Vulnerability is it a Strength or a Weakness?

Today I’m going to talk about vulnerability. For many this word equals weakness, but if understood could it really free a persons life and become their biggest source of strength?

Many people will do all they can to avoid being vulnerable and the way they achieve this is by creating a self-inflicted numbness within themselves.

So if a person is feeling vulnerable in a relationship they will find a way to numb themselves so they can avoid the emotional pain of feeling vulnerable.

We see vulnerability avoidance in a relationship when two people love each other and they are both fearful of saying it first. We see vulnerability avoidance when a person wants sex, but is fearful of being rejected. We seen vulnerability avoidance in those not wanting a new relationship after a painful break-up. It’s all around us being practised every day. [Read more...]

The Warrior & The Princess

When the warrior first meets and falls for the princess he marvels at her beauty, he stands by her side looking after her, protecting her and loving her. Full of his love the princess connects with his powerful presence, his honestly and his strength for her. 

She looks into his eyes and sees the future clearly, a wonderful life is possible with a warrior like this she feels. She knows this man loves her and she can see he will become a great man, so her future looks full and secure.

So the princess gives herself to the warrior and they agree to spend their life together. Every day the warrior goes into battle, his mission to protect his family.

She loves and nurtures her new family and she is absorbed with her new role, she is no longer just a princess she is now a mother and lover too. [Read more...]

If you punish your partner what do you think will happen within them?

Society teaches us that if someone has done us a wrong we have a right to punish them. We are taught from a very young age that wrongs get punished, parents punish, schools punish, laws are there to punish.

So punishing our partner when they upset us is OK right!? You might want to rethink this one…

The challenge this punishment model provides is this: In our personal relationships it actually creates a destructive effect rather than a positive corrective one. This usually creates the reverse of what the person punishing actually wants.

You see if you punish your partner, their instinctive response will be to run away from you. Even if they don’t physically, there is a good chance they will emotionally. [Read more...]

Lack of Understanding Cripples Couples!

The reason so many couples struggle is because they really don’t understand each other. If this goes on for long enough what they start to feel is fear/emotional pain, they feel alone and unsupported. The worst place to feel lonely is in a relationship.

Fear then becomes the filter of experience for that person. So when their partner communicates what they hear is very different from their partners’ original intention. In essence they are searching for problems as their partner communicates to them. Anyone can at this point find problems with the most innocent of comments. [Read more...]

She wants to be understood

No matter if you’re dating, or you have been together for years being understood is one of her biggest needs. If she feels he doesn’t understand her, this can scare her, it can help her to feel lonely, unloved, uncertain and that she doesn’t matter to him.

If it goes on for long enough she can feel numb and detached from herself and him in the relationship.

She will know she has changed and will feel he has too. [Read more...]

Does divorce seem like the only option?

If we divorce are we making a mistake? If your relationship has been dead for years’ maybe it has been dead for a reason. You see some couples are just not meant to be together.

  • Many people assume that my mission is to fix all couples relationships… it’s not, there is no point in just one person being happy in a relationship!

My mission is to help individuals create successful fulfilling lives in the way they want. Not being together might be the right decision. Maybe they will be happier apart… [Read more...]

Could This Be Happening To You?

From time to time we can all have doubts that knock our confidence and this is normal. Sometimes our confidence can become so knocked that rebuilding our strength in our ability to create a wonderful future can feel almost impossible. Impossible to the point we feel stuck, paralysed in a life that can just feel wrong.

I want to share a true story of how someone can create an unwinnable life that keeps them paralyzed. So stuck they came to me for help…

This may not reflect what is specifically happening to you. What is important is you know if you are feeling challenged by life there are answers for you.

This lady was totally unaware of what was happening for her, but what she did know was her behaviours were destroying her life. [Read more...]

Problem Solving Skills – Creative Problem Solving For Life Challenges

Wouldn’t it be great, if we never had any problems again?

The reality is not all problems are bad, we need problems to motivate us to action, what’s bad is the way in which we view our problems that keep us stuck, for some they remain stuck for years sometimes for life. What’s needed is effective problem solving skills.

My problem seems impossibe to solve…

You see when individuals come to me for help usually what happened is they have been seeing their problems from only one perspective. That perspective is usually one which makes solving the problem impossible.

For example: Many people are trying to control their outside world so they can feel ok, but the more they try this, the more out of control they feel, because people either reject them, or move away from them. [Read more...]

She Hadn’t Seen Her Children For Years – “Fear had me paralyzed!”

This lady was very stuck, so stuck her own fears were stopping her fighting to see her own children. Now years had passed and her fear had grown.

To help her I knew I had to help her see her problem differently, in a way which would dissolve her fears and put her back in control of what she could control – her own actions!

After years she has now made contact with her daughter, a wonderful gift at the start of 2012

These are her words….

Life Coaching with Stephen Hedger:

Testimonial from an Anonymous Mother in a Foreign Land

How do I express the extent and depth of Stephen’s capabilities in assisting with the reversal of destroyed relationships?

I’m not talking about marriage in this case. I’m talking about myself as a mother agonizing for years over the estrangement of my young-adult children.  Fear had me paralyzed.  Lack of insight and wisdom had me continually groping while remaining hopeless and buried in on-going anguish.

When Stephen started working with me recently, he began by asking simple yet telling questions that, answered thoroughly and honestly, would probe the depths of my pain and shame.  I decided to answer thoroughly and honestly.

