Relationship Education: How Important Is It To Your Life?

Building a successful relationships is a skill just like any other. What’s unique about relationships is  you are lured into a false sence of security. The passion early in a relationship helps the couple to feel artificially successful really fast with no training.

With no relationship training you still feel skilled because you feel the love the passion, it happens automatically, until one day it goes and that day always comes!

So if we don’t have to be trained and skilled to start our relationships then why would we need to learn skills to keep them, that should be automatic too… RIGHT!? … WRONG!!! This is the biggest error couples make…

How do we normally become skilled?: Skills are usually gained through training of some kind, and through repetitive actions over years. People become skillful even masterful when they research and understand their chosen skill.

So if all this is true why is it we spend so much time educating ourselves to get the skills to get the jobs we want and we spend NO time learning how to have successful relationships, then with this total lack of training we then decide we are qualified to guide children to have wonderful lives and relationships.

Why is it so important to learn how to get amazing jobs, yet not important to learn the impact of wrongly committing to a person for life with no training or relationship skills?

You wouldn’t trust a Doctor who has had little to no training with your life would you? So why would you trust yourself or someone else with the best years of your life. After all you only get one.

Does this make logical sence to you?

Think about a Wedding day.

A massive amount of time, energy and money is spent on making one day amazing and little to no money time or energy is put into understanding how to make that relationship not only last but remain passionate.

Don’t you think the world is wired wrong when it come to relationships?

I wonder how our relationships would look if we be spent that £15,500 (Average cost of a wedding in 2011) on understanding how to create an amazing lasting and passionate relationship instead of blowing it on just one perfect day?

After all the cost of getting it wrong is massive not just in monetary terms, but also in the cost to our families and our children.

Humans, we think we are smart, but how can that be true. The proof is all around us we are doing something wrong, the divorce rate is high, many of those that are still in relationships are dissatisfied, many quickly becoming passionless stale relationships. Only a small percentage are really happy behind closed doors regardless of what they seem to present to the world.

Relationship Education How Important Is It?

It’s critical… This is how and why my success rate with those that want to learn is really high.

  • How does a man really know how a woman thinks and what she needs if he has never been taught.
  • How does a woman know how a man thinks? She cannot because she has never been one.

Simple pieces of education if missed can destroy a relationship over time through fears.

What is it that really created that fire of passion when you both first met, and why has it gone today? Do you really know?

What does a man have to do when his wife has complained at him for years and his sex life disappeared over night, and is now she is quiet and depressed what can he do to help her?

  • Why can men choose to work such long hours?
  • Why do men ignore their partners?
  • Why won’t he talk to his wife?
  • Why does she get so upset at nothing?
  • Why is she so difficult to please?
  • Why does she upset why he tried to help her?

You see anyone can have a wonderful relationship when all is going well, but it’s when it goes wrong is when a relationship either grows or dies. If you knew just the fundamental differences between sexes you would be rushing to discover these critical truths and more.

What’s at risk for YOU if a split happens is huge!

  • Your time: You can never get time back
  • Your money: Get it wrong you will lose more than you think
  • Your children do suffer: They seem to cope, but they are affected into adult life.
  • New relationships suffer: Unless the individual knows why their previous relationship failed they will repeat the patterns again and again.
  • Making do: People end up making do with any partner and live passionless lives.
  • Relationships become too painful: So they live their days alone, missing out on the love they could have had if only they had searched for the truth, their truth.

How can you create a future that is secure if you don’t have the skills to create it? I welcome your comments below.






You create your own experience

From children we are taught certain skills which are designed to hamper our progress through life? Not only does what we get taught cause us emotional problems, but it also magnifies problems in our relationships.

If you are unaware you can control these behaviours and emotions, what happens is the world becomes difficult to deal with and it can feel that the world, or others are always against you.

The result can be a overly negative view on the world, maybe you just don’t feel lucky and others seem to get it all, whilst you are left with what’s left. Maybe you feel that to get what you want you always have to fight, or maybe life has to be hard for you to be successful.

