Building a protective wall around us when emotional challenges strike in a marriage is a fairly normal process. The goal is usually to create security for that individual because life is not the way it should be.
He doesn’t care, she’s always negative, he never listens, she is aggressive and cold…
The question is, does this emotional wall work to create the security the person is after?
In the short-term the person can feel relief because when they shut down they can numb the pain they are experiencing.
The challenge the wall creates is it builds a 2 way block, the person will block out the pain, but they will also block out what they really need to be happy. This creates real problems for any marriage because it heads them to loss of respect and the end of the marriage.
[I have used a female in this example, but males will do their version of this too.]
If a female has tried and tried to get through to her husband and failed, she will stack her resentments towards him and eventually feel that she has no choice, but to create her own strength because he is not there for her in the way she needs.
It’s like she puts on a suit of armor so he can no longer hurt her. [Read more...]