Is your dynamic set up for love or disaster?

Is your dynamic designed for a life of love, or is your dynamic leading you to problems you could never have foreseen? Very smart and intelligent individuals such as GP’s, Business leaders, QC’s to name a few are falling foul of this hidden information in their relationship so you can forgive yourself for not knowing. 

So a professional ability to be successful is not an indicator of creating a successful life of love. Like everything in this world to become successful at anything it has to be learnt and relationships are no different.

The thinking that suggests relationships should just happen is a real myth and so as you scan the information below you’ll start to understand why and how important it is to learn how to take control not only of the direction you are both going, but how you both show up on the journey through life together.

So when I talk about dynamic what do I actually mean.  [Read more...]

Emotional detachment – A hidden danger for couples!

Many couples that come for help tell me that their friends have no idea they are having serious marriage troubles. Yet the problems they face are very common and are today affecting many couples.

For many years most of those couples were having problems, but were not aware of how serious they were, because at that moment in time no one was wanting to get out of the relationship.

For these couples life seemed fine, not perfect, but who’s life is perfect anyway? So they accept the little problems as they work hard to become the best parents and best providers they can be. [Read more...]

Getting to the truth in your relationship

One of the most important elements in rebuilding a relationship is getting to the truth. Many couples circle their real problems with the hope of either protecting the relationship, themselves or both. Some couples are not aware of what the truth is, some individuals have a totally different idea of the truth from their partner.

Many individuals with real problems can re-write the truth to fit with their new objectives.

Getting the truth on the table is the key to solving any problem. You see when couples start to understand the real reason why they are having problems their reactions to each other can then change dramatically. [Read more...]

Feeling stuck? Fed-up of going round in circles?

Need a solution to a problem that has trapped you? It’s important to know that the thinking that helped to create a problem is not the thinking that will create a solution to the problem. Many people feeling stuck are not aware of this important fact and that’s why they go round in circles. This statement is especially true in relationships as the love, the trust , the respect dies and the relationship no longer meets the couples needs.

In this place the future for the couple dies and getting out of pain seems like the only pleasure.

There are many different types of problems, but what happens when a problem leads the person or the couple into a dead-end where one or both people are so stuck ending the relationship becomes a very real consideration?

To change the situation you have to change the way the individual or couple think about their problem that leads them to the truth. You see to become stuck they will have run out of ways to approach their problem. [Read more...]

If a relationship feels wrong is the relationship really the problem?

Many people are ending relationships thinking they know why only to discover months or years later that the reason they felt so bad was totally unrelated to their partner or the relationship. Some discover the discomfort gets worse when they leave for good and some discover the same problems are repeating themselves in their new relationships. 

So why does a person want to leave? If a person is in emotional pain they are focused on one mission, to escape their pain and to feel better. If they have attach their pain to the relationship then they get feelings that tell them to leave.

The question is are they right, is the relationship really the root cause of their pain?

Many people are trying to change how they feel through their environment, the chemicals they put in their body, the way they look, the stuff they buy or they try to change people in their lives. What they discover is none of it really works.

What they are missing is the most profound change only happens when they work on changing themselves. [Read more...]

I give up!

The laws of life tell us that without passion a person will not be motivated to take action towards the goal they have set.

So when a person has tried all they know to fix their relationship without success and time has worn them down to feel emotionally empty, their passion to solve the problems dies and so they edge ever closer to giving up.

This is the place that many coupes end up in. They don’t have the knowledge to question how their brain is interpreting what they are experiencing, this leads them to a very limited view on their relationship without knowing. [Read more...]

Every couple is totally unique and so the solution to their problems has to be unique too…

I have been getting letters from my readers wanting more information because the service I offer seems so different.

The answer is the difference is significant I will share two of the many differences today and how my clients are being supported by these differences.

