Today’s Relationship Tip

If you want an amazing relationship full of passion one that will last, what has to happen? Today I am going to share with you one tip that will make all the difference.

This is the thing that most people fear doing and most of us are conditioned not to do when relationships get tough.

The secret is to become the best partner you can be today, no matter what you believe your partner has done to you.

I assume if you have a relationship that you want to keep it? So how attractive do you think you are to your partner when you pull your love away?

Relationships usually work in the opposite ways to what you think, so be brave and become the person you want to be NOW. Don’t change who you are due to your fears, stay strong and become someone who no matter what, can stay focused on who they are.

If you are a loving person give love, if your partner has done something that has hurt you, it is very likely that you have very little understanding of their behaviours, you have not had their life or their upbringing so you are not qualified to judge them so…

Rather than judging them love them in times that they feel pain and understand this. Very often we hurt those closest to us, but the real message is that they feel safe to be who they are with you and they are telling you they want help and they trust you to be that help.

Love is always the answer. So give it unconditionally and without fear. Most of us want unconditional love, but we are too scared to give it. Your relationship will suffer if this is you, remember you don’t love to receive love, you love because that is a part of who you are.

So you want a life that’s full of passion?

Here’s how to get it. Sustaining a passionate love life is all about building an unbreakable trust with your partner. Helping your partner feel like they are always the most important part of your life, helping them become secure in the knowledge that you will always be there for them.

You promise to love them forever, never judge them, or make them wrong. You’ll define your future together and help to grow your relationship towards that future whilst keeping life exciting.

Plus you’ll help them become the person they want to become in the life they want to live by understand their needs and values for life. If you promise to do all of this and you practice it consistently every day then prepare yourself for a life long love affair, because as you give and give you will discover you’ll never have to take.

…most couples do the reverse especially under pressure

Most couples don’t do this because they go to a fearful place and they start to pull love away when they have the perception that things are going wrong.

They may feel inadequate in the relationship, or maybe their fear drives them to look for problems. Or they can’t seem to understand why that spark they had in the beginning has gone.

When one or both people in the relationship goes to a place of fear the passion stops dead!

Many men come to me with the problem that their partner has removed themselves sexually from the relationship. Most of the time the woman is in a place of fear. She may not be able to see a future, maybe due to trust issues, communication break down, or she may fear not having the life or relationship she wanted, her fears will be unique to her.

Whatever her reason for being scared, putting pressure on her for sex will never work.

Plus more and more women are complaining that their men are shutting down sexually too. Again there are many reasons, but you can bet that fear is never far from their door.

Never ever pull your love away, you will always hurt yourself and your relationship if you do.

Sex is always the first thing to go when relationships hit problems, and of course life is full of them, how you deal with those problems together is what makes the difference.

The key to a passionate future together is giving and giving and giving so find out what he or she really needs and give it to them in buckets.

Biggest tip for the ladies: Your man has two big desires in life that will make him feel like a man in your relationship. The first one is not what you think – Pleasing you is his number one desire, this makes him feel like a man. So help him feel successful with you.

Biggest tip for the men: Women want attention all the time. So get present with your partner and listen to her, feel what she feels, shower her with attention, understand what she really needs. Help her feel like the most beautiful beautiful woman in the world to you. She must know she is No.1.

2011 Can Be Your Year – But You Have To Want It?

I mean you have to really want it. Not just talk about it. You have to be willing to take massive actions fearlessly. If you have not got what you want today, ask yourself why? Is it lack of focus? Do you fear something? Do you not know what to do? Whatever is blocking you has to be overcome…

…or this year will be the same as last year.

If you are focusing on what you want for you this year my advice would be.

  • 1. Make your goals crystal clear
  • 2. Understand why you want them
  • 3. Get laser focused on the steps needed to achieve the goals
  • 4.  And most of all, get focused on RESULTS!

The rules of life are simple, what you focus on is what you’ll get. So don’t focus on what you don’t want, focus on what you do.

Many people never achieve what they really want because they are scared that they won’t get it, or they won’t be enough in some way.

So their fears focus them on not having what they want. This results in them focusing not only on not getting what they want, but also on taking little or no action towards it.

Little action gets little to no results, and so they have proof that they will never have it.

Is this what you will do? Are you going to set yourself up to fail every day?

Everyone has the freedom and the right to have what they want, and you are no different.

Relationships, Wealth, Adventure, Toys, Friends, Family, Spirituality, Health

Whatever your focus is this year, go and get it. Plan it now and above all make your goals your passion, do something everyday to make what you say is important to you come true.

You are designed to grow to contribute to yourself and others. You are designed to be amazing, you are amazing you just have not yet realised how amazing you are.

