The Calm Before The Storm: A Message For Men – Is There A Time Bomb In Your Relationship?

Most men who have experienced problems in their relationship are usually very confused at why it seems so hard to please their partners. For him it can seem almost impossible to keep her happy. He can also feel he has put up with what he feels is her becoming over emotional, irrational and inconsistent for ages.

For him this inability to be able to please his partner is emotionally crippling, BUT he can do something to help her, but most men don’t know what to do…

If this goes on for long enough the woman will start to feel that the messages she has clearly been giving to him has not being listened to. She feels alone, ignored and insecure.

This for her can lead to depression and all sorts of physical and emotional problems putting further pressure on the relationship.

Depending on how the man has dealt with her emotional outbursts will drive her next course of action. [Read more...]

My Mission: Building Confidence into Men To Be Successful Partners/Lovers

She walked through the door, smiled walked over to me and shook my hand. I thought she had come alone. She turned to face the door, in slowly in walked her husband, he looked in that moment like he was about to be tried for some terrible crime. Wide eyed, almost in shock, eyes dancing around the room looking for danger, he stood paused holding the door handle ready for his escape.

This was one entrance I will never forget and the more I spoke to him I could see why he was so fearful. He had been handed divorce papers two days before, he knew there was a problem, but had no idea how to fix it, he wanted to make her happy, but to him it seemed impossible so his solution was to keep his head down it might make it’s self better. Of course it didn’t and never would.

The reason they were in my session was at the moment she handed him the divorce papers he went into melt down, totally panicked. She was so shocked by his reaction and deep love for her, because she thought and was 100% convinced he didn’t care about her at all and so now she was confused.

You see he thought that because she had given up complaining she must be alright now. Even though deep down he probably knew she wasn’t. He had decided it was to dangerous to rock the boat, as he didn’t want her to spend hours crying and shouting at him. This irrational behaviour in her only frustrated him to the point of anger which meant he would scream at her and storm off for the night to his office or into the bottom of a bottle. She hated the arguments and saw it was getting them no where so she became internally focused and alone. Over time resentment, loss of respect and mild depression took over her.

So the end result was she was totally convinced he didn’t care and so went to her parents and friends for support. This became a source of more problems as he started to feel he was not important and 6th inline for her love and affections.

She withdrew over time her love and intimacy and he controlled whatever he could and they stayed stuck in this place for years.

In some ways many couples I see mirror this couple.

He ended up seeing her as tough and unloving and she saw him as weak and incapable of being the man she had always dreamed of. In fact for her he was like having another child in the house.

  • So how had this couple got their relationship so wrong?
  • Why had they misunderstood each other to the point of divorce?

The biggest reason is their relationship education!

Couples today and over the past 40/50 years know how to attract each other, but have very little idea how to grow a relationship so it not only lasts, but the passion stays and get better every year.

They seem to accept that intimacy goes over time and relationships get stale and that’s ok. This is a myth told by those who are lost.

Growing up most couples only relationship education is their parents and movies and maybe books.

In other words the education is poor, with no education what results would you expect? Yes of course poor ones. You see nature is great at creating the chemical reaction to attract us to our mates, but that initial reaction that is automatic within us all goes and so what happen next is critical.

If you know what to do you can keep those feelings going, unfortunately most don’t, most get out of relationships, those that are left make do with passionless relationships, and a small percentage have got lucky and know the secret.

Building Confidence into Men As Partners Is The Answer!

You see men today have become weaker, they have no idea how to use their masculine energy to bring out the feminine energy in her. Even the toughest business women that enter my session want to be feminine with their partners. BUT if a female is with a partner she perceives as weak she has no choice but to become strong almost masculine inside.

This process disconnects her to the point she feels different and sees the man she once loved as whet and child like.

You must have seen that many comedies are based around the beaten up husband and the masculine wife ordering him around.

