Relationship Mastery: What’s the real fight?

What happens when a person has learnt (without knowing) a way to protect themselves from feeling emotionally hurt, but what they have learnt will never lead them to happiness?

In intimate relationships this desire to protect oneself is heighten. In intimate relationships we feel more at risk of being hurt than almost any other area of life.

In their quest to protect themselves I see many people running old outdated patterns of behaviour that was designed for a different life condition and a different time.

I see many people adopting new models of behaviour they think will protect them, but will only limit their life and make it smaller. [Read more...]

#701: Marriages are failing because of a lack of action

Couples are not seeing the danger they are in until the danger is upon them. Lack of action causes the many problems that ultimately lead a couple to divorce.

Couples who are looking to stop their problems must now take the action(s) that are going to heal the specific situation they are in. They must then take the action(s) that ensures the relationship will last.

What the couples were not aware of is they should have been taking specific actions from the first day they met.

The problem: People feel good when they first meet and they don’t question why, or how their feeling(s) were created. [Read more...]

#700: Want to save your marriage? Then you must learn how to become attractive to your partner…

One of the key ingredients to a successful marriage is to keep the attraction/passion alive. What I see most couples doing is they practice acting in very unattractive ways that actually repel their partner.

Men and women are choosing to live together without learning about how different they really are. They make assumptions about their partner that creates resentments that become a powerfully negative force.

So when problems strike they don’t know how to translate their partners actions so they automatically assume the worst.

When this happens this is the start of big trouble for any couple.

So one of my missions for my clients is to help them learn the steps they need to keep that attraction alive for life.

At the end of todays post you will see how I helped one man see that he was shutting her down in his quest to be safe with her. [Read more...]

#699: All Roads Lead to Rome: Divorce Prevention

If you want to save your marriage, or simply keep it safe from problems then please take a few moments to absorb a fundamental life skill you are going to need.

People who decide that leaving the relationship is a good idea are doing so because they reach what they feel is a dead end. For many this dead end feeling can lead them to take actions they might regret so it’s important to help them if you can.

This is where they can land… [Read more...]

#697: Want to save your marriage? Learn how to become valuable in the eyes of your partner.

One of the life’s’ fundamental secrets to a successful life is fulfilment. Fulfilment is the power that sits behind adding value and growing what’s important in your life.

After working for 15 years with individuals and couples from all walks of life, I can tell you that successful people think differently.

So if you want to be successful in your relationship and you’re currently not. Now might be the time to work out how couples in successful relationships think differently.  [Read more...]

#696: Resentments high and passion low – There is a natural window of opportunity to sort this out?

When a persons marriage is NOT turning out to be the way they hoped it would be, they are going to start stacking resentments towards their partner. This has the ability to have a powerfully destructive affect on this couples marriage without them knowing.

In today post I’m going to talk about a powerfully hidden force that couples don’t discover until it’s too late and an opportunity to discuss their relationship with me for free.

When a person stacks resentment towards their partner they have the ability to help the person start to create negative attachments to their partner and their relationship.

The resentments will move them towards creating an automatic filter that converts most things in the relationship into a negative experience.

Their husband or wife can start to feel that nothing they do works or is ever good enough. [Read more...]

All successful couples have done this to save their marriage and avoid an almost certain divorce!

Every day I spend my time with couples in crisis. I see multiple couples a day, each one with a totally different problem from affairs to loss of love from breaches of trust to circular conflicts and power struggles.

So I’ve end up with a very unique perspective on the world of relationships. What’s important about this perspective is the data I have collected for over a decade on those that are successful and those that aren’t.

The successful couples have all consistently done the same things to save their marriage. Today I’m going to share some of my findings.

Seven Steps to Save Your Marriage From Divorce

These are the seven steps all successful couples are taking to avoid divorce regardless of the problem they have brought to me.

Yes that’s right – regardless of the problem they bring! [Read more...]

“They were at the end..!”

I see so many couples who through no fault of their own have totally misunderstood their relationship, their partner and for some totally misunderstood themselves.

Below are a few recent cases. 

# CASE 1: I thought I knew my wife and relationships. I thought everything was fine, I now know I had no idea what was really going on in my marriage and for her.

This gentleman thought he was going to lose his wife. She really didn’t want to spend time with him and was looking for ways to stay in the marriage, but not spend time with him.

She was unaware she was living in an identity that was not the true her within the relationship. She had become the sole protector of the family and the relationship. [Read more...]

Your mind is powerful – I have never shared this…

Today we are going to talk about the mind and the power it has to change the direction of your life without you knowing.

I see so many people out of control of their life because they have followed their feelings, as a result they have made terrible choices and have landed in really bad places emotionally.

So if you want to truly be in control of your life direction then this this post is for you.

What you are about to learn is a core part of what couples are learning with me, that helps them go from marital crisis into feeling free and safe to love each other again.

Side note: Business men and women are also learning these skill one-on-one with me to create more effective and confident selves in all areas of their life to create a better life balance whilst lowing stress. (I run 6 week courses for business individuals. If your interested please call Kate on 020 3793 2884).

[Read more...]

What I said stunned her…

A client wrote to me a few weeks back with an update to her story. I’m very keen on making sure clients get the tools they need to lead safe happy passionate lives so was delighted to hear how she was getting on.

When she first met me this lady simply wanted a relationship that worked, but because she was stuck without knowing in a ‘protect me’ identity she had spent years in fear attracting men that were attracted to that fearful version of her.

Inevitably this meant her relationships were full of trouble for her. As a result she became very good at being single and very wary of relationships. [Read more...]

