Nature Never Designed Us To Live In A Box!

Nature brilliantly designed us to have chemical explosions inside us when we meet someone we are attracted to, but nature never designed us to live together for life in a box (we call home).

Natures primary concerned is with survival and growth.

So if we are not designed to live in a box together then we must need some other resource to make it possible to keep the love and passion alive.

To grow a relationship you need skill

You need skill to make a relationship last and stay passionate. You see if you are under the illusion that the power nature used to attract you to your partner will also keep the relationship and passion alive forever you will be disappointed.

For a relationship to work it takes real skill and understanding.

Without this skill couples all across the UK and the world live together in fear.

  • That life is not going to be the way they thought it would be
  • That their partner may leave them
  • That they won’t be loved
  • They might not be enough in some way

There are a few key things that if the couple focus their energy on these areas their chances of a successful journey together is significantly magnified.

Just imagine if you lived your whole life never getting the relationship you deserved and all you were missing were some key pieces of information. The information that society and parents don’t teach the critical information that is lacking in the marriages that end in divorce.

I teach couples the skills they need to keep their relationship alive

No matter what stage of the relationship process you are in getting this step-by-step information is critical.

  • You could be just starting out looking for love
  • You could be about to get married
  • You could be newly married
  • Together for a while and things have become a little stale
  • Maybe your passion has died and you want it back
  • It couple be you are secretly planning your escape
  • Maybe your arguments/problems are so bad you can’t see a future together
  • Are you separated and you now feel lost
  • Maybe divorce is now on your mind, you don’t want it, but you can’t see any other way
  • Maybe you are divorced and finding love again seems daunting.

Whatever stage you are in it is never too late to learn the skills for creating a successful journey through life together.

You see when things go wrong the best key to success is the knowledge of how to create growth at the point of conflict.

  • If you are in need of help to move your relationship or life to the next level, or you are not willing to settle for just existing together, get in touch today!

Stop My Divorce and Save My Marriage

Four couples have entered my session this week with this specific message is it possible to stop my divorce and save my marriage . I get all sorts of relationship challenges everything from trust issues, to lack of passion, from depression to how to get my partner back.

The challenges are wide and varied however…

…What I never cease to find amazing is how fast couples can change once they are given the truth about what has been happening in their relationship and given the tools that help them to feel successful with each other.

Society teaches nothing about this truth and how to understand ourselves or our relationships. This lack of understanding creates fear and from that fear destruction happens.

All four couples decided not to divorce after the first session

The reason I was able to help these couples so fast was because I helped them to understand their relationship differently and empower them both at the same time.

So the focus in the session is NOT about going over all the problems, all this will create is more problems.

The focus has to be to understand what is the biggest problem the couple faces and what change will make the biggest impact on them.

The biggest problem is usually: The trust has gone!

This is where I start. The couple learn at their usual cross road of destruction and growth what actions they can both take to look after the relationship and take the growth road and not the destruction road.

Then I help the couple to understand how they are both responsible without knowing in hurting the relationship.

Men and women are very different and their approach to each other can be confusing. One of the most frustrating places to be in a relationship is when your partners doesn’t understand you and you then feel alone and unloved.

Nine times out of ten your partner is not out to hurt you they are just fearful.

I become the translator

I help the couple bridge the gap, I become the translator if you like. You see we feel because we all speak English we should understand each other. BUT when men and women speak it’s like you’re speaking Greek and Japanese.

What we are really after is a real understand of each others worlds, how we work and why we do what we do. This empowers the couple to know how to be successful with each other.

So initially we are all working towards building trust, creating a heartfelt understanding and confidence that when things go wrong both people know what to do to support the other.

What this does is help the couple to work towards removing their fears.

When this happens we can then work on building an understanding of how to meet each others needs, minus their fears.

All of this is helping the couple to feel more secure, about each other and their future together.

This is just the start

During these two hour sessions I have help these couples how to deal with conflict and understand how to deal with depression and anger problems.

My job is to get the couple out of feeling stuck and hopeless to confidence, love and passion.

After the first session which creates the initial shift and hope the couple all then work with me to understand what next will be their solution. All couples are unique so the solutions are bespoke to that couple.

