Your relationship is valuable so please look after it…

I see all relationships as the most valuable part of the human experience and I know those people who have chosen to work with me feel the same.

I know if I were speaking from the children’s perspectives they would give us a very clear message of how valuable it is to have their real mum and a dad in their lives.

When you look at the end of a couples relationship the law has a very clear perspective of how to see the value of your relationship broken down in monetary terms.

But all this focus on the money you will lose doesn’t take into account the emotional impact on all those involved.  If children are part of a couples life the impact a divorce can have on them in later life is far greater than many know (which most parents are not aware of). [Read more...]

Do you know what feelings your partner is attaching to you?

As our relationships progress our partners are attaching feelings to us. This happens automatically without conscious thought.

So if you cast your mind back over the past week? The past month and the last few years what do you think your partner has attached to you and is it what you want them to attach to you?

Some couples experience heightened attachments, such as when a trust is broken. This can create an attachment that stays with that person forever. [Read more...]

Relationship Principles for Success

If you don’t want your partner to attach bad feelings to you then these will help avoid resentment stacking, a major cause of relationship problems. Please don’t just read them, knowledge is only powerful if you actually take action and apply it to your life.

Some of these my seem wrong to you, they are designed very carefully so please feel free to challenge them in the comments below.

  • Relationships are created they don’t just happen.
  • Relationships are built through contributing and meeting your partners core needs.
  • Relationship that focus on contribution (giving) creates the deepest bond as time passes
  • Make sure that you consistently give more of what your partner needs than you get.
  • Whatever you want more of in your relationship give and be more of that.
  • Never make your relationship about you… [Read more...]

I was chatting with Cloé this morning…

I was chatting with Cloé this morning and I was asking her what could I write today that would really help people live successful lives and have better connected relationships.

We are passionate about each other, our lives and what we do. We have such a great time with each other, I really wanted other people my readers to feel the same. Or at least be moving towards those feelings.

You see it was not always this way for me. I was once very lost in the wrong career and with the wrong people around me.

So why is today so different what made that shift for me, that consistently makes a shift for my clients today? [Read more...]

Part two: How to save a marriage from divorce

Welcome to step two in my how to save a marriage from divorce series.

Step two: Save Your Marriage From Divorce

The second step is to help the individuals grasp how by changing focus from loving their partner to protecting themselves from their partner they actually changed the direction of their marriage without knowing.

You see if our focus is consistent in any direction, or belief, it doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, we will create feelings that help us feel our focus is true.

So if you focus on pulling love away for long enough you will lose feelings of love. If you feel your partner is not romantic then you will stop being romantic and so you won’t feel it. If you think you partner doesn’t care you will stop caring about them. [Read more...]

I don’t like who I am when I’m with you

This is a very common complaint for people who are in relationships that are not working. What these people experience is a shift in their identity. Just to magnify their problems in this new identity life will also not feel it the way it should be.

So if life feels it’s not the way it should be and they have lost a sense of themselves life is going to feel very wrong and they are going to want to move away from it.

What’s important is if you are in a relationship and this is happening to you please be aware that you could be drawn into making a life changing decision that’s being influenced by your fears. [Read more...]

I feel detached from my partner, what is happening to me?

Detachment is the process of self protection. The person may feel that over months or years they have not been happy in their relationship. They may feel that their partner does not care about them, is not interested in them, or simply doesn’t love them.

The persons feelings towards their partner will have changed and the relationship can feel wrong to continue. Reconnection for this person can feel impossible and the desire to fix the relationship problems are usually very low.

The person in this situation will have a vision that the past will be a reflection of the future, so it’s painful for them to even consider, all this is normal. [Read more...]

Do you have a marriage you’re proud of?

As your children grow they are learning how life should be from your example. You are showing them through your actions what is normal. You are giving them their first blueprint of what an intimate relationship is like with another human.

So when you think about the relationship you are having with your partner, are you proud of what you are presenting to your children? Are you happy that they may adopt your relationship as their model for success?

If you don’t have children, would you be happy to present your relationship as the model for others to follow? [Read more...]

Marriage Guidance Advice

Marriage guidance advice is about discovering what you don’t know about your marriage that could cause you significant problems either now, or in the future.

For example:

  • If you can’t communicate do you really know why?
  • If the intimacy in your marriage has died, can it ever come back? [Read more...]

Is your marriage this bad?

These are all live cases that came for my help….

Case 1. She decided she wanted to live in the country without him, kids had left home and she couldn’t bear the thought of them spending the rest of their lives together.

Case 2. She thought her husband didn’t love her, he spent all his time away from her doing the bear minimum, he thought the relationship would have to end.

Case 3. He had an affair which resulted in a child, his wife kicked him out. [Read more...]