My job in the session is to help the men understand how to reclaim not only their masculine energy back, but how to claim the relationship back. You see the biggest problem is not that men don’t want to support their partners in the way they want, they just don’t know how. Many women don’t know how to communicate to men their really needs in a way which makes sence to him, and so the breakdown in communication frustrates them both to separation and divorce.

The reality is it’s really not difficult to help and correct these problems and I have had many one session successes.

Does some of this feel like your relationship?

If you have connected to today’s post please feel free to comment below or better still come and see me, you learn how to help each other to get back the relationship and the passion you once shared.

My Partner Doesn’t Understand Me!?

We can all feel at times that our partners just don’t understand us. We watch as they try to make sence of what we have done or said and come up with a totally different meaning to the one we meant. We watch as they become disappointed, or upset at what we never meant. Plus it doesn’t seem to matter how many times we repeat, that’s not what I meant, or that not what I said they refuse to listen.

We can start to worry that our partners will never understand us…

The result is we feel frustrated, angry and upset, because what to us is clear communication, to them is clearly not getting through.

Couples across the world are experiencing this strange phenomena where even through we speak the same language in our case english we feel that we may as well be speaking another.

Heartfelt understanding is the key

One of the starting points of any session with me is for couples to learn how to create this understanding. Through our own experience of the world growing up we create a map which helps us make sence of how the world works. That map is 100% unique to us, others do not share our map or the experiences that made up our map.

So based on one person map, what seems obvious to them, may not be so true for others.

So what makes up someones map? The map is the some total of all our experiences and beliefs from our time on this planet. So you and your partner will have totally different experiences of what equals normal and from this create very unique needs.

Plus your map is experienced through your state at any given time, so an event is understood through your map of how the world works, but if you are sad, angry, frustrated depressed your experience through your map will also change.

Now add in your gender

Our gender is also a big part of our map and how we experience the world. If you are female you are more likely to be fearful day-to-day, men don’t experience this. If you are female your core needs structure in the way you experience the world will be different. If you get angry with your partner what you really want is to be loved, men don’t feel this way through anger.

If your man gets present with you and you can feel his love through his presence it fills you up inside. Men don’t have this experience hence after dating they stop and this creates feeling of being disconnected, this creates fear.

If a man feels he cannot please his partner this to him is a living hell, she doesn’t feel this way.

When she screams at him to “go away I hate you!” what she means is “don’t leave I love you, I just feel scared!”.

When he runs away or gets angry or frustrated it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, it means he is in so much pain at his clear failure to make you happy.

You see when you put your understanding of how the world works when communicating with others you only experience one truth. In any situation there are hundreds of truths.

Feeling not enough

Many of us have this feeling at some point in our lives this becomes part of our map. It most likely comes from our parents through years of feeling that what we did or said was never good enough on some level. BUT think about it for you did they ever tell you, you were not good enough, or was it you that created that meaning?

You see if we are to really understand our world and those we love we have to get the perspectives that will serve us.

In this case an event which is meaningless until WE give it a meaning, such as the behaviours of others is only given a meaning by us through our experience of our lives so far. We are the ones giving the world meaning.

IMPORTANT:

As we grow up we forget we are the creators of our own experience and so we become our own creations from those experiences. Through this misunderstanding of ourselves we lose control of our own understanding of ourselves this creates our fears and we live distorted lives.

By learning how you create meanings to your experience puts you back in the position of being the creator again and back to true you. From this place you have less fear, and are more open to wanting to learn about how your partner works without judgement.

This is the place where understanding can be yours, and you can be truly connected with you.

So if you feel that

  • My boyfriend doesn’t understand me
  • My husband doesn’t understand me
  • My girlfriend doesn’t understand me
  • My wife doesn’t understand me

Know that there is far more to what you feel than meets the eye.

50 + Problems in Relationships

Below is a list of 50+ problems in relationships some of the questions/confusions I receive surrounding relationships. As I have been collecting this list I was wondering what you wanted to read about. Please either leave a comment below or send your request maybe with your own question to my contact page. Please use the title: Problems in relationships.

