“My husband has no empathy” – Has she got this right?

Many women come into my sessions with this message “My husband has no empathy”. What she has experienced is there seems to be from her perspective little emotion from him and little understanding of what she is saying or going through. 

For her, he has little desire to share his feelings with her or to make any changes that help her connect with him. This will naturally affect her trust in him and her desire to trust he will be there for her.

Historically she is likely to have tried to get through to him. This leaves her with the impression she has to emotionally look after herself and she can start to struggle to see the point of him… [Read more...]

“My partner doesn’t want to attend couples counselling – what do I do?”

What do you do when one person is desperate to get professional help and the other person will not go? I know for many this situation is so frustrating because they feel so stuck. 

Far too many people wait until they are on the edge of divorce before they are willing to seek help and this causes them significant stress that could have been avoided.

Fortunately there is a solution to help you be heard…

Before i jump into this post I wanted to give you two pieces of news.

  1. The better relationship program offer ends in 6 days – please hurry I only offer this program twice per year. Click here to attend
  2. I have now opened my home in Oxfordshire for couples to spend time with me in addition to my Harley Street office.

In todays post I thought it might be useful to expand on this topic of a partner blocking attending counselling, because I hear this so many times.

There are many reasons that can sit behind this specific problem. [Read more...]

Exactly why do so many marriages struggle to make it! – How do you stop it from going wrong?

If you are one of those couples who’s worried about your future together, I know through my own personal life and relationship journey the ups and downs of getting it wrong is incredibly painful.

What I’ve learned in the past 30 years has really shocked me.

It shocked me because I never knew growing up from anyone what needs to happen for a marriage to really last and thrive – To be open with you I never thought I had to do much other than be a nice guy and work hard.

How wrong can you be… [Read more...]

“I dread coming home”

One of the most challenging feelings for any person in an intimate relationship is the dread of what you know or think you know is going to happen on the other side of your front door, night after night.

Or maybe you’re the person dreading your partner coming home, your heart sinks as the the key goes in the front door and your peace is about to end – so the armour has to go on.

So many people have this life sapping experience and many will find ways to not come home (work longer hours) or they will find things to do without their partner (escape in some way).

As you read through todays post I will share the number one action a person can take that can lead their relationship to severe disconnection and make this situation far worse. [Read more...]

Empowering couples to understand how to permanently fix their problems

The only way to solve relationship problems is through empowering men and women to be more effective partners. 

Education is the key because men and women are so far apart in terms of how they operate in an intimate relationship they will keep misunderstanding each other without knowing.

So understanding each other is next to impossible without the right information, so sadly they live disconnected and blame each other, or they can feel are in the wrong relationship.

So many people live in a disempowered state, they suffer for years and naturally conclude the relationship is the problem so they should leave.

At some point this will mean a new relationship is likely.

The challenge for the person who doesn’t have the right information is a new relationship can repeat the same or similar problems. [Read more...]

How to fix a broken marriage no matter what’s happened?

After developing a marriage breakthrough program for couples in crisis and applying it to the man on the street, major celebrities, to business leaders and entrepreneurs and successfully bringing these couples back from the brink of divorce time-after-time.

Here are a few of the key principals I have learnt on this amazing journey with couples right on the edge of divorce.

1. The most important focus for any couple.

I have learnt that this decision is critical not just in maintaining a successful marriage, but an essential part of the relationship building process.

Put your partner first..! If your partner feels [Read more...]

Too many people regret divorcing once the dust has settled

What do you do when a spouse is convinced the marriage is over? Unfortunately for many couples, they are unaware of how much havoc their minds can play with their thoughts as they struggle to make sense of their marital crisis. 

So I thought it worthwhile to expand this topic to help you either avoid this or take action if divorce is on your mind.

I see a good volume of couples that have split up prior to seeing me and months/years later come to my session needing help to understand what happened and how can they ensure it doesn’t happen again.

When we experience relationship problems, of course, our feelings are real, but the meanings we put to them are not going to be as factual as we might think. A study was conducted and it revealed that at least 50% of people that chose to divorce [Read more...]

Passionless Marriage: “Sex life dying – want to know why?”

One of the most common problems couples face is a loss of passion. If you are in a passionless marriage then I’m going to share the most common causes and what to do about it.

When I see couples in this place I know I have to help them generate a new dynamic that reconnects them. They need to understand two things, what’s really been killing the passion and they need to learn the tools that will keep their passion alive in the future.

So let’s look at a common end result.

If the wife becomes the man in her relationship it’s a sure-fire way to make her struggle to see the point in him. If the husband feels that no matter what he does she’s never happy with him, with no solution available to him, he can give up.

These types of situations result in one or both people feeling emotionally unsafe in the relationship. [Read more...]

When the survival brain takes over a relationship

What any couple will notice when their relationship breaks down is their energy is usually focused on themselves and what they are not getting. 

This of course is the total reverse of what they were doing when they first met.

A person in a relationship that’s not working can automatically gravitate to a negative focus.

The challenge with this person is they are so consumed by what’s wrong, they are unaware they are deleting everything that’s good.

