We Build Walls Of Protection Around Us When Marital Problems Strike But Does It Work?

May 10, 2013 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

Building a protective wall around us when emotional challenges strike in a marriage is a fairly normal process. The goal is usually to create security for that individual because life is not the way it should be.

He doesn’t care, she’s always negative, he never listens, she is aggressive and cold…

The question is, does this emotional wall work to create the security the person is after?

In the short-term the person can feel relief because when they shut down they can numb the pain they are experiencing.

The challenge the wall creates is it builds a 2 way block, the person will block out the pain, but they will also block out what they really need to be happy. This creates real problems for any marriage because it heads them to loss of respect and the end of the marriage.

For example:

[I have used a female in this example, but males will do their version of this too.]

If a female has tried and tried to get through to her husband and failed, she will stack her resentments towards him and eventually feel that she has no choice, but to create her own strength because he is not there for her in the way she needs.

It’s like she puts on a suit of armor so he can no longer hurt her. [Read more...]

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“Does he know how you really feel…?”

May 7, 2012 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

Many men in my sessions are surprised to discover that their partners do not communicate a large percentage of what they really feel.

Many women hold back their true feelings to protect their relationship. They know that if they communicated how they really felt their partners would not cope. These women may have usually tried communicating in the past, but their partners used emotional responses such as anger, frustration, escape to rebalance the situation. [Read more...]

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Better Relationships can only Start with a Better More Confident You!

March 6, 2012 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

I’m sure you will agree that if a couple wants to rebuild their relationship fear is not the best emotional state to start that growth.

Couples that have been in trouble for a while usually have two people in fear trying to fix their relationship wondering why whatever they do never works.

Understanding you is a critical part of understanding your relationship and how it works. I know when couples enter into work with me that I have to quickly help the individuals understand how they have been trying to feel good in the relationship and why it is has been counterproductive. [Read more...]

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Releasing The Power That Creates Change in Your Life

February 28, 2012 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

Everyone has the power to create change. Change is possible if the person understands how to move from a reactive state of mind to a pro-active state of mind.

Pro-active states will put the person back in control of their life moving them with confidence towards what they want.

A reactive state in contrast will be the person trying to move away from what they don’t want. Unfortunately to move away from what they don’t want they have to be focused on it. This constant focus on the negative aspect of their life keeps the person stuck attached to their fear. [Read more...]

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Marriage & Sex: A Stranger had Woken the Passion in Her and it Shocked Her!

February 12, 2012 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

When we look at all the critical elements that relationships need, SEX is pretty high on the list. Sex can also be really challenging because the balance needed to create it and maintain it in relationship is very specific. Most couples are unaware of this balance and so problems begin to appear without them knowing.

Without sex any relationship is relegated to the status of friends, this status in the relationship will cause resentment on some level that can ultimately kill their relationship.

As you read through this post you will start to discover the biggest cause of sexual problems in relationships.

Lack of sex in a relationship is a major cause of relationship break ups! So if this is a problem for you and you want to keep your relationship you have to know two key things. [Read more...]

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Signs of an Amazing Man!

February 10, 2012 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

For all couples that come to me for help there seems to be a confusion surrounding the roles of men and women in relationships.

Of course it’s not for me to tell couples what to do and how to live their lives, but there are some core behaviours that when in place make a significant difference.

One of the most successful behaviours is helping the man to feel like he is the security in the relationship. Women want this and so do the men. But their is confusion as to what secuity actually means and this causes problems. For example: Many men see their role is to create money and this is the fix for creating security.  The money makes him feel like a man.

Whilst on some level this is true, the money is a security it’s actually a weak substitute for what she really wants.

Some men feel that because he told her he loved her last year, she should know he does. He says, “you know I love you don’t you!?”

You see his version of security and hers is totally different. This is why problems are so common.

One of the things she wants is this: At the point she is in emotional pain and fearful of the future she can turn to him for love and certainty in the way she wants.

Most men struggle with this because of the way she presents her pain, this could be shouting, moaning, pulling love away.

In reaction to this men get upset. In other words become emotional. At the moment he does this she sees his fear and she has to get strong to look her and some women end up looking after him.

This creates fear for her because now she is the strength in the relationship and this disconnects her and so their intimacy dies.

When I ask men to love her through the pain she is in [I teach men how to do this – there is a specific way it needs to be done] his normal reaction is to ask, so what her role? What is she going to do for me?

