Marriage Tip Five: Understand Why You Are Together?

Will a couple survive if they don’t share a reason to be together? Couples who plan their journey though life and work as a team towards those goals are far more likely to want to stay together because they have a real purpose.

Creating that purpose helps to build a strong lasting intimate connection.

Most couples vision starts with attracting each other, moving in, getting engaged, getting married and having children. The couple excited about life can race through these goals within a few years. [Read more...]

Selection of Testimonials

To help others feel inspired to get results some of my clients have been kind enough to provide detailed information on their experience of what it’s like to work with me.

I hope their stories will inspire you to know massive changes are possible…

To your success

Stephen Hedger

  • My wife told me that she loved me but wasn’t in love with me
  • Break-up: Coaching – I lived with a narcissist for 14 years
  • Relationship Coaching – Husband had moved out
  • Coaching after an affair – Struggles to accept affair
  • Dating Coaching – Years of being alone ended in happiness
  • Relationship coaching – Igniting passion
  • Reuniting families
  • Crisis Coaching – Couple on brink of divorce
  • Pre-Marital Coaching
  • Life coaching – journey of self-discovery
  • Coaching for Chronic Fatigue (ME) & Marriage problems
  • Coaching to overcome fears
  • Infidelity puts marriage in crisis
  • Please save our marriage
  • Coaching through Emotional trauma
  • More…
  • Cloe Hedger Being the Wife of a Relationship Coach – Simon Cowell & Lifes Journey

    Cloe Hedger formally Allison Jordan speaks about her relationship with Simon Cowell. What lead her to being a pop star and her life today with relationship coach Stephen Hedger…

    If you have ever had a relationship coaching session with Stephen Hedger, then no doubt you have heard of me in one of his stories. He does tell me that he uses me and our relationship in his sessions and that people are curious about what it’s is like to be the wife of a relationship coach.

    So I thought I would introduce myself, tell you a little about my background and a little about being the wife of a relationship coach.

    I am pleased to make your acquaintance, my name is Cloe, but I was once called Allison…

    There is so much to tell you, there is so much in my past that had a major effect on how I [Read more...]

    Are You And Your Partner A Team?

    Do you think knowing where you are going as a couple and why is critical to you and your partner?

    • What is the purpose of your relationship?
    • Why are you together?
    • Does your relationship have a direction?

    When two people choose to spend their lives together do they share their vision, their expectations their dreams. Do they help each other to plan an adventure or do they simply agree to exist?

    Unless you have a shared plan you won’t have a direction if you don’t have a direction you can’t become a team. If you’re not a team what are you?

    Team members agree on their direction and they work together using their unique strengths achieve their goals and enjoy a journey of all they desire.

    Many people don’t plan past children and then life takes over…

    You are amazing!

    My belief is within every person there is an amazing person screaming to get out and you are no exception. You have the ability to have and create the life you really want.

    If there are people out there that have what you want, all that’s happened is they have used their time differently to you. Successful people generally use their 24 hours very differently to those that are not.

    • Just so we are clear success = chosen goals + fulfilment.

    Many people go for fame and money and then commit suicide, that’s because they were not fulfilled in their lives. Money doesn’t make people happy believe me. I meet unhappy yet very wealthy people every day. [Read more...]

    The Foundations For A Successful Relationship

    Fulfilling relationships are born from the knowledge of what has to happen for you to create your journey of success together. If that knowledge then forms your focus and your actions it will then become a part of who you are.

    Your relationship then has a chance of growth through contribution of what really works.

    The two individuals in the relationship are the foundations that support the relationship and so if the foundations are weak then the relationship either will suffer or cannot survive. [Read more...]

    It’s time to invest in you…

    As we grow from children into adults we are conditioned that if we work hard get a good education we’ll have the opportunity to create the lives we want.

    So we put 1000’s of hours into developing our professional skills in our quest to get the lives we want.

    So my question is this if education is so critical, why do we expect our relationships to happen naturally with no education?