The good is still there it’s just the person is no longer seeing it, or wanting to connect to it.

This phenomena is designed by nature and it’s one of our survival mechanisms. I’ll explain… [Read more...]

Unhappy marriage: Communication problems? Going round in circles? Then this is for you…

Todays communication is really important to understand because the message you’ll receive is a significant bridge that helps couples maintain attraction which is critical.

Have you ever spoken to your partner and felt they understood what you said only to watch them behave in ways that prove they didn’t?

Do you feel like you are banging your head against a brick wall as you struggle to be heard or understood?

Are you starting to feel that communication is impossible with your partner and there is no point in speaking.

Circular conflicts are very common in relationships because couples are not aware of what their partner is hearing or feeling, when they are speaking.

Many people helping couples in these types of situations teach something called “active listening” which means the person is 100% present with what the other person is saying. They are not distracted by what they want to say next, or by something else.

Active listening is very valuable, but…

…what if what’s being said is not the real problem?

This is a very common problem. [Read more...]

Why so many couples fail to fix their problems!

We all know how complex marital relationships can be, but when things start to go wrong, multilayered complexities can directly affect a persons thoughts and feelings. This impacts how they view their partner and the relationship.

So I’m going to share why so many couple are struggling over a series of posts this is the first one to uncover these destructive complexities.

To set the scene:

Typically someone can find themselves moving from finding their partner attractive to feeling they have to protect themselves from their partner on some level.

This specific experience is a danger for the relationship and can help couples play out patterns of behaviour that go round in circles and usually end badly. [Read more...]

10 Rules for Rebuilding a Broken Marriage

I have spent many many years working only with couples who are in crisis and on the edge of divorce.

What I’ve learnt during this time is what works and what doesn’t that will enable a couple to learn if it’s actually possible to rebuild their marriage no matter what’s happened.

If you are struggling then this list below is the list I wish I knew when I was starting out with my own relationships in my 20’s. With this knowledge I could have save my self a lot of time and discomfort.

Before you read these rules at the end of this post I have an FREE offer for you.

So here are the 10 rules [Read more...]

“Keys to a successful marriage”

Relationships are a struggle for so many people. I expect what’s lead you to reading this is you too could be struggling to make sense of the challenges you face today. Relationships used to be a struggle for me too. In fact, I spent many years suffering because what I knew back then was not nearly enough to help me succeed. Sadly it took me years to understand this.

So In todays post I’m going to share some of what I learnt and how I apply it in my marriage to Cloe.

At the age of 22 I became really interested in how relationships work and why they don’t. The reason I began this quest was simple, I loved being in a relationship, but I quickly realised the women I was dating were negative, moody, inconsistent and unreasonable. I concluded back then they were all crazy…

I was clearly stupid… but It took me a few years to work this out. [Read more...]

You have marriage problems but what does it really mean?

Far too many people are suffering in their relationships unnecessarily. The problem many couples face is they are totally unaware of what’s needed to make their relationship work and by work I mean passionate intimate connection for life.

So in todays post I going to share some key information that could help you understand why problems occur and what to do about them.

Before I do I want to answer the question, “…what do my marriage problems really mean?”

Marriage problems are normal and simply a sign that a change in the relationship is now required. It doesn’t mean the marriage is dead, wrong, or the couple are incompatible.

Many couples sit for years in a cycle of destruction. They go round in circles because they are constantly trying to fix the wrong problem(s).

Constantly trying to fix the wrong problem is totally exhausting and the couple ultimately can run of energy with each other. This results in the loving connection they once felt can start to be replaced with bitterness, frustration, numbness, detachment and resentments to name a few.

A person in this place has the ability to rewrite the relationships story so they can justify their exit.

So if you’re seeking help with your marriage, you’ll have a window of opportunity to get to the core problems your facing and solve them before someone has had enough and calls time.

When couples come to me, I have to help them to see where the problems really are so they can put their effort into those critical areas fast. This is why couples that should be together, but are in crisis can start to see significant improvements in their marriages within a few meetings.

Problems are occurring in all relationships because the following topics are not understood.

Men and women are like a different species: Men and women’s behaviour in intimate relationships are totally different, – I’ll repeat: TOTALLY DIFFERENT. The lack of understanding of these differences causes massive problems as they struggle to be on the same page on many areas in the relationship. What’s challenged is everything, communication, sexual connection, conflict, parenting, money the list is endless. So it’s critical to stop judging and start watching, listing and learning. You can’t turn a woman into a man and expect her to be happy or visa-versa.

Repair your problems fast: Because couples struggle to understand their partner they will naturally struggle to repair the relationship so both people can let their problems go. This is a significant problem because unless the relationship is repaired properly one or both people can start to stack resentments. Resentment staking leads to disconnection which can lead couples to divorce.

Understand your roles: Men and women have specific roles, I have not yet met a couple who already knew the roles that sets the relationship up to keep their attraction alive for life. Roles are understood through the energy that nature has designed for us to keep attraction alive, combined with the core identities that help us to feel good as men and women in our relationships.

