Worst relationship mistakes

When I look at all the couples in severe crisis who have decided to seek my help they all have similar traits.

A few typical problems they come with could be problems such as circular conflicts, affairs, problems with in-laws, loss of love or a dead sex life.

Whatever their problem all these couples have made similar relationship mistakes that have lead them to their crisis.

So what is taking so many couples into crisis and what do they have to know to make a good life decision moving forward?

1. They don’t know how to keep their passion alive. [Read more...]

Relationships suffer without this…

Far too many people are suffering in their relationships. As I watch couple after couple go through my programs I see really lovely people who despite doing their best are living their own personal hell.

All these people have made themselves incompatible without meaning to. They never set out to harm their marriage, but the marriage is breaking down and they are suffering not knowing what to do.

Some try to bury their heads, some keep trying and inevitably some become so emotionally empty they can give up through exhaustion.

The paths to relationship trauma are varied, so the solution for each couple has to be different however the goal/destination for all these couples is the same. [Read more...]

What’s killing the passion in so many marriages?

What you are about to read is so important to understand if you want an intimate relationship for life. Many couples have a very poor sexual connection but don’t know why. What happens for many is they kill their passion but still keep a certain level of connection alive.

A passionate connection has very specific foundations for couples to stay alive and passionate. What most couples are doing is killing their passion foundations without knowing.

So please take note

It’s impossible to keep love and passion alive whilst a person has to protect themselves emotionally from their partner so below are some of the actions that create those negative feelings and slowly kill the relationship.  [Read more...]

Loss of love – Passionless Marriage – Affairs

During this time of year, my thoughts go to the reality of so many couples and families who are suffering due to the breakdown of their marriage. If you are in this horrible situation then please learn all you can so you are in a position to make the right choices for your relationship.

Naturally, there are couples that really shouldn’t be together…

…but there are so many that were at the end – lost and stuck not sure which way to turn and with the right direction they have rebuilt their connection and become a team where they now have each others backs.

These successful couples started to learn something new that helped them see the reality of their situation.

Learning is the key to successfully rebuilding a relationship. [Read more...]

Resentments high and passion low?

When married life is NOT turning out to be the way they hoped, it’s natural for people to stack resentments towards their partner. This has the ability to have a powerfully destructive effect on the marriage of most couples without them knowing.

In today post I’m going to talk about a powerfully hidden force that couples don’t discover until it’s too late.

When a person stacks resentment towards their partner they start to create negative attachments with their partner and their relationship.

The resentments will move them towards creating an automatic filter that converts most things in the relationship into a negative experience.

Their husband or wife can start to feel that nothing they do works or is ever good enough. [Read more...]

The worst mistake you can make in a relationship

As I listen week after week, year after year to couple after couple share with me their unique stories. Stories of pain and suffering through affairs, loss of love, loss of passion, emotional disconnection they all have made this very simple but devastatingly powerful mistake. This mistake is costing them massively, it affects so many people and the ripples of disconnected families can go on for years.

Every couple I meet is totally unaware of what is really happening in their relationship and why they are where they are.

Both people will have theories and some will feel they are the ones that are right. But simply the fact that couples are going round in circles unable to solve their challenges suggests that they are both still making this fundamental mistake.

As a result, far too many couples are leaving perfectly good relationships and are likely to repeat this problem in future relationships.

So what is it?

What is causing couples so much pain and suffering? [Read more...]

Passionless Marriage: “Sex life dying – want to know why?”

One of the most common problems couples face is a loss of passion. If you are in a passionless marriage then I’m going to share the most common causes and what to do about it.

When I see couples in this place I know I have to help them generate a new dynamic that reconnects them. They need to understand two things, what’s really been killing the passion and they need to learn the tools that will keep their passion alive in the future.

So let’s look at a common end result.

If the wife becomes the man in her relationship it’s a sure-fire way to make her struggle to see the point in him. If the husband feels that no matter what he does she’s never happy with him, with no solution available to him, he can give up.