    How is it even possible for two people to meet have no relationship building skills and expect their relationship to last? [Read more...]

    Wishing You A Wonderful Christmas

    To those of you I have had the privilege to meet and to those I have yet to meet I want to wish you and your families a wonderful Christmas and a New Year that’s full of all you desire!

    As this year comes to a close and we all reflect on what’s happened, I wonder where your mind takes you. I wonder if this year 2011 has been your year, or maybe you plan for 2012 to be your new start.

    Whatever journey you are on, setting yourself up to win will be my focus for all my readers in 2012.

    So what do you want to change when you enter 2012?

    What has to change in 2012 for you?

    Let’s plan to make 2012 the best year yet…

    So as you start to wind down easy in the knowledge that the plan for the New Year is to Plan For Success, safe in this knowledge, you can now turn your mind to a time to rest, to recharge, to love those you love and to give to those you care for.

    For now the plan can wait…

    My very best wishes to you all

    Stephen Hedger

    Why is it this way?

    I remember listening to Jim Rohn one of the mentors I have used on my journey to discover the world and how it really works.

    He was a very successful business man who had been lucky enough to have a mentor who knew how to make millions. He taught Mr Rohn his secrets for success and Mr Rohn went from broke to $millions in just 6 years. The public obviously wanted to know the secrets, what information did he receive? How did he make so much money so fast.

    So over the years he ran seminars all over the world. People in their thousands came to listen to his stories. Jim knew one thing that always amazing him. Even though the people in the audience knew that he had the secrets to wealth which could transform their lives very few actually took his advice.

    He recommended to those audience the books that people should read that he was advised to read. He estimated that only a small percentage would actually go out and buy those books.

    He was right only a few did… much to his amazement.

    So why is it this way?

    Why do people follow experts and then decide not to follow the path they are shown.

    The reason I ask this today is I see this with the readers of my blog and those that come to sessions. A few months back a couple came to one of my sessions and they quickly learnt what had gone wrong and why.

    They discovered how to fix the problem is the first session and for the first week they had an amazing time together. They came for a second session excited at what they had learnt before and were ready for the next stage.

    Three days after the second session they called me, both of them distressed it had all gone wrong and both were talking about divorce again.

    When I asked what had happened we discovered that they had both stopped doing what was working in the first week and had gone back to their old ways.

    You see, even when they saw the proof for themselves, it’s like they became blind.

    If you have been following this blog for a while and you still have problems ask yourself why? Are you going to take action, are you going to discover your truth, if so when?

    Remember doing nothing is a choice too.

    “…he changed my life for the better”

    As a bride-to-be and as a woman in search of a fulfilling life, I couldn’t have been happier with Stephen.  Stephen was my premarital counsellor and life coach.  And he changed my life for the better.

    My fiance and I met with Stephen several times as we prepared for our wedding. He worked incredibly efficiently within our budget and time zone constraints and had an almost eery ability to hone directly and immediately on the most central challenges, many times even when they weren’t what we’d expected, beginning within the first hour of our first session.

    The learning curve was very steep, making each session worthwhile and packed with realizations.  My fiance and I would spend the week following our sessions in deep discussion about what we were learning, and it seemed that each time we would see the other — and ourselves – with new and needed clarity.

    After a remarkable journey, I learned first-hand just how critical and interrelated relationship and individual well being are.  Even though our engagement did not end in marriage, I was prepared to make the decision to separate and move forward positively with my life, thanks to the skills Stephen taught me.  I feel more vivacious, healthy, centered, purposeful, and internally calm than I have ever felt before.

    Steering one’s way through any relationship can be a bewildering challenge, especially as the wedding date approaches and the decision becomes real.  Anyone looking to improve themselves and their relationships will find a brilliant navigator in Stephen Hedger.

    Thank you Stephen - Aimee. USA.

    I Got The Call We All Dread

    There is never a greater wake up call for life than knowing that today could be our last. As my own father sits in hospital having suffered a heart attack just 2 days ago, it is so easy to see how we always expect there to be a tomorrow.

