The Warrior & The Princess

When the warrior first meets and falls for the princess he marvels at her beauty, he stands by her side looking after her, protecting her and loving her. Full of his love the princess connects with his powerful presence, his honestly and his strength for her. 

She looks into his eyes and sees the future clearly, a wonderful life is possible with a warrior like this she feels. She knows this man loves her and she can see he will become a great man, so her future looks full and secure.

So the princess gives herself to the warrior and they agree to spend their life together. Every day the warrior goes into battle, his mission to protect his family.

She loves and nurtures her new family and she is absorbed with her new role, she is no longer just a princess she is now a mother and lover too. [Read more...]

Should we divorce or should we stay together?

Perfectly reasonable question for couples who are struggling to see eye-to-eye especially if the challenge has gone on for long enough, or a sudden breach of trust has put the relationship into question.

As much as I would love to help the world just learn to love each other, some people are just not right for each other and it’s a painful fact of life.

The challenge they face is how do we know we are making the right decision? This is such an important question as so many couples break up for the wrong reasons, they end up looking for another partner totally opposite to their ex and discover that doesn’t work either this why the second marriage divorce rate is much higher than first marriage divorces. Many people also come into sessions wanting to get back a partner they have just left.

You see the mind can change our feelings and what seems right one day and can actually change the moment reality strikes and they are alone again.  [Read more...]

How are successful relationships created?

To become successful at anything in life the key is to master it. To be better at sport we have to practice and practice, to be great at our jobs we have to study and get experience and prove our worth. The more we master our interests the better we become at them.

We all understand this concept, it gets drummed into us from our schools and from our parents.

One of my mentors spoke constantly about studying all aspects of life that were most interesting to me. He taught me to study the things we didn’t study in school, yet to me are the keys to life.

So I decided to study careers, wealth and relationships. I knew if any one of those areas was not working, my life would feel off balance. [Read more...]

You just don’t care about me!

She was desperate, she had tried and tried to get through to him. In the early days he did his best to comfort her, she liked the attention, but she knew deep down he didn’t really understand her.

As time passed she tried to get through to him, but his patience worn thin, no matter what he did she was miserable, rude and aggressive. He felt controlled, disrespected and untrusted. He tried to fix her problems, but she lacked respect for him and his efforts. He felt life with her was hopeless, he knew communication was fruitless so he stopped.

This worried her and so she became more upset, she said things she didn’t mean through frustration, she hoped he would wake up to her emotions. He didn’t, the more upset she became the more he retreated. Sometimes through frustration he would attack her verbally other times he would shut down and escape, sometimes physically, sometimes emotionally. [Read more...]

Why Doesn’t My Partner Understand Me?

For most couples even the ones with amazing relationships there are times when they misunderstand each other.

For couples in trouble, a lack of understanding can feel like a permanent state as the couple start to feel that life together is hopeless and so they can spend months, even years suffering as they start to believe either my partner doesn’t care, or maybe we are incompatible?

It’s important to understand that not understanding each other is very normal. This is because the  way men and women process their relationship is very different. [Read more...]

Should all relationships be saved?

Shouldn’t a relationship / marriage be full of love, fun, passion and adventure. Shouldn’t it be a place to go to feel secure? Shouldn’t your partner care about how you feel no matter what? Shouldn’t a relationship have an exciting future?

For many this is how it should be, but isn’t how it actually is. They try to make it work, they try to communicate, but for many getting through to their partner can feel hopeless.

They start to feel their partner doesn’t care and so they suffer and suffer until the suffering turns to detachment and they feel so numb and cold towards their partner, they make the decision to leave the relationship. [Read more...]

I Think My Marriage Is Over?

Is your marriage over, have you had enough? Maybe you partner has expressed a need to leave. No matter what side of this fence you are on it’s a very stressful place to be.

Many people with marriage troubles tell me they think they married the wrong person.

Some couples love each other, but simply struggle to get along together suffering as their problems keep coming back.

Some people feel rejected, unloved and alone. Some are full of resentment so much so they now feel detached from their partner questioning their love. [Read more...]

Your relationship is valuable so please look after it…

I see all relationships as the most valuable part of the human experience and I know those people who have chosen to work with me feel the same.

I know if I were speaking from the children’s perspectives they would give us a very clear message of how valuable it is to have their real mum and a dad in their lives.

When you look at the end of a couples relationship the law has a very clear perspective of how to see the value of your relationship broken down in monetary terms.

But all this focus on the money you will lose doesn’t take into account the emotional impact on all those involved.  If children are part of a couples life the impact a divorce can have on them in later life is far greater than many know (which most parents are not aware of). [Read more...]

Don’t do what they do!

I was once told to look at what the unsuccessful people were doing and make sure I was not doing that, especially if success was what I wanted.

So here is what you must never do because this leads to relationship breakdown.

