Award Winning Psychologist Joining The Team In Harley Street

I will soon be releasing news of a new addition to my practice in Harley Street.

As a compliment to my life and relationship coaching/mentoring services this highly experienced Psychologist will be offering her services and wealth of experience to all my clients existing and new.

If you are interested to learn more, an official release will be out soon.

To your success.

Kind regards

Stephen Hedger

Does Relationship Coaching Work?

Many couples wonder if coming to relationship coaching sessions will work and is it worth the effort?

  • What if you’ve had years of problems, fighting and going round in circles?
  • What if through all your problems intimacy in your relationship had disappeared years before and is now also just another problem to add to the list.
  • What if you’ve even tried counselling and it hasn’t worked and now it looks like the only option is divorce and the break up of a young family.

With so much certainty that breaking up was their only option, this couple decided to see if relationship coaching could save their family…

After a few sessions this is the email I received from them today!

Subject: Thank You

Stephen

I wanted to write to say thank you. There has been a huge turning point in our relationship. We have both worked really hard at following your advice and I have started to allow myself to get close to D physically. We are taking that side of things really slowly as I have many years’ anxiety to overcome but I finally feel that not only can we have a marriage free of the destructive fighting and power struggles we’ve endured for the past few years but we can also have a marriage with physical as well as emotional intimacy.

We both know that to sustain this will require continued efforts on both our parts but you have given us the tools to work with and that is more than half the battle. From where we were a few months ago – with the house on the market and divorce lawyers consulted – to where we are now feels nothing short of a miracle. We both realise that there is still so much love and so much worth saving. It was just all disguised under fear, anger, resentment, loneliness and feelings of disconnect and hopelessness.

Your skill as a coach is very special. Anyone who has tried traditional counselling and failed (as we had) should definitely try you before throwing in the towel.

With very best wishes

Grace – London

What Men With Relationship Problems Want…

Many men with relationship problems communicate to me what they want from their partners. The answers they give me are very telling and explain why they are struggling.

Their list usually looks something like this:-

  • I need her to be calm, especially when things go wrong
  • I need her to enjoy being quiet
  • I need her to do what she says she’s going to do
  • I need her to be consistent
  • I want a sence of fairness
  • I want to be equal to her
  • I want her to be logical
  • I need her to want more sex, even if we are having problems as it will bring us closer.

I could go on…

The problem with this list is this: This list brilliantly describes a man.

Men that want these combination of traits, are asking their partner to act like a man.

Because society doesn’t teach us there are significant differences between men and women we can expect our partners to behave like us. Men and women are designed to be different for specific reasons.

What happens as a child grows up, he or she is presented with a model of how relationships work by their parents. This is where problems can come from as the models they receive are usually distorted, but with no other benchmark for a relationship the one they experience is to that child, normal.

The child will use that model in their adult relationships.

In couples relationship coaching sessions the couple learns about the huge difference between men and women and how to use those differences to inject passion and lasting love back into their relationships.

If the couple don’t understand the differences and why they are there, then they will fight for their version of normal behaviour!

Confidence Coaching with Stephen Hedger

For those of you who are clients of mine and those that have followed my posts you will know that relationship coaching actually means me helping people create amazing relationships with themselves first. From that place they are able to create not only the the lives they want, but have the confidence and ability be able to fearlessly build a lasting and passionate relationship.

From this place all the gifts the world has to offer become easier to attract because once you are in tune with yourself, and the world, life becomes easier.

One of the key areas in this process is self confidence. Without the confidence to be who you are really capable of being your life will never feel fulfilled. This is true in career, relationships, family, friends, social situations, building wealth and many areas of anyone’s life.

In life, true and honest confidence is a very attractive quality, not only do people want to be around confident people, but confident people seem more likely to get what they want out of life. They understand themselves, the world and use it to their advantage. [Read more...]

The Secret To The Life You Want

What you are about to read may sound obvious, but take heed, a lot of what you say you know and you should do, you probably don’t. So knowledge is really only powerful if you then decide to use it. Plus beware of the sting in the tail if you get this wrong…

Now I know that only 10% of you will actually do this and only 3-5% will actually follow through, why this happens no one knows just decide quickly if you are going to be in the 3% or the 97%.

Step one: Decide what you really want, discover what would make your life just the way it should be. Great relationship, money, career, adventures, stuff what would you really like your life to be like?

This is where the 90% give up, they think what they want is not possible, if that’s you, fair enough.