So are you wanting to stop your divorce? Do you want to save your marriage?

If so call me today 0845 519 4808

A divorce may be the wrong solution for you both.

Relationship Education: How Important Is It To Your Life?

Building a successful relationships is a skill just like any other. What’s unique about relationships is  you are lured into a false sence of security. The passion early in a relationship helps the couple to feel artificially successful really fast with no training.

With no relationship training you still feel skilled because you feel the love the passion, it happens automatically, until one day it goes and that day always comes!

So if we don’t have to be trained and skilled to start our relationships then why would we need to learn skills to keep them, that should be automatic too… RIGHT!? … WRONG!!! This is the biggest error couples make…

How do we normally become skilled?: Skills are usually gained through training of some kind, and through repetitive actions over years. People become skillful even masterful when they research and understand their chosen skill.

So if all this is true why is it we spend so much time educating ourselves to get the skills to get the jobs we want and we spend NO time learning how to have successful relationships, then with this total lack of training we then decide we are qualified to guide children to have wonderful lives and relationships.

Why is it so important to learn how to get amazing jobs, yet not important to learn the impact of wrongly committing to a person for life with no training or relationship skills?

You wouldn’t trust a Doctor who has had little to no training with your life would you? So why would you trust yourself or someone else with the best years of your life. After all you only get one.

Does this make logical sence to you?

Think about a Wedding day.

A massive amount of time, energy and money is spent on making one day amazing and little to no money time or energy is put into understanding how to make that relationship not only last but remain passionate.

Don’t you think the world is wired wrong when it come to relationships?

I wonder how our relationships would look if we be spent that £15,500 (Average cost of a wedding in 2011) on understanding how to create an amazing lasting and passionate relationship instead of blowing it on just one perfect day?

After all the cost of getting it wrong is massive not just in monetary terms, but also in the cost to our families and our children.

Humans, we think we are smart, but how can that be true. The proof is all around us we are doing something wrong, the divorce rate is high, many of those that are still in relationships are dissatisfied, many quickly becoming passionless stale relationships. Only a small percentage are really happy behind closed doors regardless of what they seem to present to the world.

Relationship Education How Important Is It?

It’s critical… This is how and why my success rate with those that want to learn is really high.

  • How does a man really know how a woman thinks and what she needs if he has never been taught.
  • How does a woman know how a man thinks? She cannot because she has never been one.

Simple pieces of education if missed can destroy a relationship over time through fears.

What is it that really created that fire of passion when you both first met, and why has it gone today? Do you really know?

What does a man have to do when his wife has complained at him for years and his sex life disappeared over night, and is now she is quiet and depressed what can he do to help her?

  • Why can men choose to work such long hours?
  • Why do men ignore their partners?
  • Why won’t he talk to his wife?
  • Why does she get so upset at nothing?
  • Why is she so difficult to please?
  • Why does she upset why he tried to help her?

You see anyone can have a wonderful relationship when all is going well, but it’s when it goes wrong is when a relationship either grows or dies. If you knew just the fundamental differences between sexes you would be rushing to discover these critical truths and more.

What’s at risk for YOU if a split happens is huge!

  • Your time: You can never get time back
  • Your money: Get it wrong you will lose more than you think
  • Your children do suffer: They seem to cope, but they are affected into adult life.
  • New relationships suffer: Unless the individual knows why their previous relationship failed they will repeat the patterns again and again.
  • Making do: People end up making do with any partner and live passionless lives.
  • Relationships become too painful: So they live their days alone, missing out on the love they could have had if only they had searched for the truth, their truth.

How can you create a future that is secure if you don’t have the skills to create it? I welcome your comments below.






My Mission: Building Confidence into Men To Be Successful Partners/Lovers

She walked through the door, smiled walked over to me and shook my hand. I thought she had come alone. She turned to face the door, in slowly in walked her husband, he looked in that moment like he was about to be tried for some terrible crime. Wide eyed, almost in shock, eyes dancing around the room looking for danger, he stood paused holding the door handle ready for his escape.

