Are the MEANINGS YOU are putting to your partners behaviours killing your relationship?

I see so many coupes in conflict over one thing, there is a continuous giant misunderstanding of each other and they are both guilty of not seeing it.

What’s very sad is this misunderstanding is widespread and is crippling couples and destroying families everywhere as they wrongly assume their relationship can’t work.

Growing up I can’t ever remember being given any information around the staggering differences between men and women and this was setting me up for failure and a lot of pain. [Read more...]

How to fix a broken marriage no matter what’s happened?

After developing a marriage breakthrough program for couples in crisis and applying it to the man on the street, major celebrities, to business leaders and entrepreneurs and successfully bringing these couples back from the brink of divorce time-after-time.

Here are a few of the key principals I have learnt on this amazing journey with couples right on the edge of divorce.

1. The most important focus for any couple.

I have learnt that this decision is critical not just in maintaining a successful marriage, but an essential part of the relationship building process.

Put your partner first..! If your partner feels [Read more...]

Too many people regret divorcing once the dust has settled

What do you do when a spouse is convinced the marriage is over? Unfortunately for many couples they are unaware of how much havoc their minds can play with their thoughts as they struggle to make sense of their marital crisis. 

So I thought it worthwhile to expand this topic to help you either avoid this, or take action if divorce is on your mind.

I see a good volume of couples that have split up prior to seeing me and months / years later come to my session needing help to understand what happened and how can they ensure it doesn’t happen again.

When we experience relationship problems of course our feelings are real, but the meanings we put to them are not going to be as factual as we might think. A study was conducted and it revealed that at least 50% of people that chose to divorce [Read more...]

Passionless Marriage: “Sex life dying – want to know why?”

One of the most common problems couples face is loss of passion. If you are in a passionless marriage then I’m going to share the most common causes and what to do about it.

When I see couples in this place I know I have to help them generate a new dynamic that reconnects them. They need to understand two things, what’s really been killing the passion and they need to learn the tools that will keep their passion alive in the future.

So lets look at a common end result.

If the wife becomes the man in her relationship it’s a sure-fire way to make her struggle to see the point in him. If the husband feels that no matter what he does she’s never happy with him, with no solution available to him, he can give up.

These types of situations results in one or both people feeling emotionally unsafe in the relationship. [Read more...]

Helping men understand their wives

A significant problem that is presented to me over and over again is the very obvious disconnect between men and women and their interpretation of each others behaviours in their marriage.

It’s like men and women speak a totally different language in an intimate relationship. I see couple after couple present the wrong interpretations of what’s really been going in their marriage to me in their session.

This incorrect interpretation will trigger a series of mechanisms designed to detach that person from their partner. When practiced over time that person can become detached or numb for the wrong reasons.

Past problems such as childhood trauma can accelerate this detachment process. [Read more...]

We just can’t seem to communicate

One of the biggest obstacles to a successful marriage I see over and over again is the inability to communicate effectively. Communication problems are significant blocks for lasting passion and intimacy, so this one is a must to learn.

Without a doubt men and women confuse each other constantly and this causes so much suffering. As you scan through this post I wonder what you will start to experience as you think about your relationship?

There is a very famous story in my world I want to share with you first, but I can’t remember where I heard it.

“A man is driving on a motorway with his wife in the passenger seat. She sees a sign that says motorway services 1 mile. She turns to her husband and says….

“… are you hungry darling?”

He responds with a direct “NO!” and then without a word he drives past the services. [Read more...]

She was convinced her marriage was over and so she left her husband

When couples share their stories of working with other professionals with me I am always struggling to hear through their approach, where is the critical breakthrough that will enable that couple to experience a new truth in their marriage?

This particular couple came because they were getting nowhere and needed a fresh and constructive approach.

It’s key to enable a shift in a couple the couple breakthrough their own fears, their limiting beliefs, their old patterns of how marriages should work so they can start to feel free to be themselves in their own marriage.

