ME ME ME – BLAME BLAME BLAME

As soon as the relationship becomes all about “ME” the relationship is over. As soon as the person is pointing the finger at their partner blaming them for all the problems because of what they are not getting, it’s all over. You may still be together in a house, but you are migrating towards problems.

  • FACT- If a relationship is not growing it’s dying.

You see a relationship is about ‘giving’ not ‘taking’ when a couple consistently gives to each other in the way they need the relationship will grow. If they constantly take naturally the relationship will become empty and so dies. [Read more...]

Relationship Mastery

Give your love unconditionally, or it may cripple your relationship. Read on and I will share how this can happen. A few months back a couple came to see me she had decided the relationship was over, she felt he was no longer the man she married and she saw no future.

He was very keen to get her back. I was concerned because he was so fearful about losing her, he would do anything to get her back and be unsuccessful if his efforts felt weak and needy to her. She was very clear she would be open minded, but he has to do this for himself not for her, or just to get the relationship back. [Read more...]

How easy love can die yet a simple change can bring it back

For twenty years they lived together, she never felt loved by him, but he loved her with all his heart. He showed his love in so many ways, but she never really felt it.

He gave her everything he could think of, but he knew in his heart whatever he did was never really enough. Even though he knew she was not truly happy inside he could never let her go, because he loved her so much. He hoped she would see what a great man he was and the unspoken problems would go away. [Read more...]

How Do You Make Changes With Couples So Quickly?

When couples have experienced problems for a long time they get into patterns of thought and patterns of behaviour within their relationship which to them feels normal.

These patterns can be destructive without the person knowing and so what to them is keeping them safe may actually be destroying their relationship.

My job is to understand and break their patterns from destructive to growth orientated.

Pattern interrupts are the core of what works in all therapies. However their method of how to interrupt a persons habitual thought process/patterns  is varied. Some methods take years some take months some take weeks some happen in one session.

How long a person or couple wants to take to make changes is up to them. Some people want the process to take time, some people like months/years of therapy.

What I wanted and has become my life mission was to find a way to help couples quickly, couples in crisis don’t have much time because their relationship is already on the edge of divorce/break-up.

Award Winning Master family therapists and the top coaches in the world have discovered that significant changes does not have to takes years or months it can actually happen in just a few sessions, sometimes it can happen in just one session.

What they discovered is changing the face of how we help individuals and couples to live happier and more fulfilled lives. They changed how I worked and 80% of couples in my practice make significant changes very quickly.

Of course not all couples fixed their relationships (20% on average don’t get fixed), but the reason were simple, when an individual has no desire to change and their partner is the one that has to change for them to feel ok then the couple will continue to struggle. Also some people either have totally different life goals, or they really just are incompatible. So in some cases separation is the right move.

The core goal is not to fix the relationship at any cost. Happiness and fulfilment has to be the ultimate result, together or apart.

The process to create change is very simple

Firstly the person has to want to make changes. You cannot force a person to want to change.

People are usually focused to make changes when the threshold of pain becomes too much and they feel they have no choice.

Many couples in crisis give up with each other replacing love with resentment and a lack of respect.

When they come for sessions with me I help them understand there is more they can do to rebuild their relationship than they have been aware of.  I help them understand the differences between the sexes the importance of core needs and values. How to grow together and work as a team when problems strike their relationship.

This helps the couple to understand that maybe there is hope because this a new approach that will actually meets their core needs and help them to be successful.

The next step is to interrupt the patterns that have destroyed their relationship and replaced those patterns with something far more appealing that meets their needs at the deepest levels.

For example: A man may be driven by significance. When they argue he feels he is significant when he is always right, this works for him in his career. His intent and desire is to feel important and strong for her. I help him see that trying to win arguments actually makes him insignificant in her eyes because she feels bullied and controlled not loved.

If he was to look after her in the way she really needed then she would stop at nothing to help him feel strong and important as the real man in her life.

Simple changes massive results for them both…

10 Relationship Rules

  1. Never assume your partner is trying to hurt you
  2. Never make your partner wrong
  3. Never threaten the end of the relationship (unless you really mean it!)
  4. Never pull your love away
  5. Never make your relationship all about YOU!
  6. Always make your partner feel No1 in your life
  7. Always make your partners needs your needs too
  8. Always look for ways to help your partner feel great about themselves
  9. Always make unconditional love your priority (it will cost you if you don’t)
  10. Always make time for your relationship every day

[Read more...]

Compatibility In A Relationship

This is a question that I get asked almost every day… “are we compatible?” When relationships go wrong it’s the most obvious question. People worry “Maybe the relationship happened too fast, maybe we had children too quickly?”

It’s true that many people rush into relationships without thought.

Most people go into relationships based on a combination of key factors such as it was easy geographically i.e we worked together or live in the same town. [Read more...]

Relationship Advice For Women

Yesterday we spoke about helping men to be successful with their partners. Today the basic principle of putting yourself in the shoes of your partner is just as critical for her to do for him.

In other words how to understand him and why he does what he does.

One of the biggest sources of pain for most men is the inability to please, or be successful with his partner. The biggest pain for him is knowing he has failed her and he is not her source of pleasure.

Having worked with so many couples over the years I know that many women do not believe that pleasing her is his goal because she feels so dreadful when she is with him. [Read more...]

Relationship Advice For Men

One of the ways to become an amazing partner for her is to understand your partner from her perspective. Too many men only see their world from their own perspective and when he does this she knows he doesn’t understand her.

  • This for her is a significant source of pain and the basis of real problems in relationships today.