    1. Overcoming Insecurity in Relationships
    2. Why Low Self Esteem Causes Problems in Relationships
    3. Controlling & Abusive Relationships
    4. Financial decision making in relationships
    5. Violence in Relationships
    6. Games in relationships
    7. Happiness in Relationships
    8. Unhappiness in Relationships
    9. Self Esteem in Relationships
    10. Being overbearing & possessive in relationships
    11. Laws Of Attraction In Relationships
    12. Stress in Relationships
    13. Establishing Healthy Boundaries In Relationships
    14. Being present in relationship
    15. Playful Communication in Relationships
    16. The Forbidden Fruit in Relationships
    17. Empathy In Relationships
    18. Power control and individuality issues in relationships
    19. Why do Women cheat in Relationships
    20. Verbal Abuse in relationships
    21. Controlling Anger in Relationships
    22. Sex In Relationships
    23. Why do people cheat in relationships
    24. Cheating in Relationships
    25. Insecurity In Relationships
    26. 4 Possessive/Jealous Men in Relationships
    27. The 10 biggest mistakes men make in relationships
    28. Why Do Some Men Get Scared in Relationships
    29. White Lies In Relationships
    30. Increase Chemistry in Relationships
    31. Are You Insecure In Relationships
    32. Longevity in Relationships
    33. Cheating in Relationships
    34. Being Honest In Relationships
    35. Dishonesty in Relationships
    36. Women more likely to stray in relationships
    37. Resentment In Relationships
    38. Playing the Blame Game in Relationships
    39. Jealousy in Relationships
    40. Dealing with breakups in relationships
    41. Finding Balance in Relationships
    42. Communication in Relationships
    43. Does Age Matter in Relationships
    44. Are You Lazy In Relationships
    45. Emotional Intelligence in Relationships
    46. Strength in Relationships
    47. Abuse in Relationships
    48. Trust Issues in Relationships
    49. How to Resolve Conflicts in Your Relationships
    50. Commitment Issues in Relationships
    51. Romance Advice: Competition In Relationships
    52. Symptoms of codependent behavior in relationships

How To Save My Marriage

If you are experiencing difficulties in your relationship and you want to know the steps to saving your marriage then this is a good first step towards a solution for you. This is a fundamental step and foundational to the success of any relationship.

If your marriage has been in decline then you partner has been attaching feelings to you which result in them feeling bad about themselves when they are around you. If this carries on for too long their logical solution will be to remove you or themselves.

BTW: They don’t choose to do this, it is automatic at a behaviour level.

The good news is the process of attaching “good feelings” to you is automatic for them too.

So if you take steps to help your partner feel good then over time those great feelings will start to feel solid and they will then attach more and more great feelings back to you.

But my partner has been horrible why should I reward it this way?

This is a common response to my advice above. If your partner has been behaving poorly then it’s likely to be a cry for help rather than a desire to hurt you. Men and women can shut down when they feel that their relationship is impossible to fix. Couples can test each other with destructive words. What is considered to be hurtful behaviour can actually be a desire to wake their partner up to listen to the pain they feel.

The challenge is that men and women communicate totally differently. Which on it’s own is a big topic so know this if you are judging your partners behaviour, know quickly, you are not qualified.

Many people feel qualified to judge their partners and through that judgement they decide their partner has done wrong. They are now likely to punish them in some way.

Punishment does not create more love, all it does is help your partner automatically attach bad feelings to you. So if you punish you start to kill your own relationship. Some people feel they have been punished for years and without warning just leave the relationship to the shock and horror of their partner.

How to grow your marriage…

If your relationship is dying and you want to keep it, work out what great feelings you want your partner to feel and them help them feel that way.