This was one entrance I will never forget and the more I spoke to him I could see why he was so fearful. He had been handed divorce papers two days before, he knew there was a problem, but had no idea how to fix it, he wanted to make her happy, but to him it seemed impossible so his solution was to keep his head down it might make it’s self better. Of course it didn’t and never would.

The reason they were in my session was at the moment she handed him the divorce papers he went into melt down, totally panicked. She was so shocked by his reaction and deep love for her, because she thought and was 100% convinced he didn’t care about her at all and so now she was confused.

You see he thought that because she had given up complaining she must be alright now. Even though deep down he probably knew she wasn’t. He had decided it was to dangerous to rock the boat, as he didn’t want her to spend hours crying and shouting at him. This irrational behaviour in her only frustrated him to the point of anger which meant he would scream at her and storm off for the night to his office or into the bottom of a bottle. She hated the arguments and saw it was getting them no where so she became internally focused and alone. Over time resentment, loss of respect and mild depression took over her.

So the end result was she was totally convinced he didn’t care and so went to her parents and friends for support. This became a source of more problems as he started to feel he was not important and 6th inline for her love and affections.

She withdrew over time her love and intimacy and he controlled whatever he could and they stayed stuck in this place for years.

In some ways many couples I see mirror this couple.

He ended up seeing her as tough and unloving and she saw him as weak and incapable of being the man she had always dreamed of. In fact for her he was like having another child in the house.

  • So how had this couple got their relationship so wrong?
  • Why had they misunderstood each other to the point of divorce?

The biggest reason is their relationship education!

Couples today and over the past 40/50 years know how to attract each other, but have very little idea how to grow a relationship so it not only lasts, but the passion stays and get better every year.

They seem to accept that intimacy goes over time and relationships get stale and that’s ok. This is a myth told by those who are lost.

Growing up most couples only relationship education is their parents and movies and maybe books.

In other words the education is poor, with no education what results would you expect? Yes of course poor ones. You see nature is great at creating the chemical reaction to attract us to our mates, but that initial reaction that is automatic within us all goes and so what happen next is critical.

If you know what to do you can keep those feelings going, unfortunately most don’t, most get out of relationships, those that are left make do with passionless relationships, and a small percentage have got lucky and know the secret.

Building Confidence into Men As Partners Is The Answer!

You see men today have become weaker, they have no idea how to use their masculine energy to bring out the feminine energy in her. Even the toughest business women that enter my session want to be feminine with their partners. BUT if a female is with a partner she perceives as weak she has no choice but to become strong almost masculine inside.

This process disconnects her to the point she feels different and sees the man she once loved as whet and child like.

You must have seen that many comedies are based around the beaten up husband and the masculine wife ordering him around.

My job in the session is to help the men understand how to reclaim not only their masculine energy back, but how to claim the relationship back. You see the biggest problem is not that men don’t want to support their partners in the way they want, they just don’t know how. Many women don’t know how to communicate to men their really needs in a way which makes sence to him, and so the breakdown in communication frustrates them both to separation and divorce.

The reality is it’s really not difficult to help and correct these problems and I have had many one session successes.

Does some of this feel like your relationship?

If you have connected to today’s post please feel free to comment below or better still come and see me, you learn how to help each other to get back the relationship and the passion you once shared.

Sexual Problems: Number one reason why couples decide to separate and divorce

Loss of passion, loss of desire, loss of attraction. Relationships do not work well when intimacy goes. The relationship becomes vulnerable because sexual attraction is one of the key elements in a loving relationship.

If your relationship is suffering and your intimacy has died this cannot be ignored because this can cause real problems.

This lack of sexual connection can create, resentment and a lack of respect for each other

Without the sexual intimacy the couple becomes friends at best, so this really has to change if there is a desire to get the relationship back on track.

The sexual problems that most couples face are not medical, they are based on fears and control. Both men and women can choose to withhold sexual intimacy in their quest to control the power in the relationship.

Of course this never works whilst they might win the sexual battle, the war against the fears is being lost, because the fear that drove them to control is likely to come true.

Withholding love of any kind to control gain power, or punish your partner never works and will lead to relationship disaster separation or divorce.

Some people will lose interest in sex with their partner due to a lack of their core needs not being met.