    As I drove to the hospital not knowing what that night would bring, one thing struck me hard. I was forced to imagine what life would be like without him.

    It is these moments that present a shock reminder of the true value of life. It is so easy to take for granted the lives of ourselves and those we love.

    One day is going to be the last day for all of us, this is a fact we all face.

    As I reflect on the past 72 hours of uncertainty, there is one thing I am sure of. That is to make sure that I do not waste a single moment.

    I will be the absolute best I can be in every area of my own life, for those I love and for those whom I have the privilege to meet, or work with on my own journey through life.

    So today is the day I bring my father home and I feel immense gratitude to the surgeon who rushed from his home to save my fathers life. To the amazing NHS staff from the porters to the nurses to the doctors who all were the best they could be for us.

    There is so much to learn from the events that life brings us.

    The biggest message for myself is to value every single moment, understand what’s really important and to never stop giving.

    As this will be my last post until the new year, may I take this opportunity to wish you a happy Christmas Day and to a New Year that brings you all you wish for.

    Warm Wishes from…

    A very thankful Stephen Hedger

    Is Your Sub Conscious Mind Sabotaging Your Life?

    Have you ever considered the possibility that the world in which you live in has programmed you to behave the way you do today.

    For those of you that are sceptical, ask yourself why the government has banned advertisers wanting to use subliminal advertising. The reason is it works at deep level with our minds and can change our behaviours without us knowing.

    If this is possible, what have we been programmed to do and think without knowing, the simple answer is probably far more than we would like.

    When you think about it you are programmed to do lots of things without thinking, or understanding why you do what you do. Some things don’t matter such as, how you always brush your teeth, or which shoe you always put on first.

    BUT there are other things, important things you will have set up just like those without knowing that will be affecting your perception and behaviour in the world you live in.

    How much of our own thoughts do we actually own, and how much has been given to us by our journey through life.

    Put another way, what has your mind been fed? If you do not have the life you are after then you must have been fed the wrong programme to get what you don‘t want.

    What’s important to learn here is, it is us that creates our life and our futures. This puts us back in control so we can start to learn what programme(s) do we need to load or feed our minds to get what we desire most.

    The starting point is to not always believe your own thoughts and hype. Look at how you behave and the actions you take. This is far more telling than what you say.

    A persons belief system is not fact, yet people act as if their beliefs are facts. It is this illusion that helps individuals stay stuck in lives they don’t want or create havoc in relationships they do want.

    Everyone has to be open to the possibility that what they understand of their world is just one perspective and this could have all the design features to destroy the very thing they want to have or keep.

    If life is not the way it should be for you then maybe now is the time to understand what is going wrong and how to change it.

    If your behaviours are hurting you, you are running the wrong programme or pattern. Or put another way you are consistently behaving in a way that gives you the reverse of what you want.

    Is this happening to you?

    Call Stephen Hedger today!

    Why Are People In Relationships Totally Lost?

    If you were in Madrid, but you thought you were in London how long would it take you to get to New York?

    • The answer is a very long time, even with a map, in fact the map would just add more confusion.

    A relationship is also a journey

    Relationships have the same problem because people in relationships do not know how to communicate where they are emotionally, because their emotional states can change so frequently. People can also get stuck in emotional states due to prolonged and challenging life conditions.

    BUT to make things worse people in relationship also don’t make relationship goals or plans and so now we have two people in different places emotionally with no direction.

    • If you think about a relationship in this way, the possibility for chaos is really high. So the individuals feel frustration, more fears, anger, resentment, because they are not getting to a place they have not defined to themselves let alone their partner, but in this place they will make their relationship wrong!

    Get clear on where you really are

    This is why my first job with any couple or individual is to understand where they are today and where they really want to be and why.

    Once we have a clear focus on todays reality plus a clear direction and how to know when the individual or couple have arrived at their destination, then a clear plan can be put in place to help them.

