Fastest way to lose your sex life

Couples that lose their intimate connection have done so for good reason. The challenge is they don’t really understand why it has happened. Worse many couples believe in a devastating myth that the sexual connection dies as the years pass so they expect it to.

The result is they do little to change their behaviours and happily step closer and closer to really big problems.

Some couples have come to me because they think they or their partner has a problem with sex. Most sexual problems couples face is not a sexual issue, for many it’s a symptom of a deeper challenge in the couples dynamic.

I have a seen quite a few couples that have ended up in a very traumatised state because they thought a sexual problem needs a sexual therapist. [Read more...]

Why are women most likely to file for a divorce?

Todays post is not just a warning to men it’s a message to men and women to beware of what’s happening in their own relationships without them knowing.

To be clear both people are 100% responsible for protecting their relationship.

Statistics are clearly showing that over 70% of women are filing for divorce and there are really good reasons for this.

This trend is actually very easy to understand once you know the significant differences between men and women.

The way men work is they like to get rid of their own problems very quickly. They can do this because they are less emotionally connected to their problems.

Women don’t work this way and their problems can have a bigger emotional affect on them. [Read more...]

Men and women getting lost in translation

So many couples are frustrated with each other because they have an expectation of their partner that’s almost impossible to achieve because the way they think is so different.

They expect their partner to think and feel a certain way, the truth is the differences are profound and can lead couples into problems they can’t solve.

Examples:

  • [HER] ”He won’t talk about his feelings?” (He feels bad enough why would he want to go over it again and again he will only feel worse, why would he want that? He want’s to solve it quietly on his own and get rid of it fast)
  • [HIM] ”She won’t stop talking about her feelings?” (She needs to talk about them because it helps her to feel better through connecting with those that say they care for her)

Another…. [Read more...]

Men please listen to her with your eyes and connect with what you see

Todays post is to help men become successful with their partners. The fastest way to build the deepest trust is at the point of conflict. Men if you can do this she will see you as her man, her hero, this is what she wants.

If you as a couple can build trust and love out of your conflict you will unleash in her a passionate lover for life for you.

When she is upset she will communicate many things, some hurtful, some true, some not true from your perspective.

I know men you are listening to her words and becoming hurt by all the nasty things she is saying to you. [Read more...]

I am supposed to be intelligent and successful….

One of my clients at the top of his career came looking for help with one part of his life he was struggling with. He was having problems with his relationship and was desperate for help. He sent me an email wanting to share with you his experience of working with me.

His email started this way.

Hello Stephen

I drafted a comment about your excellent assistance some time ago.  I am trying to convey that while someone can be well educated this does not extend to relationship education and intelligence. 

He went on to write the following for you… [Read more...]

I was in for a shock…

So two young men have the same back ground. They have gone to the same schools, they have the same opportunities. They are both married today. Both have children.

They both work at the same place today, the only exception is one person is a line manager and the other is the President of the company.

The question is what have these two people done differently? [Read more...]

I feel detached from my partner, what is happening to me?

Detachment is the process of self protection. The person may feel that over months or years they have not been happy in their relationship. They may feel that their partner does not care about them, is not interested in them, or simply doesn’t love them.

The persons feelings towards their partner will have changed and the relationship can feel wrong to continue. Reconnection for this person can feel impossible and the desire to fix the relationship problems are usually very low.

The person in this situation will have a vision that the past will be a reflection of the future, so it’s painful for them to even consider, all this is normal. [Read more...]

My marriage feels dead and the love has gone. Please help?

If you have lost your feelings for your partner then this means you’ve probably spent sometime feeling that your partner doesn’t understand you.

You may feel that you’ve told them you are unhappy, but they have done nothing about it and so now you think they don’t care.

Or maybe you think they do care, but whatever they do does nothing for you now.

Maybe all you feel is resentment and you have lost respect for them. [Read more...]

Marriage Help For Couples With Marriage Problems

If you’re having marriage problems and you’re struggling to solve it, your going to need marriage help before the problem gets too serious. Most couples in trouble have usually experienced problems that keep coming back and this is because of one key problem…

You are both doing something that’s potentially destructive without knowing.

So if you’re both not aware of how you’re contributing to the marriage negatively then this means the foundations of the marriage are compromised. [Read more...]