It’s very common for a female to lose desire, or attraction for her partner if she feels uncertain when she looks at what her future will look like with him. It’s very common for men to lose interest if they feel they can never please their partners.

Can sexual intimacy be reignited?

Yes of course, once the reasons behind the fears, or the withholding are understood they can then form part of the solution for that couple.

DO NOT BURY YOUR HEAD IN THE
SAND WITH THIS ONE:

The Biggest Rule Break in Relationships

Before I share this rule break, I want to say that those that do it have no idea that it’s causing them so much pain. To them this behaviour is normal and is how the world works. The belief that what they do is normal is a real challenge and one they have to undo to ever have a chance of creating a relationship that works to meeting the relationship rules.

If they don’t change this behaviour they will never get the real love they desire

  • The biggest rule break is this: If I give to you, what do I get back? Or put another way trading for what you want!

This behaviour is fundamentally the desire to trade for what they want/need. So they will trade for love, for security, for significance even for sex.

This is the “… if I do this for you what will you do for me?”  This behaviour really causes so many problems, because this trade is all about “me” and therefore selfish and immature. So a person who gives their partner presents, time, or love could be expecting something in return, and when they don’t get back what they think they should, they become cross with their partner’s ungrateful selfish behaviour.

If a partner gives because he or she wanted their partner to feel good because he or she loves them and the intention is just to want them to feel wonderful about themselves, then this act moves them to attach wonderful feeling to this selfless act.

Unfortunately many men and women are setting up many trades every day to get their needs met in their relationship. The problem happens when their partner is unaware of the expectation of the trade. E.G. If I give you flowers will you give me sex or love. Now what happens is the person who created the trade gets cross that the trade has not been fair, even though the receiver had no idea that any expectation was there.

So think about this, if you are going to trade in your relationship why not be honest about it? Why not tell your partner you want to trade with them? Why not tell them that the trade you want is you want something in return. E.G If you give them flowers what you want in return is sex.

THE REASON YOU DON’T IS BECAUSE ITS MANIPULATING AND CONTROLLING! You’re more likely to get a slap…

You can’t buy love, or sex from your partner, a relationship is not a trade, as soon as it becomes one watch your passion and relationship die.

So the question I now receive is, “…so how do I get what I want?”

The way to get what you want is to create an adult relationship, and come out of the child model of taking. A loving adult relationship is not about you, it is about your desire to want to help your partner to be happy, to give them what they need and expecting nothing in return. Yes I did say that!

You do this because you are a loving person by definition. NOT someone who pulls love away because the trade is not fair.

You see this relationship rule of giving because you love your partner when done with zero expectation is so loving and selfless that it moves your partner so emotionally that if done consistently their desire to want to do the same will feel natural within them.

  • Now the question is who goes first? Honestly – It’s the one who grows up first!

Spend some time now thinking about the trades you are aware of in your relationship today. What does your partner trade for? What do you trade for? If you do anything with a expectation of something in return you are trading and it’s hurting you both.

Reclaim Your Playful Passion

One of the biggest myths that couples tend to believe in is that the more time that passes the less passion they could expect. This is total RUBBISH and a myth created by those who don’t understand how to keep a relationship alive!

Maybe the myth was created to keep expectations low, just to keep people together happy with mediocre lives. Well the divorce rate proves people are not happy with mediocrity, they want more and I agree. I just disagree that affairs, splits and divorce is always the answer. Not every one can make it work, but knowing what to do makes a big difference.

  • The answer is: If you want to be good at something learn how to do it well and relationships are no different.

Lets start with learning how not to do it…

The 3 step formula for successfully removing passion from your relationship, without knowing

So if your relationship is lacking passion and you have lost the playful side to your relationship there are going to be reasons, below are the top 3.

Step 1. Lack of understanding

One of the reasons is going to be understanding, or a lack of it. When individuals in a relationship don’t feel that their partner understands them they feel hurt or pain. If they get too much proof that their partner doesn’t want to understand them, then they start to resent their partner.

Step 2. No appreciation of critical needs

Another core reason is needs. If your needs are not met you’re not going to be feeling very playful or sexy. If you feel that you partner is showing no desire to meet your needs then this also compounds the proof that you are not understood.

