Should all relationships be saved?

Shouldn’t a relationship / marriage be full of love, fun, passion and adventure. Shouldn’t it be a place to go to feel secure? Shouldn’t your partner care about how you feel no matter what? Shouldn’t a relationship have an exciting future?

For many this is how it should be, but isn’t how it actually is. They try to make it work, they try to communicate, but for many getting through to their partner can feel hopeless.

They start to feel their partner doesn’t care and so they suffer and suffer until the suffering turns to detachment and they feel so numb and cold towards their partner, they make the decision to leave the relationship. [Read more...]

Hope

My wife Cloe directed and produced this video “Hope” She has a passion for the work I do which she wanted to help me express to you.

What was interesting about making this video was the way that Cloe and I brought our strengths together to share our passion, to help couples learn there is hope, problems are not permanent as they think.

From my heart I want to share my gratitude to Cloe in helping me share this message of HOPE with you.

To your success

Stephen Hedger

 

 

What she wanted…

What she wanted is for him to learn about her, to care about her and help her to feel that she was number one in his life. She wanted to feel that if he touched her it was because he wanted to get to know her and not that he just want to get something for himself.

She wanted with all her heart for him to help her feel safe and that just being her was enough for him.

She wanted him to look into her eyes and help her to know he would be there forever no matter what happens. [Read more...]

Life for us is an adventure it’s about a planned, fun, free, sexy, passionate sometimes crazy life together.

I’m going to do something today that I don’t normally do, I’m going to give you my personal thoughts on life and relationships. I’m going to take off my professional hat and share what I believe is important and what has worked for my wife Cloe and me.

In my personal experience we only have one life, so go for your dreams don’t hold back ever. I personally couldn’t bear to look back at my life and feel that I didn’t give it my best shot.

Cloe shares this view totally, after all what else would you do? Worry you won’t get it? We agree that having a go, is far more important than focusing on the fear of not getting it. [Read more...]

Relationship Health Check Test

How healthy is your relationship really? Below is a quick test you can try with your partner.

We live in a society of quick fixes, we are conditioned to be more focused on cures rather than prevention and this focus is causing us all problems.

So in a quest to help you avoid or deal with relationship trauma here are some thoughts you can take on-board, or throw to one side until it becomes important? [Read more...]

NEW “FREE Marriage Tips”

Over the next few weeks I will be sharing important information that has helped many marriages come back from the edge of divorce. So please email your friends share this page and next week we will get started.

Why is this information important?

There is no formal education open to the public on how to build successful relationships. This has proved to be devastating for couples who marry expecting their love to last.

They don’t know how their love was created. So when the inevitable problems arise they don’t know how to grow closer through their problems so they pull love away to protect themselves. It’s not long before the couple have lost the focus that created their passion and they are now focused on what’s wrong and their problems.

This is disaster for any relationship. [Read more...]

I do give but I get nothing back?

You are impossible...

When a person feels that they put lots of effort into their relationship and they end up getting very little to nothing back, this can and will cause pain in their relationship.

Many couples come into sessions with this exact complaint.

What’s even more frustrating is when one person does feel they are giving, but their partner communicates,

“What do you give me? I get nothing” or “I know you love me but I don’t feel it”

Many couples are in this space and there is a simple reason behind it. [Read more...]

Free Relationship Course

If you and your partner are struggling to get answers to your relationship questions and you are looking for some free help online then this may help you.

Every day I am helping couples from all walks of life with all kinds of problems. From loss of passion to obsessive compulsive behaviours, from poor communication skills to loss of confidence.

I have put together a mini relationship course on critical topics of focus.

This information is FREE and is designed so you can start to understand where to put your energy. When couples hit problems they are not sure what to do, fear takes over and they make matters worse. [Read more...]

The Biggest Myth That Could Easily Damage Your Relationship

This post is about a relationship myth that we all hear, one which most people will agree with, but it’s one that has tragic consequences if believed to be true.

