Did you know that ONE person with the right information can actually save their relationship?

Here’s how: Most people think that to save a relationship it has to take two people to work at it and it’s impossible to be successful alone. This is not true because if one person changes their own behaviour in a very specific way their partner will automatically react to that change without realising.

You see we are all conditioned to live in reaction to the world we live in so making changes will create automatic change.

An example: When a person reacts with anger to a situation they don’t like in their relationship this will create an automatic reaction in their partner, usually something like retaliation, defence or escape type behaviours. The result in this situation is no growth, loss of trust and bad attachment to their partner. So not good at all, especially if becomes a habit.  [Read more...]

Signs your marriage is over for her?

So how do you know when your marriage is over. For many women the marriage starts to feel over when she feels the man in her life doesn’t or will not connect with her emotionally.

Many couples that come for help have a very common problem, they find the husband can be very capable practically, but he struggles to connect with her on an emotional level. This can help her feel lonely and disconnected from him.

Many women who find themselves in this place of no connection for too long can search for the connection they need in other places. Some go to their children, some go to their friends and family and of course some seek out new connections. (If you are considering an affair please rethink as the complications are significant and are likely to confuse a secure direction). [Read more...]

Marriage counselling not working for you? Please don’t give up!

A significant percentage of my clients come searching for a different approach after failing to achieve their goals with traditional couples therapies.

If you feel that you have tried everything reading this is
important to know before you give up. 

My belief is that couples in trouble need a very specific approach, an approach that firstly enables them to connect to their true identities before we focus them on how to fix their specific problems. Time and time again this approach works as the individuals become free to safely explore their relationship with a new philosophy that will keep them safe no matter what happens.

This focus on the individuals is important because if you focus couples on their problems too early in the process the individual(s) will become even more entrenched in naturally protecting themselves. Fearful states will naturally shut their minds down and so they are not open to the change that’s needed to fix their problems. Change at this point is far too overwhelming. [Read more...]

Don’t let the old people move in to your life

I wanted to give you something today to have a think about over the weekend. My hope for some of you is this will spark a new energy to achieve something great for you and those you love. 

From time-to-time a story hits the press where a person over the age of 70 has just jumped out of a plane, finished a degree, started a new business.

These amazing characters are giving us a message that for them it’s never too late and you’re never too old to go for a dream.

My father for example he is 74 years old and I know will never retire, he says maybe in the next 10 years, BTW it’s their 50th Wedding anniversary today, amazing.

One of my mentors Jim Rohn believes it takes just six years to become a millionaire with the right thinking and actions. So in terms of a life six years is not very long and can easily be fitted in at any point into a persons life even at retirement. [Read more...]

Couples dynamic: Does yours work?

How couples behave in their relationship will have a significant affect on how they feel about each other and themselves, so it’s important to get this right.

Couples can find that over time their dynamic can change and this has critical consequences for the couple leaving them with a hidden challenge and several presenting problems as a result.

These presenting problems could be arguments, depression, constant tiredness, loss of energy, loss of passion, desire to get out of the relationship. This means the couple will struggle and suffer as they try to cope with each other.

An example:

Lets imagine a couple are focused on love, passion and adventure, it’s an amazing start to the relationship. So good in fact they decide to get married and have children. [Read more...]

Can one person save a marriage from divorce?

When a person makes changes in themselves they affect how the other person responds. If the changes help their partner to feel secure, loved and wanted in the way they need, then a change in the marriage is totally possible.

The challenge is most people don’t understand their partners well enough to support them in the way they need, so their partner can become angry at their attempts and so they give up assuming there is no hope and this is not true.

All people really want is to feel they are loved for who they are and to know there is a real desire from their partners to meet their needs. In other words they need to feel like the most important person in their partners life.

So if one person takes charge and takes steps to learn about their partner, their partner will in reaction have to respond to these new changes.