Step 3. Lack of trust and respect

If the above is how you are feeling the big problem will now be the worry that your partner cannot be trusted to give you want you really need and this may help you to feel that they don’t respect you.

Trust and respect are critical because without it you can kiss your passion goodbye.

So what’s the solution to “Reclaim Your Playful Passion”

Well clearly if the above steps are in your relationship, maybe it’s time to make a change and understand what you are doing wrong and put it right. You need growth in your relationship. Relationships DO NOT stand still. Relationships are either growing or dying.

If you want to keep yours, maybe it’s time to learn how to put that spark back and keep it there forever.

Relationship Conflict Management: “YOU @#**$%*> GET OUT!”

You know the situation, your blood is boiling, you are both shouting at each other, both in full flow. You can’t understand how your partner could be so stupid or selfish! In the moment you hate with a passion.

What’s interesting in these arguments is there always seems to be two totally different perspectives on the same  problem. There seems to be two truths… Really?!

How is that possible? Is someone dishonest? Are they both dishonest? Is someone playing control games? Is one party deliberately trying to hurt the other? Why can’t the couple, even agree on the basic facts?

The woman is usually thinking, why is he not understanding me? He is usually focused on the exact words and the exact events, the more he tries to prove his fact are right, the worse she feels and her anger escalates much to his frustration.

He knows he is right factually so clearly, she is has gone crazy. She can’t understand how he can be so insensitive, he is more interested in proving her wrong than helping her.

Clearly she gone mad and the men in the white van need to be called, and he’s and insensitive self centered @#**$%!

Does this happen to your relationship is this how you feel?

Would you really like these arguments  to end, because it can when you know what to do!

Now what I will say to the men here is: If your partner has become distant, has stopped complaining, is quietly going about her life day-to-day, she’s not passionate, but it’s quiet so better than the screaming version of her…right!?  WRONG!!!

This is time for you to worry! I know quiet for men equals all is well, but in female terms it means there is a massive, and I mean massive problem!

If she has stopped complaining and you know things are not right between you it means she has given up and see’s no point in communicating. She has lost trust and without trust there is no relationship.

For the women I want you to know this: No matter how many times you say what you want him to understand he will never get it, he may pay lip service to it to keep the peace, or he may shout you down, but he really will never understand.

Why is it this way?

The answer is simple, men and women communicate totally differently, unless you know how to translate emotional needs to each other in each others language you will never get through.

I have many couples that come to sessions get this and live wonderful lives together. I also work with a minority that say they want change and understand, but put no effort in, expect their partner to do all the changing and then wonder why the relationship fails again.

When your partner speaks, what is important is what their words mean to them: This is the whole point of communicating, if you put your spin on their words and then make them responsible for your interpretation, how in anyones world does that make sence.

What this means is you have to understand them and what their words really mean to them, only then will they feel heard.

Plus the words are only half the story… because she has stored up years of what he has done wrong and he seems to have developed a hearing problem.

  • Do you want to know how to get out of these vicious circles if so get in touch today!




Who taught YOU how to have a relationship?

Who do you think taught you to have a relationship? When you consider this, where do your thoughts take you? Was it your parents, the schools, your friends, did you learn what you know through trial and error, what is the answer for you?

When you think back to who taught you, do you think they were really qualified to help you? Did they have a relationship that you would like? Did they know how to help you have a relationship that would be successful?

  • The acid test is to look at the relationship you are in now. Are you really happy?

If your relationship is struggling it may not be yours or your partners fault, it maybe that the model of what equals a successful relationship, that was given to you both as children, may have been the wrong one and you didn’t know.

Of course if this has happened to you, then you may not be aware of this because, whatever you grew up with was normal to you.

So what you went through growing up and the model that was presented to you may not be normal to your partner.

So when the differing “normals” clash problems start to happen and fighting can start.

