Toxic marriage had crippled him and ignited his deepest fears

This gentleman was clearly in the wrong relationship with a wife with a very troubled past. He had suffered for years with her, not wanting to leave her, but knowing something was very wrong.

He came to me totally lost and uncertain about his future because she had asked for a divorce and his world was collapsing around him.

He was depressed, anxious and stressed.

So why had he stayed in a marriage that was so wrong and why was he not relieved it was all over? [Read more...]

3 Steps to an Amazing Relationship

I don’t know about you, but l like to make my life easy. I like simple steps that add massive value to my life. Easy things I can do almost without thinking about them.

Look at how I think about my day: In theory I have millions of things to focus on, but I choose to focus on just 3. My health, my marriage to the beautiful Cloe, and my Clients. As long as I add value to those three things every day life is growing in a meaningful way and it’s easy.

So in todays post I’m going to breakdown three critical areas of focus that most couples don’t do, but should. Without these three areas being looked after the relationship either will suffer, or the relationship will become vulnerable. [Read more...]

We are not naturally designed to live together for life – so we need skills to achieve this dream…

When you look at divorce statistics, relationship failures and the the volume of people choosing to have affairs, one thing feels very clear. Men and women are really struggling to live together in a meaningful way for both people.

In todays post I’m going to talk about some of the skills I’m teaching couples in crisis to help them naturally rebuild their relationship, and their attraction so it naturally recreates their sexually energy.

Men and women are ill equipped to live together and so they suffer from very similar problems in terms of understanding each other their relationship and what it takes to really make it work. They end up losing feelings of love and attraction for their partner. So I have to help these couples learn what’s happened to lose these feelings and what we have to do to bring them back.

I’m now seeing 20 couples couples in crisis a week and although all their problems are all very unique what they are all doing is very common.. [Read more...]

#701: Marriages are failing because of a lack of action

Couples are not seeing the danger they are in until the danger is upon them. Lack of action causes the many problems that ultimately lead a couple to divorce.

Couples who are looking to stop their problems must now take the action(s) that are going to heal the specific situation they are in. They must then take the action(s) that ensures the relationship will last.

What the couples were not aware of is they should have been taking specific actions from the first day they met.

The problem: People feel good when they first meet and they don’t question why, or how their feeling(s) were created. [Read more...]

How to solve impossible marriage problems

If you are feeling your marriage problems are impossible to solve this post is for you.

When a couple come to me for help, they are going to both share a story of their relationship. Each person will have a different story about the same relationship, with different perspectives of the same event(s).

Both people are likely to have attached pain to their story. They have usually been feeling this way for a while and want the suffering to stop.

My job within their process is to help them understand their core problem(s).

Couples will be experiencing problems that become their focus, such as conflict, affairs, communication breakdown, power struggles to name a few. [Read more...]

She said she no longer loved him…

Loss of love is a very common problem that shows up in my consultations. It’s a terribly difficult problem for couples and many give up not knowing the simple steps to reigniting feelings that have died. 

As you scan through my words below you will see a snap shot of how this couple were guided out of this horrible situation.

This lady turned up with her husband. She told me she had lost her feelings for her husband.

She told me without those feelings of love she didn’t believe she could carry on the relationship. They had young children and I knew those children were the reason she was sat in front of me.

Her feelings had died and to help them I needed to know why? I also knew she didn’t know the answer to that question.

There was no affair, he was hard working, he loved the children, he had a successful business. On paper they had all the ingredients for a successful life. [Read more...]

An unexpected journey

 

Written By Ben Caesar 

I first met Stephen in the summer of 2015 at a time when my life had become turbulent and my second marriage was failing. Originally, I had intended to attempt to use Stephen’s expertise to help my wife and I to reconcile and work out the problems that had developed during our short marriage. 

We had faced a 6 month period from hell with failed IVF, job loss and the death of a father on a background of ongoing professional exams and my transfer into the regular Army; more than enough life events to test the mettle of any couple’s relationship.

However, for reasons best known to my wife, she couldn’t find it in herself to allow Stephen to help her with our relationship, and so I continued to see Stephen, and something remarkable happened to me as a result. [Read more...]

Are you valuable to your partner?

If anyone wants to create a relationship that’s successful and life long there are some simple principals that are key to follow.

The overriding principal is to add value to your relationship in a meaningful way for your partner. Far too many people do not understand what this actually means and sadly they are destroying their relationship without realising.

Adding value to your relationship means very simply to put yourself in your partners shoes and experience your relationship from their perspective. This simple process provides the ability to create a meaningful connection that forms the foundation that keep the relationship naturally strong. [Read more...]

“My husband left me…” She had just given birth and was desperate

To set the scene: This lady was so attached to the life she though she was going to live, she had been putting up with terribly unkind and destructive behaviours from her husband. 

Desperate to get the life she wanted back on track she came to me for help. She wanted me to fix her marriage and help her husband regain his sanity – They had a new born and her husband had just decided to move out of the family home, she had no idea why.

What she didn’t know was her husband was actually having an affair. He had kept it a secret from her and from me through the sessions which essentially gave his wife no hope as he was secretly emotionally invested elsewhere. [Read more...]

At our wits end, divorce was the final option

Barry and Jemima had hit rock bottom. They didn’t know where to turn for help. Initially they booked and postponed their initial consultation with me multiple times. I knew they were both very nervous.

In a recent session I asked them what advice would they give to others who were also unsure what to do. They both decided to share their thoughts with you.

Barry writes:

We were 20 years together and hit a major breakdown in our relationship, at our wits end, divorce was the final option.  We decided to try and find help, but hours of searching on the internet for “counsellors” yielded zero results…then we found Stephen. [Read more...]