If you want an amazing relationship then you have to become amazing and be the example, after all your partner may just be lost and fearful. Plus there are no relationship schools so a lack of education may not be your partners fault and they might be doing their best with what they know, i.e. what their parents taught them and the chances of their parents being lost with relationships too, are very high.

Is communication destroying your relationship?

Have you ever noticed that your partner just doesn’t understand you? Have you ever noticed that you can say something and they can then make you responsible for a totally different set of words that you never said?

One of the biggest complaints I hear is that my partner doesn’t understand me. This feeling can create all sorts of problems so a relationship becomes more full of words that are not spoken than one that are. The reason is the couple stop communicating because the process of speaking becomes just too painful.

Of course this is a massive problem and creates a loss of connection and love.

So why does this happen? The reason is men and women have totally different communication styles and so when each other speaks what happens is they have to translate each others words into their own meaning, they then make their partner responsible for their own translation.

IMPORTANT: So when your partner speaks are you translating their words into your own meaning and then blaming your partner for your translation of their words?

Many couples in arguments complain to each other, “…that’s not what I said” or “…that’s not what I meant!”

I have watched couples do this live in my sessions, so I slow down the process so they understand what they are doing. For example we pick a topic that is causing them some problems and I ask the man to explain his take on the problem, I then ask the woman to then translate what she heard and the meaning she put to it.

We then hear the woman communicate back something totally different much to the surprise of the man.

Of course this happens in reverse too.

Relationship test to try at home

Try this out for yourself, pick a topic which you know has been a challenge for you both and see if when you speak your partner translates your words back to you in the way you meant it.

Are their words in line with what you meant or are they totally different?

If they are totally different then you know there is a challenge and this could be causing more problems than is necessary.

So what is the solution

The solution is simple know that your translation of what they say is not going to be correct or what they meant. So it is important to not react negatively or assume your partner is out to hurt you.

Find out what they mean and trust that what they say they meant is the correct translation after all their words have come from their thoughts not yours.

She is impossible to please

When you see as many couples as I do, you can’t help but see patterns emerge. She is impossible to please is one of the typical beliefs that men come into sessions with. It’s not true of course, but from his perspective it is AND HE HAS PROOF!

What usually happens is he has tried everything except what really works. He will use male logic to solve her situation and when he has exhausted every option and still fails he will give up, left with the feeling… “She is impossible to please” .

The reason he fails is simple and is why he can’t solve their problem, he is trying to please her from the perspective of  a man. She is not a man so his solutions will never work. If he were to put himself in her shoes he would notice a different world and a different solution.

So guys if you are having constant relationship problems, you are likely to be part of the problem rather than part of the solution.

The challenge she faces is: When he feels she is impossible to please this for him is one of the biggest sources of pain. It is proof that maybe he is not enough and maybe he will never get the love he needs. This could mean he gets weaker, he leaves, has an affair, bullies her and so on, none of which will work for her and the relationship will start to break down. If you have children they will be feeling the pain so please act quickly.

I have to help men understand what they have to do to be successful with her.

What I help him to learn is things like

  • How to understand her and what she means when she speaks
  • How to stop making her problems about him
  • How to understand her core need and fulfil his own at the same time
  • What has to happen for her to engage sexually
  • How to help her feel amazing about her and attach those feeling to him.
  • How to stop judging her.
  • How to look after her when she is in pain, even pain caused by him
  • How to help her create a future that she can get excited about.
  • How to give and love unconditionally

When a man learns how to serve and protect his partner in the way she needs, he will meet his own needs through giving to her. This will help him to feel great, plus she will feel wonderful and look for many ways to help him feel great too.

Relationship Conflict Management: “YOU @#**$%*> GET OUT!”

You know the situation, your blood is boiling, you are both shouting at each other, both in full flow. You can’t understand how your partner could be so stupid or selfish! In the moment you hate with a passion.

What’s interesting in these arguments is there always seems to be two totally different perspectives on the same  problem. There seems to be two truths… Really?!

