Learn the Win-Win Patterns of behaviour that create secure passionate relationships

If you have been following past posts you will know how hard it is to deal with the many hidden challenges in a couples relationship. Today I’m going to uncover another hidden problem that’s so important to learn.

Todays post is designed to help you focus your thought’s into your habitual patterns. Many couples have created destructive patterns without thought. These patterns are hurting the relationship, but the couple keep repeating them. So if you find yourself in circular patterns that keep making one or both of you unhappy then the pattern must change.

IMPORTANT: The way a pattern must change is to dissolve resentment and build more connection and more love and passion. This is where people are going wrong. I see couples do make changes, but their changes cause more problems.

So the new design of the pattern and the goal we want to achieve is critical to put the couple on the right track.

Lets start here: All couples have created patterns of behaviour without knowing.

This has two effects, either their learnt patterns have lead them to a loving, connected passionate life together, or their learnt patterns have lead them to feel disconnected from each other. [Read more...]

Top 10 mistakes all couples in crisis are making

I’m going to share with you today 10 mistakes all couples in crisis are making that can put their relationship under real stress.

These are in no particular order, but each can have a powerfully negative impact. Compound these behaviours over time and the relationship is now heading for a very bumpy ride.

  1. Become your partners judge.
  2. Making your partner wrong.
  3. Threaten the end of the relationship.
  4. Help your partner to feel bad about themselves.
  5. Holding back love.
  6. Expect more of your partner than you do of yourself.
  7. Have no plan for the relationship.
  8. Make other areas of your life more important than them.
  9. They must think and act the same as you.
  10. Manipulate them to get what you want.

Relationships are a place where the couple MUST [Read more...]

#698: The 3 Reasons Marriages Are Failing

Today I going to share with you 3 massive areas of focus that are foundational in collapsing a marriage.

Far too many couples are not understanding why they are in trouble. They make the wrong assumption… there is no hope! They then use that emotion of no hope to break up their family.

Below are 3 core reasons couples get themselves in trouble and how resentments can start to stack to destroy their marriage. [Read more...]

Rebuilding Trust in a Marriage

With the right approach it is possible to rebuild trust in a marriage so that your marriage is far stronger than it every was before, no matter what’s happened.

I have seen many couples go through devastating affairs and then learn how to breakthrough their fears and then work together to protect and feed the relationship what it really needs to survive.

At the end of this post you will learn how I helped one lady connect to a strength within her to deal with a devastating situation.

Trust can be broken for many reasons, the obvious ones are affairs, lying, or some kind of erratic behaviour. What many don’t see is that trust can be broken if our needs are not met. Trust can be broken if the dynamic that builds attraction is damaged. [Read more...]

Learning how to repair your relationship is the most critical relationship skill you can learn today!

If you want to learn how to repair your relationship this post is for you. Relationships are extremely valuable and they need looking after if you want to keep them alive, so today you will learn one key skill that’s the foundation to rebuilding your relationship.

The challenge with this is most couples don’t know how to look after the relationship and sadly many are not even aware they have to, they think it should just happen. To be clear successful relationship don’t just happen they are created…

So many couples go in to sadness, anger, frustration and unhappiness – detachment because ‘together’ they have starved the relationship of what it needs to survive.

The relationship then starts to breaks down as the trust dies and no one really knows what to do to stop it. One of both people will then become fearful which can accelerate the process.

How I see relationships in it’s simplest form is their are two banks you need to keep your eye on.

One is the “Bank of Pleasure”, the other is the “Bank of Resentment”.

Most couples start their relationship with the “Bank of Pleasure” high and the “Bank of Resentment” low so naturally it feels good.

As the relationship progresses and the couple start to be challenged by their differences, their day-to-day life stresses and their focus turns to what they think they should or shouldn’t be getting.

Resentment starts to grow in the marriage and their focus moves slowly away from what’s great about the relationship and moves towards what’s wrong – it’s this shift of focus that’s catastrophic.

If the person spends long enough in the “what’s wrong land” the person will start a natural defence process that will end up with them feeling emotionally numb, or constantly anxious on red alert for problems and what they mean.

So to stop the relationship getting to this point what the couple needs is a far greater understanding of how to repair the relationship when trouble strikes.

The challenge is one or both people in the relationship are going to need to acquire some new skills.

Skill one: Get on the same page with the real issue(s)!

They need new skills because to successfully repair the relationship they are going to have to be on the same page understanding what the real challenge is.

This is a big problem! Almost every couples that comes to see me thinks their problem(s) is one thing, only to discover it’s something totally different.

What’s worse is the couple usually don’t agree what their problem is, and then wonder why they have been going round in circles for years.

So they are not a team focused on fixing the same problem, they are in a battle fighting for the other side to see the problem from their perspective.

Getting on the same page with understanding the real problem is the start to repairing the relationship. No matter how bad things get, the moment there is an alignment then two people are together in a shared reality.