You have to be a team…

Couples that want their relationship to last have to become a team. This is important because if you’re not a team you can’t plan your relationship experience to be the way you both need it to be to stay happy. If you can’t plan your relationship then you’re in danger of not sharing the same journey and goals and this can cause real problems.

If you’re not sharing the same vision of how to experience the journey towards an agreed future please expect a significant challenge, as you read on you’ll discover why…

I have yet to meet a couple who really have a plan. I have met couples that think they have a plan and when pushed they crumble within minutes.

When a couple doesn’t plan their relationship what happens is they end up living with what feels like separate lives. [Read more...]

Partner wants to leave the marriage and you desperately want to save it…

If you find yourself in this situation there are some things you must not do if you want to keep them.

You see the natural reaction is going to be to tell them it’s a terrible mistake, prove to them all the great things in the relationship and put pressure on them to see it your way whilst explaining the pain and destruction they will cause the children.

This is all understandable, but when you see the world from their perspective you might want to think again.

So lets jump into their shoes, they have probably been feeling awful for along time so they are going to feel emotionally empty. They will have deleted all the good in the relationship because keeping focused on the bad is what will keeps them emotionally safe and what they really want is to feel free of the pressure and pain the relationship is giving them. [Read more...]

7 Steps to building a secure passionate and everlasting love

Relationship don’t just happen they are created so below are 7 very important steps to consider when choosing to live together. Giving years of the only life you have to another person is a very important consideration, so making sure you’re planning for success would be a really good idea.

1. Plan your journey.

If you don’t know where your going together or what you are trying to achieve both as a couple or as individuals then how can fulfillment happen? Most couples stop planning their future at children. Children and life now becomes the focus and the relationship gets lost.

What’s worse is if the individuals have no plan for themselves and no joint direction. [Read more...]

Couple learn the truth about their relationship so they can decide if staying together or leaving is the right decision for them

I have just finished another Marriage Profiling Program with a couple.

The journey was intense, but fascinating as the couple started to learn about why they had been struggling for so many years and the impact that struggle had created on each other and their marriage.

Divorce had seemed like their only solution, but when the couple started to understand how their assumptions about each others past behaviours had created destructive versions of themselves, they started to question the stories they had created that meant divorce was their only solution. [Read more...]

A small shift of focus created a different world for her.

Knowing how to repair a relationship when it goes wrong is critical for any couples survival and is the responsibility of both people in the relationship. To do this you have to understand your partner, how they think, how they translate information and what’s important to them.

This lady needed all this information and more to be able to get through to her partner. She needed to be able to connect with him, but didn’t know how.

At the point of writing to me she had only spoken to me once over the phone she was pregnant and very fearful.

These are her words

I contacted Stephen after we had been seeing a counsellor for almost a year and she left the company which meant our weekly sessions stopped. Within two weeks of her leaving my partner and I had separated (I.E. He moved out). [Read more...]

Are you and your partner team?

When two people decide to give the best years of their life to each other it’s a wonderful commitment.

They have chosen to go on a journey through life with each other, they have chosen to become a team, some couples choose to become leaders of a bigger team as children become part of their plan.

So to build a successful team we need clear goals and we need to know the strengths and weaknesses of the team members so the journey to the chosen goals becomes easier.

Any business leader knows this is critical if they are to gain the outcomes they are after. [Read more...]

What’s my role in my life and am I living my true identity?

I tell this story in my sessions to help couples question themselves and what they are thinking and doing in connection with their partners and their children. This is about our identity, how we see ourselves and how this leads us in our most important roles in life.

One day in Harley Street I was waiting for a lift to take me to the third floor. A man carrying a very heavy bag walked towards me.

He struggled with his bag and put it down, slightly out of breath he stood next to me. [Read more...]

Appreciate me for who I am

If you’re in a relationship and you feel that you can’t be you, you won’t feel happy and over time you could start to feel that life doesn’t feel right for you.

Are you the person who has to tread on eggshells, who has to hold on to how they really feel, or who picks and complains, but hates themselves for it?

If you find that you have changed to cope with your relationship then maybe now’s the time to reflect on what you want your life/relationship to be like. [Read more...]

Marriage Tip Five: Understand Why You Are Together?

Will a couple survive if they don’t share a reason to be together? Couples who plan their journey though life and work as a team towards those goals are far more likely to want to stay together because they have a real purpose.

Creating that purpose helps to build a strong lasting intimate connection.

Most couples vision starts with attracting each other, moving in, getting engaged, getting married and having children. The couple excited about life can race through these goals within a few years. [Read more...]

Selection of Testimonials

To help others feel inspired to get results some of my clients have been kind enough to provide detailed information on their experience of what it’s like to work with me.

I hope their stories will inspire you to know massive changes are possible…

To your success

Stephen Hedger


  • My wife told me that she loved me but wasn’t in love with me
  • Break-up: Coaching – I lived with a narcissist for 14 years
  • Relationship Coaching – Husband had moved out
  • Coaching after an affair – Struggles to accept affair
  • Dating Coaching – Years of being alone ended in happiness
  • Relationship coaching – Igniting passion
  • Reuniting families
  • Crisis Coaching – Couple on brink of divorce
  • Pre-Marital Coaching
  • Life coaching – journey of self-discovery
  • Coaching for Chronic Fatigue (ME) & Marriage problems
  • Coaching to overcome fears
  • Infidelity puts marriage in crisis
  • Please save our marriage
  • Coaching through Emotional trauma
  • More…