Whatever your experience you are probably trained to live in reaction to the world you live in. What this does is focus you on what’s wrong and when you do that search within you, it’s very easy to find a lot of things that are wrong either with the world, or your life.

Plus when you focus on what’s wrong and you start to condition yourself to see the world negatively, this automatically puts you in a poor state of mind and this will stunt your growth. This is why people get stuck in poverty, or relationships that don’t work.

Now what happens is because there is no growth in your life, more bad stuff happens to you, because you are not in the right place emotionally to give yourself what you need.

The irony is this, it takes just as much effort to look for what’s right as it does to look for what’s wrong, but the result will be a world of difference.

Those people who are successful in all aspect of their life are not just lucky, they created their own luck through a focus on what will give them the life they desire. From this place they create great questions, that creates answers that lead them to actions that give them a better opportunity/chance to get what they desire.

So if you want to experience a great life you have to create an experience that leads you to what you want.

That experience is based on how you focused your mind and your desire / motivation to make it happen.

So if you take responsibility for how you experience the world this put you back in control of what happens to YOU. You no longer have to please others to get what you need, you no longer have watch as other get what they want from the world. You no longer have see life as against you. YOU can take part right now!

What happens is you TAKE BACK CONTROL and create experiences every day that will give you the right state to ask the right questions. Look at the difference below and think about what you do, especially in part of your life that are not working.

  • Why am I so poor? Leads you to hopelessness.
  • How do I create wealth? Leads you to education and understanding the rules of money and wealth.
  • Why is my relationship so awful? Leads you to blame.
  • How can I get my relationship back on track? Leads you to education and a desire to do more.

Testament to Life Coaching

OK I know initially I went  as I hoped to save my marriage.  Well it takes two to do that and my ex-husband wasn’t committed to doing so – the lure of the new woman was just too great!

Left with having to pick up the pieces of ‘me’ I’ve continued to see Stephen over the last 11 months, determined to get myself into a better state of mind.  I will readily admit there have been times when I’ve ‘fought’ Stephen with a passion, feeling and believing that I was right and he wrong!  I’ve had sessions cancelled by him as he wasn’t prepared to waste my money (for which I am grateful!).  I’ve argued with him and I’ve had moments of disliking the experience.  None of which sounds very positive!  But in hindsight 99% of these arguments have actually been with myself as I’ve battled to change how I view things, to take responsibility for me and to learn and understand how I can make things different for me. To learn and to realise that I needed to become my own best friend. [Read more...]

Why Do Relationships Go Wrong?

When we are ready for a committed relationship the decision of who to choose to spend our life with is a critical one. After all the usually intention is to meet and live with someone for the rest of our lives.

So with the only life you have, I expect choosing that partner is going to be one of the biggest decisions you will ever make. Bigger than your career, money, houses, cars etc. We can all get new jobs, more money, but where can you get true LOVE. Loss of love is far more painful than any other life experience, I know because I see the truth in my sessions every day.

So if it is the most important part of our time on earth then understanding how relationships work would be top of the list. Sadly this is not the case and the result is so painful and costly on many levels.

Of course for the most, the desire to have this understanding of how relationships work is at the bottom of the list especially at the start of a relationship. A desire to understand why things are going wrong only starts to creep to the top of the list when things start to go wrong, which of course they alway do.

When couples get to the point of things going wrong consistently they are discovering what they are doing is not working, but they keep doing it in the vain hope their partner will learn, understand and listen… but of course they don’t. Many even bury their heads in the sand hoping for a better day.

Some try everything they can think of, assuming that’s all they can do, of course they are wrong, but they don’t know they are wrong. Their knowledge is limited and this is going to cost them more than they know.

At the point a relationship starts to go wrong it is critical to know what to do. It is at that point the relationship either grows or dies. It dies a little each time the couple get it wrong, resentment starts to build and before long the individual(s) lose respect for the relationship.

Of course if any person in a relationship starts to feel that life starts to feel wrong then they could start to feel that the relationship is wrong for them and planning a secret escape route is very possible.

I know many relationships and families can be saved, but the couple have to want to save their relationship, or at least be open minded that just maybe what they know today is not enough to save the relationship, and maybe they don’t know enough to keep a relationship alive.

