The Wall Of Protection

May 23, 2013 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

Be aware that if you build a wall of protection around you in your relationship three things will happen:

  • You will numb yourself from feeling pain.
  • You will block any positive advances from your partner.
  • You will block and shut down your ability to feel towards your partner.

The wall serves the purpose of creating the CERTAINTY the person needs, BUT it will disconnect the person from their partner.

This disconnection helps the person to feel that their relationship is dead, this is not always true. The feelings can be dormant rather than dead.

So couples can end their relationship though a lack of understanding.

One of the questions you can ask is this: Is my partner trying to hurt me?

You will probably discover that even though your partner does hurt you that is not their intent. What hurts can be their sheer frustration at not being able to get through.

Knowing your partner is NOT trying to hurt you is one of the green lights to exploring the potential in the relationship.

Filed Under: Marriage Problems Tagged With: , ,

We Build Walls Of Protection Around Us When Marital Problems Strike But Does It Work?

May 10, 2013 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

Building a protective wall around us when emotional challenges strike in a marriage is a fairly normal process. The goal is usually to create security for that individual because life is not the way it should be.

He doesn’t care, she’s always negative, he never listens, she is aggressive and cold…

The question is, does this emotional wall work to create the security the person is after?

In the short-term the person can feel relief because when they shut down they can numb the pain they are experiencing.

The challenge the wall creates is it builds a 2 way block, the person will block out the pain, but they will also block out what they really need to be happy. This creates real problems for any marriage because it heads them to loss of respect and the end of the marriage.

For example:

[I have used a female in this example, but males will do their version of this too.]

If a female has tried and tried to get through to her husband and failed, she will stack her resentments towards him and eventually feel that she has no choice, but to create her own strength because he is not there for her in the way she needs.

It’s like she puts on a suit of armor so he can no longer hurt her. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Marriage Problems Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Marriage Tip Five: Understand Why You Are Together?

May 6, 2013 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

Will a couple survive if they don’t share a reason to be together? Couples who plan their journey though life and work as a team towards those goals are far more likely to want to stay together because they have a real purpose.

Creating that purpose helps to build a strong lasting intimate connection.

Most couples vision starts with attracting each other, moving in, getting engaged, getting married and having children. The couple excited about life can race through these goals within a few years. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Marriage Problems Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Marriage Tip Four: The Power Of The Vicious Circle

April 29, 2013 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

You know the situation, your partner has assumed you have done something to hurt them. You try to explain that they are wrong and they have misunderstood you, but they won’t listen. Frustrated you end up losing your temper and now the problem is escalating out of control.

What started off as a simple disagreement is now a power struggle where hurt, resentment, disbelief and a loss of love starts to grow.

Both people end up feeling misunderstood and unloved. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Marriage Problems Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Marriage Tip Three: Never Ever Give Up Without The Real Facts

April 8, 2013 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

One of my clients asked me, why have I decided to work with couples with marriage problems and why specifically have I decided to work with couples in extreme marital crisis?

This for me was an easy question, because…

I am passionate about relationships and family. I am especially passionate about helping lost couples find their way back to each others hearts. Also when I know there are other little hearts involved I feel even more responsibility to guide them all to safety.

  • I believe that no matter how bad a marriage becomes, couples can turn their relationship around quickly, the reason so many don’t is because they don’t know how. So exhausted they give up trying.   [Read more...]
Filed Under: Marriage Problems Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

If Your Marriage Looks Like It’s Ending What Do You Do?

April 7, 2013 By Stephen Hedger 2 Comments

If one person thinks the marriage is over and the other disagrees, what do you do? This couple from Manchester, Brian and Christine share their personal story of trauma and their courage to discover their truth for their son…

My wife told me out of the blue that she loved me but wasn’t in love with me anymore. This came as a complete shock to me. I had known that things weren’t great between us but had just assumed it was one of those patches that every marriage goes through. Clearly my wife felt very differently.

As we have a young child we agreed that we would go and see a couples counsellor – a decision that was pretty disastrous. That counsellor took a difficult and upsetting situation and turned it into something much worse.  The sessions were bleak, depressing and frankly fairly poisonous – they made us both feel awful about ourselves and our relationship and made us believe that there was little hope for us to turn things round.

After several sessions with that counsellor things kind of fell to pieces and I was pretty convinced that we were heading for divorce. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Testimonials Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

My Wife Has Fallen Out Of Love With Me Please Help

March 26, 2013 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

She told him the marriage was over, she had lost all feelings for him. He knew there were problems, but was totally shocked at her sudden desire to want to end the marriage.

They had a child together and torn with what to do, they sought help. She was convinced the marriage was over, but driven by guilt she felt she owed it to her son to try one last time. Her efforts however seemed half hearted as she shifted between, resigned, cold and sad almost at the same time.

He came to me on his own initially, he wanted the very best service I could offer to help them. He didn’t believe the marriage was over and he told me he would throw all he could at saving his family.

I explained to him that I do run intensive programs for Marriages in Crisis [Read more...]

Filed Under: Testimonials Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Marriage Tip One: Be Aware That Your Mind Will Grow Whatever You Feed It?

March 25, 2013 By Stephen Hedger 1 Comment

Whatever you feed your mind will come true. You will become what you think most about. This law is universal and in relationships it’s very obvious to see.

Follow the words below and see how you can
relate this to your life and relationship.

When a couple first meets and they share that powerful magnetic attraction for each other. What they are going to be focused on is what’s so great about their new lover.