    Lost couples examples

    • If a couple were dating and they did not understand how they both work and how to communicate their needs and where they want their life to go and the sort of person they want to be. The chances of them becoming unhappy when it does not happen are high.
    • If a couple has an amazing relationship today they won’t go in search of how to keep it that way until it’s too late. The are blind to the journey they are on and getting lost is highly probable and so knowing where you both are every day combined with where you want to go is critical.
    • A couple in crisis not knowing where they are will assume they are in their true selves and so will communicate this to their partner who also believes the fearful version is their true self. Of course this map of truth is only true in that moment and is not reflective of the non-fear version of that individual. If all the different versions is only defined as one person then a very distorted perception can be created of their partner.

    Again more lost people.

    Admitting you are lost is never a great place to be and so we never like to face that truth, but when you become honest that you are lost, this create the question “where am I really, where do I want to be and how do I get there?”

    From here different questions get asked and an openness to explore other perspectives and possibilities in yourself and your relationships free people from their own prison of fear and hopelessness.

    • Fearful versions of you can only limit you and so growth becomes impossible.

    From a place of honesty you can take control of you, your life and your relationship and being lost is now only temporary as confusion in situations build maps of more understanding to guide you through the journey of life.

    Life Doesn’t Have To Be This Way!

    Whatever is affecting your life today, from economic challenges, to relationship problems, from feelings of self-doubt to depression.

    If your life is not the way it should be for you then why not? What is wrong for you, what has to change for you to be happy?

    A lot of people get stuck in despair, or learnt helplessness that their lives are impossible to change and how it is today is how it will always be, or if they image the next ten years being like the last ten they hold their head in their hands in despair.

    What the “Experts” say!

    Many experts will tell us that change takes along time, what they neglect to tell you is that it’s the deciding to change is what takes the time, the changes itself can happen in a moment.

    • Maybe this is where you are, are you still deciding to change?

    Do you fear change?

    Maybe you know you need to make some changes in your life, but you have no idea where to start, or even if it’s possible.

    Maybe you are fearful to move towards any changes in your life because what if it doesn’t work, or maybe you are fearful that it will work?

    When are you going to hold yourself to a higher standard?

    Whatever is stopping from getting the life you want can be changed, but you have to want it enough. You have to want to live your life to a higher standard, you have to want to have the best of life for you, you have to want a life full of passion and adventure.

    When are you going to hold yourself to that higher standard? When are you going to say “ENOUGH! I have to commit myself today to the only life I have…RIGHT NOW!

    Do not fear how you are going to get this new life or new you, just know that you want it with all your heart and trust your mind to know where to go to get the help or the information to help you.

    You are on a journey called life, and so you are in charge! So what do you want your journey to be like and where do you want to go, and most importantly how will you know when you get there?

    • The biggest regret you will have is not being brave enough!

    The Perfect Partner

    Have you always dreamed of being with the perfect partner?

    The person that is 1000% committed to you only. A person who is committed to serving you everyday to ensure that all your needs are met, and that you are on a journey to be the person you have always wanted to be and they support you on that journey through your life together.

    A partner that works with you every day to grow your relationship to be one where unconditional love exists. Where you receive so much that is critical for you to feel happy, that you never have to take and you are accepted just the way you are.

    A person who helps you to feel secure that no matter what happens you will always be together, united against the whole world if you need to be.

    • A person who never makes you wrong, and is never your judge.
    • A person who makes you feel like the most important person in the world all the time in all situations.
    • A person who shows you unconditional love regardless of what you do to them.

    A person who is committed to give your relationship a purpose and grow your relationship to be one filled with all you desire from emotional to physical needs.

    Someone who makes your life fun, and provides you with a life full of the adventure, passion and excitement.

    Your perfect partner is one that gives and gives, and never asks for anything in return and they do this because they love you beyond words.

    Does this sound like someone you would like to be with?

    If when you read this it sounds like the relationship you want to have, then I will show you how to get it no matter if you are married or dating… here goes…

    • The answer is simple, be this person yourself first.

