Fastest way to lose your sex life

Couples that lose their intimate connection have done so for good reason. The challenge is they don’t really understand why it has happened. Worse many couples believe in a devastating myth that the sexual connection dies as the years pass so they expect it to.

The result is they do little to change their behaviours and happily step closer and closer to really big problems.

Some couples have come to me because they think they or their partner has a problem with sex. Most sexual problems couples face is not a sexual issue, for many it’s a symptom of a deeper challenge in the couples dynamic.

I have a seen quite a few couples that have ended up in a very traumatised state because they thought a sexual problem needs a sexual therapist. [Read more...]

What if you knew your relationship problems were not your real problems?

So lets look at Jim he has had two serious relationships and both those women cheated on him and now Jim is focused on whether he can ever trust a woman again.

I think most of us would sympathise with Jims situation, but what is the real problem? Trust does seem a logical place to start and overcome.

Jim tries to have another relationship, but after the initial euphoria his mind has automatically gone to protecting him and focuses him on his past problems and lack of success with women.

This focus causes problems for Jim and his new partner, he is naturally focused on protecting himself and she starts to feel untrusted, not good for her.

Neither Jim or his new partner feel good and the relationship starts to suffer. Both Jim and his new partner are focused on his trust problem and trying to solve it.

It won’t be long before real problems start, because Jim doesn’t actually have trust issues.

[Read more...]

Time to get tough

To become successful in life you have to become valuable, this is a simple fact of life. This is especially critical to understand in our relationships. Specifically the question is: What has to happen for a man to become valuable to his wife? What has to happen for a wife to become valuable to her husband?

I can tell you now, that if all couples started their relationships knowing this the divorce rate would nose dive. With 13 divorces happening every hour in England and Wales there is no question we have a significant problem with our relationships. So this is important to know and so I’m going to be tough, not because I take pleasure in it, it’s because I care and if I wake up just one person and that saves their family from divorce then for me it’s worth it.  [Read more...]

Interrupting and changing patterns that cause relationship breakdown

In the last post we looked at what really causes relationships to fail and it’s not what most people think. In todays post we will look at the patterns we create that are not designed for creating a life long intimate connection.

If I’m going to help someone to achieve the life and relationship they desire understanding the patterns within them that will sabotage that goal is critical.

The patterns of behaviour that lead people to disaster are automatic within them in other words they are not conscious decisions.

These patterns are designed to protect the person from harm, however the application of the pattern is very sloppy and so the wrong automatic response can be triggered without the person knowing. [Read more...]

What really causes marriages to fail?

I have never shared this before, this information I’m about to share is normally reserved for my “Marriage Breakthrough Program” clients.

 So please take your time and follow this carefully.

Most people think that what causes marriages to fail is affairs, arguments, inability to communicate, stress, negativity, loss of sexual connection, money problems, boredom etc.

What if you knew that this wasn’t true, what if all the problems couples face is not their real problem. Would that now make sense to why so many couples go round and round in circles frustrated at each other. [Read more...]

You just don’t care about me!

She was desperate, she had tried and tried to get through to him. In the early days he did his best to comfort her, she liked the attention, but she knew deep down he didn’t really understand her.

As time passed she tried to get through to him, but his patience worn thin, no matter what he did she was miserable, rude and aggressive. He felt controlled, disrespected and untrusted. He tried to fix her problems, but she lacked respect for him and his efforts. He felt life with her was hopeless, he knew communication was fruitless so he stopped.

This worried her and so she became more upset, she said things she didn’t mean through frustration, she hoped he would wake up to her emotions. He didn’t, the more upset she became the more he retreated. Sometimes through frustration he would attack her verbally other times he would shut down and escape, sometimes physically, sometimes emotionally. [Read more...]

Your relationship is valuable so please look after it…

I see all relationships as the most valuable part of the human experience and I know those people who have chosen to work with me feel the same.

I know if I were speaking from the children’s perspectives they would give us a very clear message of how valuable it is to have their real mum and a dad in their lives.

When you look at the end of a couples relationship the law has a very clear perspective of how to see the value of your relationship broken down in monetary terms.

But all this focus on the money you will lose doesn’t take into account the emotional impact on all those involved.  If children are part of a couples life the impact a divorce can have on them in later life is far greater than many know (which most parents are not aware of). [Read more...]

Relationship Principles for Success

If you don’t want your partner to attach bad feelings to you then these will help avoid resentment stacking, a major cause of relationship problems. Please don’t just read them, knowledge is only powerful if you actually take action and apply it to your life.

Some of these my seem wrong to you, they are designed very carefully so please feel free to challenge them in the comments below.

  • Relationships are created they don’t just happen.
  • Relationships are built through contributing and meeting your partners core needs.
  • Relationship that focus on contribution (giving) creates the deepest bond as time passes
  • Make sure that you consistently give more of what your partner needs than you get.
  • Whatever you want more of in your relationship give and be more of that.
  • Never make your relationship about you… [Read more...]

Couples are asking for more information about why the work I do is so successful…

If you are looking to get concrete answers to your relationship problems and put an end to your fears and worries within a few weeks then this is for you.