Education is the key to building successful, lasting and passionate relationships.

Find out what you don’t know today, it could just save your relationship and your family. For a call back request

Should I break up with my partner?

Many people unhappy in their relationship get to the point where they start to seriously wonder, “…should I break up with my partner?” Husband, Wife, Girlfriend, Boyfriend whoever you are there comes a point in your relationship where this question comes up.

There is a whole variety of reactions to this question.

  • Some just feel so bad so they bolt from the relationship.
  • Some wait a while, on the look out for more proof they are incompatible.
  • Some put their head in the sand and focus on friends, family, or work in the hope it will sort itself out.
  • Some separate hoping the space will help them miss each other, or give them time to reflect on what feels right now they are out of the pressure cooker.

Does any of this work?

The chances of this really working is slim, because the reason the couple were having problems has not been addressed. The reason is because the couple will be totally unaware of what is driving them at a subconscious level. This means behaviours and feelings are being created without conscious thought. [Read more...]

Why do a lot of people fail to get the life they want…

One of my biggest quests has been to understand the answer to that question. The answer to this question has helped me to help others create the happiness they deserve. After all if we could understand why people fail all we would have to do is do the reverse….Simple!

That sounds reasonable, in fact most people already know what to do, but on the whole they don’t do it.

For example:

  • Many people know smoking will kill them, but they continue anyway.
  • Many people over eat and even though they can see themselves getting fatter, but they keep eating.
  • Many people are struggling financially, they know what they have done so far has not worked, but they carry on doing it anyway.
  • Many people are very wealthy, they know that money is not fulfilling their happiness, but they carry on in a single minded quest for more cash, never feeling fulfilled. [Read more...]

The Secret To The Life You Want

What you are about to read may sound obvious, but take heed, a lot of what you say you know and you should do, you probably don’t. So knowledge is really only powerful if you then decide to use it. Plus beware of the sting in the tail if you get this wrong…

Now I know that only 10% of you will actually do this and only 3-5% will actually follow through, why this happens no one knows just decide quickly if you are going to be in the 3% or the 97%.

Step one: Decide what you really want, discover what would make your life just the way it should be. Great relationship, money, career, adventures, stuff what would you really like your life to be like?

This is where the 90% give up, they think what they want is not possible, if that’s you, fair enough.

Get your wife or husband boy friend, girl friend involved, get the family involved give yourself permission to create the possibility of living an exciting exceptional life. After all it won’t happen unless you create it.

Step two: Decide what you want, and write it down

This critical because the goal becomes more powerful, plus as time passes and your goals change you can see how many of your goals you have achieved and how as you learn more about yourself and life how those goals change.

Step three: Keep your lists.

The bitter and the sweet

Many of us have a goal of becoming wealthy and the term millionaire tends to sum of this goal.

This is where the 90% will now stop reading:

The Goals: Why not create a goal to become a millionaire, or a wonderful partner, why not both?

What’s important is not what you’ll get if you do this, what important is who you’ll have to become to be able to achieve those goals.

If the money isn’t important give it to a charity,

  • “The importance of life is not what you get it’s who you become.”

What are you becoming today?

Set the goal that will make something of you, when you achieve them.

Challenge yourself don’t be afraid of the pressure, stop doing what’s easy, grow that muscle that will help you create a life. The 97% live an existence unaware of what really happening, look around you at the ground hog day people who have lowered their standards through fear of not getting what they want. Is this really who you want to become?

If you don’t think you need much, then of course you don’t need to become much, some of you maybe happy not becoming much, it’s your life and your choice… BUT…!

Don’t sell out, on your values in your quest for poor goals, or no goals at all, because that will go against all you believe in, you will be the creator of your own life disasters.

An unhappy life is a result of you doing less than you are capable of and the reason this is possible is a lack of discipline, poor focus and poor goals.

Just beware of what you become in pursuit of what you think you want.

Relationship coaching starts with helping individuals understand who the core them really is and helping them understand what life they were designed to live.

Only when an individual gets this, do they start to attract all they desire.

Beware of your fears because whatever they are, they have become your goals, because whatever you focus on you’ll get.

