Without this skill most will relationships fail…

Yes it’s true, to build a successful relationship a particular skill is needed and if it is missing the survival of the relationship is dramatically challenged.

This skill is important for everyone, because everyone is different and without it couples struggle to feel secure with each other.

Security is critical in a relationship and this skill will help to build that safety.

The relationship needs to flow and feel easy and this skill will help the couple to feel that flow. [Read more...]

Relationship Basics – For couples who want a life of love passion and growth

This is a basic skill without it your relationship will suffer. Anyone entering into a relationship or in a committed relationship today needs to ask this question quickly…. “how can I add value to my relationship”

In other words the question needs to be “what can I give?”

Anyone going into a relationship with the focus on “what am I going to get” will discover their relationships are problematic and their intimacy dies quickly as a result. [Read more...]

Are Your Fears Destroying Your Relationship?

Everyone one has fears, and in relationships where people are out of control of what their partners could do, can experience their fears can becoming significantly magnified.

  • The most common fear is that we will on some level will not being enough for our partners!

When we feel this way we can start to change our behaviours to balance out our feelings or fears. Unfortunately the feelings of creating balance is an illusion and what really happens is a pathway to creating the very thing we fear.

For example a person who fears their partner leaving them might display some of the behaviours below.

  • This person could experience uncontrollable jealousy
  • They might become very involved in what their partner does
  • The could subject their partner to a barrage of texts, emails, phone calls
  • They could constantly seek approval or significance
  • They may even start to shut down emotionally to block our their feelings if it gets really intense

The problem with these behaviours is the person who on the receiving end of this can feel they are not trusted, and as trust is one of the key foundations of any relationship the relationship can start to feel unstable.

This results in them both acting in fear states as they can now both fear the relationship ending, or not being how it should be and so they both go into self-protection as they can no longer see a future that’s either happy or together.

In these fear states the couple can start to take control in many different ways. Unfortunately the fear states they are in does not usually create an environment of growth and so the relationship starts to die.

So the possible feelings of not being enough start to come true.

Fears can generate the total reverse of what
a relationship needs to grow and survive.

Both people can start to attach resentment to each other as they stop feeling secure. The passion will start to fade and this can be dangerous for the relationship as both parties still have needs that have to be met. They stop feeling important to each other and they feel their connection starts to fade.

Many couples will start to notice that the relationship is no longer fulfilling their needs and so they discover that they go outside of the relationship to feel good again.

  • At this point they can conclude that the relationship is no longer working.

Is this where you are? Would you like to change this? Maybe you are fearful and you want to control it but you don’t know how. If so get in touch today!

Why Relationships Fail

Why relationships fail? In my last post I shared with you the most important 3 things a relationship needs to survive. Click relationship help if you missed it.

Today we are going to look at why relationships fail and what you need to look out for.

If you and your partner are not having your needs met by each other, this is why you are having problems and this could lead to a failed relationship. Even if you stay together, you will never experience unconditional love and will live each in a passionless relationship. Is that what you want?

Understand the truth in your relationship
before it’s too late

Most people’s perceptions of “needs” is in what they want in their day-to-day lives from their partners.

For example: He leaves his clothes on the floor or she goes crazy for no reason, These are how most people view their needs not being met and so these areas become their problems. This is untrue because these are simply symptoms of your deeper issues, i’ll explain…

When you are fed-up in your relationships what happens is you both will start to connect with each other in ways that will create problems, because these are not the relationship building parts of you reacting, they are the parts of you that are designed to look out for things that may hurt you.

The real problems happen when you both become stuck in these problem seeking versions of yourself and all you start to see is problems and you attach those problems to your partner. The more you look the more you will find.

Understand both of your needs as fast as possible

The only way to change this problem seeking is to understand what needs are not being met and why.

This is where 99% of couples become stuck, because they do not know how to understand each others needs, mainly because they don’t really understand their own needs, so communicating them is impossible.

She might describe a need for him to help to keep the house tidy. This is not a core need because if he does not do this for her, she will create a far deeper meaning to his lack of attention.

His lack of attention is this area could mean to her that her words are not important to him and so he must find it easy to disrespect her. That could be an early danger sign that the relationship will fail.

If she believes this she will be ready to test his love for her… That could mean a major fight.

If the true needs were understood then this and further damage to the relationship could be avoided.

The real danger sits in couples believing their own meanings for words, behaviours and situations that are not true in their relationship.

So if your are feeling bad about your partner or your relationship then act fast and find out the truth today and understand you true needs.
If you would like help go to Relationship Coaching Services

Step 2: What needs is the relationship not meeting?

Step 2 – Relationship Rebuilding Process

Stephen Hedger will help the couple understand how their critical needs are affecting their relationship their behaviours and their partners behaviours.

All individuals in relationships have needs that are critical for the relationship to be successful.

In the early days of the relationship it is very easy to meet all these needs at once.

As time goes by and the relationships settle down into daily life the needs that were being met can start to drift away. If these problems not addressed this can result in a passionless relationship where the couple love eachother, but live together as friends until one becomes unhappy and leaves the relationship.

For example

If an individual no longer feels significant in the relationship then they will go to where they can feel this way. This could be with friends, working late, hobbies or even an affair.

If one of the couple has to have financial security before they can open up to feeling of love this can damage the passionate side of the relationship.

So the order of the needs is important.

Stephen will work with the couple to discover their critical needs for the relationship to be successful and help the couple understand how these needs are driving their behaviours. These session will cover values and rules if one or both people in the couple have a destructive pattern.

Building lasting relationships with Stephen Hedger

To Make An Appointment Call: 0845 519 4808