The question I ask my clients is “who do you have to become to attract the relationship you desire?”  [Read more...]

5 Steps to know if you are in the right relationship

I have an amazing job I spending my days teaching couples how to fall in love again, or know they are really with the wrong partner.

I really can’t think of a more rewarding life. Every day couples come looking for advice, they want to know if they are compatible because their past has put their compatibility in question?

My job is to take those couples through 5 key stages that will help them learn their truth. These steps are so valuable they can actually save lives from being wasted and as we only have one life this is critical to know.

I believe your life is valuable and understanding if you’re with the right partner has got to be worth it’s weight in gold. [Read more...]

Fastest way to lose your sex life

Couples that lose their intimate connection have done so for good reason. The challenge is they don’t really understand why it has happened. Worse many couples believe in a devastating myth that the sexual connection dies as the years pass so they expect it to.

The result is they do little to change their behaviours and happily step closer and closer to really big problems.

Some couples have come to me because they think they or their partner has a problem with sex. Most sexual problems couples face is not a sexual issue, for many it’s a symptom of a deeper challenge in the couples dynamic.

I have a seen quite a few couples that have ended up in a very traumatised state because they thought a sexual problem needs a sexual therapist. [Read more...]

What if you knew your relationship problems were not your real problems?

So lets look at Jim he has had two serious relationships and both those women cheated on him and now Jim is focused on whether he can ever trust a woman again.

I think most of us would sympathise with Jims situation, but what is the real problem? Trust does seem a logical place to start and overcome.

Jim tries to have another relationship, but after the initial euphoria his mind has automatically gone to protecting him and focuses him on his past problems and lack of success with women.

This focus causes problems for Jim and his new partner, he is naturally focused on protecting himself and she starts to feel untrusted, not good for her.

Neither Jim or his new partner feel good and the relationship starts to suffer. Both Jim and his new partner are focused on his trust problem and trying to solve it.

It won’t be long before real problems start, because Jim doesn’t actually have trust issues.

[Read more...]

Time to get tough

To become successful in life you have to become valuable, this is a simple fact of life. This is especially critical to understand in our relationships. Specifically the question is: What has to happen for a man to become valuable to his wife? What has to happen for a wife to become valuable to her husband?

I can tell you now, that if all couples started their relationships knowing this the divorce rate would nose dive. With 13 divorces happening every hour in England and Wales there is no question we have a significant problem with our relationships. So this is important to know and so I’m going to be tough, not because I take pleasure in it, it’s because I care and if I wake up just one person and that saves their family from divorce then for me it’s worth it.  [Read more...]

Interrupting and changing patterns that cause relationship breakdown

In the last post we looked at what really causes relationships to fail and it’s not what most people think. In todays post we will look at the patterns we create that are not designed for creating a life long intimate connection.

If I’m going to help someone to achieve the life and relationship they desire understanding the patterns within them that will sabotage that goal is critical.

The patterns of behaviour that lead people to disaster are automatic within them in other words they are not conscious decisions.

These patterns are designed to protect the person from harm, however the application of the pattern is very sloppy and so the wrong automatic response can be triggered without the person knowing. [Read more...]

What really causes marriages to fail?

I have never shared this before, this information I’m about to share is normally reserved for my “Marriage Breakthrough Program” clients.

 So please take your time and follow this carefully.

Most people think that what causes marriages to fail is affairs, arguments, inability to communicate, stress, negativity, loss of sexual connection, money problems, boredom etc.

What if you knew that this wasn’t true, what if all the problems couples face is not their real problem. Would that now make sense to why so many couples go round and round in circles frustrated at each other. [Read more...]

You just don’t care about me!

She was desperate, she had tried and tried to get through to him. In the early days he did his best to comfort her, she liked the attention, but she knew deep down he didn’t really understand her.