He has now shown me that he wants to create a trade. Trading in relationships is guaranteed to kill intimacy the last thing he wants.

The sign of an amazing man in a relationship is one that does not feel the need to judge his partners reactions, what he focuses on is the pain she is in and he loves her through her pain thus becoming her security.

What this does is ignites the energy back into the relationship. She feels safe to become herself again and her desire to give to her man becomes massive and automatic.

BUT to give, especially intimately she has to feel safe. When a man becomes this security for her, he becomes that amazing man she saw in him when they first met.

The man she always hoped he would be!

Filed Under: Relationship Advice For Him Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Relationship Education: How Important Is It To Your Life?

November 7, 2011 By Stephen Hedger 2 Comments

Building a successful relationships is a skill just like any other. What’s unique about relationships is  you are lured into a false sence of security. The passion early in a relationship helps the couple to feel artificially successful really fast with no training.

With no relationship training you still feel skilled because you feel the love the passion, it happens automatically, until one day it goes and that day always comes!

So if we don’t have to be trained and skilled to start our relationships then why would we need to learn skills to keep them, that should be automatic too… RIGHT!? … WRONG!!! This is the biggest error couples make…

How do we normally become skilled?: Skills are usually gained through training of some kind, and through repetitive actions over years. People become skillful even masterful when they research and understand their chosen skill.

So if all this is true why is it we spend so much time educating ourselves to get the skills to get the jobs we want and we spend NO time learning how to have successful relationships, then with this total lack of training we then decide we are qualified to guide children to have wonderful lives and relationships.

Why is it so important to learn how to get amazing jobs, yet not important to learn the impact of wrongly committing to a person for life with no training or relationship skills?

You wouldn’t trust a Doctor who has had little to no training with your life would you? So why would you trust yourself or someone else with the best years of your life. After all you only get one.

Does this make logical sence to you?

Think about a Wedding day.

A massive amount of time, energy and money is spent on making one day amazing and little to no money time or energy is put into understanding how to make that relationship not only last but remain passionate.

Don’t you think the world is wired wrong when it come to relationships?

I wonder how our relationships would look if we be spent that £15,500 (Average cost of a wedding in 2011) on understanding how to create an amazing lasting and passionate relationship instead of blowing it on just one perfect day?

After all the cost of getting it wrong is massive not just in monetary terms, but also in the cost to our families and our children.

Humans, we think we are smart, but how can that be true. The proof is all around us we are doing something wrong, the divorce rate is high, many of those that are still in relationships are dissatisfied, many quickly becoming passionless stale relationships. Only a small percentage are really happy behind closed doors regardless of what they seem to present to the world.

Relationship Education How Important Is It?

It’s critical… This is how and why my success rate with those that want to learn is really high.

  • How does a man really know how a woman thinks and what she needs if he has never been taught.
  • How does a woman know how a man thinks? She cannot because she has never been one.

Simple pieces of education if missed can destroy a relationship over time through fears.

What is it that really created that fire of passion when you both first met, and why has it gone today? Do you really know?

What does a man have to do when his wife has complained at him for years and his sex life disappeared over night, and is now she is quiet and depressed what can he do to help her?

  • Why can men choose to work such long hours?
  • Why do men ignore their partners?
  • Why won’t he talk to his wife?
  • Why does she get so upset at nothing?
  • Why is she so difficult to please?
  • Why does she upset why he tried to help her?

You see anyone can have a wonderful relationship when all is going well, but it’s when it goes wrong is when a relationship either grows or dies. If you knew just the fundamental differences between sexes you would be rushing to discover these critical truths and more.

What’s at risk for YOU if a split happens is huge!

  • Your time: You can never get time back
  • Your money: Get it wrong you will lose more than you think
  • Your children do suffer: They seem to cope, but they are affected into adult life.
  • New relationships suffer: Unless the individual knows why their previous relationship failed they will repeat the patterns again and again.
  • Making do: People end up making do with any partner and live passionless lives.
  • Relationships become too painful: So they live their days alone, missing out on the love they could have had if only they had searched for the truth, their truth.

How can you create a future that is secure if you don’t have the skills to create it? I welcome your comments below.






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What Are Your Relationship Patterns?

September 11, 2011 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

We all have patterns of behaviour, these are our habitual patterns of behaviour that come up automatically to cope with our lives.

These patterns are learnt and are our core mechanism to keep us safe. However if they are out of date they could be destroying your life without you knowing.