If you have been a reader for a while you will know that education is a key factor because many couples simply don’t have the knowledge of how to be married and how be an effective partner. The second key difference is the couple will work through key steps, milestones designed to lead them to their desired outcome. [Read more...]

Why suffer when you don’t need to…

Without someone special to share your life with it’s a challenge for many people to feel truly fulfilled. No matter how much wealth, or success a person has, nothing comes close to creating the same feeling of being connected to a person who is equally passionate about your relationship.

Many people who start their relationship with the best of intentions can find themselves in very difficult circumstances, lost, alone, disconnected, misunderstood, with no obvious way to get their relationships back on track.

So couples in this awful place have three choices. [Read more...]

7 Steps to building a secure passionate and everlasting love

Relationship don’t just happen they are created so below are 7 very important steps to consider when choosing to live together. Giving years of the only life you have to another person is a very important consideration, so making sure you’re planning for success would be a really good idea.

1. Plan your journey.

If you don’t know where your going together or what you are trying to achieve both as a couple or as individuals then how can fulfillment happen? Most couples stop planning their future at children. Children and life now becomes the focus and the relationship gets lost.

What’s worse is if the individuals have no plan for themselves and no joint direction. [Read more...]

Relationship problems? Please read this…

If you are having relationship problems it’s got to be one of the worst challenges life can throw at us. So in todays post I want to share some critical information that you don’t get told in day-to-day life to help you. So if you want to understand and fix your problems this little know philosophy is a must if you want to get on the right path to save your relationship. 

So if I am working with a couple in crisis the reason I chose not to focus initially on the problem the couples faces is because their “problem” is going to be a symptom of a challenge in their historic dynamic.

I am always looking for this hidden challenge in their dynamic because this is the real key to helping them solving their problems. [Read more...]

Don’t wish your marriage was easier – Wish you were better!

The truth is you can’t get rid of a couples problems because couples will always have problems. Life has this habit of throwing problems at us when we are least expecting it.

So the goal is not to try to get rid of problems, the goal is to become better at dealing with your problems as a team.

Many couples that visit my sessions are taught these vital skills so that no matter what hits them they are better skilled at understanding how to support each other.

The 3 key skills that need to be learnt are the ones that consistently create all three:-

  1. The best outcome for you,
  2. The best outcome for your partner and…
  3. Is good for the relationship.

And yes to achieve this you do need something very special…

[Read more...]

Panic!

You have tried everything you can think of to fix your marriage and nothing works, you may have tried counselling and that’s not helped and now you’re looking at really big problems. Stay in a marriage that doesn’t work, or go for a divorce that’s scary one minute and attractive the next.

When you’re running out of choices of what to do and the options are looking like big life changing decisions that will affect so many it’s so easy to panic and make the wrong decision.

Now it might be that divorce is right for you, so finding out what direction will lead you to real safely is important, so… [Read more...]

Coming soon: New Video Training from the “Relationship Academy”

Cloe and I have been planning this project for a while. We really wanted to help couples across the world gain access to video training that could teach the fundamentals of relationship building in the comfort of their own home.

I have many subscribers that simply cannot get to the UK for my one-on-one consultancy. So this will help everyone understand the fundamental philosophies and skills that are helping my clients go from serious problems to understanding and relief as they rebuild their marriages.

I’m very excited about this project because it helps me to reach more people in a very powerful way.

logo-hires

The Relationship Academy will answer the hot questions that couples struggle to understand the answers to.

These videos will unearth the key focus that need to be in place if you want your relationship not just to last, but to remain passionate.

If you are interested to know when this goes live please click here.

 

Thank you

Dear Valued Readers

I know that some of you have been readers for many years and I want to thank you for your ongoing support and your kind words. Today I want to give you free advice that is more targeted to your problem.

Many of you have written to me to tell your stories and how my posts have helped, by the way I do love reading the letters. I am committed to keeping this free online help going and I want to be more affective for you. I want to become more relevant to your specific problems.