What she wanted…

What she wanted is for him to learn about her, to care about her and help her to feel that she was number one in his life. She wanted to feel that if he touched her it was because he wanted to get to know her and not that he just want to get something for himself.

She wanted with all her heart for him to help her feel safe and that just being her was enough for him.

She wanted him to look into her eyes and help her to know he would be there forever no matter what happens. [Read more...]

The art of understanding the woman you say you love

If you want to master this skill, the starting point is to remove your judgement of her words and actions, trust me here, because the cost to you is huge.

The reason I ask this is because if your judge her by your own emotional filters, the meanings you will put to her words and behaviors will not reflect her intent, they would reflect your intent if you were to behave that way.

To clarify you can’t translate her behaviors and give those behaviors a meaning and then make her responsible for your meaning. [Read more...]

Men do you want to win your marriage back?

If you want to win her back then this could be for you. She might have told you she loves you, but she’s not in love with you, you may think she is having a midlife crisis. She may have told you she’s had enough and she wants a divorce.

Whatever she has said and no matter what she has done, don’t give up.

One of the key reasons men struggle when their marriage goes wrong is they use male logic to try to fix their problems. [Read more...]

Let’s talk man-to-man

Many men struggle to understand their wives, partner, girlfriend. In fact this struggle for men is widespread and is such a frustrating place for him to be.

He knows he loves her, but for him she acts as though she doesn’t believe him, or doesn’t trust him. He feels that he can’t win and that she acts as if she doesn’t care about him.

At times he feels she can seem impossible to please and reasoning with her just seems to spark her into a frenzy of accusations that just are not true from his perspective. [Read more...]

Why Do Women Ask For a Divorce?

What used to surprise me when I first started my practice, was how many men actively searched and came for help with their marriage problems.

When you see as many couples with marriage problems as I have over the years, you can’t help but see patterns emerge.

What I found most fascinating is the men were searching for help, but the point they searched was mainly when his wife had asked for a divorce. [Read more...]

Understanding Men: What do men want?

Many women who come for sessions with me have a real challenge with the concept I’m about to share with you.

When I ask the men in the session if it’s true they all confirm 100% it’s true, but even though she hears it straight from him, she still struggles to believe it. If she doesn’t understand this she will be challenged in the process of how to solve any problems they might have. [Read more...]

The marriage advice all men should have

One of the key factors in my quest to help couples rebuild connected passionate relationships is helping them understand that men and women are different.

It’s a fact proven through science, a mans brain and how it works totally is different from a females brain.

This is one of the key factors to why couples struggle to get on and why the differences between the sexes form a huge part of my successful coaching programs.

One of the key factors for the success of my work is when I help the man to breakthrough his own fears in relationship to what she really means when she communicates to him. [Read more...]

Life for us is an adventure it’s about a planned, fun, free, sexy, passionate sometimes crazy life together.

I’m going to do something today that I don’t normally do, I’m going to give you my personal thoughts on life and relationships. I’m going to take off my professional hat and share what I believe is important and what has worked for my wife Cloe and me.

In my personal experience we only have one life, so go for your dreams don’t hold back ever. I personally couldn’t bear to look back at my life and feel that I didn’t give it my best shot.

Cloe shares this view totally, after all what else would you do? Worry you won’t get it? We agree that having a go, is far more important than focusing on the fear of not getting it. [Read more...]

What makes us happy?

For 72 years, researchers at Harvard have been examining this question, following 268 men who entered college in the late 1930s through war, career, marriage and divorce, parenthood and grandparenthood, and old age.

The answer won’t surprise you.

Source

Understanding what men want

Yes men have needs too and if she can learn to understand what he needs he will feel great about himself and attach that great feeling to her. So below is an outline of what he wants/needs. Of course every man is different and so try out some of the suggestions below and see what reaction you get.

He wants to know he can please her. This is a primary driver in most men and is a significant source of pain if he feels can’t. If she’s not happy he will be in pain.

He wants her to give him feedback. If you don’t tell a man when he’s done well he will assume his actions haven’t worked and he will never do it again. [Read more...]

What is most important to your partner?

Am I imporrtant to you?

I just don't feel that you care about me?

Is it you?

If anyone in a relationship / marriage feels that someone or something is more important to their partner than they are – there will be trouble.

What’s important to understand it’s doesn’t have to be the attractive female in the office who is just “a friend” or the man down the gym “giving her advice” that can cause problems for relationships. [Read more...]