Keeping their passion for each other alive

I was working with a couple, and the topic of motorbikes came up. This lady quickly commented that she wouldn’t let him have one! He sat sad and motionless looking down, saying nothing.

I smiled at her and said, “Is he five and are you his mum?”

One of the most important energies a relationship must create is the ability for both people to be free to be who they are so they can live the life they want to live.

The moment a persons’ energy is restricted in any way that person will start to lose connection with themselves and attach those bad feelings to their partner. [Read more...]

You’ll need tools to save a marriage

Year after year, I’ve been studying the many hidden destructive patterns couples are using to take them into a marital crisis. I have studied this so I can empower couples to actually see their problems clearly so they can take action and get out of their crisis with new behaviours.

Once couples can step out of their crisis and see why they are suffering, they can start to follow simple but powerful steps that can help them reinvest in themselves and their marriage without compromising themselves.

A client this week told me this knowledge had helped him become a far better person as well as a better husband.

This message from him is not a surprise to me because for the process to work permanently; it has to connect the person back with their true self.  [Read more...]

My partner doesn’t want to fix the marriage

One of the reasons couples in crisis struggle to reconnect is because they have not acted quick enough and are either now full of confusing and conflicting feelings or have made the decision.

For me to help couples I must understand the structure of their crisis and understand the mindset of the person wanting to leave this is one of the critical elements needed to give them the best chance of discovering their truth.

Understand the perspective of the person that wants to leave is so important.

Even a person who sounds 100% verbally committed to leaving can have a small part of them that says “are you sure you’re doing the right thing?” So these people will be on a mission to look for more proof that leaving is a good idea. – They will find it!

Some thought their problem would just go away. Some just go into survival mode and shut down. Some just focus on their job or the children and don’t think past this focus.  [Read more...]

28 Early warnings couples must never ignore

Life long, intimate relationships are packed full of hidden problems that can be catastrophic to the couples ability to stay connected.

It’s critical to know early when you and your relationship is in a pattern that could be destructive to its future. Many of these patterns can be understood and overcome.

Below is a list of patterns that should never be ignored.

1. The couple that never argues. Nine times out of ten this couple dynamic will have a low passion relationship will little to no sex life.

2. The couple that can’t stop arguing. This erodes their connection and stacks resentments that can create emotional detachments.

3. Relationship contains someone that always needs to be right or wants to win arguments. [Read more...]

Bored with your marriage?

One reason couples end up struggling with each other is that life together can become so dull, year after year of the same old everything. I see so many couples suffering because they have no real purpose for being together.

This can be upsetting as it can cause friction as they look for excitement but not necessarily together.

Not having a purpose for being together is such a dangerous trap to fall into.

Some couples only purpose for being together is they are a mum and a dad, and it’s not enough because one day the kids will leave home.

The traditional story I hear is when the couple first meet and it’s so exciting; they tell all their friends about this amazing person they’ve just met. They can’t stop thinking about each other, and so they magnify their excitement with fun things like parties, holidays stuff most couples like to do. [Read more...]

Confidence replaces her heartbreak

I know most people think what I do is fix relationships and save couples from divorce. I have over the years, developed very successful strategies that enable couples in crisis to quickly discover if they have what it takes to be together for life.

This is why my service has become globally popular couples don’t want quick fixes that don’t last. They want to gain the critical tools needed to create a life long connection.

To be honest, my approach isn’t actually to fix anyone.

What I want is for two people to discover their truth. Do they have the ability to be able to create a dynamic that works for both people?

So really happiness is what I want for my clients, and that can be together or apart.

In the end, the result must be a win-win scenario for both people.

The lady you’re about to read about was confused and needed certainty with her life/relationship.

This lady was very tearful when she arrived. Her relationship had died and more than anything she wanted it to work. [Read more...]

Can she really trust her feelings?

If someone is going to rely on their feelings to guide their life, wouldn’t it be important to understand how their feelings are actually created?

How can you trust a feeling if you don’t know what you did to create it?

Or more relevant for some, how can a person break up a family or leave a partner they once loved if they don’t know how they created the feeling they are relying on today?

Many people are too focused on blaming others for their feelings but doing this puts them out of control of themselves and their life.

Below are past clients who’s thinking was not safe for them.

When her husband tells her, he’s having an affair and wants to keep the affair partner but not leave her what does she have to think and feel to stay with him for two years of him disappearing each weekend with his lover? [Read more...]

Can a dead relationship be reignited?

