Can a dead relationship be reignited?

The simple answer to this question is yes because I see it every day. Couples without knowing are creating a dynamic that is shutting down their connection. These couples do have the ability to learn how to create a dynamic that keeps their emotional connection alive if they want to.

When couples come to see me, my mission is to help them understand if they have the ability to create a dynamic that works for them both.

IMPORTANT: I’m not trying to fix them. I’m helping them create the knowledge they need to be able to make good decisions for themselves and their families.

You see the biggest problem people face is if you “think” you understand your problem and you leave your relationship and you’re wrong! The real problem is likely to appear in the next relationship so please understand why you’re having problems before you leap.

So many clients I see are shocked to learn they have been running the same problem for years.

When couples go through this process with me, they discover new ways of understanding and thinking about their relationship. These are unique ways they would never have considered before that help them see their problems in solvable terms.

The most consistent message I receive is “…this process is enlightening”. [Read more...]

He was about to lose her!

So this gentleman came to me upset and confused. What has happened to my marriage? What’s made her so unhappy, and why is she now speaking about leaving me?

He said, “We seemed to be fine we’ve had a great marriage ups and downs like most couples, but this is normal, isn’t it?”

“How did we get here, I thought this happened to other people, not us…”

He went on “I’m a simple man with simple needs I really don’t need that much to be happy.

I agreed with him “…., but one simple thing you want is for her to be happy, is that right?”

He agreed. “That’s why I spent so much time building the business, so she didn’t want for anything.”

I agreed with him that the money was important but. [Read more...]

“The Bulletproof Marriage”

We all like the theory of someone being our soul mate. Someone that has our back and will love us for life, someone that’s a friend and a lover. Someone who will help us become the best of us, pick us up when we are down and cheer us on when we succeed.

Most people want a purposeful life that’s exciting with someone special.

The problem is no one that gets married is going to be able to see the future and know how they will both feel about themselves and each other.

Far too many people end up disappointed with how their life plays out and for some who they have chosen.

Many are bored either with their life or each other. [Read more...]

Getting out of a marital crisis?

I now see roughly 20 couples per week, everyone in crisis and nearing divorce. Every one of these couples has broken their marriage in very unique ways. Some are wanting to fix the marriage, some are lost not knowing what they want but don’t want to make a life-changing mistake.

Every couple needed a unique solution to help them discover what they are capable of.

This weeks catch up with a few couples who came for help: 

Couple one: In her first session she said she was at the end of the road after years of disconnection and he was in a terrible state. Divorce was on the cards, and they were both giving up.  [Read more...]

“I LOVE how I feel about ME when I’m with YOU!”

So what is the formula for a great marriage and why do so many people get it wrong? When you look at what we are all trying to achieve it boils down to something quite simple.

We are all trying to experience the feelings we like and avoid the feelings we don’t like.

If you look at anyone that’s on the edge of splitting up, they no longer experience feelings they like when they are with their partner, and some are getting close to experiencing feelings they have spent their whole lives trying to avoid.

Some are leaving because they feel they won’t be loved or they won’t be enough, and these types of feelings are far too painful. Some are leaving because they cannot get over a significant break of trust. [Read more...]

The MAPS you’ll need to prevent a divorce

Today’s post is going to be a little different, I’m going to be sharing one of the key focuses I use to help couples reconnect even after years of disconnection.

One of the things we need to change in these couples is the way they think about their relationship, themselves and their partner. This needs to happen because they won’t be aware that their historical thinking is part of why they are in trouble.

So I’ll start with this thought…

If you were in New York and lost and someone handed you a map of Paris could you rely on that map of Paris to help you to make good decisions and take you to were you want to go in New York?

It’s obvious this simply wouldn’t work yet not understanding this concept is leading couples to rely on the wrong maps and this is leading so many to divorce for the wrong reason.

I’ll explain… [Read more...]

“10 reasons why couples don’t make it”

There are now well over 800 pages in this website helping any reader to become curious about their relationship why they work and why they fail. People from all over the world are now attending meetings with me to gain solutions to seemingly impossible marital problems.

In today’s post, I’m going to be sharing some key thinking that helps couples to keep their relationship alive with some thoughts on the cost of not applying these to a marriage.

