship and why they are sat in front of me. [Read more...]

Can your subconscious mind can help you fall out of love

The simple answer is yes. Many individuals will communicate they have fallen out of love with their husband or wife. What they are not aware of is, to achieve this emotional state they had to do something to themselves to achieve it.

Falling out of love does not just magically happen there is a process within a person that enables it.

Because this persons experience of falling out of love is going to be driven by their subconscious mind they will experience automatic FEELINGS.

The person will feel their feelings have just happened to them, therefore this is their truth, when in reality they actually created them without knowing. This will leave the person telling a ‘truth’, the feelings they used to experience such as ‘love’ have gone, but not necessary forever because feelings such as ‘love’ can come and go depending on what we do. [Read more...]

How to regain trust in a relationship?

Whenever there is a breach of trust in a relationship it can feel impossible to get that trust back. Especially if it seems that a breach of trust has happened multiple times.

What you are about to read is what the smart people are learning so please read carefully. You see, when dealing with relationship challenges the logic you think will fix the problems is rarely what will. So if you want to learn what really works please become curious about what your going to discover below.

For every couple who are experiencing problems, loss of trust is going to be one of their biggest challenges.

It’s obvious that someone might want to know, how to rebuild trust after cheating, or after an affair, however trust is not only attached to other people, infidelity and lying… [Read more...]

Holding back your love

There are times in every relationship when your partner will do or say something that will shock you. 

It could be a small thing that just keeps irritating you even though you’ve told them it upsets you, but they carry on not seeming to care or…

…It could be a big thing that helps you question if you really know the person you are living with.

When our partner hurts us emotionally it can affect us very deeply. So if this happens what do we all want to do? [Read more...]

This is shocking…

What I’m going to explore today is a principal that many successful people use to gain fast results in relationships, wealth, health and all aspects of life that are important to them.

One of the core principals of gaining success is called modelling. Modelling is the fastest way to become successful in any part of your life.

The principal is simple, find someone that has the results you want, model what they did and learn how to apply their steps to your life.

Imagine this… 

Feeling stuck? Fed-up of going round in circles?

Need a solution to a problem that has trapped you? It’s important to know that the thinking that helped to create a problem is not the thinking that will create a solution to the problem. Many people feeling stuck are not aware of this important fact and that’s why they go round in circles. This statement is especially true in relationships as the love, the trust , the respect dies and the relationship no longer meets the couples needs.

In this place the future for the couple dies and getting out of pain seems like the only pleasure.

There are many different types of problems, but what happens when a problem leads the person or the couple into a dead-end where one or both people are so stuck ending the relationship becomes a very real consideration?

To change the situation you have to change the way the individual or couple think about their problem that leads them to the truth. You see to become stuck they will have run out of ways to approach their problem. [Read more...]

Why Doesn’t My Partner Understand Me?

For most couples even the ones with amazing relationships there are times when they misunderstand each other.

For couples in trouble, a lack of understanding can feel like a permanent state as the couple start to feel that life together is hopeless and so they can spend months, even years suffering as they start to believe either my partner doesn’t care, or maybe we are incompatible?

It’s important to understand that not understanding each other is very normal. This is because the  way men and women process their relationship is very different. [Read more...]

I don’t like who I am when I’m with you

This is a very common complaint for people who are in relationships that are not working. What these people experience is a shift in their identity. Just to magnify their problems in this new identity life will also not feel it the way it should be.

So if life feels it’s not the way it should be and they have lost a sense of themselves life is going to feel very wrong and they are going to want to move away from it.

What’s important is if you are in a relationship and this is happening to you please be aware that you could be drawn into making a life changing decision that’s being influenced by your fears. [Read more...]

Marriage Tip One: Be Aware That Your Mind Will Grow Whatever You Feed It?

Whatever you feed your mind will come true. You will become what you think most about. This law is universal and in relationships it’s very obvious to see.

Follow the words below and see how you can
relate this to your life and relationship.