How is that possible? Is someone dishonest? Are they both dishonest? Is someone playing control games? Is one party deliberately trying to hurt the other? Why can’t the couple, even agree on the basic facts?

The woman is usually thinking, why is he not understanding me? He is usually focused on the exact words and the exact events, the more he tries to prove his fact are right, the worse she feels and her anger escalates much to his frustration.

He knows he is right factually so clearly, she is has gone crazy. She can’t understand how he can be so insensitive, he is more interested in proving her wrong than helping her.

Clearly she gone mad and the men in the white van need to be called, and he’s and insensitive self centered @#**$%!

Does this happen to your relationship is this how you feel?

Would you really like these arguments  to end, because it can when you know what to do!

Now what I will say to the men here is: If your partner has become distant, has stopped complaining, is quietly going about her life day-to-day, she’s not passionate, but it’s quiet so better than the screaming version of her…right!?  WRONG!!!

This is time for you to worry! I know quiet for men equals all is well, but in female terms it means there is a massive, and I mean massive problem!

If she has stopped complaining and you know things are not right between you it means she has given up and see’s no point in communicating. She has lost trust and without trust there is no relationship.

For the women I want you to know this: No matter how many times you say what you want him to understand he will never get it, he may pay lip service to it to keep the peace, or he may shout you down, but he really will never understand.

Why is it this way?

The answer is simple, men and women communicate totally differently, unless you know how to translate emotional needs to each other in each others language you will never get through.

I have many couples that come to sessions get this and live wonderful lives together. I also work with a minority that say they want change and understand, but put no effort in, expect their partner to do all the changing and then wonder why the relationship fails again.

When your partner speaks, what is important is what their words mean to them: This is the whole point of communicating, if you put your spin on their words and then make them responsible for your interpretation, how in anyones world does that make sence.

What this means is you have to understand them and what their words really mean to them, only then will they feel heard.

Plus the words are only half the story… because she has stored up years of what he has done wrong and he seems to have developed a hearing problem.

  • Do you want to know how to get out of these vicious circles if so get in touch today!




Meeting a Mans Basic Needs

Yesterday we looked at how men can meet a womans basic needs, today we are going to discover how a woman can meet a man needs in a relationship.

I must stress that everyone is different and this is just a start, but on the whole if you can make a start in this direction you will be making good progress.

Meeting a Mans Basic Needs

  • A man needs to know her love for him is unconditional, he needs to know that he is loved whatever mood he is in. The love you give him needs to be like the love of a child, so that even if he has done something wrong he still feels that love from her.
  • Men love to be surprised in the ways you show your love and especially if you do this sexually. If a man knows you are planning a sexual adventure for him and you feel free enough with him to show your darker side he will feel great inside and attach that great feeling to you. (… I saw the humor too :-) ).
  • He needs to feel he is important as a man in the relationship. Discover ways to help him feel that his masculine presence is important to you in the relationship. Let him know that he does good job as a partner, provider, father he needs to know he is pleasing you. (CRITICAL)
  • Discover what he needs that equals love to him, and then give that love. It could be your smiling face, a regular touch especially in public, it could be making his favorite meal, or of course planning sex.
  • If she then commits to meeting all his needs above whilst showing a desire to give more to him and working with him towards their chosen goal.
  • If she like him commits to meeting his needs in the way that feel important to him without trading for something in return and both people are doing this. A trusting passionate relationship starts to grow.

You see if you can trust your partner to give you want you need in the way you want it, you would never have a need to go elsewhere to feel good again.

If you feel that you cannot, or don’t want to give to him in the way he needs, the question is why? Of course I will be delighted to help.

If you feel like commenting your thoughts would be valued. Comments below!

If your sex life is dead…

If the sexual intimacy in your relationship has disappeared what does that make your relationship? The answer is not great, at best, you are good friends!

BUT… does it have to be this way? Of course not…

With the right attention your relationship has every chance of making a full recovery sexually.