The Myth: “Passion Dies As Time Passes”

Why is it so many people believe this is true. The answer is because they all experience it. Ask anyone if this is normal most people would agree it is.

The reason it is so dangerous for couples and their relationships is because it’s not strictly true, but if accepted, couples will believe this is normal and accept the death of that part of their relationship.

Loss of intimacy is one of the top reasons for divorce so understanding how to keep the passion alive is critical. [Read more...]

I love her because…

This is Mrs Hedger it’s probably about time you met her.
Today we are going to focus on what you are grateful for and that focus is directed at your partner.

I will start with why I am so grateful for Mrs Hedger.

I am so grateful for Mrs Hedger because even if I had sat down and designed a person to spend my life with I couldn’t have designed someone this perfect for me. [Read more...]

What has to happen for you to feel excited about your relationship?

Discover the top ten things that create the variety you need in your relationship and then share them with your partner. Many couples don’t share what they really need the passion the adventure the excitement from the big things to the little things what is it that makes a difference for you.

So help your partner to know what equals an exciting life to you by sharing how they could really become successful with you.

I feel excited when…

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Relationship Basics – For couples who want a life of love passion and growth

This is a basic skill without it your relationship will suffer. Anyone entering into a relationship or in a committed relationship today needs to ask this question quickly…. “how can I add value to my relationship”

In other words the question needs to be “what can I give?”

Anyone going into a relationship with the focus on “what am I going to get” will discover their relationships are problematic and their intimacy dies quickly as a result. [Read more...]

She had an affair but years later it still tortures him… WHY!!?

“Why did she do it? I just don’t understand why and not knowing, it’s destroying us.” These are the words from a man broken by his wifes actions. Quietly she agrees they can’t go on this way…

It’s very easy to make instant judgments when you first hear these kinds of stories. Everyone will have different instant opinions, but as this story unfolds opinions can change. You see nothing is as black and white as it first seems.

This couple have it all, great business wonderful home beautiful children. So with so much going for them why did their relationship get to the point where an affair was possible for her? [Read more...]

Relationships: Getting Back to the Basics

There are some fundamental basics that when in place will make a significant difference to any relationship.

Relationships are a place to give. Anyone who enters a relationship to take what they need will find themselves in problems very fast. Some people do give, but they give so they can get back. This causes problems too because this is a trade and anyone who trades love will find they lose passion fast. A loss of passion is a big relationship killer.

So giving love unconditionally is critical, anyone choosing to not do this is creating an uncertain future and weakening the foundations of a relationship they want to keep. This happens because as the love comes and goes fear enters the couple bit-by-bit and this builds resentment. [Read more...]

Valentine’s Day is it a good or a bad thing?

In my profession I see the aftermath of what valentines’ day does to couples. So I am curious on your thoughts.

To help you I have some thoughts to share to get the ball rolling.

Firstly I would like to say that giving love at any time has to be a good thing so in essence there is nothing wrong with this special day it’s a great day to share your love with each other.

BUT…

What concerns me is how much pressure is put on the couples to perform on that night and the meaning they put to it when it all goes wrong. [Read more...]

How to Create Goals You Will Stick to in 2012

Now the New Year is upon us we usually start to think about what we are going to achieve.

Weight loss is usually the big one especially after Christmas, but what is going to make a difference to you? And if you do decide to go for a goal, how long do you think you will stick at it for?

The only goals that really stick are the ones that we get emotionally involved with so when will do fall off the path to our goal there is enough motivation to put us back on track until our new actions just become a part of our lives.

Here is a quick list I use:

  1. What do you want to achieve and why?
  2. How will you know when you have it?
  3. Is the goal possible?
  4. What resources are needed to achieve the goal?
  5. When and where will you have this resource?
  6. What are the advantages of making this change?
  7. What are the disadvantages of making this change?
  8. What will achieving this lose you?
  9. Which of your values be fulfilled by achieving this outcome? – Critical
  10. What’s important to you about getting this?
  11. What will this outcome help you avoid experiencing?
  12. What is the benefit of this outcome?