If you are having problems could destructive patterns be the root cause?

  • Are you aware of yours?
  • Are you aware of your partners?
  • Do you notice patterns in your relationship?
  • Do you notice patterns in your current relationship that are similar to other relationships you have had?
  • Can you or your partner see patterns in each other that reflect your parents relationship behaviours.

Do you feel there are destructive patterns in your relationship or within you?

You see the patterns you have learnt growing up may not be supporting your growth in your life or work,or relationships. The reality of this will be reflected in your life today. If you feel stuck in your life, maybe in a job or in an unhappy relationship you might be running patterns to keep you here or fuel the problem.

For example:

The first pattern to look for is your core driver: It might be to create security, it might be to feel important, it might be to feel love.

Your core driver will create behaviours that reflects your core need. For example as a child a boy might use significance to get what he needs, he might use it to get love from his mother. So he may have become a great student, or be funny to please her, or become naughty because at least it gets her attention.

So as an adult he may run the same pattern, by thinking that if he does an amazing job at work his wife should see him as wonderful just like mum did. However he becomes confused when he doesn’t get the love he expects back.

In fact he feels her pulling away. Just doing a good job at work does not meet her emotional needs and so she becomes distant, or gets upset. In response he becomes angry at her lack of appreciation at how hard he works.

His behaviours to her feel selfish and immature and needy.

If he discovered how significant he could become by understanding what she really needs then they would both be successful through his behaviour and he wold feel happy and successful again and more masculine.

Another example:

A woman could have a desire for certainty, what she learns without knowing is that she can get love through depression. Every time she is feeling well everyone gets on with their lives and she feels lost and alone. When she becomes depressed everyone pays her attention and loves her.

Even though she hates becoming depressed she is certain she can do it and so becomes stuck because it actually meets her core needs, but in destructive ways for her and those she loved.

If she discovers there are ways she can be certain of love through giving she will open up a free and lighter world.

Your patterns?

  • What do you do to meet your needs?
  • What does your partner do to meet their needs?
  • What do you do when you are unhappy?
  • What does your partner do when they are unhappy?
  • What do you do when you feel fearful?
  • What does your partner do when they feel fearful?

Do these behaviours create love, growth and a rich life, or do they cause unhappiness, resentment and a lack of respect?

We all have positive intentions to meet our needs when we act, it just maybe that the behaviours are out of date and are likely to hurt those you say you love.

Including yourself

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No.1 Relationship Tip For Men

August 23, 2011 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

Many men come in to sessions with a great head for business and more than a little lost when it comes to relationships. Some men come in hurt at how their partners have treated them, some come looking for fairness, some come looking for security, love some come wanting consistency from her.

In business the one thing that makes a business great is knowing your customer. If you know your customer, how they think what they want, and what will help them to feel in the right place to buy from you then chances are, you will win.

In relationships why not make understand your wife or girlfriend your mission too, she is far more important than any job?

No.1 Relationship Tip For Men: Don’t speak, make loving eye contact with her and just listen.

Make it your mission to understand her, listen to her without speaking. Initially ask her for whats been troubling her and then shut up and let her speak.

Your mission is to understand what you could do that would help her feel great about herself. The way she thinks and speaks is very different to you so take your time to listen to what she really means when she speaks. If she is quiet the chances are she’s not happy.

Get present with her eye-to-eye contact and get to know her again.

Most important is to take your mind off what you are getting and focus on what she needs and do this consistently.

If she gets upset love her through it, and make firm commitments, such as I will always love you, I will love you forever, I will never let you go.

She needs to know she is safe to have a relationship for life with you.

If she gets upset and calls you names don’t runaway she will see you as a boy and that means your sex life will go. If she gets upset don’t argue or defend, she will see another female within you and that mean your sex life will go.

If you fail this too many times she might go…


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Relationship Coaching Sessions: Why Is Love The Answer?

April 18, 2011 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

One of the first things a couple has to understand, is that the answer to their relationship problems is in the love they have to give each other.

What couples usually do is pull their love away when their partner does something wrong.

So in the relationship sessions the couple go through a process of understanding the importance of living by what they believe is important. Not only does pulling love away not create love, but it also creates a destructive conflict within the individual who is pulling away.

The result is a double hit of internal problems for the individual pulling away. They experince a lack of love from their partner and the inability to trust themselves to live by their own values and beliefs. This serves to further create feelings of a heightened lack of security, this feels worse and so the result is usually more punishment all round as their state deteriorates.