The wonders of this world are not designed just for others, they are for you, all you have to do is stop fighting the world go with the flow of how sucess works and create the patterns in you, that will give you all you desire.

The key to all this is to break old patterns of behaviour.

Create new empowering patterns that will help you to be the person you want to be in the life that you want to live.

The question now is how? What do you feel you have to do right now to get the ball rolling?

Relationship Advice Index 24/09/2010

As StephenHedger.com gets bigger it’s sometimes a challenge to find exactly what you are looking for. So for those that have just joined and for those who have been following my post for a while please go below for a snap shot of what is freely available.

Please remember I am always available to answer your questions.

 

Relationship Advice Index

Life Doesn’t Have To Be This Way!

Whatever is affecting your life today, from economic challenges, to relationship problems, from feelings of self-doubt to depression.

If your life is not the way it should be for you then why not? What is wrong for you, what has to change for you to be happy?

A lot of people get stuck in despair, or learnt helplessness that their lives are impossible to change and how it is today is how it will always be, or if they image the next ten years being like the last ten they hold their head in their hands in despair.

What the “Experts” say!

Many experts will tell us that change takes along time, what they neglect to tell you is that it’s the deciding to change is what takes the time, the changes itself can happen in a moment.

  • Maybe this is where you are, are you still deciding to change?

Do you fear change?

Maybe you know you need to make some changes in your life, but you have no idea where to start, or even if it’s possible.

Maybe you are fearful to move towards any changes in your life because what if it doesn’t work, or maybe you are fearful that it will work?

When are you going to hold yourself to a higher standard?

Whatever is stopping from getting the life you want can be changed, but you have to want it enough. You have to want to live your life to a higher standard, you have to want to have the best of life for you, you have to want a life full of passion and adventure.

When are you going to hold yourself to that higher standard? When are you going to say “ENOUGH! I have to commit myself today to the only life I have…RIGHT NOW!

Do not fear how you are going to get this new life or new you, just know that you want it with all your heart and trust your mind to know where to go to get the help or the information to help you.

You are on a journey called life, and so you are in charge! So what do you want your journey to be like and where do you want to go, and most importantly how will you know when you get there?

  • The biggest regret you will have is not being brave enough!

Passionless Relationship

Are you living in a passionless relationship? Do you want to know why it happened and how to change it? Then please read on…

What happens in most relationships is this. After the initial excitement of meeting each other, feeling that rush of you can’t wait to be together and rip each others clothes off, what happens is life start to take over.

Friends, family, work, bills, hobbies and one day you notice that the passion you both had for each other has changed, and where you used to make time available to be with each other now you are lucky to get any kind of real conversation, let alone instinctive red hot passion.

Something has changed and you can feel it!

Two things have changed, one is the sexual driving, feel good chemicals that are produced when you first met, and secondly the effort that you both put in that helped to create those chemicals.

So what worked really well when you first met you have chosen to change, probably without noticing, or maybe you just expect the passion to die because everyone says it always does. Maybe that advice is coming from everyone who is making the same mistakes and now everyone is lost and agrees that this is what happens as if it is a fact, when it’s just their experience.

What changes is the behaviours of the couple
and it’s this that kills the passion.

You may have worried that maybe the relationship is not right after all and so you went on a search for more problems and it was not long before you found them, because no matter how good any relationship is there will always be problems.

The truth here is whatever you focused on was what you got. Or in other words what you didn’t focus i.e. each other, on you got far less of.

Your energy will go to where your focus is. So remember when you focused all day on seeing him, or her and all you could see in your mind was how beautiful, or handsome your partner was to you, and the adventure that might unfold on your next date. How you did you feel inside? Amazing of course, but when you focused on potential problems, you then felt terrible and attached that feeling to the relationship or your partner without knowing.

The passion in your relationship has not died you have just forgotten to focus on it, because other stuff became important, or maybe you felt that you had to pull yourself together and be careful incase he or she will not hurt you, or maybe feeling sexual all the time was not right, and that is a rule you never knew you had.

The problem is this, when your focus went to a place of pain you can then attached that pain to your partner or those feeling and so you won’t allow that to happen again. Now you have sabotaged your own passion through your thoughts and a focus of fear which you probably made up.

Remember this, your focus is very powerful and can change you whole future and direction, so be sure that this focus is 100% in line with all you value, and does not come from a place of fear, because this will always hurt you and in the context of passion will kill it dead.
AND… The thing that makes any relationship special is that bond of intimacy that is reserved for just the two of you. Without it you are just friends, and is that what you want?

Relationship Help & Advice Index

For the benefit of those of you who have just joined, below are posts from the last few weeks that could be the one thing that will trigger a change in you to see your life and relationship differently.

To your success

Stephen Hedger

Relationship Coach

Any questions please don’t hesitate in asking.