Stephen went right to work.  He delved into letting me know what life has been like for my children, what goes on in their minds, what is at stake and how I need to respond.  I have wondered more than once if he’s psychic.  Uncanny.

This relationship work is hard.  It takes so much courage.  But it is no longer impossible and hopeless.  There is ground being gained and the first signs of hope and relief have appeared.  I still walk in fear, yet it is being steadily replaced with determination and empowerment and positive, effective thinking and action.

For the first time I believe strongly that I will get my children back, that they will eventually be healed and whole.

Thank you, Stephen, for going through the fire with me and holding my hand throughout.  It takes so much fortitude, courage, vision and generosity of spirit to do what you do.  You are saving lives by diving in where it is most dark and dreary and then somehow bringing forth light, strength and belief.

You bring smokescreens to the surface and expose them for what they are.  You get to the heart of the pain and provide a platform from which to work.  I now have the attitude that I will get my children back or die trying.

All our lives depend on it.

What men don’t know about women!

This a message to all the men wanting to be more successful with your partners. What would you experience within you if you knew you could be successful with her and help her to feel wonderful inside and attach those feelings to you. Plus to do this you don’t have to say a word.

A big discovery for men in my sessions is what works with their partners that their were totally unaware of.

Presence for a woman is critical and the best way to get present with her through her eyes. If she can see that you are totally present with her through eye-to-eye contact and whilst you are doing that you are feeling a powerful masculine love for her within you. She will sence that energy from you and if it is genuine she will in the moment feel safe to connect with her feminine self.

She may feel a little fearful if this is the first time you have done this as she may not feel sure that she is safe with you in this way. If she will not connect with you eye to eye keep going until she feels safe. Very often couples with problems will experience the female has little to no desire to connect this way with her partner, because the trust has gone.

This is the start of the process that is powerful to help any couple learn how to deal with conflict differently, but also how to help each other create the right polarity in their relationship.

Couple with problems can have a reversed polarity that helps them to feel wrong inside, but they use this reverse polarity to gain strength and keen themselves safe.

So to all my male readers, your partner will want attention all the time from you, so getting present with her this way and allowing her to speak whilst you just listen will be a massive first step with reconnecting you in a very powerful way.

Be True To YOU… gain freedom, peace, confidence, strength and love…

If you want a life that’s happy and rich full of all you desire then being true to you and what you believe in is critical.

The question now is who are YOU?

  • Do you know what you believe in?
  • Do you know your core needs both for yourself and in a relationship?
  • Do you know how to communicate your needs to your partner?
  • Do you know what is important to you and why it is?
  • Do you know how to translate negative feelings in to questions that create growth in you and those you love?
  • Do you know how to give you, what is important to you?

A man or woman who is being true to who they are understand all of the above and with a passion have decided to no longer live in reaction to the world, they have chosen to become who they are designed to be. They have chosen to behave true to their own beliefs. [Read more...]

Men Are Killing Their Own Sex Lives Without Knowing!

I am calling on all men to stand-up and be a man fast!

If you don’t, you can kiss goodbye to your sex life today!

Why am I saying this? Because men all over the world are confused, and this confusion is destroying their relationships. Whilst the men are trying to workout what’s going on in their relationships the women feel they have no choice, but to take control.

Here’s the thing, your wife or girlfriend wants you to be the man in your relationship. She won’t tell you this directly, but if you do not prove to her you are strong enough to look after her emotional needs then she will have no choice, but to become the man in your relationship, and she will not be happy about that.

She wants you to be the man

Why? Because she wants to be the beautiful desirable woman not the man. She will struggle with being both, but survival always comes first for her, especially if she has children. So if she feels the man is weak, she will worry and so passion will always be the last thing on her mind.

In today’s society you can see women having to get tough everywhere and in all so-called social classes. Single mums for example have to get tough to survive and if they live too long in this masculine roll they get stuck there, afraid to let go.

Then what happens is her masculine persona is in need of balance, and so without knowing she automatically attracts a weaker man. What she really needs is a man stronger than her so she can revert back to being the woman she really wants to be.

But she will not do that unless she is 1000% sure she can trust him to be that man for her, and she may avoid stronger men fearful of losing the control that kept her safe.

Women who are in top jobs experience the same problem, because they have to survive in a masculine world and so they have to act like men that look like women. Tough women love the power they have, but secretly they also long for a strong man.

The hen-pecked husband

Another victim is the hen-pecked husband. How does this happen? What men know and what many women won’t believe is this.

All men want to do is please her. If he discovers he cannot please her he will either leave or stay with her, but give up trying. So if women never show their partners they are pleased with what they do, or they are too controlling, negative, or overly critical, the man will start to compromise himself to try to please her.

She will then feel insecure with him and so she may cause massive rows that to a man make no sense. But her message to him is clear. You are putting this relationship at risk if you cannot even stand up to me, a woman, and prove to me everything will be OK.

She sees his behaviour as a lack of strength, and so her respect for him will start to diminish and so the beaten man gets weaker and weaker and she ends up loving him like a child. Telling him off and putting him down. It does not take a rocket scientist to know their sex life is going to be a dead one.

So men, the lesson is clear.

She needs the strength of a real man, one she can depend on no matter what happens. A man who will always be there for her, forever. When she feels this security from him only then will she let go and become the feminine woman, very happy to help him  become the man you both can enjoy.

Become who you are designed to be, and watch your relationship and passion come alive. Live in the wrong versions of yourself and expect pain misery, and that‘s right! Zero passion.