The sessions are designed to help the couple understand how to create the right versions of themselves. The version they will have created is one of fear that life was not going to be the way it should be for them. This is the version that is designed for destruction, and is very different from the version they used to attract each other. [Read more...]

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Why & How Do We Get Stuck in Destructive Life Patterns?

March 8, 2011 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

The answer is because we are not aware we have created them, and those that are affected end up with an illusion of truth that only creates misery or poor quality lives, lives that have no purpose or fulfillment… This is important to know because it could be happening to you, or someone you love…

Have you ever felt stuck in your life? No matter what you do, did you end up feeling bad, or you feel that something is wrong, but you don’t know how to change it, is this happening to you?

Have you ever thought that the reason you are stuck is because you get some thing good from being in this stuck place. Maybe you have a partner friend or family member who is also stuck.

  • Please note that everyone that is stuck gets something good from being stuck, that’s why they are still there. [Read more...]
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Relationship Master Skill SIX of SEVEN

February 20, 2011 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

Master Skill Six is critical and it is probably the most consistently under used skill that couples need to master fast if their relationship is to stand a chance.

I want you to first imagine two children a boy (Andrew) and a girl (Sarah), in the future they are destined to meet, fall in love and get married.

BUT their journey to the point of meeting was a very different experience.

Andrew was brought up in a family that was full of anger and resentment. His father was submissive, he worked hard as a carpenter, but at home Andrews mother was the strong one and ruled the  family. It was a very strict environment

Sarah had a very different childhood, her parents were loving giving and they focused all their time on traveling as much as they could with their children even at a young age. Freedom, love and peace was their focus. [Read more...]

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A Moment In Time Causes Destruction

December 17, 2010 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

I have many clients come to me with what seems like very confusing problems. They seem to have it all, yet they also seem hell bent on destroying their lives and marriages, but they tell me they no longer want to life to be this way, but still carry on.

To them what they are doing seems normal, but to the outside world everyone can see the pain they are causing themselves and those they say they love.

Maybe you or your partner are experiencing this very thing.

There is of course many reasons why this can happen, but the over riding reason is because the individual does not feel safe and is running a pattern that they have learnt that will give them security again.

This is why victims of abuse struggle so much in later years. Every time they feel unsafe they run the patterns that were designed to cope with a moment in time.

The problem is that very often the pattern they run is out dated.

What’s critical to know is what you or your partner is attempting to get to. It could be love or security.

But they could be trying to get to it through anger, depression, running away, or a contradiction of other core values such as respect or honesty.

All these are responses to a fear that feels very real to them.

A decision about what patterns we use to live our lives usually happen naturally, but when situations are perceived as threatening in some way, it’s this high level of emotion that creates a need to feel safe again fast.

A pattern will be created at this point to cope and be brought into play whenever life creates a situation that feels similar.

In reality what this means is an adult can behave like a child when they don’t feel safe as they run an old pattern to get back to safety or love.
The problem is this old outdated pattern will not work no matter how many times they run the pattern. But because they were not consciously aware they created this pattern, they feel that what they are doing is normal so they relentlessly run the pattern over and over again, slowly destroying everything including themselves.

They can become depressed, angry, guilty, blame others, run away, overly control and behave in many more destructive ways..

Is this happening to you, do others keep telling you to stop what you are doing, but to you it feels normal?

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How To Cope With An Insecure Partner

August 31, 2010 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

If you have a partner that feels insecure for any reason then your mission is to find out the route cause and support them through it, without judgement or resentment.

Getting fed-up with your partner or punishing them will never help, because all you will get is more insecurity as they feel you moving further away from them emotionally.

They may become so insecure that they cannot bear the relationship any longer and so they will end it just to stop their own pain so be careful how you handle them.

Relationships that don’t work are 50/50 relationships because these relationship are conditional, on your partner always doing something for you and whilst they are insecure this will be a struggle for them.

Unconditional relationship

What works best is an unconditional relationship, because you are the strong one at this time it is up to you to take control and 100% responsibility for the relationship to make this right in their time of weakness.

If you feel that you cannot offer this unconditional love to your partner then maybe you are a contributor to why they feel a lack of security with you. A lack of  ability to offer a partner unconditional love is driven by a fear within that person.

