Should we be together?

This is the question for many individuals stuck in a relationship that simply doesn’t work. These people are confused, as to what to do so worried they might be making a life long mistake they seek professional help.

The people looking for guidance do not want someone to take sides, they don’t want the professional help to have a personal agenda, all they want is the truth.

The truth is what will set the couple free, free to either rebuild their lives together, or free to part for all the right reasons.

A path that’s built on the truth is always the right one to walk. [Read more...]

Feeling stuck? Fed-up of going round in circles?

Need a solution to a problem that has trapped you? It’s important to know that the thinking that helped to create a problem is not the thinking that will create a solution to the problem. Many people feeling stuck are not aware of this important fact and that’s why they go round in circles. This statement is especially true in relationships as the love, the trust , the respect dies and the relationship no longer meets the couples needs.

In this place the future for the couple dies and getting out of pain seems like the only pleasure.

There are many different types of problems, but what happens when a problem leads the person or the couple into a dead-end where one or both people are so stuck ending the relationship becomes a very real consideration?

To change the situation you have to change the way the individual or couple think about their problem that leads them to the truth. You see to become stuck they will have run out of ways to approach their problem. [Read more...]

“You are not alone…”

In todays post we will be exploring why so many people struggle in certain areas of their lives and what they have to start to focus on to make successful changes. If you are struggling please know you are not alone.

To become successful we have to understand certain critical factors, one of which I will talk about today.

For humans to understand the world we live in we have to create internal maps. The maps we create help us navigate our world. The more we explore the world the more comprehensive the maps will become.

For example: You will have a map of how to get from your bed to the kitchen to make a drink in the morning. A heart surgeon will have a map of how to successfully replace a persons heart with a new one. Like the surgeon if you have studied you will have mastered a map in your profession. [Read more...]

If a relationship feels wrong is the relationship really the problem?

Many people are ending relationships thinking they know why only to discover months or years later that the reason they felt so bad was totally unrelated to their partner or the relationship. Some discover the discomfort gets worse when they leave for good and some discover the same problems are repeating themselves in their new relationships. 

So why does a person want to leave? If a person is in emotional pain they are focused on one mission, to escape their pain and to feel better. If they have attach their pain to the relationship then they get feelings that tell them to leave.

The question is are they right, is the relationship really the root cause of their pain?

Many people are trying to change how they feel through their environment, the chemicals they put in their body, the way they look, the stuff they buy or they try to change people in their lives. What they discover is none of it really works.

What they are missing is the most profound change only happens when they work on changing themselves. [Read more...]

Every couple is totally unique and so the solution to their problems has to be unique too…

I have been getting letters from my readers wanting more information because the service I offer seems so different.

The answer is the difference is significant I will share two of the many differences today and how my clients are being supported by these differences.

If you have been a reader for a while you will know that education is a key factor because many couples simply don’t have the knowledge of how to be married and how be an effective partner. The second key difference is the couple will work through key steps, milestones designed to lead them to their desired outcome. [Read more...]

How to become a couple for life

In todays post I’m going to give you a skill that’s critical if you want your relationship to work. These days becoming a couple for life is becoming more of a challenge.

Couples are giving up far too early, if they explored the truth in their relationship a significant percentage would learn their relationship could actually be not just saved, but converted into an amazing place of security, love, passion and fun.

Difficult to imagine if you are having a tough time, but it’s possible because I see this change happen right before my eyes as the couple learn how to reconnect.

Couples at the start of their relationships are both doing exactly what works for that couple to have a “success dynamic”. They feel good about themselves when they are with their partner and this is the reason why they are together and can see a wonderful future. [Read more...]

Why suffer when you don’t need to…

Without someone special to share your life with it’s a challenge for many people to feel truly fulfilled. No matter how much wealth, or success a person has, nothing comes close to creating the same feeling of being connected to a person who is equally passionate about your relationship.

Many people who start their relationship with the best of intentions can find themselves in very difficult circumstances, lost, alone, disconnected, misunderstood, with no obvious way to get their relationships back on track.

So couples in this awful place have three choices. [Read more...]

What do you mean?

Meanings are critical part of life, they can lead us to passionate loving connections or to an expensive and messy divorce. So one key part of what I coach couples to understand is the meanings they give to their partners words and actions.

Not understanding this is a major problem for many couples so if your looking for answers this will be key. You see we all create meanings to situations, but most people don’t question the meanings other people are putting to the same situation.

So I remember asking a man in a session to communicate to his partner about their relationship and how he was feeling. I wrote down what he said. I then asked her to tell me what he had just said, so she did… [Read more...]

I could feel anger bubbling within me

When I was growing up I never knew that I needed skills to make my relationships work. It never crossed my mind, I thought that relationships just happened. Two people met fell in love and that was life sorted.

So when problems started to happen for me the message was… “you have to work at it”. Well that message sounded hard to do because I had no idea what that really meant and aren’t relationships supposed to be fun? Good Lord, what was I thinking! Clearly not much back then, but I knew I was getting it wrong…

So when I started my search to discover what would really work I had no idea I was in for such a steep learning curve.

There was so much to learn and as I discovered more I could feel anger bubbling within me, why was I not taught this growing up? After all isn’t falling in love and keeping a relationship alive one of the biggest life skills we all need?

I didn’t know that the way women think was totally different to me. [Read more...]

Why is my marriage failing?

The answer to this question is so important to understand no matter what the outcome. If you want to keep your marriage then naturally you have to understand why it’s failing to fix it.

But did you know that if a marriage fails and why it’s failed is not fully understood then that person should expect problems to follow them.