Get your wife or husband boy friend, girl friend involved, get the family involved give yourself permission to create the possibility of living an exciting exceptional life. After all it won’t happen unless you create it.

Step two: Decide what you want, and write it down

This critical because the goal becomes more powerful, plus as time passes and your goals change you can see how many of your goals you have achieved and how as you learn more about yourself and life how those goals change.

Step three: Keep your lists.

The bitter and the sweet

Many of us have a goal of becoming wealthy and the term millionaire tends to sum of this goal.

This is where the 90% will now stop reading:

The Goals: Why not create a goal to become a millionaire, or a wonderful partner, why not both?

What’s important is not what you’ll get if you do this, what important is who you’ll have to become to be able to achieve those goals.

If the money isn’t important give it to a charity,

  • “The importance of life is not what you get it’s who you become.”

What are you becoming today?

Set the goal that will make something of you, when you achieve them.

Challenge yourself don’t be afraid of the pressure, stop doing what’s easy, grow that muscle that will help you create a life. The 97% live an existence unaware of what really happening, look around you at the ground hog day people who have lowered their standards through fear of not getting what they want. Is this really who you want to become?

If you don’t think you need much, then of course you don’t need to become much, some of you maybe happy not becoming much, it’s your life and your choice… BUT…!

Don’t sell out, on your values in your quest for poor goals, or no goals at all, because that will go against all you believe in, you will be the creator of your own life disasters.

An unhappy life is a result of you doing less than you are capable of and the reason this is possible is a lack of discipline, poor focus and poor goals.

Just beware of what you become in pursuit of what you think you want.

Relationship coaching starts with helping individuals understand who the core them really is and helping them understand what life they were designed to live.

Only when an individual gets this, do they start to attract all they desire.

Beware of your fears because whatever they are, they have become your goals, because whatever you focus on you’ll get.

Please choose wisely…

Does Marriage Therapy Work?

There are many talking therapies such as Marriage Therapy, Psychology, Marriage Counselling, Relationship Coaching, but the question I am always asked is do they work.

The answer is yes and no.

Plus there is a lot of press from major sources about how marriage counselling causes more harm than good.

  • I practice Relationship Coaching, simply because it gets results.
  • I have been doing this for many years and I am going to share with you my experiences.

What makes the difference is a few key factors in no particular order.

100% Commitment to the process is critical.

Many individuals go into the process half heartedly, and this slows progress or they remove themselves sabotaging themselves and their future.

In my practice usually a couple has made solid progress within 8-12 weeks. Many people who come to me after trying marriage counselling for 12-18+ months with little to no success.

Openness to learn about how we work

Many people are stuck in their beliefs about the world and how they and relationships should work. They have yet to realise that the meanings they give their world are purely perceptions based on their life experiences so far.

Understand their fears

People in relationship crisis fear many things and understanding these fears is critical.

Leverage is the key

Helping people understand the true place they will go if they carry on causing problems.

Understanding their distorted selves

Many people with problems have created distorted versions of themselves to cope with their lives. This act of rebalancing helps to create unhappy very tired versions of themselves leading to relationship stress, depression and anxiety.

Understanding polarity shifts

When a man has been brought up by his mother, or the mother has been dominant in the mother, father relationship, his model of how relationships should be can cause major problems in his future relationships. Especially if his partner has not had that same experience growing up.

Women can also shift into masculine roles to cope with fearful situations this can happen at any time of life also causing them problems as life will not feel how it should.

The sexes communicate totally differently

This is critical to understand. When we speak to the opposite sex in the context of our relationships what are they hearing? You may or not be surprised to know that whatever your intention it will not be understood.
So learning to understand the meanings behind your partner words is critical.

Does the relationship have a purpose?

Why are the couple together, where are they going and why. Many couple have no idea and so it’s not long before they feel lost and fearful.

Understanding each others critical needs

Human needs have to be met and more importantly those needs have to be supported by what’s most important to the individuals in the relationship. Failure to do this will result in the indivuals meeting their needs but still feeling unhappy. They may feel lost, alone or moving toward depression and relationship break-ups.

The more you understand each other the better your chances of keeping your relationship growing and passionate.

Does Relationship Coaching Work?

Does Relationship Coaching Work? This is question I get asked by many new callers who are interested in coming to coaching sessions with me.

It’s an interesting question because there are many factors involved in the successful outcome of the sessions.