How To Understand The Opposite Sex

No matter what we do in life, what career we have how much money we earn, unless we have fulfillment in our personal relationships, life can feel very wrong.

It’s knowing that true fulfillment sits in our ability to have a successful personal relationship is what makes such a difference to my clients happiness.

Many people think that money will give them all they need, or adulation from their professional audiences is their key to happiness. [Read more...]

This is NEW and is just for YOU

My life’s’ mission is to help as many people as I can understand how to unravel the complexity of personal relationships.

The challenge I always face is how, I started this FREE relationship building blog which now has over 500 pages of advice designed to prick the curiosity of my readers.

Some readers have written to thank me sharing how giving them hope has shifted their desire to put in more effort and it’s reaped rewards for them.

I also run weekly sessions in Harley Street where couples come looking for me to take them step-by-step to learn how together they do actually have the power and ability to build a successful relationship.

It’s very successful, 95% of couples in my 3 month high intensity program do decide not to divorce. These are figures I’m very proud of. [Read more...]

The marriage advice all men should have

One of the key factors in my quest to help couples rebuild connected passionate relationships is helping them understand that men and women are different.

It’s a fact proven through science, a mans brain and how it works totally is different from a females brain.

This is one of the key factors to why couples struggle to get on and why the differences between the sexes form a huge part of my successful coaching programs.

One of the key factors for the success of my work is when I help the man to breakthrough his own fears in relationship to what she really means when she communicates to him. [Read more...]

How to save a relationship in crisis?

In today’s post I’m going to look a relationships in crisis and what you have to stop focusing on to fix it and what will give you the best chance of discovering the truth in your relationship.

A relationship crisis can happen for many reasons and it’s a hideous place for both people to be in. Full of uncertainty, fears such as rejection, betrayal, loss of love, feeling of not being enough. The couple can feel it’s hopeless as they are powerless to see how they can overcome their problems. Especially if their problems have been present for a while. [Read more...]

Life for us is an adventure it’s about a planned, fun, free, sexy, passionate sometimes crazy life together.

I’m going to do something today that I don’t normally do, I’m going to give you my personal thoughts on life and relationships. I’m going to take off my professional hat and share what I believe is important and what has worked for my wife Cloe and me.

In my personal experience we only have one life, so go for your dreams don’t hold back ever. I personally couldn’t bear to look back at my life and feel that I didn’t give it my best shot.

Cloe shares this view totally, after all what else would you do? Worry you won’t get it? We agree that having a go, is far more important than focusing on the fear of not getting it. [Read more...]

If you punish your partner what do you think will happen within them?

Society teaches us that if someone has done us a wrong we have a right to punish them. We are taught from a very young age that wrongs get punished, parents punish, schools punish, laws are there to punish.

So punishing our partner when they upset us is OK right!? You might want to rethink this one…

The challenge this punishment model provides is this: In our personal relationships it actually creates a destructive effect rather than a positive corrective one. This usually creates the reverse of what the person punishing actually wants.

You see if you punish your partner, their instinctive response will be to run away from you. Even if they don’t physically, there is a good chance they will emotionally. [Read more...]

How important is forgiveness in a relationship?

In my last post I focused your attention to one of the keys to building a healthy successful marriage.

That focus was on the ability to repair the relationship when things go wrong. It is normal for all relationships to have problems, what’s key here is what happens next?

Does the couple resolve the problem and grow closer through understanding, or is a hidden resentment the outcome?

Resentments are powerfully destructive in relationships and so communicating, understanding and forgiving each other is critical for relationship harmony. [Read more...]

Without this skill most will relationships fail…

Yes it’s true, to build a successful relationship a particular skill is needed and if it is missing the survival of the relationship is dramatically challenged.

This skill is important for everyone, because everyone is different and without it couples struggle to feel secure with each other.

Security is critical in a relationship and this skill will help to build that safety.

The relationship needs to flow and feel easy and this skill will help the couple to feel that flow. [Read more...]

Appreciate me for who I am

If you’re in a relationship and you feel that you can’t be you, you won’t feel happy and over time you could start to feel that life doesn’t feel right for you.

Are you the person who has to tread on eggshells, who has to hold on to how they really feel, or who picks and complains, but hates themselves for it?

If you find that you have changed to cope with your relationship then maybe now’s the time to reflect on what you want your life/relationship to be like. [Read more...]

Marriage Tip Five: Understand Why You Are Together?

Will a couple survive if they don’t share a reason to be together? Couples who plan their journey though life and work as a team towards those goals are far more likely to want to stay together because they have a real purpose.

Creating that purpose helps to build a strong lasting intimate connection.

Most couples vision starts with attracting each other, moving in, getting engaged, getting married and having children. The couple excited about life can race through these goals within a few years. [Read more...]