    You have to be the perfect partner before you will ever attract a person that is capable of being this for you. If you are in a committed relationship already you have to show your current partner how to give you what you want through example, do this and they will follow your lead without even realising.

    Be the example that equals perfection to you.

    In other words if you desire a higher standard of relationship from your partner, be sure that you meet that standard yourself first.

    Until you do this your relationship will always be less than what you really want.


    How To Take Control Of You

    If you want to get control over your life and relationship then this is critical to understand because what you are about to discover will change your future.

    Imagine a fast-moving car, and now remove a control such as the steering wheel and watch how the car reacts to the road changing direction with pot-holes, going faster downhill, slower up hill, bashing itself as tries to go around unexpected obstacles, and after a while eventually crashes.

    When you consider how irresponsible that situation is because of the danger to others, I want you to now imagine that the people around you, are that out of control car with no way to steer and they are crashing, hurting themselves and others. I know that you have seen or experienced this as people looking for happiness have come in and out of your life and left their mark on you or those you care about.

    So if you are not in control of you, what is?

    If you are given no way to understand how you work and why, then the world or others will decide your future and who knows what might happen, no one wants to be out of control, but the problem is most people are and they don’t know it.

    Moment to moment we are reacting to the world and what’s in it. Every second the world around us changes and our states tend to change with those events.

    Our “state” or “how we feel” is our reaction to that world and others, so you might at any given moment experience anger, depression, happiness, anxiousness, relaxed etc.

    These feelings are what we call our “states“.

    Our state at any given moment is the sum of all our past experiences, our values for living, the rules that govern those values and our beliefs, combined with our physical / chemical health.

    So have you noticed that the same situation can create totally different reactions in either yourself or others on different days?

    For example you may spill something one day and just clean it up with out a thought, but if you are feeling ill or stressed that same situation will just send you into anger as you feel in that moment the world is against you.

    IMPORTANT: What’s important to know is our state is the start of us giving any situation a meaning and our meanings are the start of our decisions and our decisions are what craft our destiny or futures.

    So if someone is out of control of how they feel just like the car they live everyday in total reaction to the world. These people will be out of control, but think they are normal and so they create a future that will hurt them, some might end up turning to substances to change their states some may seek help.

    • For example this is why people love drinking so much, in an instant they feel happy and their fears disappear, they will use drink because they don’t yet know how to create the same states themselves without it.

    Who is likely to live this way? Most of the population are living this way.

    Most people don’t understand even what a value really is, but they have set-up values without knowing.

    They also don’t know they have designed rules for those values, they don’t know that they have negative values, again set up without knowing and these are stopping the positive one being met. They don’t understand yet that the order of how they meet their values will change their world dramatically.

    And any of you that are in coaching with me will be nodding knowingly that this is just the start.

    No sane person I know would agree to step into a car not knowing how the controls work and then expect a 80+ year journey to be crash free.

    To make matters worse most people get into this car and don’t know where they want to go either.

    Now they are lost and out of control, and this creates states of fear that comes out in may destructive ways some small and hidden and some out there for all to see.

    You are on your journey right now, how do you want the rest of it to be?

    What my clients say

    The biggest reward for me is seeing people following a defined path to success and achieving more than they ever thought possible. This is a mixture of individuals and couples who came to me with some serious problems

    I have been working with Stephen on and off for 3 years. As a result of a horrific narcissistic relationship there have been so many issues to work on. It was almost like starting my life again as I didn’t really know who I was, what I wanted, what I liked or disliked. Stephen has helped me rebuild my life, my new interests, I have given up smoking lost weight, started a new business and found a man who wants me to be who I want to be.

    I have found freedom, peace and happiness within myself this has been a massive journey and I am now practising every day to be who I really want to be.

    Amy London

    Stephen has been a very patient and supportive coach, guiding me through some difficult ‘blocks’ and restoring my self esteem and confidence. Through his sessions I have learnt how to nurture my internal power and use it positively to develop my self awareness and strengh.

    Jane Oxford

    [Read more...]