Exactly why do so many marriages struggle to make it! – How do you stop it from going wrong?

If you are one of those couples who’s worried about your future together, I know through my own personal life and relationship journey the ups and downs of getting it wrong is incredibly painful.

What I’ve learned in the past 30 years has really shocked me.

It shocked me because I never knew growing up from anyone what needs to happen for a marriage to really last and thrive – To be open with you I never thought I had to do much other than be a nice guy and work hard.

How wrong can you be… [Read more...]

“If you don’t understand me how can you be of value to me?”

A common thread with couples is their inability to really understand each other. Not feeling understood helps a person experience a growing emotional pain. If a person experiences enough pain they will attach that pain to their partner and the relationship. This stacking of pain and resentments is what’s really dangerous for marriages and can head them towards divorce. 

So one of my fundamental missions is to help couples translate what the other is really saying or doing, so we can stop or reverse an unnecessary crisis.

Both men and women are generally confused by each other and this can be a source of significant emotional pain. [Read more...]

This is powerful…

If you want to get your partner back into the relationship, if you want to understand why you feel so bad in your relationship, if you want to avoid a divorce and build a successful relationship you are going to need the following information.

This information you are about to learn we should all have learnt long before we go into any relationship, because it’s critical for the couples long-term survival together.

When couples start to struggle with their relationship what they are not understanding is three critical factors are at play. [Read more...]

“Why are you not helping your sister?”

I had to share this personal Hedger family story with you, the story in this post today is responsible for significant breakdown in marriages across the world, and it could be easily avoided.

In the moment this situation made me smile, however the bigger picture has far more serious consequences if the lesson is not learnt.

I can’t stress enough how important this is…

So picture this, Cloe and I are sitting down for dinner with the children, it’s a typical evening at the Hedger house. On this occasion I tell the children that Cloe and I have something important to discuss privately and their help with clearing up after dinner would be much appreciated.

Over the years Cloe and I have encouraged the children to [Read more...]

Why suffer when you don’t need to…

Without someone special to share your life with it’s a challenge for many people to feel truly fulfilled. No matter how much wealth, or success a person has, nothing comes close to creating the same feeling of being connected to a person who is equally passionate about your relationship.

Many people who start their relationship with the best of intentions can find themselves in very difficult circumstances, lost, alone, disconnected, misunderstood, with no obvious way to get their relationships back on track.

So couples in this awful place have three choices. [Read more...]

I am supposed to be intelligent and successful….

One of my clients at the top of his career came looking for help with one part of his life he was struggling with. He was having problems with his relationship and was desperate for help. He sent me an email wanting to share with you his experience of working with me.

His email started this way.

Hello Stephen

I drafted a comment about your excellent assistance some time ago.  I am trying to convey that while someone can be well educated this does not extend to relationship education and intelligence. 

He went on to write the following for you… [Read more...]

This is NEW and is just for YOU

My life’s’ mission is to help as many people as I can understand how to unravel the complexity of personal relationships.

The challenge I always face is how, I started this FREE relationship building blog which now has over 500 pages of advice designed to prick the curiosity of my readers.

Some readers have written to thank me sharing how giving them hope has shifted their desire to put in more effort and it’s reaped rewards for them.

I also run weekly sessions in Harley Street where couples come looking for me to take them step-by-step to learn how together they do actually have the power and ability to build a successful relationship.

It’s very successful, 95% of couples in my 3 month high intensity program do decide not to divorce. These are figures I’m very proud of. [Read more...]

How important is forgiveness in a relationship?

In my last post I focused your attention to one of the keys to building a healthy successful marriage.

That focus was on the ability to repair the relationship when things go wrong. It is normal for all relationships to have problems, what’s key here is what happens next?

Does the couple resolve the problem and grow closer through understanding, or is a hidden resentment the outcome?

Resentments are powerfully destructive in relationships and so communicating, understanding and forgiving each other is critical for relationship harmony. [Read more...]

Without this skill most will relationships fail…

Yes it’s true, to build a successful relationship a particular skill is needed and if it is missing the survival of the relationship is dramatically challenged.

This skill is important for everyone, because everyone is different and without it couples struggle to feel secure with each other.

Security is critical in a relationship and this skill will help to build that safety.

The relationship needs to flow and feel easy and this skill will help the couple to feel that flow. [Read more...]

Marriage Tip Three: Never Ever Give Up Without The Real Facts

One of my clients asked me, why have I decided to work with couples with marriage problems and why specifically have I decided to work with couples in extreme marital crisis?

This for me was an easy question, because…

I am passionate about relationships and family. I am especially passionate about helping lost couples find their way back to each others hearts. Also when I know there are other little hearts involved I feel even more responsibility to guide them all to safety.

  • I believe that no matter how bad a marriage becomes, couples can turn their relationship around quickly, the reason so many don’t is because they don’t know how. So exhausted they give up trying.   [Read more...]

Just because it’s not important to you – it does not mean it’s not important to your partner

You don't understand me at all...