Look at this awful situation of not knowing why his marriage failed and what it did to this man and his family.

Two years ago I spoke to a gentleman who had divorced his wife and left his family. At the time he felt this was the best decision for him because they had spent so much time in conflict and he felt [Read more...]

Why are women most likely to file for a divorce?

Todays post is not just a warning to men it’s a message to men and women to beware of what’s happening in their own relationships without them knowing.

To be clear both people are 100% responsible for protecting their relationship.

Statistics are clearly showing that over 70% of women are filing for divorce and there are really good reasons for this.

This trend is actually very easy to understand once you know the significant differences between men and women.

The way men work is they like to get rid of their own problems very quickly. They can do this because they are less emotionally connected to their problems.

Women don’t work this way and their problems can have a bigger emotional affect on them. [Read more...]

What if you knew your relationship problems were not your real problems?

So lets look at Jim he has had two serious relationships and both those women cheated on him and now Jim is focused on whether he can ever trust a woman again.

I think most of us would sympathise with Jims situation, but what is the real problem? Trust does seem a logical place to start and overcome.

Jim tries to have another relationship, but after the initial euphoria his mind has automatically gone to protecting him and focuses him on his past problems and lack of success with women.

This focus causes problems for Jim and his new partner, he is naturally focused on protecting himself and she starts to feel untrusted, not good for her.

Neither Jim or his new partner feel good and the relationship starts to suffer. Both Jim and his new partner are focused on his trust problem and trying to solve it.

It won’t be long before real problems start, because Jim doesn’t actually have trust issues.

[Read more...]

What were you thinking?

Here is what I discovered about life that we don’t get taught at any school. Today I’m going to take a deeper look into why so many people struggle with their relationships and lives. This could be what you are looking for…

It’s so easy to do what will make us successful, but it’s also so easy to do what will cause us problems.

You see lots of decisions can put you on a path of success, or failure. The problem is we have been conditioned that if it doesn’t affect us today, then why worry or take action.

The path to success, or not, is created through our philosophies, our thinking.  [Read more...]

One thought that could change your life

One of the reasons I set up this free information about relationship problems was I because many people struggled to know where to put their energy when problems strike their relationships.

I do get messages from my readers saying that my words have helped to save their marriages and for me that is worth every second I spend thinking about what could add value to someone in trouble.

So here is todays thought.

I know that many relationships fail for all the wrong reasons. The people that make life changing decisions are doing so without really understanding what is going on within them. [Read more...]

Interrupting and changing patterns that cause relationship breakdown

In the last post we looked at what really causes relationships to fail and it’s not what most people think. In todays post we will look at the patterns we create that are not designed for creating a life long intimate connection.

If I’m going to help someone to achieve the life and relationship they desire understanding the patterns within them that will sabotage that goal is critical.

The patterns of behaviour that lead people to disaster are automatic within them in other words they are not conscious decisions.

These patterns are designed to protect the person from harm, however the application of the pattern is very sloppy and so the wrong automatic response can be triggered without the person knowing. [Read more...]

What really causes marriages to fail?

I have never shared this before, this information I’m about to share is normally reserved for my “Marriage Breakthrough Program” clients.

 So please take your time and follow this carefully.

Most people think that what causes marriages to fail is affairs, arguments, inability to communicate, stress, negativity, loss of sexual connection, money problems, boredom etc.

What if you knew that this wasn’t true, what if all the problems couples face is not their real problem. Would that now make sense to why so many couples go round and round in circles frustrated at each other. [Read more...]

What is running your mind and your relationship?

The moment I discovered that the secret to life, relationships and money was about alignment of the conscious and sub-conscious mind was the moment that changed my life.

The moment I discovered that the conscious mind was creative and yet is only present 5% of the time and the sub-conscious non-creative brain accounted for a massive 95% of our presence I was shocked.

The sub-conscious brains job is to activate our programming from pre-birth to 7 years old combined with our habits learnt after the age of 7, it’s job is to keep us safe from harm. Imagine our actions today being controlled by what was imprinted by parents, schools etc… [Read more...]

How are successful relationships created?

To become successful at anything in life the key is to master it. To be better at sport we have to practice and practice, to be great at our jobs we have to study and get experience and prove our worth. The more we master our interests the better we become at them.

We all understand this concept, it gets drummed into us from our schools and from our parents.

One of my mentors spoke constantly about studying all aspects of life that were most interesting to me. He taught me to study the things we didn’t study in school, yet to me are the keys to life.

So I decided to study careers, wealth and relationships. I knew if any one of those areas was not working, my life would feel off balance. [Read more...]

Why Doesn’t My Partner Understand Me?

For most couples even the ones with amazing relationships there are times when they misunderstand each other.

For couples in trouble, a lack of understanding can feel like a permanent state as the couple start to feel that life together is hopeless and so they can spend months, even years suffering as they start to believe either my partner doesn’t care, or maybe we are incompatible?

It’s important to understand that not understanding each other is very normal. This is because the  way men and women process their relationship is very different. [Read more...]

Should all relationships be saved?

Shouldn’t a relationship / marriage be full of love, fun, passion and adventure. Shouldn’t it be a place to go to feel secure? Shouldn’t your partner care about how you feel no matter what? Shouldn’t a relationship have an exciting future?

For many this is how it should be, but isn’t how it actually is. They try to make it work, they try to communicate, but for many getting through to their partner can feel hopeless.

They start to feel their partner doesn’t care and so they suffer and suffer until the suffering turns to detachment and they feel so numb and cold towards their partner, they make the decision to leave the relationship. [Read more...]