This is a foundation that enables the couple to grow, but only if they have the right tools.

I talk to couples about learning how to create and grow a brand new relationship based on genuine foundations. Not a rehash of the old one!

When couples really learn how to understand each other and what’s really important to each other then the relationship can really grow.

If your ready to take that step and want to learn the critical skills for repairing and building a passion connected relationship you can do that one-on-one with me in Harley Street London.

To get started please make contact or book online today.

At a Glance: Relationship Building Programs available to you with Stephen Hedger

  • If you are in marital crisis you may need a tailor made 12 week Marriage Breakthrough Program.
  • If you NOT in crisis, but going round in circles then you may need a 6 week Relationship Repair Program.
  • If your in personal crisis then you may need a 4, 8 or 12 week Personal Breakthrough Program.

If your interested in any of Stephen’s programs either

Book an initial consultation so Stephen can assess what you need click here, or call to discover more information.

 

5 Core Foundations Needed For A Successful Marriage?

If you want a successful marriage then getting the right foundations in place is going to be critical to ensuring it’s survival. If your marriage is in trouble and these foundations have not been in place then you’ll start to understand why things are going wrong.

Intimate relationships are riddled with hidden problems that no one is either aware of or talks about.

So to avoid these problems these core foundations are needed if you are both going to make a real difference to each other.

I have spilt these into 5 foundational topics to help you. [Read more...]

How to get your marriage back on track

In todays post I’m going to share with you two critical elements that are needed to help a couple get their marriage back on track.

Couples are coming to me with a vast array of problems and with differing degrees of severity.

Some simply want me to fix them, some are not sure what they want. Some are convinced it’s over, they are only in front of me for the sake of the children.

So if you want to get your marriage back on track then here are some important things to focus on. [Read more...]

Attraction Attraction Attraction

What you are about to read is an important foundation that helps couples migrate from crisis to reconnection. So if saving your relationship is your goal then this will be important to learn.

Attraction is a critical part of what makes couples successful and this goal sits as a key objective when I’m working with couples who have lost their way. I know many people will think I’m talking just about physical attraction and to some degree that is important, BUT physical attraction is just one small part of the mix.

When couples first meet and that meeting generates an energy that both people enjoy, their attraction to each other is automatic, it’s an energy that naturally happens within them both.  [Read more...]

Relationship problems? This is critical to know…

Today I’m going to share how one woman reconnected with her trouble teenage daughter, why a woman chose not to leave her husband and what these two stories have in common that will be affecting everyone’s relationship right now.

  • If your partners needs are different from yours and you don’t know what those differences are, how difficult would it be to connect to each other?
  • What if your partners primary needs change as they go through different life stages how confusing would that be?
  • What if a person needs are not being met, they don’t know what their needs are, or how to share them?
  • What if a person expects their partner to know what they need because they assume their partner has the exact same needs as them?

If you want to have a meaningful connection with anyone in your family then understanding and respecting what they need is critical to maintain a connection that works. [Read more...]

Stephen Hedger saved our marriage

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

I suspected my wife was having an affair for several months which was awful, but when she finally admitted to it, I was overcome with many different emotions.

I had no idea what to do as it’s very difficult to talk to anyone for obvious reasons. I realised we needed help and after much internet research, I called Stephen.

I immediately knew I had made a good choice as he really listened and gave me some useful advice ahead of our first meeting. My wife was INITIALLY reluctant to attend, but Agreed. Stephen called what she was experiencing as love heroin which Seemed apt.

We had several very tough months, especially when my wife got back in contact with the other man. I can safely say without Stephen my marraige would have collapsed at this point.

HOWEVER, Stephen scheduled in some crisis sessions for us and we both Agreed a way forward. My wife and I have emerged from a very bad place to now love eachother more than ever as Stephen has helped us address the problems that inevitably occur after 17 years of marriage. We now really understand eachothers needs and emotions so much better than before.

Towards the end of our sessions, Stephen devoted several sessions to help us with our 16 year old daughter’s difficult behavior. My daughter really liked Stephen and it has really helped our understanding of her, and also strengthened our marriage as we now work much more as a team and are no longer in conflict with our daughter.

Stephen’s advice in the whole process has been amazing – he really understood the different dynamics involved with both myself and my wife in every step of our journey in the last four months or so.

He has saved our marriage and made it so much better than it was before.

I can recommend without hesitation Stephen – he is one of the most inspirational people I have ever met.

Written by a Banker and his wife

An unexpected journey

 

Written By Ben Caesar 

I first met Stephen in the summer of 2015 at a time when my life had become turbulent and my second marriage was failing. Originally, I had intended to attempt to use Stephen’s expertise to help my wife and I to reconcile and work out the problems that had developed during our short marriage. 

We had faced a 6 month period from hell with failed IVF, job loss and the death of a father on a background of ongoing professional exams and my transfer into the regular Army; more than enough life events to test the mettle of any couple’s relationship.