Examples of what clients have called “normal” and who taught them

  • Someone always has to back down in relationship so to keep the peace I made that someone me. She copied her mother. The result: She spent years resenting her husband and their sex life died.
  • To keep my wife calm, shouting at her works, she might get upset initially, but it stops her. He copied his father. The result: His wife became very depressed, stressed and ill all the time.
  • When I become depressed I get more love. Her depressed mother showed her how to do this. The result: She stayed depressed.
  • If i’m going to give to her, what’s in it for me? Both his parents taught him this. The result: resentment, lack of respect, loss of passion.

This list is potentially massive, but you get the idea.

BUT what is important is where do these thoughts take you. It’s likely that you can see your partners parents in his, or her behaviours. BUT can you see your own if not, ask them see what they say.

Is it time to learn how a relationship really works? Are your parents relationship skills questionable?

A relationship is a life decision, and because you only get one life getting it right is critical, especially if you have children. After all if you have learnt the wrong pattern as parents, you are likely to pass it on to them is this what you really want?

You can learn the truth here today!

The benefits are massive: If you take the time to unlearn what doesn’t work and replace it with what will.

Not only will your relationship last, but the passion will naturally grow again.

3 Relationship Phases – Relationship Test

Which phase are you in within your relationship? These phases are very telling and can help anyone to know what will happen to that relationship in the future.

Phase One

In this stage the individual is focused on getting his or her needs met before their partners. This is a very self focused approach and puts the individual in a taking frame of mind to get what they want.

Phase Two 50%/50% Relationship

In this state the couple are trading with each other for what they need in a relationship. The couple will give to each other, but they want something in return.

Phase Three 100%/0

In this phase the couple are focused on understanding each other needs and making sure those needs are met, with no expectation of anything in return.

Which relationship phase are you in and what is likely to happen to your relationship?

In Phase One a me focused relationship is doomed to fail. Even if the couple stay together they will resent each other and find other ways to meet their needs. Remember our needs are critical which means they have to be met.

In Phase Two a trading relationship. This relationship will end up with a loss of intimacy and like a brother and sister type relationship. The man could be beaten emotionally by the woman and the woman will be strong or depressed or both. The man could also bully to get what he wants and convince his partner he is right. There are many ways in which people trade, none of it works and if they don’t split up, an underlying unhappiness sits in the relationship. This results in resentment and loss of respect.

In Phase Three the couple who are focused on meeting their partner needs with no expectation. These are the ones who will succeed not only in creating a lasting relationship, but will also keep their intimacy and passion. Most couples don’t do this and so the myths that surround relationships, such as over time the passion goes, comes true and is accepted.

The process of giving selflessly to those you say you love is likely to put an individual at peace with themselves then the cause and effect process becomes automatic as the receiver wants to give back. When a couple work to understand each others needs and takes action to fulfill them a wonderful new meaning takes over the relationship.

If you are in a relationship and you want to keep it, this is the only model that really works!

So where are you and your partner?

  • Phase One
  • Phase Two
  • Phase Three
  • If you want to now learn more about how to practice Phase Three so it works please get in touch.

Discover what you love about your partner?

We are so conditioned to look for whats wrong in our world we can use that model, or focus to run our relationships. So to contrast that usual focus on the negative what you would come up with if you were to focus on what it is you love about your partner.

After all you wouldn’t be with them if you didn’t love them, so lets help them to feel valued by YOU today.

  • What do you love about him or her?
  • What is it about them that makes you feel so alive inside?
  • What is is that makes you want to love them more?
  • What is it that they do that makes you laugh?
  • What is it that they say about you, that helps you to feel great about you?
  • What is it about them that helps you to know, how lucky you are to have them?
  • What is it that helps you both keep that passion alive?
  • What is it about them that helps you to know you have chosen so well with a life partner because they never stop putting you first.

Tell your partner this and far more about what it is you love about them, and why they are so special to you. Make it your mission this week to give the best of you to your wonderful partner.

Let us know how you got on..

Number 1 Reason For Relationship Break-up…

If you want to ensure you keep your relationship alive, this is important to know. 100% of couples that come to me share this problem and many of them believe that their only option is to split-up, or divorce.

I totally agree that not all couples are designed to be together, but I also know, because I see it everyday that many relationships can be saved once they know how to do this one critical thing.

  • In fact some couples discover they only need one session with me, once they understand the most obvious reason why they are both in trouble with each other.

