Is the way you think going to lead you to love or divorce?

What are you and your partner feeding your brains about your relationship and what impact is it having on you both?

The reason I ask is because many people are not aware of the power that comes from consistently conditioning their brain. It’s powerful because it creates feelings and we attach feelings to things, thoughts and people.

So if a woman feels bad every time she talks to her husband, she will create an association to him that’s bad. She is conditioning her brain about how she feels about him.

You see from feelings people make decisions and many people are feeling wrong in their marriage and are deciding a divorce is the best solution to that problem. [Read more...]

5 Steps to know if you are in the right relationship

I have an amazing job I spending my days teaching couples how to fall in love again, or know they are really with the wrong partner.

I really can’t think of a more rewarding life. Every day couples come looking for advice, they want to know if they are compatible because their past has put their compatibility in question?

My job is to take those couples through 5 key stages that will help them learn their truth. These steps are so valuable they can actually save lives from being wasted and as we only have one life this is critical to know.

I believe your life is valuable and understanding if you’re with the right partner has got to be worth it’s weight in gold. [Read more...]

Fastest way to lose your sex life

Couples that lose their intimate connection have done so for good reason. The challenge is they don’t really understand why it has happened. Worse many couples believe in a devastating myth that the sexual connection dies as the years pass so they expect it to.

The result is they do little to change their behaviours and happily step closer and closer to really big problems.

Some couples have come to me because they think they or their partner has a problem with sex. Most sexual problems couples face is not a sexual issue, for many it’s a symptom of a deeper challenge in the couples dynamic.

I have a seen quite a few couples that have ended up in a very traumatised state because they thought a sexual problem needs a sexual therapist. [Read more...]

Why are women most likely to file for a divorce?

Todays post is not just a warning to men it’s a message to men and women to beware of what’s happening in their own relationships without them knowing.

To be clear both people are 100% responsible for protecting their relationship.

Statistics are clearly showing that over 70% of women are filing for divorce and there are really good reasons for this.

This trend is actually very easy to understand once you know the significant differences between men and women.

The way men work is they like to get rid of their own problems very quickly. They can do this because they are less emotionally connected to their problems.

Women don’t work this way and their problems can have a bigger emotional affect on them. [Read more...]

Does your partner want a divorce and you want to save your marriage?

If your partner wants a divorce and you don’t agree it’s the right solution to your problems it’s critical to understand what has brought them to this point.

In terms of behaviour and communication the following will be impacting them:

  • They are likely to communicate a loss of feelings, such as a loss of love.
  • They will have lost trust in their future happiness in the relationship.
  • They will have lost respect for their partner.
  • They will have shifted their actions to be all focused on themselves.
  • You may feel that you are living with a totally different person.

You may notice a total change in their behaviours i.e. wanting to spend more time with their friends, work, children or interests.

All their behaviours will be designed to move them away from their pain and towards what will give them small bites of pleasure.

It’s likely that a person wanting a divorce will create a story that will justify why leaving the relationship is a good idea. [Read more...]

What if you knew your relationship problems were not your real problems?

So lets look at Jim he has had two serious relationships and both those women cheated on him and now Jim is focused on whether he can ever trust a woman again.

I think most of us would sympathise with Jims situation, but what is the real problem? Trust does seem a logical place to start and overcome.

Jim tries to have another relationship, but after the initial euphoria his mind has automatically gone to protecting him and focuses him on his past problems and lack of success with women.

This focus causes problems for Jim and his new partner, he is naturally focused on protecting himself and she starts to feel untrusted, not good for her.

Neither Jim or his new partner feel good and the relationship starts to suffer. Both Jim and his new partner are focused on his trust problem and trying to solve it.

It won’t be long before real problems start, because Jim doesn’t actually have trust issues.

[Read more...]

The Warrior & The Princess

When the warrior first meets and falls for the princess he marvels at her beauty, he stands by her side looking after her, protecting her and loving her. Full of his love the princess connects with his powerful presence, his honestly and his strength for her. 

She looks into his eyes and sees the future clearly, a wonderful life is possible with a warrior like this she feels. She knows this man loves her and she can see he will become a great man, so her future looks full and secure.

So the princess gives herself to the warrior and they agree to spend their life together. Every day the warrior goes into battle, his mission to protect his family.

She loves and nurtures her new family and she is absorbed with her new role, she is no longer just a princess she is now a mother and lover too. [Read more...]

Couple learn the truth about their relationship so they can decide if staying together or leaving is the right decision for them

I have just finished another Marriage Profiling Program with a couple.

The journey was intense, but fascinating as the couple started to learn about why they had been struggling for so many years and the impact that struggle had created on each other and their marriage.

Divorce had seemed like their only solution, but when the couple started to understand how their assumptions about each others past behaviours had created destructive versions of themselves, they started to question the stories they had created that meant divorce was their only solution. [Read more...]

One session was all it took

I arrived in Harley Street yesterday ready to get working with a couple in my intensive Marriage Profiling Program. When I arrived I received a voice mail from another client I saw earlier in the week and she shared something that is important for all couples to know…

This couple came to their first meeting with me for an evaluation session where we have 90 minutes together. The goal of the first session with any couple is to evaluate where they are in-terms of severity and the goals they would like to achieve.

It was an interesting session because initially their problem was not obvious. [Read more...]

Men and women getting lost in translation

So many couples are frustrated with each other because they have an expectation of their partner that’s almost impossible to achieve because the way they think is so different.

They expect their partner to think and feel a certain way, the truth is the differences are profound and can lead couples into problems they can’t solve.