These types of situations result in one or both people feeling emotionally unsafe in the relationship. [Read more...]

“I love you – but I’m not in love with you?”

For the person on the receiving end of this statement it’s both upsetting and confusing. So what does this mean and can the relationship recover or be rebuilt from this position.

The first question is what does this really mean?

How I describe this sentence “I love you, but I’m not in love with you?”. The person saying this is accurately describing their feelings.

For example when they look back at their time together there was probably many moments that were filled with love.  When they met, their wedding, the birth of their children, some might connect with love because their partner was part of making our beautiful children. [Read more...]

The Real Reason – Marriages Die & How To Stop It?

The trend I see in couples with all manner of problems is a significant decline over time in their desire to invest in their relationship. They spend more time at the office, with their kids, with friends, family or hobbies.

Of course if you don’t feed a relationship what it needs it will naturally die.

The reasons people stop investing are varied

  • Circular conflicts
  • Power struggles
  • Inability to communicate
  • Loss of intimacy
  • Loss of love
  • Emotional detachment
  • Abandonment
  • Loss of passion
  • Boredom
  • Can’t see a future together

This list could go on and on… BUT are these the REAL reason a marriage will die? [Read more...]

How Rebuild Trust After An Affair?

One of my specialisms is in helping couples rebuild their relationship after discovering an affair. The secret to repairing a broken relationship after an affair is to help them understand why it happened and then help them build a brand new relationship. 

Couples who reconnect after an affair and learnt how to create a successful marriage, ultimately see the affair as a wake up call that actually saved their relationship from years of suffering.

Without doubt an affair is a shockingly horrible experience, however an affair is just one of the many destructive symptoms a couple can experience if they don’t learn how to create a relationship that lasts. [Read more...]

#700: Want to save your marriage? Then you must learn how to become attractive to your partner…

One of the key ingredients to a successful marriage is to keep the attraction/passion alive. What I see most couples doing is they practice acting in very unattractive ways that actually repel their partner.

Men and women are choosing to live together without learning about how different they really are. They make assumptions about their partner that creates resentments that become a powerfully negative force.

So when problems strike they don’t know how to translate their partners actions so they automatically assume the worst.

When this happens this is the start of big trouble for any couple.

So one of my missions for my clients is to help them learn the steps they need to keep that attraction alive for life.

At the end of todays post you will see how I helped one man see that he was shutting her down in his quest to be safe with her. [Read more...]

#698: The 3 Reasons Marriages Are Failing

Today I going to share with you 3 massive areas of focus that are foundational in collapsing a marriage.

Far too many couples are not understanding why they are in trouble. They make the wrong assumption… there is no hope! They then use that emotion of no hope to break up their family.

Below are 3 core reasons couples get themselves in trouble and how resentments can start to stack to destroy their marriage. [Read more...]

#696: Resentments high and passion low – There is a natural window of opportunity to sort this out?

When a persons marriage is NOT turning out to be the way they hoped it would be, they are going to start stacking resentments towards their partner. This has the ability to have a powerfully destructive affect on this couples marriage without them knowing.

In today post I’m going to talk about a powerfully hidden force that couples don’t discover until it’s too late and an opportunity to discuss their relationship with me for free.

When a person stacks resentment towards their partner they have the ability to help the person start to create negative attachments to their partner and their relationship.

The resentments will move them towards creating an automatic filter that converts most things in the relationship into a negative experience.

Their husband or wife can start to feel that nothing they do works or is ever good enough. [Read more...]

All successful couples have done this to save their marriage and avoid an almost certain divorce!

Every day I spend my time with couples in crisis. I see multiple couples a day, each one with a totally different problem from affairs to loss of love from breaches of trust to circular conflicts and power struggles.

So I’ve end up with a very unique perspective on the world of relationships. What’s important about this perspective is the data I have collected for over a decade on those that are successful and those that aren’t.