Before I share this I want you to cast your mind back to when you first met and what lead you to decide that your partner was right for you. You see this one critical thing was present when you first met each other. What happens with most couples is not their fault,  because they don’t know what is really working and so they stop doing it as time passes, and life takes over. Work pressure, money, children, friends, parents, hobbies everything starts to take over and the relationship takes a back seat.

So what you both did that worked has now stopped dead. The relationship stopped growing months, or even years before and even though you noticed a shift, it didn’t worry you until you started to feel that something was very wrong.

Some people have physical symptoms that join in to make the worry seem worse, churning stomach, numbness, empty feeling, face hurting, neck hurting, back problems etc…

For those that experience these types of feelings your body is giving you a clear message to make a change in your life, because it is picking up that you may not be safe where you are.

At this point most people go to destruction of the relationship as they assume that is the change that’s needed.

What’s needed and what most couple stop doing is this critical but simple action: They stopped meeting each others NEEDS.

  • This is the N0.1 reasons why couples break-up!

If your partner feels that you no longer want to meet their needs in the way they want them met, it does not take long for the relationship to grind to a halt. This is dangerous because when couples enter this place, they will through fear start to trade for what they need. This builds resentment and can result in a loss of passion. Loss of passion then leads to lack of respect, and the end is never far away at this point.

You might read that loss of passion/sexual intimacy is the top reason why couples split. Whilst that ended up being the focus of the problem this is not the core issue.

Loss of intimacy in a relationship is just one of the many symptoms that couples experience when their needs are not met. Arguments, power struggles, jealousy, affairs,  porn, gambling, holding love back, punishing, controlling, controlling mothers and fathers, the list is endless.

It really boils down to this one key area: NEEDS: If your partners needs are not met they will have to get them met elsewhere. Needs are not nice to haves they are critical.

  • My advice find out fast and if you need help please don’t hesitate to call me.

If your sex life is dead…

If the sexual intimacy in your relationship has disappeared what does that make your relationship? The answer is not great, at best, you are good friends!

BUT… does it have to be this way? Of course not…

With the right attention your relationship has every chance of making a full recovery sexually.

The question is this, has what you’ve done so far worked to improve your relationship and sexual intimacy?

If the answer is “NO” now you know what to never try again.

So now what? If you want to ignite the spark of sexual energy back into your relationship you have to help your partner get connected to the right polarity with themselves.

If a woman doesn’t feel like a woman with her partner the chances of sex are slim. The same goes for men.

You will probably notice that many relationships you know have couples living in the wrong polarity. i.e. The woman is more like the man, and the man is weaker and more like the female.

  • These couples are more likely to have sexual problems.

Getting the polarity right in your relationship is sexually volcanic, this is why it works when we first meet, but then we stop doing what works, we wonder where the sex has gone and fear that maybe we are in the wrong relationship?

So if you have been fed the illusion that time equals loss of passion, then you are missing one of the fundamental laws of nature and that is polarity.

Opposites attract: It’s the differences that attract each other, nature has designed us to be different for good reason, but our fears help us to switch roles. Females get stronger when they become fearful and men become weaker in their quest to please their partners.

Once the man discovers his true masculine power, only then will he break through with her, helping her to feel safe to feel feminine again.

If you are a man wanting to know how to break through and claim back your true role in your relationship get in touch with Stephen Hedger Relationship Coach and Marriage expert today!

Or

Maybe you are female and you want your man to learn how to break through with you and keep you safe, so you can release the passion in you again?

Testament to Life Coaching

OK I know initially I went  as I hoped to save my marriage.  Well it takes two to do that and my ex-husband wasn’t committed to doing so – the lure of the new woman was just too great!

Left with having to pick up the pieces of ‘me’ I’ve continued to see Stephen over the last 11 months, determined to get myself into a better state of mind.  I will readily admit there have been times when I’ve ‘fought’ Stephen with a passion, feeling and believing that I was right and he wrong!  I’ve had sessions cancelled by him as he wasn’t prepared to waste my money (for which I am grateful!).  I’ve argued with him and I’ve had moments of disliking the experience.  None of which sounds very positive!  But in hindsight 99% of these arguments have actually been with myself as I’ve battled to change how I view things, to take responsibility for me and to learn and understand how I can make things different for me. To learn and to realise that I needed to become my own best friend. [Read more...]