Please choose wisely…

How Many Sessions Will I Need To Have?

This is one of the most frequent questions I get asked, this is where the concern in the mind of the individual is usually a concern of time or money.

Both of which are valuable to us all…

The usual amount of sessions to get desired results is between 4 – 12 sessions. I been know to sort a problem in one session, but because the clients is not confident with the speed of their change they carry on coming. I see a lot of clients quickly because I know people have busy lives and months of weekly sessions is not ideal, especially when your relationship is on the line.

If I do see clients for longer this is because their crisis problems are sorted and what they want is help with planning their future.
99% of my clients make the necessary changes within 4-12 sessions that time, there are some clients which go slightly over… [Read more...]

Are You Stuck In Your Old Story?

A young lady came to me this week stuck in her past, she had become depressed because she couldn’t get over how she had been treated by her ex. He had left her for another woman and with no money. Her ex was still with the same woman 2.5 years later and was living a wonderful life and now planning a family.

Meanwhile she was stuck depressed and full of resentment for how he treated her, she wanted to forget him, but felt that she couldn’t.

She was so traumatised by what had happened she had stayed stuck for 2.5 years. Fed up of life always feeling so bad she called me. [Read more...]

Honesty is the best policy!? – Really?

Did your mother always tell you “honesty is the best policy” she is right BUT, here is the bit she missed out. There are many truths in any situation and your relationship and your life is no different. My question to you is which truth are you feeding yourself, in fact which truth are you so focused on that even you now believe your own hype?

Many people become stuck because they are so focused on all that is wrong, they have done this for so long it becomes a part of them, almost home.

As you know there are many ways to experience a situation, and your experiences are based on meanings that you create. 100 people in your situation would feel totally differently to you. Practice feeling bad  enough and the meanings you give to your experiences will become automatic and then feel normal, you dislike how you feel but this is now you.

These bad feelings actually become part of you, some will even defend their feelings and even feel like giving up blaming the whole world for an awful life.

You will then believe that how you feel is real, and it is, but only on the back of what you have focused on constantly that has enabled how you feel today to be possible.

So you can choose to be honest with yourself about how you now feel about your life, or your relationship and how it’s not how it should be and that’s why you feel so dreadful every day…

…or you can choose to be really honest and look for other truths that will help you see how amazing life can be if only you stopped searching for what’s wrong and focused on getting control of you, and your life.

As soon as you do this what you will notice is you kick your mind into searching for how to get you to a far better place.

Relationships, money, careers etc… You can plan what you want far easier from a place of hope than from a place of despair. So if you have just realised that it’s you that’s has created your own despair what do you now want to do.

There are as you can see, many truths make sure you don’t get caught up in the one that hurts you and makes your life as it is today, and makes it permanent.

Test – How negative are you?

If you have been following this blog you will notice that the more you focus your mind on something the more of it you get.

This is true for things you want and things you don’t.

When you look at your life today everything you have is a direct result of where your mind has been focused.

Many of us have no idea how we focus our thoughts and the power those thoughts have on our lives and the paths we follow.

What’s critical to know is the consistent actions you are taking have a direct impact on the life you have today and more importantly the life you are about to have!

So here is a test for you to try.

The purpose of the test is to discover if your consistent thoughts are having a direct impact on your life and the future you are creating.

Take two pieces of paper, at the top of the first piece write POSITIVE and the top of the next write NEGATIVE

Over the course of today write down the thoughts you are having and put them onto either the positive of the negative sheets.

The rules of the test

Negative means a focus on everything you don’t want.

For example: I don‘t have any money, I’m fed up of our arguments. These statements focus your mind on what you don’t want. The problems is this focus gets you more of what you don’t want.

A positive focus would be:

Example: How can I make myself more valuable to the market to get the money I need to live the way I want to live. This focuses the person towards education and intelligence. The focus here is on growth (this creates movement towards what you want) rather than a lack (this creates feeling of being stuck or helpless) of money

Instead of a focus on “I’m fed up of our arguments” A positive person would focus on wanting a loving relationship and help their partner to be less afraid. A positive person would help their partner when they are afraid to feel secure again.

