Compatibility In A Relationship

This is a question that I get asked almost every day… “are we compatible?” When relationships go wrong it’s the most obvious question. People worry “Maybe the relationship happened too fast, maybe we had children too quickly?”

It’s true that many people rush into relationships without thought.

Most people go into relationships based on a combination of key factors such as it was easy geographically i.e we worked together or live in the same town. [Read more...]

Relationship Advice For Women

Yesterday we spoke about helping men to be successful with their partners. Today the basic principle of putting yourself in the shoes of your partner is just as critical for her to do for him.

In other words how to understand him and why he does what he does.

One of the biggest sources of pain for most men is the inability to please, or be successful with his partner. The biggest pain for him is knowing he has failed her and he is not her source of pleasure.

Having worked with so many couples over the years I know that many women do not believe that pleasing her is his goal because she feels so dreadful when she is with him. [Read more...]

Relationship Advice For Men

One of the ways to become an amazing partner for her is to understand your partner from her perspective. Too many men only see their world from their own perspective and when he does this she knows he doesn’t understand her.

  • This for her is a significant source of pain and the basis of real problems in relationships today.

When pain strikes many women initially fight and battle with their partner. He sees this battle with her as negative because the fight is proof of something bad for him. [Read more...]

Relationships don’t just happen they are created…

Think about this, how much attention time and effort do people spend on dating each other, making the right impression, having fun, doing special things together?

Now think about this, when people get divorced how much time effort and money is focused on getting divorced, lawyers, planning what they want.

Now look at when the couple are married how much time, effort and money do they focus on creating the relationship they really want? That’s right most people spend next to no time on feeding the relationship what it really needs and are shocked when it starts to go wrong. [Read more...]

Simple Steps To Save Your Relationship Or Marriage Step-By-Step Guidance

If your relationship is in trouble and you have tried everything to fix it yourself and nothing is working then these are the simple steps that will have a massive impact on your relationship and are the steps I use when working with couples in crisis.

Step 1 – Get leverage

I help people understand the true cost of not fixing their relationship problems. When people decide to split-up they don’t think about the true cost both emotionally and financially. The cost is always much bigger than they thought, it’s far more expensive, the emotional fall out goes on for years and massively effects their future relationships, plus their children are affected for life sometimes hating their parents. [Read more...]

Free Relationship Course

If you and your partner are struggling to get answers to your relationship questions and you are looking for some free help online then this may help you.

Every day I am helping couples from all walks of life with all kinds of problems. From loss of passion to obsessive compulsive behaviours, from poor communication skills to loss of confidence.

I have put together a mini relationship course on critical topics of focus.

This information is FREE and is designed so you can start to understand where to put your energy. When couples hit problems they are not sure what to do, fear takes over and they make matters worse. [Read more...]

Words are cheap! Show me you mean what you say!

The real power in any successful relationship is in the power of action. There is little point two people saying they love each other and only one person taking the actions which equal love to their partner.

It is critical to find out with your relationships what actions you can take that will help you be successful with them consistently.

Many individuals in a relationship dismiss the critical needs of their partner because they don’t understand them.

This approach causes problems because not only do the couple operate differently as individuals they also experience the world differently based on gender.

When one person in the relationship can only experience the world from their own perspective their partner quickly feels they have little empathy for their needs. [Read more...]

The Biggest Myth That Could Easily Damage Your Relationship

This post is about a relationship myth that we all hear, one which most people will agree with, but it’s one that has tragic consequences if believed to be true.

The Myth: “Passion Dies As Time Passes”

Why is it so many people believe this is true. The answer is because they all experience it. Ask anyone if this is normal most people would agree it is.

The reason it is so dangerous for couples and their relationships is because it’s not strictly true, but if accepted, couples will believe this is normal and accept the death of that part of their relationship.

Loss of intimacy is one of the top reasons for divorce so understanding how to keep the passion alive is critical. [Read more...]

She wants to be understood

No matter if you’re dating, or you have been together for years being understood is one of her biggest needs. If she feels he doesn’t understand her, this can scare her, it can help her to feel lonely, unloved, uncertain and that she doesn’t matter to him.

If it goes on for long enough she can feel numb and detached from herself and him in the relationship.

She will know she has changed and will feel he has too. [Read more...]

Will My Relationship Pass The Test Of Time?

What are the top three critical things a couple can focus on that will make 80% of the difference to the success of their relationship? Are you aware of what’s critical to make your relationship work? Many couples don’t know and so they can find themselves stuck, unhappy, lonely in their relationships.

So as you scan the points below what do you think you have missed or not understood fully? [Read more...]

We all want passionate lasting relationships so why do so many couples struggle?

I want to say that I really do feel for all couples that are struggling to make their relationship work, it is one of the hardest places to be. I know because I too was once in this place, lost, frustrated and angry.

Why could I not make them work for me? I was young and had a lot to learn, in fact the pain was so great that I made understanding relationships my life purpose so I could help others avoid what I had gone through.

Because I know personally the pain that couples go through from my own experiences my biggest pleasure today is helping couples understand their truth. Some couples should not be together, but many are struggling not because they are wrong for each other, but because they are missing some key information. [Read more...]