The process that creates the change

  • The first is my total commitment to making change happen for my clients.
  • Someone who does want change to happen, but fears the change, will need a really good reason to making that shift and so leverage is required through understanding the real cost of not changing, whilst moving them towards something far more attractive.
  • The client also has to practice what the sessions teach, so an equal commitment to applying what you learn is also critical to help you change. Whilst the coaching is accelerated learning for the mind, the client has to reinforce the sessions with constructive behaviours taught in the sessions to undo destructive behaviours potentially practised for years.
  • The clients who come to the session and don’t practice what they are taught take longer to change.
  • The clients who are totally committed to changing their lives apply all they learn in the sessions and so shift their perspectives and lives really fast.

Are you ready to change and commit to you?

Any client can make a change really fast, what takes the time is the deciding if it’s really safe to make the change they desire.

Coaching is designed to help the client(s) see their path way to a change, understand the cost of not changing and help them experience what will happen if they set themselves free from their fears. Coaching also helps people experience their fears differently so the fears have a massively reduced impact.

  • Coaching is powerful, emotional, challenging and sometimes confusing as new perspectives on life are built. You will discover more about you than you ever knew before. You’ll discover how you work and how to get the best out of you and those around you.

Coaching pulls no punches because it tells you the truth, but it also supports you every step of the way to a far stronger you, freeing from your own fears.

Still not sure?

For those of you still wondering if you are ready to make the change you know you need to make. Your fears today are an outdated  illusion, they were set-up by your mind to protect you from something in your past, but they are now outdated and instead of rebalancing your life they will only limit you, that’s why you are unhappy today always feeling that something is wrong.

  • Deep inside you, you know that’s true!

I have seen clients who have lived with outdated fear patterns for 50+ years who are now rebuilding their lives and living the life they were born to live, minus the distorted view on their world driven by their fears.

Stressed, depressed, anxious, unhappy for no reason?

Many people I see in relationship coaching sessions suffer from an inner conflict of some kind where no matter what they choose they are unhappy. This can bring on feelings of being depressed, stressed, anxious or unhappy either for what they think is the reason, or for no reason at all.

They go round-and-round in circles with their own thoughts, never really knowing what seems right. They know something is wrong, but they can never put their finger on what is really causing their pain.

The most usual route to success with this kind of problem is…

Step one

…is to understand if there is a gap between how they think their life should be compared to their perception of their own reality. A difference here will give anyone a feeling that they are not living the life they were born to live, yet their might be really good reason why they have not got what they want, but they either can’t accept it, or their map of how life should be is out of date.

Step two

…to understand how the different personalities within themselves have created the life they have today. They are usually are living in a fear state were they are ready for problems to hit them all of the time and this version of them is usually exhausted, so they feel down, or depressed, stress, anxious or all four.

Step three

…to understand their critical needs, values and rules for life. What we usually discover is that without knowing they have set these up so they can never win and so they always go round-and-round in circles, looking for answers that never appear. They look for what they think the problem is and so they either blame it, or remove it and this could be their relationship,

Step four

…is to realign all these parts of them so they are working together and then to build strength and confidence within the individual so they are able to create resourceful states at will, so they are always in control.

Taking these four steps whilst getting leverage so a change become easier for the individual makes a massive impact on how the individuals now sees the world.

They can see why they have gotten to where they are today and what is hurting them. This detailed information helps them choose a better way to live and still creates the happiness they were always after.

Does this sound like something you are suffering with, maybe your partner is unhappy, but they don’t know why, or perhaps you have a friend or family member who suffers from depression or stress and can’t seem to break that pattern

  • If so I can help please get in touch today click here

What Can Relationship Coaching Do For You?

From Judges to Housewives from Business professionals even to an Ex-Vietnam Soldier, I have helped people from all walks of life make the changes they wanted in their lives.

No matter what challenge you are focused on today, or how impossible it may seem, a change for happiness is always possible. If you believe change is not possible then you will make that true as you direct your actions elsewhere and that will always equal failure.

In coaching with me I will show you how to make powerful changes that last.

How does it work

The way that coaching with me works is we will work together to uncover the truth of what is happening in your life and relationship.

This helps us because from a place of honesty we can plan the steps that will get you from where we know you are today to where you really want to be.

We’ll also uncover what you don’t yet know about you and your partner.

You will get to understand why your situation is the way it is today, and what behaviours and decisions created that direction for you.

We will uncover how you work, in other in other words what is the true key to your happiness and what will keep you down in unhappiness. With this knowledge you will know what to avoid that you don‘t know today.

  • This key part of my sessions opens up a world that clients didn’t even know existed about themselves.