When a couple is challenged on all aspects of their marriage from a perspective of genuine care for a safe outcome, that couple will find through key strategic shifts new ways to see their marriage totally differently. [Read more...]

When the survival brain takes over a relationship

What any couple will notice when their relationship breaks down is their energy is usually focused on themselves and what they are not getting. 

This of course is the total reverse of what they were doing when they first met.

A person in a relationship that’s not working can automatically gravitate to a negative focus.

The challenge with this person is they are so consumed by what’s wrong, they are unaware they are deleting everything that’s good.

The good is still there it’s just the person is no longer seeing it, or wanting to connect to it.

This phenomena is designed by nature and it’s one of our survival mechanisms. I’ll explain… [Read more...]

Performance Coaching for Couples

Many couples are attracted to Performance Coaching strategies to rebuild their marriage because they are interested in learning a forward thinking strategy and tools that enables them to see how they can get themselves out of a horribly painful situation and into a connected and happier passionate relationship.

At the end of this post is two examples of couples that were horribly stuck, one lady wouldn’t have sex with her husband and the other couple with divorce on the cards due to significant emotional disconnection and an addiction to looking at other females in front of his wife.

Couples are asking for easy steps that will help them get out of their own personal hell, they don’t want to rake over their past, discuss what happened in their childhood or spend week after week focused on their problem they know will make them feel bad.

They want to see a path, they want to feel hopeful, they want to know what to do and they want to know if they put all this effort in will it work? [Read more...]

Unhappy marriage: Communication problems? Going round in circles? Then this is for you…

Todays communication is really important to understand because the message you’ll receive is a significant bridge that helps couples maintain attraction which is critical.

Have you ever spoken to your partner and felt they understood what you said only to watch them behave in ways that prove they didn’t?

Do you feel like you are banging your head against a brick wall as you struggle to be heard or understood?

Are you starting to feel that communication is impossible with your partner and there is no point in speaking.

Circular conflicts are very common in relationships because couples are not aware of what their partner is hearing or feeling, when they are speaking.

Many people helping couples in these types of situations teach something called “active listening” which means the person is 100% present with what the other person is saying. They are not distracted by what they want to say next, or by something else.

Active listening is very valuable, but…

…what if what’s being said is not the real problem?

This is a very common problem. [Read more...]

10 Rules for Rebuilding a Broken Marriage

I have spent many many years working only with couples who are in crisis and on the edge of divorce.

What I’ve learnt during this time is what works and what doesn’t that will enable a couple to learn if it’s actually possible to rebuild their marriage no matter what’s happened.

If you are struggling then this list below is the list I wish I knew when I was starting out with my own relationships in my 20’s. With this knowledge I could have save my self a lot of time and discomfort.

Before you read these rules at the end of this post I have an FREE offer for you.

So here are the 10 rules [Read more...]

“Keys to a successful marriage”

Relationships are a struggle for so many people. I expect what’s lead you to reading this is you too could be struggling to make sense of the challenges you face today. Relationships used to be a struggle for me too. In fact, I spent many years suffering because what I knew back then was not nearly enough to help me succeed. Sadly it took me years to understand this.

So In todays post I’m going to share some of what I learnt and how I apply it in my marriage to Cloe.

At the age of 22 I became really interested in how relationships work and why they don’t. The reason I began this quest was simple, I loved being in a relationship, but I quickly realised the women I was dating were negative, moody, inconsistent and unreasonable. I concluded back then they were all crazy…

I was clearly stupid… but It took me a few years to work this out. [Read more...]

“If you don’t understand me how can you be of value to me?”

A common thread with couples is their inability to really understand each other. Not feeling understood helps a person experience a growing emotional pain. If a person experiences enough pain they will attach that pain to their partner and the relationship. This stacking of pain and resentments is what’s really dangerous for marriages and can head them towards divorce. 

So one of my fundamental missions is to help couples translate what the other is really saying or doing, so we can stop or reverse an unnecessary crisis.

Both men and women are generally confused by each other and this can be a source of significant emotional pain. [Read more...]