The question is this, has what you’ve done so far worked to improve your relationship and sexual intimacy?

If the answer is “NO” now you know what to never try again.

So now what? If you want to ignite the spark of sexual energy back into your relationship you have to help your partner get connected to the right polarity with themselves.

If a woman doesn’t feel like a woman with her partner the chances of sex are slim. The same goes for men.

You will probably notice that many relationships you know have couples living in the wrong polarity. i.e. The woman is more like the man, and the man is weaker and more like the female.

  • These couples are more likely to have sexual problems.

Getting the polarity right in your relationship is sexually volcanic, this is why it works when we first meet, but then we stop doing what works, we wonder where the sex has gone and fear that maybe we are in the wrong relationship?

So if you have been fed the illusion that time equals loss of passion, then you are missing one of the fundamental laws of nature and that is polarity.

Opposites attract: It’s the differences that attract each other, nature has designed us to be different for good reason, but our fears help us to switch roles. Females get stronger when they become fearful and men become weaker in their quest to please their partners.

Once the man discovers his true masculine power, only then will he break through with her, helping her to feel safe to feel feminine again.

If you are a man wanting to know how to break through and claim back your true role in your relationship get in touch with Stephen Hedger Relationship Coach and Marriage expert today!

Or

Maybe you are female and you want your man to learn how to break through with you and keep you safe, so you can release the passion in you again?

What men don’t know about women!

This a message to all the men wanting to be more successful with your partners. What would you experience within you if you knew you could be successful with her and help her to feel wonderful inside and attach those feelings to you. Plus to do this you don’t have to say a word.

A big discovery for men in my sessions is what works with their partners that their were totally unaware of.

Presence for a woman is critical and the best way to get present with her through her eyes. If she can see that you are totally present with her through eye-to-eye contact and whilst you are doing that you are feeling a powerful masculine love for her within you. She will sence that energy from you and if it is genuine she will in the moment feel safe to connect with her feminine self.

She may feel a little fearful if this is the first time you have done this as she may not feel sure that she is safe with you in this way. If she will not connect with you eye to eye keep going until she feels safe. Very often couples with problems will experience the female has little to no desire to connect this way with her partner, because the trust has gone.

This is the start of the process that is powerful to help any couple learn how to deal with conflict differently, but also how to help each other create the right polarity in their relationship.

Couple with problems can have a reversed polarity that helps them to feel wrong inside, but they use this reverse polarity to gain strength and keen themselves safe.

So to all my male readers, your partner will want attention all the time from you, so getting present with her this way and allowing her to speak whilst you just listen will be a massive first step with reconnecting you in a very powerful way.

What Men With Relationship Problems Want…

Many men with relationship problems communicate to me what they want from their partners. The answers they give me are very telling and explain why they are struggling.

Their list usually looks something like this:-

  • I need her to be calm, especially when things go wrong
  • I need her to enjoy being quiet
  • I need her to do what she says she’s going to do
  • I need her to be consistent
  • I want a sence of fairness
  • I want to be equal to her
  • I want her to be logical
  • I need her to want more sex, even if we are having problems as it will bring us closer.

I could go on…

The problem with this list is this: This list brilliantly describes a man.

Men that want these combination of traits, are asking their partner to act like a man.

Because society doesn’t teach us there are significant differences between men and women we can expect our partners to behave like us. Men and women are designed to be different for specific reasons.

What happens as a child grows up, he or she is presented with a model of how relationships work by their parents. This is where problems can come from as the models they receive are usually distorted, but with no other benchmark for a relationship the one they experience is to that child, normal.

The child will use that model in their adult relationships.

In couples relationship coaching sessions the couple learns about the huge difference between men and women and how to use those differences to inject passion and lasting love back into their relationships.

If the couple don’t understand the differences and why they are there, then they will fight for their version of normal behaviour!

All expenses paid photoshoot in London

Laura contacted me with a wonderful offer for one of you to have an all expenses paid photoshoot in London. If you are interested please read what she needs and then contact her ASAP at the email address below.