Your job is to help you partner feel secure every day so ask them what needs to happen so they feel secure and do not judge them, or their answers, because one day you maybe the weak one needing help.

We may not always understand what our partners are going through, so we must respect them at all times, and help them through what may seem ridiculous or irrational to us.

If I please my partner I will hurt myself

If you feel that your partners requests to help them feel secure compromise your own values then it’s possible that professional help maybe needed to help you both.

But again you can seek help yourself so you understand what they are going through and what behaviours you can generate that will support their recovery.

Understand this, the lack of security they might feel is not an attack on you, it is an automatic response mechanism within them designed to protect them from harm and is usually not rational.

So understand that the underlying intention is not to hurt or disrespect you. It is easy to feel that you are not trusted, and as trust is the foundation of your relationship and it’s a hard one to hear if you don’t understand where within them it’s coming from.

  • If you are in this situation and are stuck with what to do,
    please get in contact today please: Click Here.
Filed Under: Relationship Fears Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

How To Know Who Is Right For You?

July 18, 2010 By Stephen Hedger 1 Comment

When I was considering this post I remember a young lady who came to me with this very problem. She told me that she really liked this man she was seeing, but she could not seem to get passed that fact he was from what she considered to be a lower social class.

He was also on a lower-income than she was used to, but she was torn because she said she had feeling of love for him, but was considering ending the relationship due to his financial potential.

This was an interesting dilemma, because she had the eyes and pressure of her family and social circle on her, combined with a confusion over her values for what created a successful relationship.

For her and her family money meant security and she knew she wanted security from the relationship. But what she missed was money would never buy her the security she really needed to have a successful relationship. What she needed was love, trust, adventure, passion, a common goal, someone who was committed to her happiness every day. Money couldn’t buy this ever, all money could do was buy things. So she began to understand that a true love was far more valuable than any amount of money.

I had to help her understand how her current understanding of values were stopping her achieving the relationship she really wanted. For example any relationship can come under financial pressure no matter how wealthy you are.

So if a person always has to have security before they will allow themselves permission to love, then the love will always be conditional. A conditional love will always be one that lacks passion, freedom and honesty.

So if you have any doubts about what you need, or about your relationship discover if love is the top value in your relationship, because if it’s not then it needs to change before your relationship can be the one you really dreamed of.

For a relationship to be the right one for you, LOVE has to be the top value you both share.

What comes next is, how can that love grow and last, that question is very individual, but know this, if you don’t discover what you both need the relationship will die.

So feed your relationship the food it needs everyday, when you both commit to doing this, then you know you are in the right relationship.

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Men Are Killing Their Own Sex Lives Without Knowing!

July 15, 2010 By Stephen Hedger 1 Comment

I am calling on all men to stand-up and be a man fast!

If you don’t, you can kiss goodbye to your sex life today!

Why am I saying this? Because men all over the world are confused, and this confusion is destroying their relationships. Whilst the men are trying to workout what’s going on in their relationships the women feel they have no choice, but to take control.

Here’s the thing, your wife or girlfriend wants you to be the man in your relationship. She won’t tell you this directly, but if you do not prove to her you are strong enough to look after her emotional needs then she will have no choice, but to become the man in your relationship, and she will not be happy about that.

She wants you to be the man

Why? Because she wants to be the beautiful desirable woman not the man. She will struggle with being both, but survival always comes first for her, especially if she has children. So if she feels the man is weak, she will worry and so passion will always be the last thing on her mind.

In today’s society you can see women having to get tough everywhere and in all so-called social classes. Single mums for example have to get tough to survive and if they live too long in this masculine roll they get stuck there, afraid to let go.

Then what happens is her masculine persona is in need of balance, and so without knowing she automatically attracts a weaker man. What she really needs is a man stronger than her so she can revert back to being the woman she really wants to be.

But she will not do that unless she is 1000% sure she can trust him to be that man for her, and she may avoid stronger men fearful of losing the control that kept her safe.

Women who are in top jobs experience the same problem, because they have to survive in a masculine world and so they have to act like men that look like women. Tough women love the power they have, but secretly they also long for a strong man.

The hen-pecked husband

Another victim is the hen-pecked husband. How does this happen? What men know and what many women won’t believe is this.

All men want to do is please her. If he discovers he cannot please her he will either leave or stay with her, but give up trying. So if women never show their partners they are pleased with what they do, or they are too controlling, negative, or overly critical, the man will start to compromise himself to try to please her.

