Needy Controlling Partners

Why are some people so needy in relationships? Why does the relationship have to revolve all around them?  Is your partner controlling your relationship and have you let them, through your behaviours? Why does a person have to control their relationship and partner?

The answer is simple FEAR!…

…Plus historic conditioning

It is important to be aware when a person in a relationship is more concerned with what they are not getting rather than what they can contribute to the relationship. Sometimes the control is obvious and sometimes is is so subtle is can be confusing and makes you question yourself.

A person who wants to take from the relationship is usually unaware that they fear not getting their needs met such as “love” and the more they “take” the less they eventually get as resentment sets in. This creates more controlling behaviours.

So they end up with control strategies designed to manipulate their partner to feel that they have no choice, but to support them all be it in low level ways. Strategies could be…

Controlling behaviours such as

  • Passive aggression
  • Self Harm
  • Depression
  • Anger
  • Withholding love
  • Controlling time & money
  • Obsessive compulsive
  • Controlling realities
  • Behaviour blame – you made me do it!
  • Putting your partner down
  • Rejecting
  • Negative body language
  • plus unexplained illnesses to name a few. They will control whatever they can to get what they need, even if their need is met in low quality ways.

Needy controlling partners can put a significant strain on any relationship!

So do you think your partner is too needy are you being controlled?

Why do you think they are this way, has their been a change in the relationship? Have they always been this way?

You see, when fear(s) drives behaviours problems will follow!

The biggest challenge is when the person in fear refuses to acknowledge they have a problem and fear is driving them to destroy the relationship, they are so blind to what’s going on they carry on even as things are getting worse.

In the process of making everything about them they will tell you, you are the selfish one. They will reflect the problem they have back on to you.

This makes the situation feel totally impossible you love you partner, but you know the relationship will die if it carries on this way.

Does any of this strike a chord with you? Are you fed up of being emotionally used and battered?

Do you want to get to the bottom of your partners controlling needy behaviours?

  • If so please get in touch, help is at hand


How to remain positive when you just want to give up

Do you have some days when you just want to give up. Relationship is up and down, work is getting more demanding, keeping up with all the things you know you should do seems impossible, you can’t remember the last time you had sex and you’re so fed up it doesn’t seem to matter, life is just a bit #@$>!

We all have those days, weeks, months, when the world seems to be against us. It’s not that we’re lazy, it’s like there is an overwhelming feeling of what’s it all for? You feel somewhat helpless…

I expect you look at relationship coaches and counsellors and psychologists and make the assumption that their lives are some how perfect. Rest assured we all face relationship challenges just like everyone else.

No matter how good you are at understanding human behaviour even the very best cannot help themselves or their partners to feel good in the moment all the time.

I remember before I really understood how relationships work and why they don’t, how out of control things can feel. Of course today for me is very different as 95% of what happens is much easier to deal with the other 5% needing some thought.

I have no doubt that sometimes you just want to scream as yet more relationship problems land at your feet. So I expect when you read this blog that explains how to deal with your partner or you read about how happy couples are after working with me your natural reaction could be jealousy, anger, hurt, frustration.

If you experience a negative force within you understand this: Your mind can be a force that can work with you, or against you and you have the power to choose.

One of the reason why couples are so successful with me is not because they are any better than other couples. The reason is they never gave up. They never gave up, no matter how tough the sessions became, or how much they felt they hated their partners for what they had done.

They kept going even when they didn’t want to. They believed they could make things right even when they didn’t know how.

Even when I gave them things to do that didn’t work at that moment, they kept going. The biggest killer is when individuals doubt themselves, doubt that they are enough for the relationship, not attractive enough, not lovable, not a good enough mother or father.

Even when friends and family jump to their defence telling them, their partner is not good enough for them and share their version of what they should do based on what their life experience tell them they should do, they never listen and never give up.

The answers are within you and your relationship. But as you know there are many different versions of you and some will hurt you and some will give you happiness.

Know which one is making decisions before you press the button on your relationship.

Turn your focus to where you want to go and not where you have been. Your past is simply a series of memories based on the state you are in at any given time and the meanings you gave it from that state.

Your history is not the fact you think it is there is much you do not understand or may have missed.

Remember your life is a series of perceptions. When you learn how you can create the ones that enable you to be the emotional state that will support your personal and relationship growth only then will you accept tough days and put actions in place to experience the world just the way you want to.

Your future is really down to you, if you want to understand your relationship and life then the biggest hurdle is to understand and conquer you.

Then being positive when life gets challenging is never as hard again.

Test – How negative are you?

If you have been following this blog you will notice that the more you focus your mind on something the more of it you get.

This is true for things you want and things you don’t.

When you look at your life today everything you have is a direct result of where your mind has been focused.

Many of us have no idea how we focus our thoughts and the power those thoughts have on our lives and the paths we follow.

What’s critical to know is the consistent actions you are taking have a direct impact on the life you have today and more importantly the life you are about to have!

So here is a test for you to try.

The purpose of the test is to discover if your consistent thoughts are having a direct impact on your life and the future you are creating.

Take two pieces of paper, at the top of the first piece write POSITIVE and the top of the next write NEGATIVE

Over the course of today write down the thoughts you are having and put them onto either the positive of the negative sheets.

The rules of the test

Negative means a focus on everything you don’t want.

For example: I don‘t have any money, I’m fed up of our arguments. These statements focus your mind on what you don’t want. The problems is this focus gets you more of what you don’t want.

A positive focus would be:

Example: How can I make myself more valuable to the market to get the money I need to live the way I want to live. This focuses the person towards education and intelligence. The focus here is on growth (this creates movement towards what you want) rather than a lack (this creates feeling of being stuck or helpless) of money

Instead of a focus on “I’m fed up of our arguments” A positive person would focus on wanting a loving relationship and help their partner to be less afraid. A positive person would help their partner when they are afraid to feel secure again.

So are you more likely to be positive or negative, do you want to find out?

Are you up for the challenge remember the more honest you are the faster you will learn how to get the life you want.

Let me know how you get on. You can do this over 1 day or 7 days it’s up to you. Do this with your partner.

Remember this is not a competition and a platform to prove you right or your partner wrong if that is your focus put those thoughts in the negative space now.

Good luck!

Negative Emotions Feelings & Behaviours

When a person displays negativity in any situation it can be a destructive force that affects all around them.

Negative people are conditioned, either through their parents or through other life experiences to always focus of the bad side of life.

These people will seek out other negative people who are also lost and do not have the answers to their life problems to moan to. In fact their connection with each other is based on their love of talking about all that