In 2013 our programs have helped 95% of clients rebuild a relationship they feared was dead. They learnt how to bring it back to life step-by-step. Some say their relationship has never been this good, yet they started the process thinking it was all over.

What’s unique about our programs is it’s designed specifically for the couple and their specific challenges.

This is a powerfully strategic approach to relationship building, where the couple will learn what it really takes to create a relationship that works based on their specific situation and individual needs. [Read more...]

Are you and your partner team?

When two people decide to give the best years of their life to each other it’s a wonderful commitment.

They have chosen to go on a journey through life with each other, they have chosen to become a team, some couples choose to become leaders of a bigger team as children become part of their plan.

So to build a successful team we need clear goals and we need to know the strengths and weaknesses of the team members so the journey to the chosen goals becomes easier.

Any business leader knows this is critical if they are to gain the outcomes they are after. [Read more...]

Do you have a marriage you’re proud of?

As your children grow they are learning how life should be from your example. You are showing them through your actions what is normal. You are giving them their first blueprint of what an intimate relationship is like with another human.

So when you think about the relationship you are having with your partner, are you proud of what you are presenting to your children? Are you happy that they may adopt your relationship as their model for success?

If you don’t have children, would you be happy to present your relationship as the model for others to follow? [Read more...]

How To Save Your Marriage Alone!

If you want your marriage to work and your partner won’t seek help what do you do? This post is about how to save your marriage alone.

How you can make a difference in your relationship even if your partner doesn’t want to try?

The starting point is this: You have to know it is possible to save your marriage on your own, but you’re going to have to make some changes in the way you listen, understand your partner and how you behave. [Read more...]

Marriage Help For Couples With Marriage Problems

If you’re having marriage problems and you’re struggling to solve it, your going to need marriage help before the problem gets too serious. Most couples in trouble have usually experienced problems that keep coming back and this is because of one key problem…

You are both doing something that’s potentially destructive without knowing.

So if you’re both not aware of how you’re contributing to the marriage negatively then this means the foundations of the marriage are compromised. [Read more...]

The art of understanding the woman you say you love

If you want to master this skill, the starting point is to remove your judgement of her words and actions, trust me here, because the cost to you is huge.

The reason I ask this is because if your judge her by your own emotional filters, the meanings you will put to her words and behaviors will not reflect her intent, they would reflect your intent if you were to behave that way.

To clarify you can’t translate her behaviors and give those behaviors a meaning and then make her responsible for your meaning. [Read more...]

The Tipping Point

If a relationship problem has not been resolved in the way the person needs, it becomes an unresolved problem for that person.

If the person continues to experience problems in the relationship then the unresolved problems start to stack up.

If the stacking of the unresolved problems becomes bigger than the stacking of the pleasurable feelings, then a person will hit a tipping point. This point is where they stop contributing to the relationship in they way they would if they were happy. [Read more...]

How And Why It Works?

With a consistently high success rate for the couples I work with, why is what I do so successful for couples in, or heading for crisis?

In short I help them discover how to become a team together. Below is the three key steps steps that move my clients very quickly from destruction to love. Before I take you through those steps, I will share the end of just one of the many letters I get from my clients…

A recent client wrote to me who had multiple challenges marital and personal. They had sought help from a few professionals, but nothing had changed.

This is the end of her email to me after we worked together for just 7 weeks. [Read more...]

Understanding Men: What do men want?

Many women who come for sessions with me have a real challenge with the concept I’m about to share with you.

When I ask the men in the session if it’s true they all confirm 100% it’s true, but even though she hears it straight from him, she still struggles to believe it. If she doesn’t understand this she will be challenged in the process of how to solve any problems they might have. [Read more...]

Many couples in crisis believe there is little hope for their relationship, but feel stuck because splitting up feels wrong too!

Without doubt this is one of the most horrible places to be in a relationship. You have memories of a past that worked, BUT you can’t get back to it. Life in this place can feel totally hopeless and you can end up feeling detached and emotionally numb which just add to the fear.

You feel you know what you should do, but something is holding you back.

You may have talked to your friends even your family. You may be feeling more confused as they all care about you, yet they are giving you conflicting advice. [Read more...]

How to save a relationship in crisis?

In today’s post I’m going to look a relationships in crisis and what you have to stop focusing on to fix it and what will give you the best chance of discovering the truth in your relationship.

A relationship crisis can happen for many reasons and it’s a hideous place for both people to be in. Full of uncertainty, fears such as rejection, betrayal, loss of love, feeling of not being enough. The couple can feel it’s hopeless as they are powerless to see how they can overcome their problems. Especially if their problems have been present for a while. [Read more...]

Relationship Health Check Test

How healthy is your relationship really? Below is a quick test you can try with your partner.

We live in a society of quick fixes, we are conditioned to be more focused on cures rather than prevention and this focus is causing us all problems.

So in a quest to help you avoid or deal with relationship trauma here are some thoughts you can take on-board, or throw to one side until it becomes important? [Read more...]