Divorce Lawyers and Clients: A United Front

Rosemary Savage a leading Matrimonial Solicitor with thirty years experience in the field of family law and mediation and senior partner of Hampstead and Welwyn Garden City based law firm, R A Savage & Co explores the benefits of life coaching and relationship break down therapy for those faced with the inevitable psychological effects of family breakdown and separation.

“As family lawyers my colleagues and I are attuned to the fact that divorce is a time of immense stress and anxiety for those persons concerned. When faced with the turmoil and reality of separation and consequential family breakdown it often becomes apparent when a client displays the characteristics of feeling that they are losing their sense of personal identity. Clients find themselves battling the feeling of insecurity about their future and whether they will ever feel able to move on with their lives and form new relationships.

In some cases, coupled with such anxieties is the feeling of stress with having to engage with lawyers and the court process which is a daunting experience whatever a persons circumstances.

Resolution the national organisation of family lawyers of which my colleagues and I are members is committed to the constructive resolution of family disputes, and describes divorce and separation as being on the life events scale ranking above imprisonment,
retirement, redundancy and only just below the death of spouse.

When conducting a client’s case it can often initially be difficult to take instructions and advise as they will often be encountering the feeling of bereavement as a reaction to changes and the loss of either a partner and/or contact with their child/children.

When met with a client challenged by the emotional turmoil of family breakdown lawyers often have to consider whether a client is ready and/or in the right frame of mind to pursue legal proceedings or alternatively whether first of all it may be more appropriate
for a client to seek the aid of medical advice offered by their respective GP and/or counselling, life coaching, relationship breakdown therapy. The decision as to this is of course that of the client but in my experience such assistance can be invaluable and helps make the process much more manageable for the client with long term benefits.

We all at R A Savage & Co have witnessed first hand those clients who have defeated their past psychological barriers as a result of having sought the aid of life coaching and relationship breakdown therapy in particular.

I cannot emphasise enough the importance of lawyers consciously exploring whether there is a need for such aids in all cases and I echo the following words from Resolution;”

“To be professional is not to, as Lawyers deny our own emotional reactions exist but rather to understand them and deal with them in such a way that our reaction with, and advice given to, our clients remains objective, constructive and truly in the client’s best
interest”.
Rosemary A Savage LL B
Proprietor of R A Savage & Co Solicitors

www.rasavage.co.uk

Next Year Has To Be Better

As we end another year and head into 2011. I have a question for you? What will make the difference for you? If you could change just 3 things what would you change and why?

What would make the biggest difference in your life if just 3 things were to be just the way you want them to be? Take a moment to reflect on what changes you really want to make.

Most people start a new year with a resolution or two that quickly fade mainly because what they promise to themselves they don’t want enough.

If you really want to make changes in your life;

  • What change do you need to make?
  • Is the change possible?
  • How will you know if the change has happened?
  • Why do you need to make the change?
  • If you make the change what will you get?
  • If you make the change what will you lose?
  • Do you have the resources to make the change possible?
  • If not when will you get the resources to enable the change?
  • If you don’t make the changes how will your life be in 1, 2 or 5 years time?

Give yourself good enough reasons to make changes happen and you will get all you desire.

Never settle for a mediocre life, a life rich with all you desire can be yours, all you have to do is be fearless in your quest to attract all that life has waiting for you.

What you get is up to you!

How To Regain & Build Trust In A Relationship

One of the biggest challenges any couple is crisis faces is how to regain trust in a relationship. The couple have spent so many years practicing how to not trust their partner they can use just their partners presence as a direct anchor to pain which can set them both up to fail without knowing.

This is not something they do on purpose to be difficult it’s an automatic response where just the sight of their partner can generate a fear response deep inside them.

Trust becomes impossible

If both people in the couple are doing this the consequences can be devastating for the relationship, because they can both go in to places of fear which creates a shut down in their ability to positively grow the relationship.

In this place the woman can become aggressive, masculine and seemingly unreasonable to the man. The man can either run physically or mentally or he may bully his partner so he can win the argument.

So in real terms whilst the couple have a strong desire to fix any problems they may have, the powerful combination of visual, auditory and emotional anchors to their partner causing them pain, can trigger a total inability to be reasonable, to listen, or to see the world from their partner perspective and all they can see is trouble no matter what their partner says.

Empathy and heartfelt understanding is critical for any couple wanting a resolution to their problems and specifically to build and regain trust again, but from a place of fear it’s impossible.

The longer these anchors to pain go on the more powerful they become and the more impossible the couple find getting to any kind of resolution.

How to regain trust in a relationship

The goal is to help the couple collapse these triggers so they can no longer see their partner as a the route of their pain. When they do this they both can then go to a place which is less fearful and out of control and from here trust can be rebuilt.

When the individuals discovers how to take control of their own emotions and behaviours they become stronger and in a far better place to enable a positive contribution to each others growth and success.

If this is where you are please get in touch today.