Toxic marriage had crippled him and ignited his deepest fears

This gentleman was clearly in the wrong relationship with a wife with a very troubled past. He had suffered for years with her, not wanting to leave her, but knowing something was very wrong.

He came to me totally lost and uncertain about his future because she had asked for a divorce and his world was collapsing around him.

He was depressed, anxious and stressed.

So why had he stayed in a marriage that was so wrong and why was he not relieved it was all over? [Read more...]

They had lost love, connection and themselves and an affair was on the cards

On paper this couple had it all, but they had lost what so many lose and that’s their relationship. They ended up two people that just happen to live in the same house doing their own thing.

They had slipped into a unhealthy pattern that neither knew how to break.

They had lost how to connect with who they really were and what was important to them. They had lost how to show up the relationship and be valuable to each other. They had lost how to attract each other and how to be attractive in the marriage.

Essentially they became a mum and a dad together they had lost how to be best friends and lovers.

With energy very low in both people and not holding out much hope they knew had to take action and get help.

[Read more...]

Same sex marriage hits crisis point and start consulting divorce lawyers

I had got to the point where I was consulting divorce lawyers and I really could see no solution in saving my marriage and I was in a real mess. 

I did a lot of research and finally found Stephen.

His testimonials looked great and I honestly felt I had no alternative. If I was going to give this one shot, I wanted Stephen to help me.

My husband was extremely reluctant and is not a massive talker and I knew I had a challenge getting him there. [Read more...]

Why does a woman that loves her husband have multiple affairs?

This gentleman had just found out his wife was guilty of another infidelity and was now at the end of the road. He had tried to forgive her before, but this time in terrible pain he couldn’t see a way forward and was now planning his divorce.

His wife came to me looking for a marriage in crisis expert to help her understand why she had these affairs and how she could save what seemed like a doomed marriage.

Below this couple have been kind enough to independently share their story with you.  [Read more...]

3 Steps to an Amazing Relationship

I don’t know about you, but l like to make my life easy. I like simple steps that add massive value to my life. Easy things I can do almost without thinking about them.

Look at how I think about my day: In theory I have millions of things to focus on, but I choose to focus on just 3. My health, my marriage to the beautiful Cloe, and my Clients. As long as I add value to those three things every day life is growing in a meaningful way and it’s easy.

So in todays post I’m going to breakdown three critical areas of focus that most couples don’t do, but should. Without these three areas being looked after the relationship either will suffer, or the relationship will become vulnerable. [Read more...]

Learn the Win-Win Patterns of behaviour that create secure passionate relationships

If you have been following past posts you will know how hard it is to deal with the many hidden challenges in a couples relationship. Today I’m going to uncover another hidden problem that’s so important to learn.

Todays post is designed to help you focus your thought’s into your habitual patterns. Many couples have created destructive patterns without thought. These patterns are hurting the relationship, but the couple keep repeating them. So if you find yourself in circular patterns that keep making one or both of you unhappy then the pattern must change.

IMPORTANT: The way a pattern must change is to dissolve resentment and build more connection and more love and passion. This is where people are going wrong. I see couples do make changes, but their changes cause more problems.

So the new design of the pattern and the goal we want to achieve is critical to put the couple on the right track.

Lets start here: All couples have created patterns of behaviour without knowing.

This has two effects, either their learnt patterns have lead them to a loving, connected passionate life together, or their learnt patterns have lead them to feel disconnected from each other. [Read more...]

Marriage in trouble? Need a rescue action plan?

Unless a couple understands how to create a meaningful connection for both people it’s not long before all couples will start to experience problems. 

As you go through this post you will read about a couple who was at the end and they needed a swift rescue plan as they were starting to talk about divorce.

No matter how good their relationship, all couples will break it. All couples have a problem and this is NOT knowing how to repair it successfully.

How many times do couples find themselves arguing today about problems from years ago? This is an indicator of old problems not being solved and today they are just another stacked resentment. [Read more...]