>>>So with this in mind I need your help… [Read more...]

How to get a couple from near divorce back to love step-by-step

One of the reasons I love the process of coaching couples through their problems is the precision in which I can help them both see how to get to their desired result. 

Through the diagram below I will explain how it works.

Six-step-chart

Every couple is different and so the process from A-B will be unique to them

The green letter ‘A’ represents where the couple are today. This is important to understand because the couple will present where they think they are and sometimes it’s far worse than they think and sometimes it’s far better. [Read more...]

I could feel anger bubbling within me

When I was growing up I never knew that I needed skills to make my relationships work. It never crossed my mind, I thought that relationships just happened. Two people met fell in love and that was life sorted.

So when problems started to happen for me the message was… “you have to work at it”. Well that message sounded hard to do because I had no idea what that really meant and aren’t relationships supposed to be fun? Good Lord, what was I thinking! Clearly not much back then, but I knew I was getting it wrong…

So when I started my search to discover what would really work I had no idea I was in for such a steep learning curve.

There was so much to learn and as I discovered more I could feel anger bubbling within me, why was I not taught this growing up? After all isn’t falling in love and keeping a relationship alive one of the biggest life skills we all need?

I didn’t know that the way women think was totally different to me. [Read more...]

Now discover why couples keep failing to fix their problems

The keys to keeping a marriage successful is understanding the real problems in your marriage and focusing on the steps most likely to fix those problems.

I am constantly at the sharp end of all manner of marital challenges and I can tell you that for most couples the problems they come to the sessions with are not the problems I have to fix.

So a couple might come with detachment problems, loss of love, sexual disconnection, frequent conflict, money problems, controlling behaviours, communication issues to name a few.

The couple will feel these specific challenges are their problems and could have tried to fix them, most will be unsuccessful.  [Read more...]

Major Cause of Marriage Problems: Loss of your sex life

One of the major causes of marriage problems is sexual disconnection. Couples that are struggling to connect outside of the bedroom will undoubtedly have trouble connecting within it.

Both male and female have the ability to disconnect if they feel the marriage is not working for them.

For those thinking that you have a sexual problem please be mindful that your sex life, or lack of it, is likely to be due to problems in your current dynamic combined with your history together.

One gentlemen came to me so shocked that his partner had embarked on a string of one night stands. He told me that because they had not had sex for years he was convinced she just wasn’t interested in sex. We are all sexual creatures [Read more...]

Marriage counselling not working for you? Please don’t give up!

A significant percentage of my clients come searching for a different approach after failing to achieve their goals with traditional couples therapies.

If you feel that you have tried everything reading this is
important to know before you give up. 

My belief is that couples in trouble need a very specific approach, an approach that firstly enables them to connect to their true identities before we focus them on how to fix their specific problems. Time and time again this approach works as the individuals become free to safely explore their relationship with a new philosophy that will keep them safe no matter what happens.

This focus on the individuals is important because if you focus couples on their problems too early in the process the individual(s) will become even more entrenched in naturally protecting themselves. Fearful states will naturally shut their minds down and so they are not open to the change that’s needed to fix their problems. Change at this point is far too overwhelming. [Read more...]

Why an affair is NOT the right solution

Of all the relationship challenges I deal with, this one has to be the one that causes the most problems on so many levels.

In fact, if I ever discover one person in my session is still involved with a third party and hasn’t told me, I will stop the couples sessions and move them to individuals sessions immediately. The reason is the brain chemistry of two people in an affair is far too powerful and creates illusions of love which will cripple their chances of fixing their marriage.

Many people who have had affairs and are struggling to end them complain of being confused, their reality is they are totally unaware they are actually battling with these powerful brain chemicals.

I have seen people make life changing decisions during affairs only to want their marriage back months later because the brain chemistry has settled down and the new lover has now lost their appeal. Some are very lucky and get their partners back and some lose their former lives forever.  [Read more...]