1. Never assume your partner is trying to hurt you

2. Never make your partner wrong

3. Never threaten the end of the relationship (unless you really mean it!)

4. Never pull your love away

5. Never make your relationship all about YOU!

6. Always make your partner feel No1 in your life

7. Always make your partners needs your needs too

8. Always look for ways to help your partner feel great about themselves

9. Always make unconditional love your priority (it will cost you if you don’t)

10. Always make time for your relationship every day [Read more...]

“Last Chance Saloon” Part 1 – Please help me get my wife back

Helping couples make the right decision about the rest of their lives is a huge responsibility I take very seriously. The future of their relationship and family hangs in the balance of me getting their strategy right to give them clarity.

Some couples have done what they can themselves but are stuck. Some have sought help but are either stuck or still no further forward.

A sentence I hear often is I’m their “Last Chance Saloon”.

Some people call in because they have a partner who has no interest in seeking help and these people feel very lost and alone – so today’s post is to help those people learn where there is hope. [Read more...]

“What do you actually hear when I speak?” – Couples communication problems

One of the most fundamental challenges all couples face is understanding what the other is really saying to them.

If you can’t understand each other then gaining a connection that makes sense is going to become a monumental challenge.

The trend of what I see is the men admit to me they really don’t understand their wives and the women tell me they are being crystal clear to their husbands.

I’m generalising here of course.

In these situations, I have to help women understand what men hear when they speak and help men understand what she wants.

So many women I see cannot believe that their men don’t understand what they are saying, to them their messages are simple to understand so in her mind he, either doesn’t love her or there something wrong with him. [Read more...]

Foundations of successful marriages

There is no question that a significant percentage of the population is struggling to understand how to keep their marriage alive because they are missing the foundation you are about to read about.

By alive I mean passionate and emotionally connected whilst both excited about their future and purpose for being together.

So why is this so difficult for so many?

The real reason is simple…

It takes very little skill to fall in love but it takes real understanding to keep a loving passionate connection alive for life.

Building a successful marriage takes an understanding of critical foundations that if constantly practised gives couples a significantly better chance of keeping a marriage alive for life. [Read more...]

“I don’t love my partner anymore – please help me”

So many couples unwittingly create a dynamic that helps them fall out of love with each other.

These couples don’t know what they have done to kill their love so they struggle to gain those feelings back and many eventually conclude the relationship simply can’t work.

So many people come to me with this question.

I have fallen out of love with my partner can it come back? The simple answer is yes but there is a process to enable that to happen.

That process is not obvious or logical which is why so many couples struggle.

I have to show them exactly what they did to kill their love trust and passion for each other.

They then will need a plan to understand what they have to STOP doing right now so they stop hurting each other and then they must learn what they must START doing to support reconnection and the growth of their relationship. [Read more...]

“You can’t leave your wife until you know this”

Unless you have learnt how to understand and fill up your partner with what they really need you simply can’t leave that relationship safe in the knowledge you have done all you can.

So it’s critical for people who are struggling in an unhappy relationship to really understand the complexity of why they are in trouble before they put themselves and their family through painful changes.

One lady came to me after running the same destructive pattern in 3 long-term relationships without knowing.

She was now 57 and about to give up on love until she learnt her behavioural patterns were never going to meet her own needs and would stop her meeting any man’s needs.

She was shocked and stunned at such a waste of her life and really sad she probably should have stayed with her first husband who she had 2 children with. [Read more...]

Why do so many couples struggle to communicate?

Have you ever wondered why so many intimate couples across the globe are struggling to get through to each other?

Effective communication for so many couples can seem almost impossible but it’s, of course, critical for the health and longevity of the relationship.

Couples that can’t communicate can find they lose trust and respect for each other as they try to get their partner to see things their way or defend themselves from their partners attack on their character.

Some go round in circles, some have the same argument over and over, some bicker about everything and anything and some just give up.

If you were to speak to both parties they will be 100% convinced they are being clear and yet their partner can take their words and make them mean something totally different.

Some people are so flabbergasted by their partners’ behaviours they embark on a quest to help them become more like them because life would be easier that way. Be more like me is their solution and is usually a recipe for disaster.  [Read more...]