What are your relationship goals?

From married to dating it is critical that you create goals for your relationship to keep your relationship alive and full of passion.

Giving is one of the biggest goals you can contribute to your relationship. A lot of people in relationships are only interested in what they can get from their relationship and when they don’t think they are getting much, giving seems like the last thing they want to do.

So they withhold the giving as a punishment. Of course if someone does us a wrong we punish them! Wrong! Especially in relationships. Whenever has anyone felt more love after being punished. If you punish your partner you hurt your relationship and yourself.

The biggest goal is really very simple… [Read more...]

What is Love Really?

“Love” is a wonderful word with so many potential meanings, that can be combined with the hope of a future of connected happiness, harmony and passion with a significant someone who you believe has your best interests at heart. Not just your lover, but your best friend too.

So if a couple gets into trouble and the future looks very unstable how can the couple claim to still love each other?

Some couples in this situation may even say “I love you, but I’m not in love with you!” is that really possible or is that a smart get out clause.

What does this magical word “Love” really mean?

I remember being with a group of women who wanted to have a session to collectively ask me questions about relationships. [Read more...]

Pre Marriage Coaching Why It’s Critical?

Many couples who decide to marry don’t consider looking for guidance with their relationship. After all “…what could possibiley go wrong?…” My job is to help all couples of all ages that have yet to experience what’s to come with their new  relationship, avoid the pitfalls. I help couples discover how relationships really last long-term and I don’t mean just last, I mean last with passion.

Loss of your sex life will be the first casulity

So here is the a typical myth that exists and is widely accepted. Sex, passion and intimacy dies as times passes… This is totally untrue, and should not be accepted.

Of course if the relationship suffers in any way the first thing to go is the sex. Men discover that as soon as their partner becomes upset any sexual activity grinds to a surprising halt.

Just imagine if you don’t know what to do to keep your relationship growing and alive, your sex life will disappear and you’re now legally tied to the same person possibly with children. [Read more...]

Will My relationship Last?

So you want to know if your relationship will last? Of course you do, who wouldn’t! When couples come to see me, no matter what their relationship challenge is from arguments to affairs they have the power to make any situation better, all that’s missing is the know how.

Couples without knowing, together create the perfect growth conditions for agruments, affairs, lack of trust, lack of care, and then wonder why they have no sex life, and then no relationship. They are very successful at creating misery for themselves and each other.

How does this happen and what can you do about stopping this in your relationship?


I wonder what advice you would give to others if they told you they were being treated badly by their partner.

Would your advice be to change who their are and what they stand for? [Read more...]

One Amazing Lady & Her Journey – Unexpected Break-Up

Relationship break-ups are traumatic for everyone. What happens when the love runs so deep, that life starts to become second place. This is a story of a remarkable lady who worked with me to come out of her own personal hell to see the value of herself and regain her passion for her life all over again.

I will hand you over to her words below…

Last August I was in a dark and to be quite honest, scary place. Incredibly unhappy and feeling that life was never going to change. My husband of 17 years had suddenly walked out 18 months before. I hadn’t seen it coming at all and everything since had seemed totally surreal. My world had fallen apart and I felt totally lost. I spent most of the time in tears. I had lost the cheerful, optimistic side of me completely.

I don’t know what made me search for help again. I’d tried Counselling a year earlier, but just seemed to spend time discussing how I felt. I was too painfully aware of How I Felt – and why! [Read more...]

Relationship Master Skill FIVE of SEVEN

Yesterday we looked at how anyone can reignite the passion in their relationship and can give themselves permission to drop the accepted assumption that Relationships + Time automatically equals a loss of passion.

  • What we are getting to now is honesty in your relationship.
  • I have a question for you, is “honesty” important to you? I expect the answer is yes.
  • When is honesty important? Is it some of the time or all of the time? I expect you’ll want honesty all of the time.

Many couples I work with, and I see a lot every year all have one thing in common, they are not honest with each other and more importantly they are not honest with themselves. [Read more...]