Examples:

  • [HER] ”He won’t talk about his feelings?” (He feels bad enough why would he want to go over it again and again he will only feel worse, why would he want that? He want’s to solve it quietly on his own and get rid of it fast)
  • [HIM] ”She won’t stop talking about her feelings?” (She needs to talk about them because it helps her to feel better through connecting with those that say they care for her)

Another…. [Read more...]

One thought that could change your life

One of the reasons I set up this free information about relationship problems was I because many people struggled to know where to put their energy when problems strike their relationships.

I do get messages from my readers saying that my words have helped to save their marriages and for me that is worth every second I spend thinking about what could add value to someone in trouble.

So here is todays thought.

I know that many relationships fail for all the wrong reasons. The people that make life changing decisions are doing so without really understanding what is going on within them. [Read more...]

Time to get tough

To become successful in life you have to become valuable, this is a simple fact of life. This is especially critical to understand in our relationships. Specifically the question is: What has to happen for a man to become valuable to his wife? What has to happen for a wife to become valuable to her husband?

I can tell you now, that if all couples started their relationships knowing this the divorce rate would nose dive. With 13 divorces happening every hour in England and Wales there is no question we have a significant problem with our relationships. So this is important to know and so I’m going to be tough, not because I take pleasure in it, it’s because I care and if I wake up just one person and that saves their family from divorce then for me it’s worth it.  [Read more...]

What really causes marriages to fail?

I have never shared this before, this information I’m about to share is normally reserved for my “Marriage Breakthrough Program” clients.

 So please take your time and follow this carefully.

Most people think that what causes marriages to fail is affairs, arguments, inability to communicate, stress, negativity, loss of sexual connection, money problems, boredom etc.

What if you knew that this wasn’t true, what if all the problems couples face is not their real problem. Would that now make sense to why so many couples go round and round in circles frustrated at each other. [Read more...]

You just don’t care about me!

She was desperate, she had tried and tried to get through to him. In the early days he did his best to comfort her, she liked the attention, but she knew deep down he didn’t really understand her.

As time passed she tried to get through to him, but his patience worn thin, no matter what he did she was miserable, rude and aggressive. He felt controlled, disrespected and untrusted. He tried to fix her problems, but she lacked respect for him and his efforts. He felt life with her was hopeless, he knew communication was fruitless so he stopped.

This worried her and so she became more upset, she said things she didn’t mean through frustration, she hoped he would wake up to her emotions. He didn’t, the more upset she became the more he retreated. Sometimes through frustration he would attack her verbally other times he would shut down and escape, sometimes physically, sometimes emotionally. [Read more...]

The decision to leave a marriage can happen in a moment

Individuals in relationships / marriages are silently making decisions across the country that are totally changing the direction of the couples lives forever. These decisions are very powerful and can leave their partners in total shock feeling helpless to change their minds.  

These decisions, are made in the moment and can profoundly change the persons behaviours. So warm, caring and loving people can become cold and distant. It can feel like you’re living with a total stranger.

Even though the decision to end the relationship takes a moment people take months some take years to get to this point, for them it’s months of suffering. Many will have communicated their unhappiness, but feel it has landed on deaf ears. [Read more...]

Should all relationships be saved?

Shouldn’t a relationship / marriage be full of love, fun, passion and adventure. Shouldn’t it be a place to go to feel secure? Shouldn’t your partner care about how you feel no matter what? Shouldn’t a relationship have an exciting future?

For many this is how it should be, but isn’t how it actually is. They try to make it work, they try to communicate, but for many getting through to their partner can feel hopeless.

They start to feel their partner doesn’t care and so they suffer and suffer until the suffering turns to detachment and they feel so numb and cold towards their partner, they make the decision to leave the relationship. [Read more...]

I Think My Marriage Is Over?

Is your marriage over, have you had enough? Maybe you partner has expressed a need to leave. No matter what side of this fence you are on it’s a very stressful place to be.

Many people with marriage troubles tell me they think they married the wrong person.

Some couples love each other, but simply struggle to get along together suffering as their problems keep coming back.

Some people feel rejected, unloved and alone. Some are full of resentment so much so they now feel detached from their partner questioning their love. [Read more...]

Your relationship is valuable so please look after it…

I see all relationships as the most valuable part of the human experience and I know those people who have chosen to work with me feel the same.

I know if I were speaking from the children’s perspectives they would give us a very clear message of how valuable it is to have their real mum and a dad in their lives.

When you look at the end of a couples relationship the law has a very clear perspective of how to see the value of your relationship broken down in monetary terms.

But all this focus on the money you will lose doesn’t take into account the emotional impact on all those involved.  If children are part of a couples life the impact a divorce can have on them in later life is far greater than many know (which most parents are not aware of). [Read more...]

Hope

My wife Cloe directed and produced this video “Hope” She has a passion for the work I do which she wanted to help me express to you.

What was interesting about making this video was the way that Cloe and I brought our strengths together to share our passion, to help couples learn there is hope, problems are not permanent as they think.

From my heart I want to share my gratitude to Cloe in helping me share this message of HOPE with you.

To your success

Stephen Hedger

 

 

I was chatting with Cloé this morning…

I was chatting with Cloé this morning and I was asking her what could I write today that would really help people live successful lives and have better connected relationships.

We are passionate about each other, our lives and what we do. We have such a great time with each other, I really wanted other people my readers to feel the same. Or at least be moving towards those feelings.

You see it was not always this way for me. I was once very lost in the wrong career and with the wrong people around me.

So why is today so different what made that shift for me, that consistently makes a shift for my clients today? [Read more...]