Have fun…

Stephen Hedger

Glossy Weekly Fashion Magazine Wants…

I’m a journalist working for a glossy weekly fashion magazine and we’re hoping to speak to UK women in their twenties and thirties who are dating/living with/engaged or married to younger men.

We’d want to talk about why your relationship works, whether the age gap has ever made a difference and if so how you handle it.

Or if you’re not currently dating a younger guy but have done, we’d still like to hear from you. We’d also want you to come to an all expenses paid photoshoot in London.

Thanks so much! Laura

Women Want A Real Man!!!

Most woman reading this will share this view “Women Want A Real Man” and in their mind have their own version of what that means. What she thinks and feels, needs to be respected and most of all listened to.

I strongly urge all men to read this:

I also know that men want to be able to please their partner, they feel terrible inside when they feel they can’t, or they feel they have tried and tried, but it’s hopeless.

So with these two desires, her wanting to be loved in the way she wants and him with the burning desire to please her and make her happy this should be easy, RIGHT? You’d think!

So let’s go some way to define what a Real Man is from a womans perspective. [Read more...]

“I had become a walking corpse…”

Anna had a very simple goal she just wanted to be loved. A traumatic history combined with an unexpected break-up 2.5 years ago had paralysed Anna and almost frozen her in time. After an initial telephone consultation I knew I had to act fast. She came to see me 3 weeks ago. She had one session with me and we have been in contact over email one / twice a week.

Anna writes: My update since I first saw Stephen 3 weeks ago:

I decided to contact Stephen after yet another lonely weekend, a weekend working rather then going out. Working had become my safety blanket, running away from my sadness and disappointment that had left me disabled and destroyed 2.5 years ago.

The man I had loved with all my heart and I thought would be my husband had left me 2.5 years before after 5 (what I though happy) years for a married woman and he dumped me via a phone call, citing not wanting to have children with me as the major reason. Yet the woman he left me for had two children, not to mention that she was still married.

This sudden and traumatic breakup had caused my world to come crashing down around and me and everything I had believed in. I had been a walking corpse for the past 2.5 years, existing, drowning myself in work 24/7 to escape the tears, blind rage, all consuming anger and disabling anxiety that were always on stand by and ready to flow/come out if I had a spare minute. [Read more...]

What are you looking for in a relationship partner?

Are you looking for a relationship? Are you fed up of meeting the wrong people? Do you have a knack of attracting those who are committed to making your life a misery?

  • Do you want to know how to change this?

If so, this could be the article you have been waiting for?

Who is the perfect partner for you?

The question most people are asking is who do I want in my life? Who would be a good fit for me and where do I find them?

How Many Sessions Will I Need To Have?

This is one of the most frequent questions I get asked, this is where the concern in the mind of the individual is usually a concern of time or money.

Both of which are valuable to us all…

The usual amount of sessions to get desired results is between 4 – 12 sessions. I been know to sort a problem in one session, but because the clients is not confident with the speed of their change they carry on coming. I see a lot of clients quickly because I know people have busy lives and months of weekly sessions is not ideal, especially when your relationship is on the line.

If I do see clients for longer this is because their crisis problems are sorted and what they want is help with planning their future.
99% of my clients make the necessary changes within 4-12 sessions that time, there are some clients which go slightly over… [Read more...]

Relationship Master Skill SEVEN of SEVEN

Breaking the patterns that don’t work for YOU & YOUR RELATIONSHIP: Many couples across the world are all running patterns that are creating their futures without them knowing. Most people are unaware of these patterns and live their lives which, to them feel normal. The way they think, behave, speak everything is derived from learnt patterns.

These patterns take hold when people are growing and learning at the fastest rate. These changes happen in emotionally charged events and when we are growing up. You have heard the expressing children are like sponges.

Children don’t just take in information they take in everything, and so whatever the world is presenting to them, with no other bench mark to hand, this for them will be their normality.