So are you more likely to be positive or negative, do you want to find out?

Are you up for the challenge remember the more honest you are the faster you will learn how to get the life you want.

Let me know how you get on. You can do this over 1 day or 7 days it’s up to you. Do this with your partner.

Remember this is not a competition and a platform to prove you right or your partner wrong if that is your focus put those thoughts in the negative space now.

Good luck!

What You Focus On Is What You’ll Get

This includes the things you don’t want. Most people are not aware of this, and sabotage themselves in their quest to achieve the life and relationship they desire most.

If you have ever purchased a new car, did you suddenly notice the world was full of people driving a car just like yours? Or maybe you were expecting a child, did you notice how the world was suddenly full of pregnant women?

Did you ever wonder why this was happening and the meaning, or clue this could be for you and how you work?

Have you noticed that people who are having affairs ironically find trusting partners difficult. Or people who focus on their lack of money always seem to stay poor. Or the person that fears being abandoned, or rejected becomes so fearful they create the very thing they fear most.

Or maybe the person who thinks life is hard, or life has to be a fight, will always have to fight or find life hard before they get just a bit of what they need.

Your mind is powerful…

The mind is powerful beyond belief, and if you give it an instruction it will obey. Here is the key, if you focus your mind on what you don’t want, it will give it to you.

For example if I ask you to not think of an elephant, your mind has to be directed to the very thing you don’t want to focus on to then obey and delete it.

The key to success in life and relationships is move towards what you want, NEVER move away from what you don’t.

This is rubbish..!?

Many people will now claim this is rubbish because they have focused on wanting lots of money, yet they still have none. What these people fail to realise is they have not focused on the gifts they have been given to learn and understand how to make the money they desire by making themselves more valuable to those that have the money they want.

Some people will claim to have poor relationships and blame their partner. Yet they fail to notice how they focus everyday on pulling their love away to punish their partner, so their partner follows and pulls love away too.

So you see with the right focus you can win, or loose it not what you say it’s how you say to yourself that makes the difference.

Now have a think what do you not want in your life. If you have what you don’t want, that will be because you have focused on it so much you have contributed to it happening through your fear and your focus on they very thing you don’t want.

Many clients come to me stuck, too afraid to take their eyes off what they fear.

These people will not change until either they change their focus or life becomes so bad that change is their only option.

Take control of your mind and watch how the world changes, and starts to give you what you ask for.

  • If you are interested to learn more about this please request more information click here.

This Is For You…

When you consider the life you really want to have, the relationships, your career, your friends, houses, cars, holidays, money what springs to mind?

As humans we always have to grow in every area of our lives, because if we are not growing we are dying. So if you consider that to be happy, every part of your life has to grow, or it will become stale and die, you really have no choice, but to decide to take action or to not.

So what has to happen for each area of your life to be ok for you?

This is the point when people become scared to dream because they are afraid to want something just in case they don’t get it. So they limit, or down play their true potential.

  • The reason this happen is because they ask the wrong questions

The real question is what sort of person do I have to become for my dream life to be a possibility? When someone considers what they have to change about themselves to get the life they desire i.e. become more confident, more knowledgeable, more valuable, more courageous, this focuses them to a different place of growth for them, rather than a big impossible mountain to climb.

Successful people in this world start off practicing being the type of people who have money, who have amazing relationships, who have powerful careers long before they ever got to their goal. If they had practised being poor, or lacking in confidence they never would have had any success.

So when you consider the life you would really like, what sort of person do you have to be become today?

To understand how to create this new you, you must understand how behaviours are generated and how if you decide on a life direction you will end up being fulfilled and happy.

There is one clear way of achieving this and that is by understanding how you work and the real power you have to influence yourself and the world around you, if only you could free yourself from your fears of not being enough.

If you want freedom to be the person you really want to be, in the life you really want to live, then understanding you is your first step.

  • I run one-on-one courses to help individuals discover who they have to be. If you are interested please let me know. Click here

Grown Men Have Cried When They Discovered This…

I have had so many instances with my clients that when I explain in detail how and why their values are the key to a happy life for them, they breakdown in total disbelief that they have lived their lives all this time without knowing this life changing and critical information.