Get this wrong and we end up with men that are either seen as masculine bullies, or weak men. Women can end up introverted/submissive, or overly masculine and controlling.

Learn the rules that grow deeper connection: When couples come into meet me, I hear critical relationship rules are being broken constantly in every couple. Knowing the rules that keep the relationship safe is a must for any couple.

Remember your mission is to help your partner feel great and attach great feelings to you. So anything you do that helps them feel bad will also be helping them to meet their critical needs away from you, so it’s important to keep them anchored to you.

Here are a few rules to bear in mind that will help you avoid a bad attachment to you.

  • Never make your partner wrong.
  • Never try to be right, or win arguments.
  • Never question their identity, or who they are.
  • Get out of patterns that clearly don’t work.
  • Never ever threaten the end of the relationship
  • Make sure your commitment to the relationship is the best possible version of you.
  • Make steps everyday to help your partner feels important, special, loved.
  • Never compare your relationship or your partner to others.

These are a few areas of focus I help couples to learn so they can start the process of breaking through their current problems and build foundations that create the platform to lasting love and passion.

These lessons are critical for any relationship no matter what stage it’s in.

  • Getting people out of marital crisis.
  • Helping those that are not sure to discover the truth in their marriage.
  • Reignite passion in loveless marriages
  • Make average relationships safer and alive
  • Newly weds who want to avoid the pitfalls
  • Great for those looking for new relationship and want to make sure they pick the right person.

If this has struck a chord and you would like help make contact with us so we can find the right solution for you.

The Real Reason – Marriages Die & How To Stop It?

The trend I see in couples with all manner of problems is a significant decline over time in their desire to invest in their relationship. They spend more time at the office, with their kids, with friends, family or hobbies.

Of course if you don’t feed a relationship what it needs it will naturally die.

The reasons people stop investing are varied

  • Circular conflicts
  • Power struggles
  • Inability to communicate
  • Loss of intimacy
  • Loss of love
  • Emotional detachment
  • Abandonment
  • Loss of passion
  • Boredom
  • Can’t see a future together

This list could go on and on… BUT are these the REAL reason a marriage will die? [Read more...]

“Our marriage is in crisis! Tell us exactly what we have to do to fix it?”

If your marriage isn’t working for any reason it’s a horrible experience, so when you have exhausted all avenues what next?

This lady has kindly taken time to share her experience of a first meeting with Stephen (The initial Consultation). She wanted a way forward, but really couldn’t see how they could ever make it work.

Q: What attracted you to Stephen?

A: I looked online trying to get a bit of help just because I didn’t know any other way and Stephens website stood out in terms of what he offered, it would appear that all the other counsellors and therapists just sort of listen and don’t actually give any advice. [Read more...]

3 Steps to an Amazing Relationship

I don’t know about you, but l like to make my life easy. I like simple steps that add massive value to my life. Easy things I can do almost without thinking about them.

Look at how I think about my day: In theory I have millions of things to focus on, but I choose to focus on just 3. My health, my marriage to the beautiful Cloe, and my Clients. As long as I add value to those three things every day life is growing in a meaningful way and it’s easy.

So in todays post I’m going to breakdown three critical areas of focus that most couples don’t do, but should. Without these three areas being looked after the relationship either will suffer, or the relationship will become vulnerable. [Read more...]

Marriage in trouble? Need a rescue action plan?

Unless a couple understands how to create a meaningful connection for both people it’s not long before all couples will start to experience problems. 

As you go through this post you will read about a couple who was at the end and they needed a swift rescue plan as they were starting to talk about divorce.

No matter how good their relationship, all couples will break it. All couples have a problem and this is NOT knowing how to repair it successfully.

How many times do couples find themselves arguing today about problems from years ago? This is an indicator of old problems not being solved and today they are just another stacked resentment. [Read more...]

Want to learn the skills and tools to stop the problems and make your relationship work again?

After developing a marriage breakthrough program for couples in crisis and applying it to the man on the street, major celebrities, to business leaders and entrepreneurs and successfully bringing these couples back from the brink of divorce time-after-time.

Here are a few of the key principals I have learnt on this amazing journey with couples right on the edge of divorce.

1. The most important focus for any couple.

I have learnt that this decision is critical not just in maintaining a successful marriage, but an essential part of the relationship building process.

Put your partner first..! If your partner feelsthat anything is more important than them expect problems. What could affect them could be anything from the attractive single person in the office, to a seemingly non-threatening hobby. This is really important, no matter what, they have to feel they come first… [Read more...]

#701: Marriages are failing because of a lack of action

Couples are not seeing the danger they are in until the danger is upon them. Lack of action causes the many problems that ultimately lead a couple to divorce.

Couples who are looking to stop their problems must now take the action(s) that are going to heal the specific situation they are in. They must then take the action(s) that ensures the relationship will last.

What the couples were not aware of is they should have been taking specific actions from the first day they met.

The problem: People feel good when they first meet and they don’t question why, or how their feeling(s) were created. [Read more...]