When pain strikes many women initially fight and battle with their partner. He sees this battle with her as negative because the fight is proof of something bad for him. [Read more...]

Relationships don’t just happen they are created…

Think about this, how much attention time and effort do people spend on dating each other, making the right impression, having fun, doing special things together?

Now think about this, when people get divorced how much time effort and money is focused on getting divorced, lawyers, planning what they want.

Now look at when the couple are married how much time, effort and money do they focus on creating the relationship they really want? That’s right most people spend next to no time on feeding the relationship what it really needs and are shocked when it starts to go wrong. [Read more...]

Simple Steps To Save Your Relationship Or Marriage Step-By-Step Guidance

If your relationship is in trouble and you have tried everything to fix it yourself and nothing is working then these are the simple steps that will have a massive impact on your relationship and are the steps I use when working with couples in crisis.

Step 1 – Get leverage

I help people understand the true cost of not fixing their relationship problems. When people decide to split-up they don’t think about the true cost both emotionally and financially. The cost is always much bigger than they thought, it’s far more expensive, the emotional fall out goes on for years and massively effects their future relationships, plus their children are affected for life sometimes hating their parents. [Read more...]

Free Relationship Course

If you and your partner are struggling to get answers to your relationship questions and you are looking for some free help online then this may help you.

Every day I am helping couples from all walks of life with all kinds of problems. From loss of passion to obsessive compulsive behaviours, from poor communication skills to loss of confidence.

I have put together a mini relationship course on critical topics of focus.

This information is FREE and is designed so you can start to understand where to put your energy. When couples hit problems they are not sure what to do, fear takes over and they make matters worse. [Read more...]

Words are cheap! Show me you mean what you say!

The real power in any successful relationship is in the power of action. There is little point two people saying they love each other and only one person taking the actions which equal love to their partner.

It is critical to find out with your relationships what actions you can take that will help you be successful with them consistently.

Many individuals in a relationship dismiss the critical needs of their partner because they don’t understand them.

This approach causes problems because not only do the couple operate differently as individuals they also experience the world differently based on gender.

When one person in the relationship can only experience the world from their own perspective their partner quickly feels they have little empathy for their needs. [Read more...]

The Biggest Myth That Could Easily Damage Your Relationship

This post is about a relationship myth that we all hear, one which most people will agree with, but it’s one that has tragic consequences if believed to be true.

The Myth: “Passion Dies As Time Passes”

Why is it so many people believe this is true. The answer is because they all experience it. Ask anyone if this is normal most people would agree it is.

The reason it is so dangerous for couples and their relationships is because it’s not strictly true, but if accepted, couples will believe this is normal and accept the death of that part of their relationship.

Loss of intimacy is one of the top reasons for divorce so understanding how to keep the passion alive is critical. [Read more...]

She wants to be understood

No matter if you’re dating, or you have been together for years being understood is one of her biggest needs. If she feels he doesn’t understand her, this can scare her, it can help her to feel lonely, unloved, uncertain and that she doesn’t matter to him.

If it goes on for long enough she can feel numb and detached from herself and him in the relationship.

She will know she has changed and will feel he has too. [Read more...]

Will My Relationship Pass The Test Of Time?

What are the top three critical things a couple can focus on that will make 80% of the difference to the success of their relationship? Are you aware of what’s critical to make your relationship work? Many couples don’t know and so they can find themselves stuck, unhappy, lonely in their relationships.

So as you scan the points below what do you think you have missed or not understood fully? [Read more...]

We all want passionate lasting relationships so why do so many couples struggle?

I want to say that I really do feel for all couples that are struggling to make their relationship work, it is one of the hardest places to be. I know because I too was once in this place, lost, frustrated and angry.

Why could I not make them work for me? I was young and had a lot to learn, in fact the pain was so great that I made understanding relationships my life purpose so I could help others avoid what I had gone through.

Because I know personally the pain that couples go through from my own experiences my biggest pleasure today is helping couples understand their truth. Some couples should not be together, but many are struggling not because they are wrong for each other, but because they are missing some key information. [Read more...]

The Simple Formula For Relationship Success That Anyone Can Do!

This formula is so simple everyone can do it. In fact if you started a successful relationship even if today it’s not so good, whatever you and your partner once did worked.

If your relationship has problems then it’s what you practiced since things were good is what’s caused your problems.

Relationships can seem very complicated especially when they are going wrong, couples get bogged down in stuff that really isn’t important, but to them it feels critical.

The basics

If you go back to the basics of when you first meet someone, what you are looking out for is, how you feel about YOU when you are with this potential partner. [Read more...]

“Does he know how you really feel…?”

Many men in my sessions are surprised to discover that their partners do not communicate a large percentage of what they really feel.

Many women hold back their true feelings to protect their relationship. They know that if they communicated how they really felt their partners would not cope. These women may have usually tried communicating in the past, but their partners used emotional responses such as anger, frustration, escape to rebalance the situation. [Read more...]

The Hardest Lesson To Learn

Many people believe the hardest lessons to learn are the painful ones. Where we have made mistakes and they have cost us. Some believe the hardest lesson is when their errors are exposed to others.

Yes all these are potentially hard to take, however there is one that’s far more potent and it’s the one I see every week in my sessions. [Read more...]

Relationship Basics – For couples who want a life of love passion and growth

This is a basic skill without it your relationship will suffer. Anyone entering into a relationship or in a committed relationship today needs to ask this question quickly…. “how can I add value to my relationship”

In other words the question needs to be “what can I give?”

Anyone going into a relationship with the focus on “what am I going to get” will discover their relationships are problematic and their intimacy dies quickly as a result. [Read more...]