Marriage Problems? The solution is there all you need is courage to discover it!

The only way to build a successful marriage is to have the courage to be who you really are with your husband or wife and learn what’s at the root of your problems – NOT being who you are is a fundamental issue and one of the  root problems that leads many couples to wrongly divorce. 

What you’re about to read will go against the grain for so many people who sadly end up learning the hard way. BUT I know that those that are ready to learn will be ready to see their truth and stop years of suffering through answers that free them, just like so many couples that work with me each year.

At the end of this post you will read about a couple who left my Marriage Breakthrough Program last week who embraced what you are about to read below…

Are you ready? 

For any marriage to work you both need the courage to be open, vulnerable and connected to what you believe in and say is important. I see so many people, they tell me values like love, kindness, wisdom, integrity are just a few of their values.

Yet when questioned we find that they don’t practice, or become what they say is important from within their marriage. Many expect this from others, but not from themselves. [Read more...]

Unhappy marriage? Couples are shocked to learn their problems are not quite what they thought?

There are three relationships in any marriage, that’s right three!… and if you don’t get these right then please expect problems.

When relationships go wrong many people assume they feel bad because of their partners behaviours, or lack of them. This can of course have an significant effect in terms of their feelings. It’s critical to know what really created those feelings because a person wanting to leave a marriage is going to use their feelings as their guide to a better life.

If you want the real truth in your marriage then you’ll have to look at all three powerful influencers.

What about the other two relationships that will and do form a powerful part of the mix?

The other two relationships are the ones the two people in the marriage have with themselves. This is usually overlooked, but it forms a significant part of the journey I take couples through.

I have seen so many couples get their relationship back on track because they have discovered how to have a significantly better relationship with themselves. [Read more...]

Saving a marriage step-by-step

So what are the steps to saving a marriage from divorce? This answer to this question is dependant on where the couple is in their current process. If you get this wrong it’s very possible to make a bad situation much worse.

A couple who both want the relationship to work require a very different strategy to a couple where one person is so detached they can’t see how the marriage could ever work. A couple who fall victim to an infidelity require a different approach to a couple where one person no longer feels they are in love with their partner.

To be clear, with the right approach many situations are solvable, but you can’t use the same strategy for all situations. I hear many inexperienced professionals working with couples and making them feel ten times worse, as they have paid the professional to watch them argue or they feel judged. [Read more...]

How to solve impossible marriage problems

If you are feeling your marriage problems are impossible to solve this post is for you.

When a couple come to me for help, they are going to both share a story of their relationship. Each person will have a different story about the same relationship, with different perspectives of the same event(s).

Both people are likely to have attached pain to their story. They have usually been feeling this way for a while and want the suffering to stop.

My job within their process is to help them understand their core problem(s).

Couples will be experiencing problems that become their focus, such as conflict, affairs, communication breakdown, power struggles to name a few. [Read more...]

How to get your marriage back on track

In todays post I’m going to share with you two critical elements that are needed to help a couple get their marriage back on track.

Couples are coming to me with a vast array of problems and with differing degrees of severity.

Some simply want me to fix them, some are not sure what they want. Some are convinced it’s over, they are only in front of me for the sake of the children.

So if you want to get your marriage back on track then here are some important things to focus on. [Read more...]

The critical starting strategy needed to solve couples problems

Yes there has to be a strategy because all couples can’t be helped the in the exact same way. Each couple will have a very unique challenge and so their solution has to reflect this.

What’s important to understand is that all individuals have a complex layering of needs, beliefs and values that’s combined with their personal experience of their relationship so far.

This will be automatically creating their specific relationship dynamic. Their dynamic will either lead them to a connection that works for them, or to an emotional disconnection, which of course eventually leads many couple to divorce. [Read more...]

Crisis Point: Is there a way forward?

If you are in crisis and need help, my practice has a very successful history of helping couples and individuals with what they would consider to be impossible to solve problems. I’m the person that gets the call to help many high profile couples or individuals keep their stories private whilst providing swift solutions.

For many couples and individuals I do become their last hope. Many will have tried different change therapies and still do not have a solution which is frustrating.

Below are a number of cases that came for my help. Each case has a very different problem that had put them into crisis with no logical way out. My message through these stories below is, just because there doesn’t seem to be a way out of the crisis it doesn’t mean there isn’t one. [Read more...]

10 relationship illusions that can lead a couple to divorce

Principles, philosophies, ways of thinking. Whichever way you cut it just like life, relationships have simple laws that if broken will cause problems. 

The challenge we all face growing up is, we are given the idea that ‘the wrong principles are the route to a safe and happy life.

So below are a few common illusions that have the ability to create significant emotion challenges in those that practice them.

1. I have no control over what I feel

2. Loss of love is permanent 

3. Loss of love is something that just happens to us [Read more...]

Attraction Attraction Attraction

What you are about to read is an important foundation that helps couples migrate from crisis to reconnection. So if saving your relationship is your goal then this will be important to learn.

Attraction is a critical part of what makes couples successful and this goal sits as a key objective when I’m working with couples who have lost their way. I know many people will think I’m talking just about physical attraction and to some degree that is important, BUT physical attraction is just one small part of the mix.

When couples first meet and that meeting generates an energy that both people enjoy, their attraction to each other is automatic, it’s an energy that naturally happens within them both.  [Read more...]

Are we compatible?

Are we compatible? This is a very common question and one that gets asked a lot when I’m working with couples? Couples that come for my help want to know if the problems they have are fixable, or do they have some deep-seated problem hardwired into their relationship?