Grown men have cried, women have put their head in their hands, some have become angry, some look back with regret of how their lives could have been different if they had really understood this back before their problems really started.

  • So many powerful reactions to this silent wonder that sits within us without us knowing.

See the thing is, when I talk to people about values they usually say yes they understand them, and that they have great values for life.

I then I discover that what they think they understand is far from reality, and so they actually have no idea, not only of what a value really is, but how to use them to get the lives they really want.

I remember the day so clearly day when I understood this and suddenly my life just seemed to snap into sharp focus. I discovered that my values were the key to the life I wanted.

  • The challenge that everyone faces is to understand them and persistently meet your values every day.

Because if you understand the values that are needed to be the person you have always wanted to be, and you meet those values every day you cannot fail in being happy and true to you.

The rules of values

Anyone that is unhappy is NOT living by their values. Understanding your values and how to meet them is the pathway to your emotions.

  • THE RULES ARE SIMPLE: If you meet your values you will be happy, if you don’t you will be unhappy.

Understanding this changes everything because the way we live our lives is with a goal to be happy.

For example people go in search of many ways to be happy.

A woman may go in search of a dress to be happy. She believes the dress will make her happy. In the moment the dress does make her happy, but it does not last for long and so she has to repeat the process to be happy again.

What she has not understood is that the process of buying the dress has given her emotions. It’s the emotions she is after that she gets when she buys the dress, but she thinks it’s the dress she wants, this is her illusion.

She may feel more confident, powerful, in control, significant, attractive…etc When she feels anyone of these things many of her values are being met, but it’s likely she has no idea which one’s, all she knows is she feels happy and this is the route to it.

  • What if she understood how to meet all those emotions through her values without buying anything? What would happen is she could find way to gain lasting happiness that is not conditional on stuff or in this case a dress.

Another example

Many people value money so highly that they spend their lives on a quest to get as much as they can, only to ask this question “… I now have everything I could possibly want, why am I still unhappy?”

Imagine spending your life on a quest and achieving that goal only to discover that what you went for didn’t make you happy.

This is why so many very rich people end up in therapy, they are lost and confused and now exhausted.

  • These people did not understand the power of creating values for lasting happiness.

Now imagine how your relationship would be different, if you understood how to be happy through your values no matter what. Imagine if you could communicate those values to your partner so he or she knew without doubt how to make you happy and you did the same for them.

Then the route to relationship success can be yours in every part of your life.

  • If this has struck a chord with you please get in touch.

Remember this: Knowledge is only power if you persistently apply that knowledge.

What Are You Going To Do Now?

The summer holidays are now coming to a close here in the UK and as you reflect on the past few months and how much has happened for you, what would you do differently if you had the chance.

It’s never too late to start to make changes to your life.

When you look around you now, and you look at everything that is in your life, is this the life that you wanted?

  • If not, why not? What’s missing? How should your life be?

You could be over weight, not have enough money, dating the wrong people, or always fighting with your partner. Whatever you are  doing, or have been practising is what has created where you are today and everything in it, and this is down to the decisions and choices you have made.

If you feel that the world is responsible for what you have not got, or you are just not lucky, or not  intelligent enough, or maybe you have not got the money you need to do what you want, then you are in what we call, learnt helplessness.

Unless you take charge of your life and take 100% responsibility for it, and that includes your relationship(s), then you will always stay where you are, feeling that either you will never be enough or feeling that the world is somehow against you.

If you know that something is not right, then know this, you have the power to change it… TODAY!

Is today the day when you say enough is enough?

Relationship Advice for Women

Relationship Advice for Women: Do you want to know the secret to a mans heart? If so then this post is for you.

Discover how to avoid him silently attaching a
truck load of bad feelings to you.

I’m sure that you will agree that men and women are totally different. In fact we are almost like different species when it comes to how we think and behave.

There is good reason for these differences, as evolution and instinct are still at play in all our daily lives. So like it or not there is a powerful force of nature in us all.