Through all of this you will discover how your behaviours affect others and how to change them not only to help you to be happier, but how to create a far deeper connection than ever before with those you love.

How To Create Lasting Changes

As the coaching progresses and your confidence in how you work grows and your fears start to disappear, I will build in powerful leverage so that you will never consider going back to where you were before and the changes we are making in you are lasting.

Powerful emotions the path to results

Coaching with me as many of my past clients will agree brings out powerful emotions, because coaching challenges core belief systems. Your beliefs, values and rules you have set up without knowing is on some level is going to be hurting you.

Crying, laughing, surprise, anger these are all normal responses to coaching with me that are conducted in a safe non-judgemental 100% confidential and controlled environment. These powerful responses are indication that the coaching is working and proves how alive you really are no matter what’s going happening for you.

Clients also in the beginning experience “confusion”, this is also a great sign because a new map in your mind of how you work is being built, and that soon moves to understanding which builds more confidence, self-esteem.

Coaching tools

During your sessions you will be given specific tools that will help you manage yourself away from the coaching sessions, so you will feel confident on demand, and safe in the knowledge that when you leave coaching with me you will always know what decisions will always equal happiness for you.

Why not discover what coaching can do for you NOW, if your life and relationship just isn’t right, there is going to be a reason and a small shift in either you, or you and your partner can make a massive difference to your future.

Remember no action is a choice too, that will always get you nothing or even more of what you have today!

Make a different choice today… Don’t imagine spending the next 5 years like this…

Call me..!

He Never Wants To Talk About Our Problems

It’s generally women that generate the need to come for relationship coaching with the complaint that
he never wants to talk about our problems“.

Many women experience this frustration and so they feel that their partner does not care about them, and so she is left to sort out their problems on her own, and this starts to build resentment in her towards her man.

I’ll explain why he is never keen on talking!

…and how to open him up

A  man will only want to fix a problem that he knows he can fix. If he knows he will fail, he will be very reluctant to try, because his job is always to please his woman and fix the problems.

Failure to fix her problems and make her happy could mean a failed relationship in his mind, and so he is likely to  run when she says “we need to talk”.

To a man “we need to talk” = the end of the relationship!

Can you now see why he is not keen to talk, he wants to save the relationship too. You actually share the same goal just your perspectives are different.

This is why a relationship for a man is like a minefield of pain if it starts to go wrong, because he is so frustrated inside and is stuck, torn with what to do. So he does nothing and it’s this behaviour that frustrates women.

He also dislikes speaking and especially about feelings, so don’t be too hard on him because unlike women men are really not designed to engage in this way, men are not deep voiced, big hairy women.

He does love you and he does care, he just doesn’t know how to fix this!

So if you want to engage with him then speaking to him like he is a woman will never work.

Approach your man in a way that he understands.

For example:

Tell him the problem you are having and the meaning that you put to it and do it without blame.

“when you leave your socks on the floor and I keep complaining that you don’t pick them up, and you ignore my request, it makes me feel that I am not important to you. If that feels true for me then I start to create a fear that the relationship might be under threat and this makes me feel unsafe and unhappy.”

“I need you to make me feel safe and that you will be with me forever, it not really about the socks I just need to know I am appreciated and loved.”

Then tell him what you now need, a hug, or a kiss or loving words. Teach him what you need so he starts to learn how you work so he can be successful at pleasing you.

Many women believe a man should just understand her, but how can he. He is not a mind reader and half the time she does not understand herself, so he has no chance!

You have now given him the process your mind has gone through and where his socks on the floor might lead you to emotionally and what you need to feel better.

Now he understands how to fix you and how to make you happy now he feels like a man again.

You now both have what you really want!

Why Is He Ignoring Me?

Many women have a question that worries them and keeps coming up in the relationship coaching sessions… “Why is he ignoring me?

There is about a billions reasons why he could be ignoring you, which one have you decided to focus on? The chances are it’s probably the worst one, which means “you’re feeling you are not going to be enough for him” and that scares you”

But did you know this fear is likely to drive him away if he also misunderstands you in the same way. So lets stop this one right now, to protect you both from each others fears.

When a woman goes quiet what does this mean?

When a woman goes quiet on a man it means trouble is brewing. When a man goes quiet on a woman it means he is happy and content in his world. So the fact that women think he is ignoring her is a perception rather than a fact, that drives problems out of nowhere.

The same situations and two different meanings can cause so many confusions. Relationships are riddled with exactly this problem, where the wrong meanings are created.

The fact is men don’t like talking in the same way that women talk, actually men hate it!