  • Never judge your partner
  • Never make your partner wrong [Read more...]

Relationship Principles for Success

If you don’t want your partner to attach bad feelings to you then these will help avoid resentment stacking, a major cause of relationship problems. Please don’t just read them, knowledge is only powerful if you actually take action and apply it to your life.

Some of these my seem wrong to you, they are designed very carefully so please feel free to challenge them in the comments below.

  • Relationships are created they don’t just happen.
  • Relationships are built through contributing and meeting your partners core needs.
  • Relationship that focus on contribution (giving) creates the deepest bond as time passes
  • Make sure that you consistently give more of what your partner needs than you get.
  • Whatever you want more of in your relationship give and be more of that.
  • Never make your relationship about you… [Read more...]

Men please listen to her with your eyes and connect with what you see

Todays post is to help men become successful with their partners. The fastest way to build the deepest trust is at the point of conflict. Men if you can do this she will see you as her man, her hero, this is what she wants.

If you as a couple can build trust and love out of your conflict you will unleash in her a passionate lover for life for you.

When she is upset she will communicate many things, some hurtful, some true, some not true from your perspective.

I know men you are listening to her words and becoming hurt by all the nasty things she is saying to you. [Read more...]

Part two: How to save a marriage from divorce

Welcome to step two in my how to save a marriage from divorce series.

Step two: Save Your Marriage From Divorce

The second step is to help the individuals grasp how by changing focus from loving their partner to protecting themselves from their partner they actually changed the direction of their marriage without knowing.

You see if our focus is consistent in any direction, or belief, it doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, we will create feelings that help us feel our focus is true.

So if you focus on pulling love away for long enough you will lose feelings of love. If you feel your partner is not romantic then you will stop being romantic and so you won’t feel it. If you think you partner doesn’t care you will stop caring about them. [Read more...]

I was in for a shock…

So two young men have the same back ground. They have gone to the same schools, they have the same opportunities. They are both married today. Both have children.

They both work at the same place today, the only exception is one person is a line manager and the other is the President of the company.

The question is what have these two people done differently? [Read more...]

I don’t like who I am when I’m with you

This is a very common complaint for people who are in relationships that are not working. What these people experience is a shift in their identity. Just to magnify their problems in this new identity life will also not feel it the way it should be.

So if life feels it’s not the way it should be and they have lost a sense of themselves life is going to feel very wrong and they are going to want to move away from it.

What’s important is if you are in a relationship and this is happening to you please be aware that you could be drawn into making a life changing decision that’s being influenced by your fears. [Read more...]

My marriage feels dead and the love has gone. Please help?

If you have lost your feelings for your partner then this means you’ve probably spent sometime feeling that your partner doesn’t understand you.

You may feel that you’ve told them you are unhappy, but they have done nothing about it and so now you think they don’t care.

Or maybe you think they do care, but whatever they do does nothing for you now.

Maybe all you feel is resentment and you have lost respect for them. [Read more...]

Marriage reconciliation: Can a marriage with years of problems be saved?

Marriage Reconciliation is it possible really?  Well those that have been reading my posts for a while now will know my answer. Why? Because I see it every day in my practice.

BUT today I’m going to share with you how it’s actually possible, why do my clients create a shift that changes their marriage from a total belief it’s NOT possible to solve their marriage problems to creating a connected passion that’s deeper than they have ever experienced. [Read more...]

Do you have a marriage you’re proud of?

As your children grow they are learning how life should be from your example. You are showing them through your actions what is normal. You are giving them their first blueprint of what an intimate relationship is like with another human.

So when you think about the relationship you are having with your partner, are you proud of what you are presenting to your children? Are you happy that they may adopt your relationship as their model for success?

If you don’t have children, would you be happy to present your relationship as the model for others to follow? [Read more...]

What’s my role in my life and am I living my true identity?

I tell this story in my sessions to help couples question themselves and what they are thinking and doing in connection with their partners and their children. This is about our identity, how we see ourselves and how this leads us in our most important roles in life.

One day in Harley Street I was waiting for a lift to take me to the third floor. A man carrying a very heavy bag walked towards me.

He struggled with his bag and put it down, slightly out of breath he stood next to me. [Read more...]

Rebuild trust in marriage: Can A marriage Survive without it?

I’m just going to jump into this post fast today. Without trust the marriage is dead so it’s critical to rebuild trust in a marriage fast. Trust is a foundation of any relationship.

The reason trust is so important is because without trust the couple will lose their security with each other. If the security has gone the couple will struggle to connect emotionally.

Loss of emotional connection creates intimacy challenges. [Read more...]

Marriage Guidance Advice

Marriage guidance advice is about discovering what you don’t know about your marriage that could cause you significant problems either now, or in the future.

For example:

  • If you can’t communicate do you really know why?
  • If the intimacy in your marriage has died, can it ever come back? [Read more...]