So whether your goal is to lose weight, meet someone new, improve you relationship, make more money, whatever it is make sure you have powerful motivation behind the passion today to improve your life in 2012.

So what are your exciting goals for 2012?

Relationship Lessons: The School Of Hard Knocks!

When relationships go wrong, life is not forgiving at all. Speaking to one of my clients recently I could hear the desperation as he shared his fears. He loves his wife and children with all his heart, but he knew it was possible that he was about to lose them all, plus the house he loved. He then bitterly told me that he could see that he would be working everyday to paying for them all to have a great life without him.

His resentment was huge, so his motivation to put the relationship right became his number one mission.

My concern for him was, is it too little too late for his wife? Most couples come to sessions far to late! Mind you I can’t blame them with the amount of horror stories around about couples counsellors.

  • This is why my service is designed to be very different [Read more...]

What Happened To Our Playful Passion?

When couples experience challenges in their relationship one of the first things to die is their intimacy and with it goes the fun and the playful passionate side of their relationship.

Is this where you are? If it is, then you will have a strong feeling that life is not how it is meant to be. You know things have to change, but maybe you’re stuck not knowing what to change.

In my session I see couples in trouble every day and what I consistently see is their spark has gone, there is little fun or joy in the relationship. Life has become very serious and the only place to get any kind of joy or fun is now outside of the relationship with friends family or at work.

Intimacy is the difference between being just good friends or lovers. If you are in a relationship then being just good friends is not going to be enough. So the goal has to be to get the intimacy back and for that to happen the playful passion has to be there.

The hurdles to getting the playful passion back

There are two key things that have to happen if you are going to get you relationship back on track.

The first is understanding

When the individuals in the relationship don’t feel understood then they start to feel fear in the relationship. Both men and women can feel this, but for totally different reasons.

Fundamentally men and women communicate differently and so the translation of each others words can be totally different to what was intended.

Men and women also experience the world differently too, we are designed for totally different things so our perspectives are different.

So with so many differences in gender combined with totally different histories is not difficult to understand why couple fail to understand each other.

So the goal is to understand each other and to do it without judgement, a lot of couple have the misconception they are qualified to judged each other, of course they are not.

The second key element is meeting each other needs

In every session I have with couples when the needs are not being met in the relationship the relationship will have stopped growing and will be dying on some level.

Of course if the couple don’t understand each other (the first step) then the desire to meet each others needs st0ps being important. If the desire to meet each other needs goes, now the individuals stop seeing each other as a source of pleasure and are in the process of seeing each other as a source of pain.

This puts a serious spin on the relationship and fear is now the focus, a far cry from the playful passion we are all after.

So now the problem is escalating and moving the couple away from the playful passion they once shared.

Without the understanding the couple needs to feel safe with each other, combined with the lack of desire the couple now feels to meet each others needs, resentment is now sat in the relationship.

If that resentment stays for too long it will turn into a lack of respect and from here the relationship is vulnerable to many destructive paths.

Now you understand the path to success and the importance of getting this right, what are you going to do? Wait for your relationship to die or are you going to take control?

Remember when you act understand what you are trying to achieve and what feelings are you wanting your partner to attach to you?

Punishing and making your partner wrong will help them to move further away from you.

Just maybe they are as fearful as you, maybe they too have good intentions, but are just lost with how to make this work just like you.

If you need my help you know what to do…

Nature Never Designed Us To Live In A Box!

Nature brilliantly designed us to have chemical explosions inside us when we meet someone we are attracted to, but nature never designed us to live together for life in a box (we call home).

Natures primary concerned is with survival and growth.

So if we are not designed to live in a box together then we must need some other resource to make it possible to keep the love and passion alive.