Women can talk for hours on the phone, men will spend 30 seconds.

It’s dangerous to create meanings out of assumptions, because you will always be wrong. If you believe your meanings you will feel bad and attach those bad feelings to him, and this will start to break down the foundations of the relationship and that means you can no longer trust each other.

Find out the truth, then react, and above all, no matter what is going on…
DO NOT JUDGE HIM! YOU ARE NOT QUALIFIED!

Plus he will start to see you as someone he can’t trust, to believe in him. He will then see the relationship as somewhere he can never be the man he wants to be, he will attach massive pain to a future with you and leaving you will be powerful in his mind if these feeling stick.

Or he will become a boy in the relationship, always ready to do as you ask, ready to be stepped on by you. Turn your man into this and you will lose respect for the boy that you have created out of the man that just wanted to make you happy.

Is this what you really want?

Relationship Coaching Be Your Own Personal Relationship Psychologist

Are you considering getting help from a relationship expert, but are concerned about the fees and if it will work or not?

If so what are your options?

Going to a professional to get professional relationship help is a big step for any couple. The biggest worries are how much will it cost and what type of relationship help is going to work for us.

Do you choose

  • Relationship Counselling
  • Relationship Therapy
  • Relationship Coaching

A professional low cost session with a counsellor/therapist would cost you about

Step 3: Rebuilding trust in your relationship

Step 3 – Relationship Rebuilding Process

Stephen Hedger will help the couple learn how to build trust that’s believable and lasting

When a couple go through any kind of relationship problem the trust in each other is dented in some way.

The natural reaction when trust, the foundation of their relationship is in question is to protect yourself this could result in arguments, stonewalling, or leaving the relationship temporarily or for good.

For example

The reason for a lack of trust can take forms. It could be due to an affair or that one individual does not feel secure in the relationship for some reason. It could be trust issues could be due to money issues or a feeling of not being respected or valued. The reasons are many and varied, and can be rational or irrational emotion.

Stephens objective is to help the couple re-connect through a trust rebuilding process and sincere promises to establish a foundation to rebuild their future on.

Building lasting relationships with Stephen Hedger

To Make An Appointment Call: 0845 519 4808

Step 4: Relationship growth & building a future together

Step 4 – Relationship Rebuilding Process

Stephen Hedger explains that if the relationship stops growing it dies. Building a compelling future together is critical.

When a couple first meet they have so many plans and life starts off so exciting. They put effort into the way they dress how they look, they constantly make plans together, weekends away, special nights out, presents, cards.

They then might plan to move in together, buy a house and maybe start a family.

What can happen to a relationship is that a busy life gets in the way and the relationship then has no direction, the individuals end up serving their own needs and soon as the relationship becomes all about ME! If this happens you’re really in trouble.

Stephen will help the couple get addicted to serving each others needs and get them making plans to ensure the relationship has an exciting direction.

Building lasting relationships with Stephen Hedger

To Make An Appointment Call: 0845 519 4808

Step 5: Dealing with Relationship Problems

Step 5 – Relationship Rebuilding Process

Stephen Hedger will explain that no amount of relationship work will stop problems arising in the relationship. What’s important is the way you work together to ensure the relationship is never affected.

Relationship problems can take 1000’s of forms.

Problems can be from outside pressures such as work, friends, family, money problems etc. Or problems can come from misunderstandings and assumption between the couple.

On top of all these potential issues we have the ever changing states the individuals go through the different communication strategies of the individuals and the massive difference between the sexes.

Stephen will help the couple understand the critical thought processes needed to keep the relationship problems at bay the couple secure and safe no matter what happens.

Building lasting relationships with Stephen Hedger

To Make An Appointment Call: 0845 519 4808

Step 6: Reignite the passion

Step 6 – Relationship Rebuilding Process

Stephen Hedger helps couple understand that making time for the intimate side of their relationship is critical to reconnect you both.

The fundamental difference between those you love (friends & family) and your partner is the intimate side to your relationship.

Couples can find that they live in a lighter version of themselves in fear of sharing their true passionate selves. When they live in this state they are never allowed to be who they really are and this can kill the soul of those people.

Connecting with the true you is a liberating experience in fact this part of you is just one of many parts that all have their roles.

Stephen will help couples feel safe to share their darker needs and how to access these different parts of their personalities and take the relationship to a whole new deeper and exciting level.

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The Relationship Building Process

Building lasting relationships with Stephen Hedger

To Make An Appointment Call: 0845 519 4808