She will then feel insecure with him and so she may cause massive rows that to a man make no sense. But her message to him is clear. You are putting this relationship at risk if you cannot even stand up to me, a woman, and prove to me everything will be OK.

She sees his behaviour as a lack of strength, and so her respect for him will start to diminish and so the beaten man gets weaker and weaker and she ends up loving him like a child. Telling him off and putting him down. It does not take a rocket scientist to know their sex life is going to be a dead one.

So men, the lesson is clear.

She needs the strength of a real man, one she can depend on no matter what happens. A man who will always be there for her, forever. When she feels this security from him only then will she let go and become the feminine woman, very happy to help him  become the man you both can enjoy.

Become who you are designed to be, and watch your relationship and passion come alive. Live in the wrong versions of yourself and expect pain misery, and that‘s right! Zero passion.

Filed Under: Relationship Advice For Him Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Why Women Take So Long To Get Ready To Go Out

July 14, 2010 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

Women take forever to get ready for everything and frustrated men spend hours of their lives pacing, waiting for them to emerge. Is there a possibility that the men fuel the wait? Relationship coach explains what happens and why.

Have you ever noticed that when your wife/girlfriend is getting ready to go out with you, she will change into many outfits trying to get the look just perfect.

You know that she always looks great, but every time she asks your opinion, no matter what you say she nearly always changes outfits and combinations and colours, bags and shoes, hair up or down. Too much flesh or not enough.

Whilst the combination to the perfect outfit is being deciphered you know you’re going to be late. You can feel yourself becoming agitated and even though she knows this, she still keeps changing more and more.

The changing becomes accelerated the more you say you like it and the later you become.

So! What starts off as a fun evening out is now a night filled with tension.

Here is the deal guys: It’s your behaviour that made her late and I’ll tell you why.

What she looks like is not the key to speeding things along. What’s important to her is how she feels about how she looks, that is the secret.

So if she asks you what looks better the red shoes, or the black ones? If you tell her the red ones are the best, you are slowing her down, or if you say the black ones are best you are still slowing her down.

Confused!? This is why… This is your lesson gentlemen!

By making a choice of just red or black, does not help her to feel anything. She has to feel some thing good before she can make a decision and so she starts to feel confused.

Confusion helps her to feel worse, combined with thoughts that you don‘t care about how she looks. This is proved by your lack of interest and anger at her for wanting to look beautiful for you. So maybe this could be an underlying  relationship problem. Now she’s really driven to look really amazing which is going to take much longer for her to achieve.

Do you see what you did…! You put the foundations of the relationship into question.

Here is what you should have said: But take your time and have a really good look, she will notice if your attention is not on her.

  • “The red ones are best because they make your legs look a lovely shape and that really shows off your figure.”

Or

  • “I love you in the red shoes because it reminds me of our second date in Oxford.”

Or

  • “I have always loved your legs and the red ones make them look amazing because they look so long and sexy!”

NOW She knows that she has your total attention, and now she trusts that you love her enough to want her to feel good about herself. You share in her priority which is to look and feel good. Now she can relax knowing that she has achieved what she wants and she has feeling of security with you too.

Remember she would rather turn up late looking amazing than on time feeling that she looks a wreck. In fact if she doesn’t feel good about herself, then she may not go out at all, because her evening would make her feel awful about herself and a whole evening of that is far too painful to entertain.

The word “because” is a powerful word for her here and the evening is likely to be now one that you’ll love too, because now she feels slim and sexy and she has attached those feeling to you.

This simple lesson is the secret key to your woman. Understand what she wants to feel and then help her to feel that.

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Why relationships go bad

June 29, 2010 By Stephen Hedger Leave a Comment

If your relationship has gone bad then something has changed.

One of the most likely reasons is the relationship has stopped growing.

To grow your relationship you have to have exciting compelling goals together. When you first met you and your partner had goals to see each other, goals to learn more about each other, goals to get them to like you. Goals to have passionate weekends away, goals to live together, goals buy a house, goals to get married goals to have children.

In the early days with a life so full of goals you both felt so close and alive and so you wanted the next adventure together.

What happens in most relationships is the goals die. Life takes over work, friends, hobbies, children and money become the new goals and the relationship gets left out.

When the goals die the relationship dies, the couple struggle to see the point of being together although they may stay together longer if they have better financial security together than apart.

If this happen then on top of a dead relationship come resentment and a lack of respect for each other.

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