When the survival brain takes over a relationship

What any couple will notice when their relationship breaks down is their energy is usually focused on themselves and what they are not getting. 

This of course is the total reverse of what they were doing when they first met.

A person in a relationship that’s not working can automatically gravitate to a negative focus.

The challenge with this person is they are so consumed by what’s wrong, they are unaware they are deleting everything that’s good.

The good is still there it’s just the person is no longer seeing it, or wanting to connect to it.

This phenomena is designed by nature and it’s one of our survival mechanisms. I’ll explain… [Read more...]

Performance Coaching for Couples

Many couples are attracted to Performance Coaching strategies to rebuild their marriage because they are interested in learning a forward thinking strategy and tools that enables them to see how they can get themselves out of a horribly painful situation and into a connected and happier passionate relationship.

At the end of this post is two examples of couples that were horribly stuck, one lady wouldn’t have sex with her husband and the other couple with divorce on the cards due to significant emotional disconnection and an addiction to looking at other females in front of his wife.

Couples are asking for easy steps that will help them get out of their own personal hell, they don’t want to rake over their past, discuss what happened in their childhood or spend week after week focused on their problem they know will make them feel bad.

They want to see a path, they want to feel hopeful, they want to know what to do and they want to know if they put all this effort in will it work? [Read more...]

Retirement triggers marital crisis

He was a powerful figure in a very successful career. She was a supportive wife and loving mother. All set for retirement they were both shocked at the desperately negative place they found themselves in.

This gentlemen has kindly shared his story with you. He really couldn’t find or see a way forward and had concluded that leaving the relationship was probably their only option.

Many couples suffer with this kind of problem because they are unable to understand how to solve it.

These are his words.

Ours is a unique story – or so we thought until we met with Stephen.  [Read more...]

They had lost love, connection and themselves and an affair was on the cards

On paper this couple had it all, but they had lost what so many lose and that’s their relationship. They ended up two people that just happen to live in the same house doing their own thing.

They had slipped into a unhealthy pattern that neither knew how to break.

They had lost how to connect with who they really were and what was important to them. They had lost how to show up the relationship and be valuable to each other. They had lost how to attract each other and how to be attractive in the marriage.

Essentially they became a mum and a dad together they had lost how to be best friends and lovers.

With energy very low in both people and not holding out much hope they knew had to take action and get help.

[Read more...]

Same sex marriage hits crisis point and start consulting divorce lawyers

I had got to the point where I was consulting divorce lawyers and I really could see no solution in saving my marriage and I was in a real mess. 

I did a lot of research and finally found Stephen.

His testimonials looked great and I honestly felt I had no alternative. If I was going to give this one shot, I wanted Stephen to help me.

My husband was extremely reluctant and is not a massive talker and I knew I had a challenge getting him there. [Read more...]

3 Steps to an Amazing Relationship

I don’t know about you, but l like to make my life easy. I like simple steps that add massive value to my life. Easy things I can do almost without thinking about them.

Look at how I think about my day: In theory I have millions of things to focus on, but I choose to focus on just 3. My health, my marriage to the beautiful Cloe, and my Clients. As long as I add value to those three things every day life is growing in a meaningful way and it’s easy.

So in todays post I’m going to breakdown three critical areas of focus that most couples don’t do, but should. Without these three areas being looked after the relationship either will suffer, or the relationship will become vulnerable. [Read more...]

Learn the Win-Win Patterns of behaviour that create secure passionate relationships

If you have been following past posts you will know how hard it is to deal with the many hidden challenges in a couples relationship. Today I’m going to uncover another hidden problem that’s so important to learn.

Todays post is designed to help you focus your thought’s into your habitual patterns. Many couples have created destructive patterns without thought. These patterns are hurting the relationship, but the couple keep repeating them. So if you find yourself in circular patterns that keep making one or both of you unhappy then the pattern must change.

IMPORTANT: The way a pattern must change is to dissolve resentment and build more connection and more love and passion. This is where people are going wrong. I see couples do make changes, but their changes cause more problems.

So the new design of the pattern and the goal we want to achieve is critical to put the couple on the right track.

Lets start here: All couples have created patterns of behaviour without knowing.

This has two effects, either their learnt patterns have lead them to a loving, connected passionate life together, or their learnt patterns have lead them to feel disconnected from each other. [Read more...]

#697: Want to save your marriage? Learn how to become valuable in the eyes of your partner.

One of the life’s’ fundamental secrets to a successful life is fulfilment. Fulfilment is the power that sits behind adding value and growing what’s important in your life.

After working for 15 years with individuals and couples from all walks of life, I can tell you that successful people think differently.

So if you want to be successful in your relationship and you’re currently not. Now might be the time to work out how couples in successful relationships think differently.  [Read more...]

What is the Marriage Breakthrough Program and can it help me save my marriage?

Many couples are asking me how the “Marriage Breakthrough Program” works and why it has proven to be so successful at helping couples on the brink of divorce?

There are a few critical components that have enabled this consistent success.

Initially I offer a couples one meeting with me so I can establish if I feel they can achieve the result they say they want. I don’t see the value in us spending 12 weeks together if I don’t think they have a hope of success.

I’m not worried about how bad the couple think their relationship is, I am looking for key indicators that enable me to assess if i can see that success is actually possible. When I see a result is possible they are invited in to work with me, if I have concerns over their chances of success [Read more...]

Who have you become in your relationship?

Helping a person connect with their true-self is a significant part of helping that person discover the truth in their relationship – should they stay or go? 

If your relationship is in trouble the message below is for you.