To grow a relationship you need skill

You need skill to make a relationship last and stay passionate. You see if you are under the illusion that the power nature used to attract you to your partner will also keep the relationship and passion alive forever you will be disappointed.

For a relationship to work it takes real skill and understanding.

Without this skill couples all across the UK and the world live together in fear.

  • That life is not going to be the way they thought it would be
  • That their partner may leave them
  • That they won’t be loved
  • They might not be enough in some way

There are a few key things that if the couple focus their energy on these areas their chances of a successful journey together is significantly magnified.

Just imagine if you lived your whole life never getting the relationship you deserved and all you were missing were some key pieces of information. The information that society and parents don’t teach the critical information that is lacking in the marriages that end in divorce.

I teach couples the skills they need to keep their relationship alive

No matter what stage of the relationship process you are in getting this step-by-step information is critical.

  • You could be just starting out looking for love
  • You could be about to get married
  • You could be newly married
  • Together for a while and things have become a little stale
  • Maybe your passion has died and you want it back
  • It couple be you are secretly planning your escape
  • Maybe your arguments/problems are so bad you can’t see a future together
  • Are you separated and you now feel lost
  • Maybe divorce is now on your mind, you don’t want it, but you can’t see any other way
  • Maybe you are divorced and finding love again seems daunting.

Whatever stage you are in it is never too late to learn the skills for creating a successful journey through life together.

You see when things go wrong the best key to success is the knowledge of how to create growth at the point of conflict.

  • If you are in need of help to move your relationship or life to the next level, or you are not willing to settle for just existing together, get in touch today!

Stop My Divorce and Save My Marriage

Four couples have entered my session this week with this specific message is it possible to stop my divorce and save my marriage . I get all sorts of relationship challenges everything from trust issues, to lack of passion, from depression to how to get my partner back.

The challenges are wide and varied however…

…What I never cease to find amazing is how fast couples can change once they are given the truth about what has been happening in their relationship and given the tools that help them to feel successful with each other.

Society teaches nothing about this truth and how to understand ourselves or our relationships. This lack of understanding creates fear and from that fear destruction happens.

All four couples decided not to divorce after the first session

The reason I was able to help these couples so fast was because I helped them to understand their relationship differently and empower them both at the same time.

So the focus in the session is NOT about going over all the problems, all this will create is more problems.

The focus has to be to understand what is the biggest problem the couple faces and what change will make the biggest impact on them.

The biggest problem is usually: The trust has gone!

This is where I start. The couple learn at their usual cross road of destruction and growth what actions they can both take to look after the relationship and take the growth road and not the destruction road.

Then I help the couple to understand how they are both responsible without knowing in hurting the relationship.

Men and women are very different and their approach to each other can be confusing. One of the most frustrating places to be in a relationship is when your partners doesn’t understand you and you then feel alone and unloved.

Nine times out of ten your partner is not out to hurt you they are just fearful.

I become the translator

I help the couple bridge the gap, I become the translator if you like. You see we feel because we all speak English we should understand each other. BUT when men and women speak it’s like you’re speaking Greek and Japanese.

What we are really after is a real understand of each others worlds, how we work and why we do what we do. This empowers the couple to know how to be successful with each other.

So initially we are all working towards building trust, creating a heartfelt understanding and confidence that when things go wrong both people know what to do to support the other.

What this does is help the couple to work towards removing their fears.

When this happens we can then work on building an understanding of how to meet each others needs, minus their fears.

All of this is helping the couple to feel more secure, about each other and their future together.

This is just the start

During these two hour sessions I have help these couples how to deal with conflict and understand how to deal with depression and anger problems.

My job is to get the couple out of feeling stuck and hopeless to confidence, love and passion.

After the first session which creates the initial shift and hope the couple all then work with me to understand what next will be their solution. All couples are unique so the solutions are bespoke to that couple.

So are you wanting to stop your divorce? Do you want to save your marriage?

If so call me today 0845 519 4808

A divorce may be the wrong solution for you both.