For most couples in crisis the reason they feel incompatible is because that’s exactly what’s happened, they have created an incompatible dynamic. Their dynamic has changed for some reason.

This change of dynamic will create feelings that one or both people simply can’t live with.

The good news is for most couples this state is not permanent once we understand the underlying cause(s). [Read more...]

What’s killing your relationship?

Many people are killing their relationship without knowing. Below I have created a simple list of the kinds of behaviours I see that consistently break relationships. Any one of these will cause problems and many couples practice many all at once. 

Many people create negative feelings within them and then attach those feelings to their relationship.

Too many people practice these relationship eroding behaviours and are not aware they are part of the problem they are complaining about.

The saddest part is too many couples [Read more...]

An unexpected journey

 

Written By Ben Caesar 

I first met Stephen in the summer of 2015 at a time when my life had become turbulent and my second marriage was failing. Originally, I had intended to attempt to use Stephen’s expertise to help my wife and I to reconcile and work out the problems that had developed during our short marriage. 

We had faced a 6 month period from hell with failed IVF, job loss and the death of a father on a background of ongoing professional exams and my transfer into the regular Army; more than enough life events to test the mettle of any couple’s relationship.

However, for reasons best known to my wife, she couldn’t find it in herself to allow Stephen to help her with our relationship, and so I continued to see Stephen, and something remarkable happened to me as a result. [Read more...]

Want to avoid a divorce?

When a relationship is going well it’s one of the biggest sources of pleasure, but when problems strike and specifically problems the couple don’t know how to solve the individual(s) can start to suffer.

Some suffer quietly and some are vocal about their experience.

When a person suffers for too long this can lead them to an emotional detachment process and as a result they can create feelings that tell them their love for their partner is dead permanently, it’s important to know that assumption is not necessary a fact.

The biggest problem couples face is not having the tools to understand what is really happening in their relationship. So they adopt these kinds of positions… [Read more...]

What really helps to fix marriage problems?

The simple answer to this question is in their patterns of behaviour. Couples can create patterns which can create a negative ping-pong effect in their relationship. Both people can then end up protecting themselves from each other which is disastrous for their future together. If the relationship is to be saved then it’s important to break these patterns and build new ones that are safe for both people.

Of course sharing each others experience through talking about the relationship is important when trying to solve any problem(s).

When the couple understand the truth in their relationship then there is a potential of an intellectual understanding of their situation. [Read more...]

What makes a great marriage?

Every couple is unique and their vision for a great marriage will differ across the world. If these couples were aware of the knowledge that would keep their marriage safe no matter what, it would make a significant difference to a trend that is leading so many couples to the end of their marriage.

To take a relationship where two people are fulfilled and connected passionately they need to be aware of some simple skills.

The first skill is to become aware of what you don’t know.

From the start of your relationship your partner is going to be having a very different experience from you within your relationship, [Read more...]

Want to solve your problems?

Do you feel that your problems are impossible to solve? Any individual or couple that have a problem they feel is impossible to solve is going to feel that way for one reason.

They are keeping their problem alive by the way they are approaching their problem(s).

It’s easy to keep approaching a problem in the same way, keep failing and then concluded it’s impossible to solve. So many couples are divorcing for the wrong reason and they have no idea. Many feel they have tried everything, however the truth is it’s likely they have only tried what they can think of trying.

A lady came to me recently, she was struggling to get over a recent break-up. She was clearly harming herself with her approach to her challenge, no sleep, loss of weight, emotionally empty she was heading for bigger problems and she knew it. [Read more...]

Signs your marriage is heading for serious problems

All marriages will have problems, what’s important is how you both deal with those problems. Many couples are not seeing they are heading for a divorce until it’s far too late.

As you scan through the list below the couples I see who are all in crisis  have all communicated a combination of the problems below.

So this is a heads up on some of what’s important to be focused on as a sign that changes are needed to rebuild the relationship so it lasts.

No emotional connection

If you don’t have the emotional connection you think you should have, then you have a gap in your relationship that will create emotional pain. If you don’t know how to close that gap then the pain will start to go deeper. [Read more...]

First step to solving relationship problems

If you want to solve your relationship problems then your approach has to move you both towards a place that will create a world you both can agree is the way it should be.

For most couples who are struggling this can feel totally impossible. The reason it feels impossible is because the way they are approaching their problems is likely to be making them feel much worse without knowing.

Most individuals both want to be happy, however their individual approaches to achieving this desired emotional state are so different, both people WILL become confused by each other. [Read more...]

How to regain trust in a relationship?

Whenever there is a breach of trust in a relationship it can feel impossible to get that trust back. Especially if it seems that a breach of trust has happened multiple times.

What you are about to read is what the smart people are learning so please read carefully. You see, when dealing with relationship challenges the logic you think will fix the problems is rarely what will. So if you want to learn what really works please become curious about what your going to discover below.

For every couple who are experiencing problems, loss of trust is going to be one of their biggest challenges.

It’s obvious that someone might want to know, how to rebuild trust after cheating, or after an affair, however trust is not only attached to other people, infidelity and lying… [Read more...]

Stopping the battles and power struggles

In todays post I’m going to share a conversation I had with a couple who were in real trouble with no clear route to success.

When a couple comes for help one of my first jobs is to stop that destructive circular pattern because going round in circles does NOT create more love and growth. What it creates is frustration, anger, and sadness, the very poisons that accelerate the relationship towards separation and divorce.

Couples can hit conflict because they are so focused on their problem(s), but when they see what caused their problems they are usually both happy/relieved to be on the same side solving the problems which is what we need. [Read more...]