Love alone is not enough

One of the major challenges most individuals face in their relationships is understanding how to become truly valuable to their partner so their partner will feel magnetised to love them forever.

I have a huge amount of empathy for anyone in a relationship that’s not working, because I know personally how emotionally painful/confusing it is to be in this place.

I was not born understanding relationships, however I did have one philosophy that gave me a head start and the momentum to be where I am today. I understood that the most valuable part of our existence on this planet was our relationship with someone special. [Read more...]

“Please Just Tell Me The Truth…”

The real answer couples are looking for in their relationship is the truth. Why did you have the affair? Are we really compatible? Why do you keep lying to me? Am I emotionally safe with you? What made you fall out of love with me? If we try to fix our marriage, how can I trust it will last?

The truth is what sets us free in life and in relationships.

Many think that I fix relationships and that’s my job.

My real mission is to help couples/individuals discover the truth in their relationship. I do this by asking the questions that are most likely to lead both me and the couple to a deeper understanding of their relationship and why they are sat in front of me. [Read more...]

Personal development for couples in crisis

What you’re about to learn today is one of the big reasons couples in real crisis are turning their relationships around with me.

These couples have stopped their almost certain divorce through learning what you are about to read…

These couples are learning that if they want more out of their relationship then they must become ‘more’ before they make a final decision to leave the marriage. Couples who experience problems have usually become ‘less’ of who they really are in the marriage. These people are totally unaware that become less of who they really are actually creates significant personal pain for themselves.

So this means many individuals feel pain in their marriage, but they are attaching their pain to the wrong thing.   [Read more...]

10 relationship illusions that can lead a couple to divorce

Principles, philosophies, ways of thinking. Whichever way you cut it just like life, relationships have simple laws that if broken will cause problems. 

The challenge we all face growing up is, we are given the idea that ‘the wrong principles are the route to a safe and happy life.

So below are a few common illusions that have the ability to create significant emotion challenges in those that practice them.

1. I have no control over what I feel

2. Loss of love is permanent 

3. Loss of love is something that just happens to us [Read more...]

Couples are creating destructive dynamics under the illusion they are safer that way

If you want a relationship for life then what you are about to read is going to be critical to understand. If you are in marital crisis it’s so important to understand how you got there. In fact what you are about to read is for anyone who values relationships and wants to keep them, or save them.

The challenge all couples face is one or both people can develop a need to feel safe and secure in the relationship. They want to feel certain their partner will always love them, be there for them. All sounds reasonable so far…

To be clear, the challenge isn’t in the needing to feel safe and secure, the challenge is the way nearly everyone does it.

Remember the divorce rate is really high for a reason, [Read more...]

Attraction Attraction Attraction

What you are about to read is an important foundation that helps couples migrate from crisis to reconnection. So if saving your relationship is your goal then this will be important to learn.

Attraction is a critical part of what makes couples successful and this goal sits as a key objective when I’m working with couples who have lost their way. I know many people will think I’m talking just about physical attraction and to some degree that is important, BUT physical attraction is just one small part of the mix.

When couples first meet and that meeting generates an energy that both people enjoy, their attraction to each other is automatic, it’s an energy that naturally happens within them both.  [Read more...]

Want a better relationship?

I’m sure it’s not going to be a surprise to learn that couples with great relationships are going to be doing things very differently to those with relationships that are not working.

The question is what are they doing that’s different? What is it that actually connects couples for life? The couples that are life long connectors all have created similar behaviours. In todays post I’m going to talk about some of these key areas.

I’m going to start with what I believe sits at the heart of a successful relationship and then add in a few key elements that keep the relationship alive year after year.

The heart of a great relationship is a great friendship. This is what Cloe and I have created together, it’s what I teach in my sessions and is what I see in couples that have gone from crisis to reconnection. [Read more...]

She said she no longer loved him…

Loss of love is a very common problem that shows up in my consultations. It’s a terribly difficult problem for couples and many give up not knowing the simple steps to reigniting feelings that have died. 

As you scan through my words below you will see a snap shot of how this couple were guided out of this horrible situation.

This lady turned up with her husband. She told me she had lost her feelings for her husband.

She told me without those feelings of love she didn’t believe she could carry on the relationship. They had young children and I knew those children were the reason she was sat in front of me.

Her feelings had died and to help them I needed to know why? I also knew she didn’t know the answer to that question.

There was no affair, he was hard working, he loved the children, he had a successful business. On paper they had all the ingredients for a successful life. [Read more...]

Are we compatible?

Are we compatible? This is a very common question and one that gets asked a lot when I’m working with couples? Couples that come for my help want to know if the problems they have are fixable, or do they have some deep-seated problem hardwired into their relationship?

For most couples in crisis the reason they feel incompatible is because that’s exactly what’s happened, they have created an incompatible dynamic. Their dynamic has changed for some reason.

This change of dynamic will create feelings that one or both people simply can’t live with.

The good news is for most couples this state is not permanent once we understand the underlying cause(s). [Read more...]

Trust issues: Taking back control

I was with a client last week and was talking to her about the concept of living a life where she could choose the feelings she wanted to experience so she could take control of her life and it’s direction.

To her this concept was an alien one. She believed her feelings were automatic and therefore out of her control.

She told me this idea was impossible.

I then started to talk to her about how she had been living. Her fears around ‘trust’ had meant she had been living in her head. Going round and round in circles with no real solution. She used alcohol and friends to get off this vicious cycle, but that fix was always temporary.

I explained to her that by living in her head she was trapped with her fears and this was not who she really was. [Read more...]