It is very likely that the children will model their parents behaviours as the way to run their relationships in the future. Boys linking to in the fathers and girls to their mothers. With more and more absent fathers the male role model for children is fast becoming a strong woman designed to cope on her own. [Read more...]

No one wants to “WORK” at their relationship!?

I have to say, I can’t blame them… How many times have we heard that we have to work at our relationships. Do we listen to these words and think FANTASTIC I can’t wait, or do we shudder at the prospect. I mean it’s not an attractive prospect is it, at best it’s boring…

Isn’t the word “work” a suggestion that it’s going to be a labor, tough, hard, or something we do in return for something? Where does unconditional love fit in here?

Plus what kind of “work” are they suggesting. I’m a Relationship Coach and I’m not sold.

How about this…

If you were to take constant actions to do something, and it made you feel great, would you be more likely to do it?

Of course you would… If you enjoyed it would it feel like work? Of course not.

I help men and women discover how to change their behaviours so they can become successful with each other, once they get over the initial fear of doing something new, they embrace their new skills with both hands, quite literally in many cases.

You see getting a relationship to be successful is not “work” it is fun, but only when you know how.

It’s only work to those who have no idea what they are doing and so it’s the trial and error small successes and big failures that feel like hard work.

You maybe successful at creating a relationship that feels wrong, but here’s the good news, you know that what you practice consistently works. So all you have to do is practice something different and that will work too.

When you learn how to help your partner feel great about themselves in the context of you then they will stop at nothing to help you feel amazing about you too.

I know for a fact that when men learn the secrets to how to make their partners happy they will stop at nothing. When women learn what their men really want then the fun can start all over again…

No work, just fun and intelligent behaviours designed for relationship growth and lasting passion.

Interested, give me a call.

So you want a life that’s full of passion?

Here’s how to get it. Sustaining a passionate love life is all about building an unbreakable trust with your partner. Helping your partner feel like they are always the most important part of your life, helping them become secure in the knowledge that you will always be there for them.

You promise to love them forever, never judge them, or make them wrong. You’ll define your future together and help to grow your relationship towards that future whilst keeping life exciting.

Plus you’ll help them become the person they want to become in the life they want to live by understand their needs and values for life. If you promise to do all of this and you practice it consistently every day then prepare yourself for a life long love affair, because as you give and give you will discover you’ll never have to take.

…most couples do the reverse especially under pressure

Most couples don’t do this because they go to a fearful place and they start to pull love away when they have the perception that things are going wrong.

They may feel inadequate in the relationship, or maybe their fear drives them to look for problems. Or they can’t seem to understand why that spark they had in the beginning has gone.

When one or both people in the relationship goes to a place of fear the passion stops dead!

Many men come to me with the problem that their partner has removed themselves sexually from the relationship. Most of the time the woman is in a place of fear. She may not be able to see a future, maybe due to trust issues, communication break down, or she may fear not having the life or relationship she wanted, her fears will be unique to her.

Whatever her reason for being scared, putting pressure on her for sex will never work.

Plus more and more women are complaining that their men are shutting down sexually too. Again there are many reasons, but you can bet that fear is never far from their door.

Never ever pull your love away, you will always hurt yourself and your relationship if you do.

Sex is always the first thing to go when relationships hit problems, and of course life is full of them, how you deal with those problems together is what makes the difference.

The key to a passionate future together is giving and giving and giving so find out what he or she really needs and give it to them in buckets.

Biggest tip for the ladies: Your man has two big desires in life that will make him feel like a man in your relationship. The first one is not what you think – Pleasing you is his number one desire, this makes him feel like a man. So help him feel successful with you.

Biggest tip for the men: Women want attention all the time. So get present with your partner and listen to her, feel what she feels, shower her with attention, understand what she really needs. Help her feel like the most beautiful beautiful woman in the world to you. She must know she is No.1.