From a mans perspective he is happiest when he is congruent with what he was designed to do. He wants top be able to look after his family/woman, provide for them and keep them happy safe and secure.

He wants to be able to mend all the problems you may have and if anything good happens then he would really like to take the credit for it.

When your man is successful at knowing all that’s good in your life is down to him, you’ll have a very happy man.

When he feels this, then you will have helped him attach all that he wants to being with you, this is what you want.

Help him feel successful

So to achieve this, set him up for success, give him something to fix, and show him love when he does it… then watch his mood change. Let him know how safe you feel with him around. Tell him how great he makes you feel about you, he doesn’t need details, he just needs to know it happens.

If he takes you out and he chooses the restaurant tell him what you love about his plans. I know that sometimes he may not be perfect and it may not be how you would like it, but help him understand you, don’t assume he will understand you. After all do you understand you all the time?

So if he gets it wrong or you want him to do something for you, don’t nag! Educate him in a loving way that speaks to a man and not a little boy.

Ask for your money back

The thing is this, whoever sold you the idea that nagging your man to get him to do what you want him to do works, ask for your money back.

You may disagree because your nagging eventually works, but you are not in his head when he reluctantly does what you ask and then “silently gets a truck load of bad feelings and attaches it to you” every time.

You can’t tell a real man what to do, he is not five, PLUS a real man is what you want, kicking a man is not the way to get what you want and get into his heart at the same time.

How Our Minds Work – Your Focus

Yesterday we started to understand perception and how we create the meanings for the world we live in and how those perceptions can craft your future. Click how our minds work if you missed part 1

Today I’m going to expand on this and talk about your focus and how that works with your perceptions to design your life and relationships.

All this happens without you knowing, so imagine how powerful this can be if you can choose your perceptions, and now your focus.

Suddenly they just start appearing

Have you ever bought something like a car and suddenly noticed lots of cars just like yours suddenly appear? Or if you were expecting a baby, then did the world suddenly look like it was full of pregnant women? Is this magic, or coincidence of course not?

If this or something similar has happened to you, then that’s your focus in action. The truth is the world did not change, what changed was your focus and until you had that focus you went through life deleting all information that was not important, such as that model of car or pregnant women.

I will say that again, if you deem information to not be important, you will delete it as if it never happened. In fact you will swear that it didn’t happen, even if it did.

You may even receive information you don’t totally understand and so you may have to distort it so it fits into your model of the world, so your version of events never actually happened, children are victim of this and it’s why what information you feed you children is critical.

Your mind is creating your world

Now you know that through your mind the world will present to you what you focus on, what do you want the world to give you?

If you are a negative person what will you delete? You will delete all that’s good in the world.

If you fear being in the wrong relationship what will you delete? You will delete all that’s good in your relationship, and go on a mission to discover everything that may hurt you. Even if you have the best relationship in the world you would find problems, because problems are always available.

The key is knowing what to focus on to give you what you really want.

Some may say they want more money and they have focused on this for years and they are still poor. What these people don’t realise is they actually focused without knowing on not having enough money and so they practised, not having enough money until they were successful at it.

If these people focused on creating careers that were inline with all they value emotionally, and they persistently worked on growing their value within those markets, they would then see results that would in turn provide them with the money they desire. The focus here is on growth and contribution not on a lack.

People in problem relationships will have practised focusing on a fear for their future. When they find the many problems their fears have created they will then focus on protection or security from their partner. This will help them focus on attaching all their bad feelings to their partners and then make them responsible for making them feel bad.

Change your focus and change your life

Why not create a focus for what you really want. This is the biggest challenges for coaches and their clients. Because what a client thinks they want, is never what they really want.

A coach knows the client wants emotions. The clients thinks the outside world is the route to those feelings, the coach knows the route to their true happiness is within themselves.

So what is going to be the focus of your life and what perceptions of the world are going to give you all you desire?

Something to think about…

How Our Minds Work – Perception

In today’s post I am going to share some concepts about how our minds work so you can relate this back to how you experience the world, your life, relationships, and especially the one with yourself.

The goal is to gain a better understanding of how you really work. So if you want to gain control of your life experiences and your relationships please read this slowly.