They can daydream about all the great qualities their new lover has, they feel excited and full of anticipation, the world looks brighter and more exciting and it’s not long before they run around telling their family and friends how amazing their new lover is. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Couples coaching Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

NEW “FREE Marriage Tips”

March 18, 2013 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

Over the next few weeks I will be sharing important information that has helped many marriages come back from the edge of divorce. So please email your friends share this page and next week we will get started.

Why is this information important?

There is no formal education open to the public on how to build successful relationships. This has proved to be devastating for couples who marry expecting their love to last.

They don’t know how their love was created. So when the inevitable problems arise they don’t know how to grow closer through their problems so they pull love away to protect themselves. It’s not long before the couple have lost the focus that created their passion and they are now focused on what’s wrong and their problems.

This is disaster for any relationship. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Marriage Problems, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

How to stop your marriage from dying

March 10, 2013 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

Today I’m going share an insight that may help many of you avoid a pitfall I see on a regular basis and get many letters about.

This is widespread and is killing relationships / marriages and destroying families.

In essence some of the information you have grown up with, is like poison for your relationship and is devastating for your children and their relationships, because they are learning from you.

I am going to share with you step-by-step what’s been killing relationships across the country and why.

Please follow this example [Read more...]

Filed Under: Marriage Problems Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Life Secrets: Relationships, Money, Health

March 4, 2013 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

If you knew there were simple steps to becoming successful in the areas of life that are important to you wouldn’t you want to know what those steps were?

Within every person that comes for help I am looking for ways in which I can help them discover their strengths. Powerful parts of themselves they have hidden without knowing.

I believe there is a key to everyones inner strength something that will create the desire within them to take action and to claim the life that will equal fulfillment for them.

We all have strengths and yet months or years of battling with life, careers, relationships, children and even ourselves can wear us down.   [Read more...]

Filed Under: Life Coaching, Life Lessons, Life Purpose Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Are You An Attractive Partner To Be With?

March 1, 2013 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

Being attractive to your partner is critical, but being attractive is less about what you look like and more about how you behave and treat your partner. I have created over 40 relationship musts for couples that want a passionate relationship that lasts. Below is a sample 15 of those musts .

    1. Relationships are created they don’t just happen.
    2. Relationship that focus on contribution (giving) creates the deepest bond as time passes.
    3. Never make your relationship about you… [Read more...]
Filed Under: Couples coaching Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

I do give but I get nothing back?

February 7, 2013 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

You are impossible...

When a person feels that they put lots of effort into their relationship and they end up getting very little to nothing back, this can and will cause pain in their relationship.

Many couples come into sessions with this exact complaint.

What’s even more frustrating is when one person does feel they are giving, but their partner communicates,

“What do you give me? I get nothing” or “I know you love me but I don’t feel it”

Many couples are in this space and there is a simple reason behind it. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Marriage Problems, Master Relationships Skills Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Do you have to understand your partners emotions before you will respect them?

February 4, 2013 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

Reassuring her everything will be okay

Couples who judge each other, or belittle their partners’ emotions will usually find resentment in their relationship and this can be very damaging.

One of the golden keys to a successful marriage is to take away judgment of your partners’ behavior(s).

If he or she feels something, that something is very real to them and even if it makes no sense to you, showing you care about them is critical. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Building Trust Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

If we split up are we making a mistake?

January 31, 2013 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

Who Have I Become?

This is a significant worry that just prolongs the agony of staying in a relationship that feels wrong.

I also see too many people regret their decision to leave their partner, so if you are unsure please find out.

Too many people find that the solution of leaving is very painful so some short term effort could avoid that long-term pain. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Couples coaching, Divorce Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Just because it’s not important to you – it does not mean it’s not important to your partner

January 28, 2013 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

You don't understand me at all...

One of the keys to a successful relationship / marriage is understanding or at least a desire to understand your partners’ emotions.

If you or your partner feels something, that feeling is real and needs to be respected.

It doesn’t matter if you agree with their reasons behind why they are upset, what’s important is the person you say you care/love about is in trouble emotionally and your job is to care and to help them. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Communication Problems Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

What is most important to your partner?

January 28, 2013 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

Am I imporrtant to you?

I just don't feel that you care about me?

Is it you?

If anyone in a relationship / marriage feels that someone or something is more important to their partner than they are – there will be trouble.

What’s important to understand it’s doesn’t have to be the attractive female in the office who is just “a friend” or the man down the gym “giving her advice” that can cause problems for relationships. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Marriage Problems Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Relationships and Depression

January 24, 2013 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

Relationships and depression is a very challenging combination for any couple because depression creates the behaviors within the person that stops them giving the relationship the fuel it needs to survive.

One question we could ask is what caused the depression, and one of the answers of course could be the relationship is the problem. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Couples coaching, Depression, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Relationship Frustration is caused by…

January 22, 2013 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

Do you ever feel that you can’t get through to your partner? Do you feel that what you are saying is landing on deaf ears? Do you feel that your partner is trying to be difficult on purpose?

If someone felt all those things what do you think they might feel and what meaning would they then put to those thoughts? [Read more...]

Filed Under: Couples coaching Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

When does a relationship start to die?

January 20, 2013 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

Many relationships are dying long before the couple realise there is a real problem.

Some people will bury their heads in the sand and do nothing hoping that any problems they have will just go away and some will start a search.

So what is the danger sign that you need to look out for? What is the one thing that’s guaranteed to accelerate your problems?

Many people are watching their partners every move, or watching what their partner says and does. They start to piece together all the things that are wrong in their relationship and they find more and more things that could equal their partners don’t love them or care enough.

So as these people start their search what should they be looking out for? [Read more...]

Filed Under: Marriage Problems Tagged With: , , , , , , ,
« Older Posts