What does your partner really need to be happy?

If you want a successful relationship for life then meeting your partners’ core needs is going to be one of the critical elements to achieving this lifelong goal.

In essence meeting each other’s needs should be simple, but when you look closer you will discover many hidden challenges.

Most people don’t start looking at their relationship needs until it starts to become a problem. This decision is the big mistake everyone makes.

You see if you wait until the relationship is in trouble at this point the desire to meet needs is rarely high if you can’t trust your partner to meet your needs.

I was discussing this concept with a client this week. He was convinced he had done all he could and it was his wife who needed my help.  [Read more...]

Can a Leopard change its spots?

Many people come into my session with years of experiencing their partner being a certain way. They need their partner to change, but they are not convinced it’s possible so they sit in the relationship protecting themselves from their partner.

So they ask me “can a Leopard change its spots?”

One gentleman came in with a severe marriage issue and he was trying to save it – she wanted a divorce, but he had terrible anger problems.

He told me he was going to anger management. I said “Why do you want to manage it? Don’t you want to get rid of it?”

I went on to explain to him that his anger was designed to meet his core needs and because it kept meeting those needs through his anger he would always behave this way. [Read more...]

What Really Saves a Couple from Divorcing?

When I look at all the couples that have successfully saved their marriage from the brink of divorce they all have the same thing in common.

At the start of the process:

  • They were sceptical they could actually be helped.
  • They have spent years going round in circles.
  • The all have moved to protect themselves from each other on some level.
  • They were exhausted.

I see this as a normal start.

  • What they did all bring to the table was a curiosity to learn and grow.

What I see at the core of a couple’s success is the ability to learn that their thinking although totally logical did not bring them to the truth of their relationship. [Read more...]

Avoid the fight of your life – Learn the 20+ early warning signals that means a marriage is in trouble

Far too many couples are waiting far too long to seek help so in today’s post I’m going to share my thoughts on what to look out for and what not to ignore.

This man was terrified…

I’ll never forget a couple who came for help far too late. Her pattern was not communicating her problems with him and his pattern was to assume her calm self was an indicator that she was happy.

As he walked into my room he looked terrified.

She had just told him she wanted a divorce – she was deadly serious – he could now see he was in the fight of his life.

In fact, this fight started years before and he never knew. The clock had been ticking and he just didn’t see the signs.

You see I need people fighting to protect their marriages much sooner. [Read more...]

Top 7 relationship mistakes that lead couples to severe marital stress and many to divorce

I spend year after year with couples from all over the world who travel to see me to gain life-changing solutions to some of the most challenging marital issues.

Living day-to-day with all these couples in varying degrees of crisis helps me to see that so many couples are creating very common problems in their own relationship without even realising.

So today I’m going to share with you what I’m seeing so you can look at what is happening in your own relationship.

Each one of these points below is critical to thoroughly understand: [Read more...]

“A path to a better relationship in 2018″

There is no question that creating a lifelong relationship is a significant challenge. So many couples are having problems because they are missing so much information when they first start their relationship which they are going to need for it to survive.

Sadly they don’t know this when they get together. Few people are looking for this critical information because the start of the relationship is giving them most if not all of what they need to feel happy.

So naturally, who wants to fix a problem we don’t have? Totally makes sense – right!

Unfortunately, many of us have been sold on the “happy ever after” not aware that we need a to approach our relationship in a very different way to ensure both people remain connected and excited for life. [Read more...]

“Should I be in this marriage?” She asked

So I was chatting with a lady who was recommended to me and she wanted to find out if I could help her and her husband?

They were at breaking point and she was about to action lawyers, but she was unsure if she had really tried everything and had heard from a friend about me. She said she liked the idea that I don’t sit couples in their problems and focus on their past.

I asked her to help me understand from her perspective what she had experienced in the relationship.

As she was talking I could hear straight away that her husband was not protecting her emotionally and she was having to look after herself in her marriage.

I could hear she didn’t feel emotionally safe with him and she had lost all sense of who she was and was struggling to make a decision about her marriage that made sense to her. It was especially painful as she had young children and knew the wrong decision would affect them for life. [Read more...]