However, for reasons best known to my wife, she couldn’t find it in herself to allow Stephen to help her with our relationship, and so I continued to see Stephen, and something remarkable happened to me as a result. [Read more...]

Marriage in Crisis? Has your partner fallen out of love with you and you want to save your relationship? Learn the steps to helping them fall back in love with you again.

Todays post is a combination of what to do and what not to do if you want to save your relationship.

The first action a couple has to take to see if it’s possible to rebuild their relationship is to take the pressure out of the situation.

When one person has moved emotionally out of the relationship their partner is likely to be taking actions they hope will bring them back in, most people fail at this because their strategy doesn’t honour their partners feelings which are powerful and very real.

These are some typical behaviours people are using that don’t work [Read more...]

Want to solve your problems?

Do you feel that your problems are impossible to solve? Any individual or couple that have a problem they feel is impossible to solve is going to feel that way for one reason.

They are keeping their problem alive by the way they are approaching their problem(s).

It’s easy to keep approaching a problem in the same way, keep failing and then concluded it’s impossible to solve. So many couples are divorcing for the wrong reason and they have no idea. Many feel they have tried everything, however the truth is it’s likely they have only tried what they can think of trying.

A lady came to me recently, she was struggling to get over a recent break-up. She was clearly harming herself with her approach to her challenge, no sleep, loss of weight, emotionally empty she was heading for bigger problems and she knew it. [Read more...]

Masterclass series Part 1: Why has our relationship lost it’s passion?

With passion, attraction and sexual energy being the life blood of any intimate relationship it’s critical that a couple understands how to keep this side of their relationship alive whilst knowing the hidden pitfalls that can kill it dead.

Many people, men and women complain their relationship has become passionless or loveless. They are experiencing either the passion dying over time, or one person has simply lost attraction for their partner.

This loss of passion and attraction is likely to be happening for a very good reason, but the couple will usually be unaware of what’s happening before it’s too late. [Read more...]

Want to save your marriage?

If an individual or couple really wants to save their marriage they have to understand how they are going to positively influence their situation.

When a marriage goes into crisis what the individuals in the relationship do next could change their lives forever so taking swift action is critical because once a problem takes hold shifting it is a really challenge especially if you don’t know how.

Many people make it far worse without knowing and they panic letting their fears take hold making the situation far worse.

Every situation is different and every couple needs help that’s tailored for their specific situation.

Through this post I cannot tell you what to do in your personal crisis to save your marriage because your best action will be different to the next couple. [Read more...]

This is powerful…

If you want to get your partner back into the relationship, if you want to understand why you feel so bad in your relationship, if you want to avoid a divorce and build a successful relationship you are going to need the following information.

This information you are about to learn we should all have learnt long before we go into any relationship, because it’s critical for the couples long-term survival together.

When couples start to struggle with their relationship what they are not understanding is three critical factors are at play. [Read more...]

Relationship habits and patterns

In todays post I will be covering an area of relationships that if understood would totally change the direction for any couple heading for trouble and redirect them towards a far happier life together. Couples that want to learn what your about to read can avert a likely divorce and redirect their marriage to be much happier than before.

So as you can see this is an absolute must for those wanting to keep their relationship alive.

The biggest problems any couple will face is where to put their energy so it connects with what’s important to themselves and their partner.

Each person in a relationship will have many patterns of behaviour unique to them and these individual patterns will create habitual patterns in their relationship. [Read more...]

5 Actions That Can Lead Couples To Serious Problems

If you have been a subscriber for a while you will know that I see a lot of couples at crisis point with serious problems all wanting help to discover if it’s possible to create a dynamic that could work long-term. 

Every couple comes to the session with a unique problem, usually a combination of destructive factors some obvious and some which the couple are totally blind to.

Usually one person wants to win the relationship back and the others feelings ranges from totally detached to wanting the marriage to work, but not convinced anyone could help them. [Read more...]

He was losing his marriage and felt powerless to fix it…

I was on the phone to this gentleman last week, he had been going to see a marriage counsellor for a few months about a severe marriage problem and he was concerned that they were not making the progress he expected and was going to lose his marriage. 

He had come across my service online saw it was very different and wanted to have an initial call with me to understand how my offer worked in more detail.

Before I answered his question I wanted to see if I could help him understand why they were in trouble.

So I asked him what problem they were facing. What he told me I had heard many times before. [Read more...]

Should couples expect relationship problems?

I have put this post together because a few people have asked me why couples that started their lives together in love can find themselves in serious trouble without there being an obvious problem like an affair? 

I want you to see the chain reaction that leads relationships to go wrong. Of course every situation is different, but there are some core challenges which underpins the process to go from a loving relationship to divorce.

The process I have illustrated is simplified so this post didn’t turn into a book, however please note each part has many complexities and consequences. [Read more...]