As time passed she tried to get through to him, but his patience worn thin, no matter what he did she was miserable, rude and aggressive. He felt controlled, disrespected and untrusted. He tried to fix her problems, but she lacked respect for him and his efforts. He felt life with her was hopeless, he knew communication was fruitless so he stopped.

This worried her and so she became more upset, she said things she didn’t mean through frustration, she hoped he would wake up to her emotions. He didn’t, the more upset she became the more he retreated. Sometimes through frustration he would attack her verbally other times he would shut down and escape, sometimes physically, sometimes emotionally. [Read more...]

Your relationship is valuable so please look after it…

I see all relationships as the most valuable part of the human experience and I know those people who have chosen to work with me feel the same.

I know if I were speaking from the children’s perspectives they would give us a very clear message of how valuable it is to have their real mum and a dad in their lives.

When you look at the end of a couples relationship the law has a very clear perspective of how to see the value of your relationship broken down in monetary terms.

But all this focus on the money you will lose doesn’t take into account the emotional impact on all those involved.  If children are part of a couples life the impact a divorce can have on them in later life is far greater than many know (which most parents are not aware of). [Read more...]

Relationship Principles for Success

If you don’t want your partner to attach bad feelings to you then these will help avoid resentment stacking, a major cause of relationship problems. Please don’t just read them, knowledge is only powerful if you actually take action and apply it to your life.

Some of these my seem wrong to you, they are designed very carefully so please feel free to challenge them in the comments below.

  • Relationships are created they don’t just happen.
  • Relationships are built through contributing and meeting your partners core needs.
  • Relationship that focus on contribution (giving) creates the deepest bond as time passes
  • Make sure that you consistently give more of what your partner needs than you get.
  • Whatever you want more of in your relationship give and be more of that.
  • Never make your relationship about you… [Read more...]

Couples are asking for more information about why the work I do is so successful…

If you are looking to get concrete answers to your relationship problems and put an end to your fears and worries within a few weeks then this is for you.

In 2013 our programs have helped 95% of clients rebuild a relationship they feared was dead. They learnt how to bring it back to life step-by-step. Some say their relationship has never been this good, yet they started the process thinking it was all over.

What’s unique about our programs is it’s designed specifically for the couple and their specific challenges.

This is a powerfully strategic approach to relationship building, where the couple will learn what it really takes to create a relationship that works based on their specific situation and individual needs. [Read more...]

Are you and your partner team?

When two people decide to give the best years of their life to each other it’s a wonderful commitment.

They have chosen to go on a journey through life with each other, they have chosen to become a team, some couples choose to become leaders of a bigger team as children become part of their plan.

So to build a successful team we need clear goals and we need to know the strengths and weaknesses of the team members so the journey to the chosen goals becomes easier.

Any business leader knows this is critical if they are to gain the outcomes they are after. [Read more...]

Do you have a marriage you’re proud of?

As your children grow they are learning how life should be from your example. You are showing them through your actions what is normal. You are giving them their first blueprint of what an intimate relationship is like with another human.

So when you think about the relationship you are having with your partner, are you proud of what you are presenting to your children? Are you happy that they may adopt your relationship as their model for success?

If you don’t have children, would you be happy to present your relationship as the model for others to follow? [Read more...]

How To Save Your Marriage Alone!

If you want your marriage to work and your partner won’t seek help what do you do? This post is about how to save your marriage alone.

How you can make a difference in your relationship even if your partner doesn’t want to try?

The starting point is this: You have to know it is possible to save your marriage on your own, but you’re going to have to make some changes in the way you listen, understand your partner and how you behave. [Read more...]

Marriage Help For Couples With Marriage Problems

If you’re having marriage problems and you’re struggling to solve it, your going to need marriage help before the problem gets too serious. Most couples in trouble have usually experienced problems that keep coming back and this is because of one key problem…

You are both doing something that’s potentially destructive without knowing.

So if you’re both not aware of how you’re contributing to the marriage negatively then this means the foundations of the marriage are compromised. [Read more...]