Men Are Killing Their Own Sex Lives Without Knowing!

I am calling on all men to stand-up and be a man fast!

If you don’t, you can kiss goodbye to your sex life today!

Why am I saying this? Because men all over the world are confused, and this confusion is destroying their relationships. Whilst the men are trying to workout what’s going on in their relationships the women feel they have no choice, but to take control.

Here’s the thing, your wife or girlfriend wants you to be the man in your relationship. She won’t tell you this directly, but if you do not prove to her you are strong enough to look after her emotional needs then she will have no choice, but to become the man in your relationship, and she will not be happy about that.

She wants you to be the man

Why? Because she wants to be the beautiful desirable woman not the man. She will struggle with being both, but survival always comes first for her, especially if she has children. So if she feels the man is weak, she will worry and so passion will always be the last thing on her mind.

In today’s society you can see women having to get tough everywhere and in all so-called social classes. Single mums for example have to get tough to survive and if they live too long in this masculine roll they get stuck there, afraid to let go.

Then what happens is her masculine persona is in need of balance, and so without knowing she automatically attracts a weaker man. What she really needs is a man stronger than her so she can revert back to being the woman she really wants to be.

But she will not do that unless she is 1000% sure she can trust him to be that man for her, and she may avoid stronger men fearful of losing the control that kept her safe.

Women who are in top jobs experience the same problem, because they have to survive in a masculine world and so they have to act like men that look like women. Tough women love the power they have, but secretly they also long for a strong man.

The hen-pecked husband

Another victim is the hen-pecked husband. How does this happen? What men know and what many women won’t believe is this.

All men want to do is please her. If he discovers he cannot please her he will either leave or stay with her, but give up trying. So if women never show their partners they are pleased with what they do, or they are too controlling, negative, or overly critical, the man will start to compromise himself to try to please her.

She will then feel insecure with him and so she may cause massive rows that to a man make no sense. But her message to him is clear. You are putting this relationship at risk if you cannot even stand up to me, a woman, and prove to me everything will be OK.

She sees his behaviour as a lack of strength, and so her respect for him will start to diminish and so the beaten man gets weaker and weaker and she ends up loving him like a child. Telling him off and putting him down. It does not take a rocket scientist to know their sex life is going to be a dead one.

So men, the lesson is clear.

She needs the strength of a real man, one she can depend on no matter what happens. A man who will always be there for her, forever. When she feels this security from him only then will she let go and become the feminine woman, very happy to help him  become the man you both can enjoy.

Become who you are designed to be, and watch your relationship and passion come alive. Live in the wrong versions of yourself and expect pain misery, and that‘s right! Zero passion.

Steps To Fixing A Passionless Relationship

If there is no passion in your relationship there is going to be a reason and it is not going to be because your partner does not like, or want sex.

Many couples have one partner who wants the passion in their relationship to reignite, but they don

Are You Trading In Your Relationship?

Are you in a trading relationship? Does your partner have to do something for you before you will do something for them, or is it the other way around?

“I’ll do that for you if you do that for me!”


Maybe you are doing this because your parents did, think back, were your parents loving to each other when they were like this or was the atmosphere hard and lacking softness and love.

Trading relationships are destructive for love and passion.

If you and your partner live in this life then the passion love and respect will have gone or be on its way out.

The only way to get the passion back into your life is to give, give and give some more, and ask for nothing in return.

Then watch as if by magic your relationship takes on a whole new meaning. Try it let me know how you get on.

Unconditional Love – The Key To Passion!

Unconditional love is usually reserved for children. We feel that we have to hold back this special love from our partners because they could leave us, not find us attractive any more, find someone else or fall out of love with us.

So our fear is what’s holding our relationships back.

This fear is stopping you having the relationship you really want. This fear will put you on guard, your partner will notice your guard is up and so they put theirs up. All this happens without you both knowing.

Hold yourself to a higher standard before you expect others to.

If you have committed your life to your partner, then be true to your word and give your partner the real you, not the fearful one or the one who trades their love – I’ll only do this if you if you do this for me.

The rules of life are?

Whatever you want, you must first give in bucket loads first. If you want to receive trust then give trust. If you want to receive love then give your love. If you want respect give respect if you want unconditional love then give it today and every day!

No excuses no matter what you believe your partner has done, give the very best of yourself.

When both people in a relationship love each other unconditionally the fears are removed and in it’s place sits passion and a deeper connection that free and peaceful.

  • Try it today, in fact do this for 30 days, don’t tell your partner and let me know what happens.

Step 6: Reignite the passion in your relationship

Step 6 – Relationship Rebuilding Process

Stephen Hedger helps couple understand that making time for the intimate side of their relationship is critical to reconnect you both.

The fundamental difference between those you love (friends & family) and your partner is the intimate side to your relationship.