When a couple first meets and they share that powerful magnetic attraction for each other. What they are going to be focused on is what’s so great about their new lover.

They can daydream about all the great qualities their new lover has, they feel excited and full of anticipation, the world looks brighter and more exciting and it’s not long before they run around telling their family and friends how amazing their new lover is. [Read more...]

Life Secrets: Relationships, Money, Health

If you knew there were simple steps to becoming successful in the areas of life that are important to you wouldn’t you want to know what those steps were?

Within every person that comes for help I am looking for ways in which I can help them discover their strengths. Powerful parts of themselves they have hidden without knowing.

I believe there is a key to everyones inner strength something that will create the desire within them to take action and to claim the life that will equal fulfillment for them.

We all have strengths and yet months or years of battling with life, careers, relationships, children and even ourselves can wear us down.   [Read more...]

Understanding what men want

Yes men have needs too and if she can learn to understand what he needs he will feel great about himself and attach that great feeling to her. So below is an outline of what he wants/needs. Of course every man is different and so try out some of the suggestions below and see what reaction you get.

He wants to know he can please her. This is a primary driver in most men and is a significant source of pain if he feels can’t. If she’s not happy he will be in pain.

He wants her to give him feedback. If you don’t tell a man when he’s done well he will assume his actions haven’t worked and he will never do it again. [Read more...]

Understanding men in relationships

What is a man designed to do? He is designed to be physically strong make firm decisions, breakthrough challenges and take action to solve or fix problems.

When he is in this space he feels great about himself and ironically this is what many women want their men to be like.

You see many women are surprised in my couples session when we discuss how our needs are met.

Women in relationship crisis will have needs missing. They feel the trust has gone and they usually feel less certain about their future. [Read more...]

ME ME ME – BLAME BLAME BLAME

As soon as the relationship becomes all about “ME” the relationship is over. As soon as the person is pointing the finger at their partner blaming them for all the problems because of what they are not getting, it’s all over. You may still be together in a house, but you are migrating towards problems.

  • FACT- If a relationship is not growing it’s dying.

You see a relationship is about ‘giving’ not ‘taking’ when a couple consistently gives to each other in the way they need the relationship will grow. If they constantly take naturally the relationship will become empty and so dies. [Read more...]

Signs of an Amazing Man!

For all couples that come to me for help there seems to be a confusion surrounding the roles of men and women in relationships.

Of course it’s not for me to tell couples what to do and how to live their lives, but there are some core behaviours that when in place make a significant difference.

One of the most successful behaviours is helping the man to feel like he is the security in the relationship. Women want this and so do the men. But their is confusion as to what secuity actually means and this causes problems. For example: Many men see their role is to create money and this is the fix for creating security.  The money makes him feel like a man.

Whilst on some level this is true, the money is a security it’s actually a weak substitute for what she really wants.

Some men feel that because he told her he loved her last year, she should know he does. He says, “you know I love you don’t you!?”

You see his version of security and hers is totally different. This is why problems are so common.

One of the things she wants is this: At the point she is in emotional pain and fearful of the future she can turn to him for love and certainty in the way she wants.

Most men struggle with this because of the way she presents her pain, this could be shouting, moaning, pulling love away.

In reaction to this men get upset. In other words become emotional. At the moment he does this she sees his fear and she has to get strong to look her and some women end up looking after him.

This creates fear for her because now she is the strength in the relationship and this disconnects her and so their intimacy dies.

When I ask men to love her through the pain she is in [I teach men how to do this – there is a specific way it needs to be done] his normal reaction is to ask, so what her role? What is she going to do for me?

He has now shown me that he wants to create a trade. Trading in relationships is guaranteed to kill intimacy the last thing he wants.

The sign of an amazing man in a relationship is one that does not feel the need to judge his partners reactions, what he focuses on is the pain she is in and he loves her through her pain thus becoming her security.

What this does is ignites the energy back into the relationship. She feels safe to become herself again and her desire to give to her man becomes massive and automatic.