The way you experience the world, your thoughts and feelings are your interpretation of the world, in your mind, based on your life experiences so far. Your mind is always looking for meanings to what happens within your world based on your own unique experiences, because it’s all you know.

Different experiences therefore create different perceptions.

These experiences of yours have created meanings to your world that are unique to you, and these experiences are designing your future. No one else has exactly the same experiences of life as you.

This means that the world and it’s meanings to you is purely a perception that sits within your mind, and so any beliefs that you have created on your journey through life are based on these perceptions, and are not actual facts. Many people have beliefs that they believe are facts, when they are not.

This is what makes you unique, there is no one else like you.

So if the world you live in is an interpretation created by you, then the meanings you give the world are clearly a perception too.

So if the world you live in a is a perception in your mind, and you are creating these perceptions without knowing then imagine how the world would feel it you could control your day-to-day experiences and their meanings, how would that change you and your future?

The truth is your perceptions can create vast differences in the life you live, and not understanding this puts either other people or the world in charge of your life’s direction.

  • If you believe you can’t have unconditional love then you will be right.
  • If you believe that your partner can’t be trusted then you will be right.
  • If you believe that your life is hopeless and you will never be successful, then you will be right.

If your focus is on all that’s wrong then you will create that perception and live that life. We are conditioned by society to look for the negative and so this comes easy for us to do and so we convince ourselves that we are in the wrong relationships, or our lives are hopeless and success only happens to others.

Know this: Successful people NEVER EVER think that way, and so they create the perception that everything is possible they totally believe in themselves and so they take massive actions and are relentless in their quest to get the lives they want.

So what perceptions have you created about your life? Maybe the reason you don’t have what you really want is down to you and your perception of yourself.

Maybe you don’t think you are enough…and that’s holding you back…!?

How To Know Who Is Right For You?

When I was considering this post I remember a young lady who came to me with this very problem. She told me that she really liked this man she was seeing, but she could not seem to get passed that fact he was from what she considered to be a lower social class.

He was also on a lower-income than she was used to, but she was torn because she said she had feeling of love for him, but was considering ending the relationship due to his financial potential.

This was an interesting dilemma, because she had the eyes and pressure of her family and social circle on her, combined with a confusion over her values for what created a successful relationship.

For her and her family money meant security and she knew she wanted security from the relationship. But what she missed was money would never buy her the security she really needed to have a successful relationship. What she needed was love, trust, adventure, passion, a common goal, someone who was committed to her happiness every day. Money couldn’t buy this ever, all money could do was buy things. So she began to understand that a true love was far more valuable than any amount of money.

I had to help her understand how her current understanding of values were stopping her achieving the relationship she really wanted. For example any relationship can come under financial pressure no matter how wealthy you are.

So if a person always has to have security before they will allow themselves permission to love, then the love will always be conditional. A conditional love will always be one that lacks passion, freedom and honesty.

So if you have any doubts about what you need, or about your relationship discover if love is the top value in your relationship, because if it’s not then it needs to change before your relationship can be the one you really dreamed of.

For a relationship to be the right one for you, LOVE has to be the top value you both share.

What comes next is, how can that love grow and last, that question is very individual, but know this, if you don’t discover what you both need the relationship will die.

So feed your relationship the food it needs everyday, when you both commit to doing this, then you know you are in the right relationship.

Why relationships go bad

If your relationship has gone bad then something has changed.

One of the most likely reasons is the relationship has stopped growing.

To grow your relationship you have to have exciting compelling goals together. When you first met you and your partner had goals to see each other, goals to learn more about each other, goals to get them to like you. Goals to have passionate weekends away, goals to live together, goals buy a house, goals to get married goals to have children.

In the early days with a life so full of goals you both felt so close and alive and so you wanted the next adventure together.

What happens in most relationships is the goals die. Life takes over work, friends, hobbies, children and money become the new goals and the relationship gets left out.

When the goals die the relationship dies, the couple struggle to see the point of being together although they may stay together longer if they have better financial security together than apart.

If this happen then on top of a dead relationship come resentment and a lack of respect for each other.

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