The successful couples have all consistently done the same things to save their marriage. Today I’m going to share some of my findings.

Seven Steps to Save Your Marriage From Divorce

These are the seven steps all successful couples are taking to avoid divorce regardless of the problem they have brought to me.

Yes that’s right – regardless of the problem they bring! [Read more...]

What is the Marriage Breakthrough Program and can it help me save my marriage?

Many couples are asking me how the “Marriage Breakthrough Program” works and why it has proven to be so successful at helping couples on the brink of divorce?

There are a few critical components that have enabled this consistent success.

Initially I offer a couples one meeting with me so I can establish if I feel they can achieve the result they say they want. I don’t see the value in us spending 12 weeks together if I don’t think they have a hope of success.

I’m not worried about how bad the couple think their relationship is, I am looking for key indicators that enable me to assess if i can see that success is actually possible. When I see a result is possible they are invited in to work with me, if I have concerns over their chances of success [Read more...]

Total Relief

As this couple sat in front of me you could see the total relief on their faces. I smiled and asked them “what do you now need from me?” they both looked at each other and together smiling said “nothing”.

This snap shot of their current reality was the polar opposite of what they brought to me a few months before.

She was making all the sounds that sounded like separation and he was at a total loss as to why they were even in this situation.

All he knew his wife had totally changed and his world was turning upside down, she talked to him about the potential of staying married, but just living different lives even living in different parts of the world.

To him this was out of the question. [Read more...]

Love alone is not enough

One of the major challenges most individuals face in their relationships is understanding how to become truly valuable to their partner so their partner will feel magnetised to love them forever.

I have a huge amount of empathy for anyone in a relationship that’s not working, because I know personally how emotionally painful/confusing it is to be in this place.

I was not born understanding relationships, however I did have one philosophy that gave me a head start and the momentum to be where I am today. I understood that the most valuable part of our existence on this planet was our relationship with someone special. [Read more...]

Rebuilding trust to regain emotional connection

When a person in a relationship believes that their emotional self is not being looked after or respected by their partner they are highly likely to want to protect themselves from the person that is supposed to love them.

The process of protecting themselves leads that person to lose trust in their partners ability or desire to care about what they are thinking or feeling.

If this need to protect ones self goes on for long enough then the couple are in danger of one or worse both people emotionally detaching and this can be catastrophic for that couple.

The near impossible challenge is to love someone whilst needing to protect yourself from them. This process of protection leads people to feelings that suggest they love their partner, but they are not in love with them. [Read more...]

Masterclass series Part 1: Why has our relationship lost it’s passion?

With passion, attraction and sexual energy being the life blood of any intimate relationship it’s critical that a couple understands how to keep this side of their relationship alive whilst knowing the hidden pitfalls that can kill it dead.

Many people, men and women complain their relationship has become passionless or loveless. They are experiencing either the passion dying over time, or one person has simply lost attraction for their partner.

This loss of passion and attraction is likely to be happening for a very good reason, but the couple will usually be unaware of what’s happening before it’s too late. [Read more...]

Masterclass: Security & Desire what’s the cost of getting the balance wrong?

When a couples relationship starts to die one thing will become apparent. One or both people will have lost their desire for their partner. It seems that many couples are struggling to balance security and desire and the cost is catastrophic for their family.

Lets look at what happens when they lose just desire in their relationship.

  • They will struggle to find their partner attractive.
  • They could see the future together as a painful experience.
  • They will lose the desire to meet their partners needs.
  • They may want to spend time either at work, hobbies, friends or family.
  • They are likely to stop seeing their partner as a source of pleasure and attach problems such as feeling trapped, alone, worthless.
  • They even might start seeing other people as more attractive.

So clearly losing desire is something we must all avoid because the relationship loses momentum energy and dies.

So what helps someone lose their desire for their partner? [Read more...]