Couples can find that they live in a lighter version of themselves in fear of sharing their true passionate selves. When they live in this state they are never allowed to be who they really are and this can kill the soul of those people.

Connecting with the true you is a liberating experience in fact this part of you is just one of many parts that all have their roles.

Stephen will help couples feel safe to share their darker needs and how to access these different parts of their personalities and take the relationship to a whole new deeper and exciting level.

Building lasting relationships with Stephen Hedger

To Make An Appointment Call: 0845 519 4808

Step 2: What needs is the relationship not meeting?

Step 2 – Relationship Rebuilding Process

Stephen Hedger will help the couple understand how their critical needs are affecting their relationship their behaviours and their partners behaviours.

All individuals in relationships have needs that are critical for the relationship to be successful.

In the early days of the relationship it is very easy to meet all these needs at once.

As time goes by and the relationships settle down into daily life the needs that were being met can start to drift away. If these problems not addressed this can result in a passionless relationship where the couple love eachother, but live together as friends until one becomes unhappy and leaves the relationship.

For example

If an individual no longer feels significant in the relationship then they will go to where they can feel this way. This could be with friends, working late, hobbies or even an affair.

If one of the couple has to have financial security before they can open up to feeling of love this can damage the passionate side of the relationship.

So the order of the needs is important.

Stephen will work with the couple to discover their critical needs for the relationship to be successful and help the couple understand how these needs are driving their behaviours. These session will cover values and rules if one or both people in the couple have a destructive pattern.

Building lasting relationships with Stephen Hedger

To Make An Appointment Call: 0845 519 4808

Step 3: Rebuilding trust in your relationship

Step 3 – Relationship Rebuilding Process

Stephen Hedger will help the couple learn how to build trust that’s believable and lasting

When a couple go through any kind of relationship problem the trust in each other is dented in some way.

The natural reaction when trust, the foundation of their relationship is in question is to protect yourself this could result in arguments, stonewalling, or leaving the relationship temporarily or for good.

For example

The reason for a lack of trust can take forms. It could be due to an affair or that one individual does not feel secure in the relationship for some reason. It could be trust issues could be due to money issues or a feeling of not being respected or valued. The reasons are many and varied, and can be rational or irrational emotion.

Stephens objective is to help the couple re-connect through a trust rebuilding process and sincere promises to establish a foundation to rebuild their future on.

Building lasting relationships with Stephen Hedger

To Make An Appointment Call: 0845 519 4808

Step 4: Relationship growth & building a future together

Step 4 – Relationship Rebuilding Process

Stephen Hedger explains that if the relationship stops growing it dies. Building a compelling future together is critical.

When a couple first meet they have so many plans and life starts off so exciting. They put effort into the way they dress how they look, they constantly make plans together, weekends away, special nights out, presents, cards.

They then might plan to move in together, buy a house and maybe start a family.

What can happen to a relationship is that a busy life gets in the way and the relationship then has no direction, the individuals end up serving their own needs and soon as the relationship becomes all about ME! If this happens you’re really in trouble.

Stephen will help the couple get addicted to serving each others needs and get them making plans to ensure the relationship has an exciting direction.

Building lasting relationships with Stephen Hedger

To Make An Appointment Call: 0845 519 4808

Step 5: Dealing with Relationship Problems

Step 5 – Relationship Rebuilding Process

Stephen Hedger will explain that no amount of relationship work will stop problems arising in the relationship. What’s important is the way you work together to ensure the relationship is never affected.

Relationship problems can take 1000’s of forms.

Problems can be from outside pressures such as work, friends, family, money problems etc. Or problems can come from misunderstandings and assumption between the couple.

On top of all these potential issues we have the ever changing states the individuals go through the different communication strategies of the individuals and the massive difference between the sexes.

Stephen will help the couple understand the critical thought processes needed to keep the relationship problems at bay the couple secure and safe no matter what happens.

Building lasting relationships with Stephen Hedger

To Make An Appointment Call: 0845 519 4808

Step 6: Reignite the passion

Step 6 – Relationship Rebuilding Process

Stephen Hedger helps couple understand that making time for the intimate side of their relationship is critical to reconnect you both.

The fundamental difference between those you love (friends & family) and your partner is the intimate side to your relationship.

Couples can find that they live in a lighter version of themselves in fear of sharing their true passionate selves. When they live in this state they are never allowed to be who they really are and this can kill the soul of those people.

Connecting with the true you is a liberating experience in fact this part of you is just one of many parts that all have their roles.

Stephen will help couples feel safe to share their darker needs and how to access these different parts of their personalities and take the relationship to a whole new deeper and exciting level.

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The Relationship Building Process

Building lasting relationships with Stephen Hedger

To Make An Appointment Call: 0845 519 4808