The simple answer to this question is yes because I see it every day. Couples without knowing are creating a dynamic that is shutting down their connection. These couples do have the ability to learn how to create a dynamic that keeps their emotional connection alive if they want to.

When couples come to see me, my mission is to help them understand if they have the ability to create a dynamic that works for them both.

IMPORTANT: I’m not trying to fix them. I’m helping them create the knowledge they need to be able to make good decisions for themselves and their families.

You see the biggest problem people face is if you “think” you understand your problem and you leave your relationship and you’re wrong! The real problem is likely to appear in the next relationship so please understand why you’re having problems before you leap.

So many clients I see are shocked to learn they have been running the same problem for years.

When couples go through this process with me, they discover new ways of understanding and thinking about their relationship. These are unique ways they would never have considered before that help them see their problems in solvable terms.

The most consistent message I receive is “…this process is enlightening”. [Read more...]

Couples in crisis are fixing the wrong problems!

Virtually every couple I meet has been trying to fix the wrong problem in their marriage and without knowing are damaging their connection and trust in each other with every failed attempt.

If you try to fix the wrong problem, you’ll keep failing, and if you fail for long enough, one person will either look for an out or other ways to meet their critical needs.

When helping a couple out of a crisis, the most fundamental starting point is to help each person understand the real problems they are facing.

Most couples in crisis are unaware of what is driving their disconnection, and so when they try to connect, they will find their distance becomes significantly greater.

For most couples, their disconnect has been happening for years, but when emotional pain turns to suffering that person can start to either complain or they can suffer in silence emotionally detaching from their partner.

It’s critical the couple must be on the same page with why they are struggling, or both people will be trying to fix what they think is their problem. [Read more...]

“I LOVE how I feel about ME when I’m with YOU!”

So what is the formula for a great marriage and why do so many people get it wrong? When you look at what we are all trying to achieve it boils down to something quite simple.

We are all trying to experience the feelings we like and avoid the feelings we don’t like.

If you look at anyone that’s on the edge of splitting up, they no longer experience feelings they like when they are with their partner, and some are getting close to experiencing feelings they have spent their whole lives trying to avoid.

Some are leaving because they feel they won’t be loved or they won’t be enough, and these types of feelings are far too painful. Some are leaving because they cannot get over a significant break of trust. [Read more...]

Stuck in a broken marriage?

So many couples are suffering in a marriage that doesn’t work for them because they don’t have the knowledge or skills needed to keep their connection alive.

It’s true keeping a passionate relationship for life is complex but it’s made significantly harder if trial and error is the model.

We do NOT have natural skills for keeping passion and love alive in a relationship this is why so many are suffering.

So couples need new information so they can effectively navigate the natural problems all couples experience.

To achieve this, there has to be a mindset shift to see a new way forward. The reason so many couples are suffering is that they are in emotional states that keep leading them to the same destructive patterns.

These destructive patterns need to be interrupted and replaced. [Read more...]

Cloé said to me “A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor”

I’m not sure I quoted her correctly but my wife Cloé quoted these words to me a few weeks ago, and it instantly resonated with me in the context of what makes a successful marriage.

Most people know that marriages have the potential to lose their passion and connection over time, but they don’t know why or how to reignite what they first had when it drifts away.

The key to this problem is in learning new skills and gaining the tools that enable them to navigate the ups and downs, so they always settle back into a loving fun connection no matter what hits them.

Couples that can do this are sadly in the minority.

Anyone can have a successful marriage if there don’t seem to be any problems, but this can be a potential ticking bomb because all couples will have problems at some point.  [Read more...]

“My biggest life lesson”

Last year one gentleman asked me a great question. He said “…you deal with couples and individuals with all manner of problems and personal fears, what do you fear the most?

This was a great question, and the answer was simple.

“I would fear not being able to be my true self in the life that I have chosen.” Many people are in pain because they are loving kind caring people, but for some reason, they can’t be this in their marriage, and so they suffer.

This is one of the core problems so many couples have in their life, but it expands far further than just their relationships.

So many people are afraid to embrace their true potential, and this can affect everything. [Read more...]

Natures cruellest trick is creating consistent marital stress

Virtually every person that comes into my programs is looking for me to change their partners’ behaviours. I have rarely heard the message “my marriage is in crisis, can you help me become a better husband or wife?”

This is a shame because becoming an effective partner really is the only thing we are 100% in control of. Trying to control someone or manipulate them so they behave the way we want never works out well but sadly couples keep trying this process even though the result is bad for them both.

So the trend of message I receive is “…we’ll have a better relationship if you can fix my partner”.