Couples living in marital crisis will both be living in versions of themselves that is not reflective of who they are. Fear is going to be very alive in one or both people.

Fear can be a very destructive force in relationships because the fear can grow to the point where resentments can take hold and create needs such as possessiveness, jealousy and control, these powerful feelings can help a person feel a need to withdraw or have a need to be right. [Read more...]

She said she no longer loved him…

Loss of love is a very common problem that shows up in my consultations. It’s a terribly difficult problem for couples and many give up not knowing the simple steps to reigniting feelings that have died. 

As you scan through my words below you will see a snap shot of how this couple were guided out of this horrible situation.

This lady turned up with her husband. She told me she had lost her feelings for her husband.

She told me without those feelings of love she didn’t believe she could carry on the relationship. They had young children and I knew those children were the reason she was sat in front of me.

Her feelings had died and to help them I needed to know why? I also knew she didn’t know the answer to that question.

There was no affair, he was hard working, he loved the children, he had a successful business. On paper they had all the ingredients for a successful life. [Read more...]

Are we compatible?

Are we compatible? This is a very common question and one that gets asked a lot when I’m working with couples? Couples that come for my help want to know if the problems they have are fixable, or do they have some deep-seated problem hardwired into their relationship?

For most couples in crisis the reason they feel incompatible is because that’s exactly what’s happened, they have created an incompatible dynamic. Their dynamic has changed for some reason.

This change of dynamic will create feelings that one or both people simply can’t live with.

The good news is for most couples this state is not permanent once we understand the underlying cause(s). [Read more...]

Are you passionate about your relationship? If so this is for you…

If you want your relationship/marriage to work then learning the answer to this question will be a monumental jump forward for any couple to explore.

Question: What really has to happen for couples to stay connected in a meaningful way for life? 

Many couples are only learning they should have known the answer to this question after they survived their own personal crisis…

These couples have lived a half life with each other, coping and existing, never really connecting at a level which would have worked long-term. [Read more...]

Helping a couple to breakthrough their problems and avoid divorce

How is it possible to help a couple in crisis? How can you bring a couple back from the brink of divorce? How is it possible to help that couple even if that couple are convinced there is no way back?

The answer is to change the thinking that lead them both to disaster. But the way they change their thinking has to connect them to their true-selves otherwise the changes cannot be sustained.

The reason couples struggle so much and end up shutting down and seeing divorce as the only option is because they were trying to use the thinking that created their problems to solve their problems.

New understandings about their experience together is the key to new meanings and a safer future together.

Communication is critical in any relationship so couples have to learn how to translate what their partner has really been trying to say. [Read more...]

The power of the past on a marriage

This couple wrote to me after attending my 12 Session Marriage Breakthrough Program. As the weeks progressed the layers of their relationship challenges were uncovered and rebuilt so that the couple felt more confident. They understood how their challenges were created and how to deal future challenges as a team. Their 12 sessions were run over 5 months due to their busy schedule. These are their words to me….

 

Dear Stephen

As our sessions with you have now concluded both Mandi & I wished to convey to you our gratitude for grabbing the reigns of our failing relationship and gently steering us back onto the right path. It was a bit of a roller coaster ride highlighted with moment’s of humour. [Read more...]

Do you know what feelings your partner is attaching to you?

As our relationships progress our partners are attaching feelings to us. This happens automatically without conscious thought.

So if you cast your mind back over the past week? The past month and the last few years what do you think your partner has attached to you and is it what you want them to attach to you?

Some couples experience heightened attachments, such as when a trust is broken. This can create an attachment that stays with that person forever. [Read more...]

How To Save Your Marriage Alone!

If you want your marriage to work and your partner won’t seek help what do you do? This post is about how to save your marriage alone.

How you can make a difference in your relationship even if your partner doesn’t want to try?

The starting point is this: You have to know it is possible to save your marriage on your own, but you’re going to have to make some changes in the way you listen, understand your partner and how you behave. [Read more...]

Many couples in crisis believe there is little hope for their relationship, but feel stuck because splitting up feels wrong too!

Without doubt this is one of the most horrible places to be in a relationship. You have memories of a past that worked, BUT you can’t get back to it. Life in this place can feel totally hopeless and you can end up feeling detached and emotionally numb which just add to the fear.

You feel you know what you should do, but something is holding you back.

You may have talked to your friends even your family. You may be feeling more confused as they all care about you, yet they are giving you conflicting advice. [Read more...]

Relationship Tests & Secrets

Are you up for an experiment with your partner? This test will be a secret between you and me. The purpose of the test is to learn what your partner will do, so you can see the impact you can have on your relationship.

It doesn’t matter if you are male or female reading this, the test is very simple.

I know some of you will find this really easy and others might be challenged. The goal is not just to learn what your partner will do, but also learn what you feel at the thought of this test and if you are actually able to complete it.

So if you are up for the challenge here we go. [Read more...]

Cloe Hedger Being the Wife of a Relationship Coach – Simon Cowell & Lifes Journey

Cloe Hedger formally Allison Jordan speaks about her relationship with Simon Cowell. What lead her to being a pop star and her life today with relationship coach Stephen Hedger…

If you have ever had a relationship coaching session with Stephen Hedger, then no doubt you have heard of me in one of his stories. He does tell me that he uses me and our relationship in his sessions and that people are curious about what it’s is like to be the wife of a relationship coach.

So I thought I would introduce myself, tell you a little about my background and a little about being the wife of a relationship coach.

I am pleased to make your acquaintance, my name is Cloe, but I was once called Allison…

There is so much to tell you, there is so much in my past that had a major effect on how I [Read more...]