The Simple Formula For Relationship Success That Anyone Can Do!

This formula is so simple everyone can do it. In fact if you started a successful relationship even if today it’s not so good, whatever you and your partner once did worked.

If your relationship has problems then it’s what you practiced since things were good is what’s caused your problems.

Relationships can seem very complicated especially when they are going wrong, couples get bogged down in stuff that really isn’t important, but to them it feels critical.

The basics

If you go back to the basics of when you first meet someone, what you are looking out for is, how you feel about YOU when you are with this potential partner. [Read more...]

“Does he know how you really feel…?”

Many men in my sessions are surprised to discover that their partners do not communicate a large percentage of what they really feel.

Many women hold back their true feelings to protect their relationship. They know that if they communicated how they really felt their partners would not cope. These women may have usually tried communicating in the past, but their partners used emotional responses such as anger, frustration, escape to rebalance the situation. [Read more...]

The Hardest Lesson To Learn

Many people believe the hardest lessons to learn are the painful ones. Where we have made mistakes and they have cost us. Some believe the hardest lesson is when their errors are exposed to others.

Yes all these are potentially hard to take, however there is one that’s far more potent and it’s the one I see every week in my sessions. [Read more...]

Relationship Basics – For couples who want a life of love passion and growth

This is a basic skill without it your relationship will suffer. Anyone entering into a relationship or in a committed relationship today needs to ask this question quickly…. “how can I add value to my relationship”

In other words the question needs to be “what can I give?”

Anyone going into a relationship with the focus on “what am I going to get” will discover their relationships are problematic and their intimacy dies quickly as a result. [Read more...]

“It Seems Like a Miracle…” Sara talks about her experience of working through her relationship problems with Stephen Hedger

My Husband and I had problems for over a year, so much so that my husband had moved out.

After 4 months of living separately, we decided to look for a marriage counselor. I did a lot of research on the internet and one day I got lucky and found Stephen Hedger’s website and i instantly liked the style of his coaching. [Read more...]

Top 10 Reasons Why Your Sex Life Will Die

The most common symptom of a struggling relationship is when the passion/intimacy dies. Sex in a relationship is a powerful barometer of how the relationship is really doing.

Everyone expects the passion to be heightened when they first met, but unfortunately the view is that over time it dies and this view seems to be widely accepted.

The reality is this does not have to be the case, if it has died it has died for a reason and that reason is not time. You both have to consistantly do something for your sex life to stop.

So let’s look at the top ten reasons why your sex life could be on it’s way out…

[Read more...]

Is Your Relationship Giving You What You Really Need – In The Way You Want It?

Is your relationship growing or dying? Are your needs being met in the way you want?

Of course growing would only happen through the love of wanting to understand each others needs and understand why you are stronger together than apart. Why does your future look more exciting with your partner than on your own? Maybe it doesn’t!

The focus has to be on the pleasure of an exciting life together, if what came up for you were fears, dread or that no future could be seen then maybe it’s time to explore your relationship.

At the bottom of this post there is a quick test you can ask yourself to explore what’s happening for you. [Read more...]

The pillars for relationship success

I’m sure you will agree that if the foundations of the relationship are not strong then the relationship is going to suffer.

So what are the foundations?

  • The individuals in the relationship have to understand what it takes to make themselves happy.
  • They have to understand what needs are important to them so they can communicate those needs to their partner.
  • They have to understand how their partner is different to them and learn about their needs.
  • They have to learn how to have conflict and grow from it, most people have conflict and die each time they argue. [Read more...]

We all want passionate lasting relationships so why do so many couples struggle?

I want to say that I really do feel for all couples that are struggling to make their relationship work, it is one of the hardest places to be. I know because I too was once in this place, lost, frustrated, angry why could I not make them work for me?

Because I know personally the pain that couples go through from my own experiences my biggest pleasure today is helping couples understand their truth. Some couple should not be together, but many are struggling not because they are wrong for each other, but because they are missing some key information.

What if just a few things make 80% of the difference for couples. What if all couples could quickly learn those critical steps they could take?

Most couples put so much effort into dating each other and have no idea what works and what doesn’t so they stop doing what works without knowing.

Over the years they practice doing what will ultimately kill their relationship, but they don’t mean to, they don’t know they are doing it.

Couples can assume the wrong things about each other for years.

If couples were really aware of the massive differences between male and female their perspective on their relationship and how they respond to each other would change in an instant.

But of course the differences between the sexes is just a part of the mix for success.

  • Growing from conflict
  • Planning a life together
  • Building lasting trust
  • Meeting each other core needs

All this combined with undoing the myths that society hypnotise us all with, plus one key the key to creating a relationship where you can be truly you.

That key is to understand you and what equals happiness for you. How do you create fulfilment for yourself?

If you knew the key to your relationship with yourself then helping others become successful with you would be so much easier.

These are some of the simple steps that couples can take with me to discover their truth with me.

Your relationship is valuable if what you have done so far has not worked please don’t assume it will sort it’s self out with time. Something has to change and the assumption the relationship is wrong could be the wrong one.