He’s a bully or she’s too controlling, he’s emotionally absent or she’s got anger problems.

The ping-pong of criticism doesn’t help the couple become effective team members of their relationship. [Read more...]

The MAPS you’ll need to prevent a divorce

Today’s post is going to be a little different, I’m going to be sharing one of the key focuses I use to help couples reconnect even after years of disconnection.

One of the things we need to change in these couples is the way they think about their relationship, themselves and their partner. This needs to happen because they won’t be aware that their historical thinking is part of why they are in trouble.

So I’ll start with this thought…

If you were in New York and lost and someone handed you a map of Paris could you rely on that map of Paris to help you to make good decisions and take you to were you want to go in New York?

It’s obvious this simply wouldn’t work yet not understanding this concept is leading couples to rely on the wrong maps and this is leading so many to divorce for the wrong reason.

I’ll explain… [Read more...]

Relationship Test: 12 Common ways couples are disconnecting

With no educational system in place for what it takes to keep a marriage alive for life, we are left with couples really doing their best.

Sadly this is usually not enough to keep their connection and passion alive. So couples can unwittingly break their connection without meaning to leading to a build-up of negative energy that couples attach to each other.

So below I’m going to share some of the common mistakes couples are making without knowing.

THE RELATIONSHIP TEST below is designed to help couples understand how many of these points below are in your marriage so you can start to open up communication at home? [Read more...]

“Understanding this changed his whole life” He lived this every day and never knew.

His life was falling apart. His relationship was over his business was on its knees nothing was working and he was not just depressed he suffering severe anxiety.

How do you come back from that?

When he came to me on the back of months of what he described as lost in darkness after he had to leave the marital home.

I knew what he really wanted but he had no map to achieve his goal.

He wanted his marriage back but I could see he had no internal map of how to build love he only understood how to take it – this was a very childlike model.

He was convinced his marriage was over so it didn’t form part of his brief to me to help him rebuild his life. [Read more...]

“Resentment stacking and the true cost”

Resentment stacking has hidden problems that people only see when it’s too late. So in today’s post I’m going to share what I see and where the danger sits.

When couples start a relationship at some point there is going to be some resistance and friction. Of course, some conflict is normal we are not going to agree all the time.

But when there becomes a gap between how life should be and how it really is, one or both people can start to resent the other.

The challenge with resentment is it creates a negative mindset and this can trigger the person to look for more problems.

A person looking for problems is always going to find something negative and when they find it they can resent that too.

Over time those resentments attached to big and small things will stack and can become overwhelming leading the person to want to stop the pain of this emotional experience.

They will also naturally be in a place to protect themselves from their partner.

This can be a lethal combination of emotions for any marriage. If I have to protect me from you how can I keep my love alive and if I have stacked resentments towards you there is a real danger I’m going to turn off any feelings I have towards you.

This is the danger people are not seeing…

…resentments can lead a person to a detached or numb emotional state. Essentially what this means is they are so emotionally overwhelmed they can turn off their feelings.

What they are unaware of is when they turn off the bad feelings to protect themselves they also turn off the good ones too. [Read more...]

“10 reasons why couples don’t make it”

There are now well over 800 pages in this website helping any reader to become curious about their relationship why they work and why they fail. People from all over the world are now attending meetings with me to gain solutions to seemingly impossible marital problems.

In today’s post, I’m going to be sharing some key thinking that helps couples to keep their relationship alive with some thoughts on the cost of not applying these to a marriage.

1. Never assume your partner is trying to hurt you

2. Never make your partner wrong

3. Never threaten the end of the relationship (unless you really mean it!)

4. Never pull your love away

5. Never make your relationship all about YOU!

6. Always make your partner feel No1 in your life

7. Always make your partners needs your needs too

8. Always look for ways to help your partner feel great about themselves

9. Always make unconditional love your priority (it will cost you if you don’t)

10. Always make time for your relationship every day [Read more...]

What does a successful relationship really look like?

Over the years of working with couples in crisis, my mission has been to help couples in crisis learn if they have the ability to breakthrough their problems and really make their relationship work.

  • Couples who have split up and physically separated have discovered how to reconnect physically and emotionally.
  • Couples who have fallen foul of an affair learn how it happened and how to rebuild their relationship and trust in each other.
  • Couples who have lost passion for each other have discovered how their unique attraction is created, what kills it and how to keep it alive for life.

All these couples have learnt how to communicate, how to grow closer through conflict and how to build a compelling future together.

You see the objective is to take couples with little hope for a future together and help them build a compelling future one they can both look forward to. [Read more...]