BUT to give, especially intimately she has to feel safe. When a man becomes this security for her, he becomes that amazing man she saw in him when they first met.

The man she always hoped he would be!

What Has to Happen for YOU to Love YOU?

Is loving YOU something you find easy, or is it selfish and self-indulgent? What is the real cost of getting this wrong?

One of these answers causes people real problems for themselves, their relationships and their children. As you skip through this post you will start to understand why!

In fact one of these answers actually expands further than just love it expands to the way they meet their core values. In other words they don’t see the value in themselves.

The only way they feel they create the value in themselves is through giving to others.

Only when they get a reaction from others will they feel their value in this world, as you read on you’ll notice this causes a them an inner conflict because this behaviour is a contradiction of their beliefs.

If they ever feel they are not valued from anyone this will hit them hard because they already feel that’s true!

They find it hard to have a good time on their own and so keep busy, or spend time with others. They are on a constant search to feel good through the validation of others. [Read more...]

Relationship Advice For Women

For many women in relationships getting through to their partner can feel like really hard work. They can’t believe he can be so ignorant to her needs and feelings. To her his lack of care can start to become proof of a lack of love….

Communication is usually a struggle and getting him to understand you can feel impossible. You may have talked when you first met, but today getting him to open up feels impossible…

The challenge for women is as soon as they feel they can’t communicate effectively with their partners they can feel lonely, isolated and very low. Some can feel disconnected with who they want to be and start to dislike who they are becoming. Depression is very possible in this place if this goes on for long enough.

To deal with her feelings in this place she has to get strong inside to cope with his lack of understanding of her emotional needs. This means for many she has to create a more masculine version of herself.

She does this to keep safe, she knows she can’t rely on him to meet her needs and keep her safe, so she takes on this masculine role of protector of herself.

She doesn’t want to be in this place for many reasons. The emotional protection she creates results in her no longer finding her partner sexually attractive. So she will block any desire for intimacy.

So as she pulls away from him to protect herself, he in response will be doing the same.

This can cause real problems for the couple.

He can start to feel that he cannot make her happy. Many men feel they cannot ever please their partners and when they try to fix her problems she become angrier. This stops him trying to fix her problems.

This cycle can get worse the more men feel they can’t win the more women pull away.

Can you relate to this situation? Do you feel out of control of your relationship?

If so get in touch now…

Important: Men and women speak a very different language and this will and does create confusion, it’s not that he doesn’t care it simply that he doesn’t understand how you feel because he is not female.

Soon as he knows what to do to become successful again he will want to grasp the opportunity with both hands.

  • If you are in this place PLEASE TAKE ACTION IT WILL NOT GO AWAY!

Effective Communication Skills in Relationships

What are the meanings behind your partner words? Many of us react to our partner words without stopping to think, what did they really mean?

Listening is one of the most critical parts of communication, but in personal relationships the emotions are usually high and we can react before we think and before you know it we have a war on our hands.

One of the biggest complaints I hear in relationships is he or she doesn’t understand me.

So when your partner is speaking with you next, take your time to listen to their words.  Our natural response is to put our own meanings to their words, but of course by doing this you’ll miss their point totally. This can cause conflict.

Because men and women communicate so differently and emotions can run high it is critical to understand each others true meanings behind their words.

So ask them what they meant and see if your initial reaction was going to be the right one.

I run this in sessions and couples are generally shocked at how wrong they are when the meaning behind each others words are explored.

Depression: Is Your Relationship The Cause?

You and your partner are designed by nature to act and work together in a certain way hence the term chemistry usually associated with the automatic feelings a couple experiences when they first meet.

When you first met this is likely to be the reactions you had to each other. You both felt great, and it took little effort, those amazing feelings were automatic. When you were with your partner you felt great about you.

These automatic feelings are proof of natures’ power of attraction in action. It created chemical reactions in you both to feel an intense attraction to each other.

When you feel this way, the drive towards intimacy is very powerful. [Read more...]