One of the keys to a successful relationship / marriage is understanding or at least a desire to understand your partners’ emotions.

If you or your partner feels something, that feeling is real and needs to be respected.

It doesn’t matter if you agree with their reasons behind why they are upset, what’s important is the person you say you care/love about is in trouble emotionally and your job is to care and to help them. [Read more...]

Free Relationship Course

If you and your partner are struggling to get answers to your relationship questions and you are looking for some free help online then this may help you.

Every day I am helping couples from all walks of life with all kinds of problems. From loss of passion to obsessive compulsive behaviours, from poor communication skills to loss of confidence.

I have put together a mini relationship course on critical topics of focus.

This information is FREE and is designed so you can start to understand where to put your energy. When couples hit problems they are not sure what to do, fear takes over and they make matters worse. [Read more...]

Words are cheap! Show me you mean what you say!

The real power in any successful relationship is in the power of action. There is little point two people saying they love each other and only one person taking the actions which equal love to their partner.

It is critical to find out with your relationships what actions you can take that will help you be successful with them consistently.

Many individuals in a relationship dismiss the critical needs of their partner because they don’t understand them.

This approach causes problems because not only do the couple operate differently as individuals they also experience the world differently based on gender.

When one person in the relationship can only experience the world from their own perspective their partner quickly feels they have little empathy for their needs. [Read more...]

The Simple Formula For Relationship Success That Anyone Can Do!

This formula is so simple everyone can do it. In fact if you started a successful relationship even if today it’s not so good, whatever you and your partner once did worked.

If your relationship has problems then it’s what you practiced since things were good is what’s caused your problems.

Relationships can seem very complicated especially when they are going wrong, couples get bogged down in stuff that really isn’t important, but to them it feels critical.

The basics

If you go back to the basics of when you first meet someone, what you are looking out for is, how you feel about YOU when you are with this potential partner. [Read more...]

Who taught YOU how to have a relationship?

Who do you think taught you to have a relationship? When you consider this, where do your thoughts take you? Was it your parents, the schools, your friends, did you learn what you know through trial and error, what is the answer for you?

When you think back to who taught you, do you think they were really qualified to help you? Did they have a relationship that you would like? Did they know how to help you have a relationship that would be successful?

  • The acid test is to look at the relationship you are in now. Are you really happy?

If your relationship is struggling it may not be yours or your partners fault, it maybe that the model of what equals a successful relationship, that was given to you both as children, may have been the wrong one and you didn’t know.

Of course if this has happened to you, then you may not be aware of this because, whatever you grew up with was normal to you.

So what you went through growing up and the model that was presented to you may not be normal to your partner.

So when the differing “normals” clash problems start to happen and fighting can start.

Examples of what clients have called “normal” and who taught them

  • Someone always has to back down in relationship so to keep the peace I made that someone me. She copied her mother. The result: She spent years resenting her husband and their sex life died.
  • To keep my wife calm, shouting at her works, she might get upset initially, but it stops her. He copied his father. The result: His wife became very depressed, stressed and ill all the time.
  • When I become depressed I get more love. Her depressed mother showed her how to do this. The result: She stayed depressed.
  • If i’m going to give to her, what’s in it for me? Both his parents taught him this. The result: resentment, lack of respect, loss of passion.

This list is potentially massive, but you get the idea.

BUT what is important is where do these thoughts take you. It’s likely that you can see your partners parents in his, or her behaviours. BUT can you see your own if not, ask them see what they say.

Is it time to learn how a relationship really works? Are your parents relationship skills questionable?

A relationship is a life decision, and because you only get one life getting it right is critical, especially if you have children. After all if you have learnt the wrong pattern as parents, you are likely to pass it on to them is this what you really want?

You can learn the truth here today!

The benefits are massive: If you take the time to unlearn what doesn’t work and replace it with what will.

Not only will your relationship last, but the passion will naturally grow again.

How To Know Who Is Right For You?

When I was considering this post I remember a young lady who came to me with this very problem. She told me that she really liked this man she was seeing, but she could not seem to get passed that fact he was from what she considered to be a lower social class.

He was also on a lower-income than she was used to, but she was torn because she said she had feeling of love for him, but was considering ending the relationship due to his financial potential.

This was an interesting dilemma, because she had the eyes and pressure of her family and social circle on her, combined with a confusion over her values for what created a successful relationship.

For her and her family money meant security and she knew she wanted security from the relationship. But what she missed was money would never buy her the security she really needed to have a successful relationship. What she needed was love, trust, adventure, passion, a common goal, someone who was committed to her happiness every day. Money couldn’t buy this ever, all money could do was buy things. So she began to understand that a true love was far more valuable than any amount of money.

I had to help her understand how her current understanding of values were stopping her achieving the relationship she really wanted. For example any relationship can come under financial pressure no matter how wealthy you are.

So if a person always has to have security before they will allow themselves permission to love, then the love will always be conditional. A conditional love will always be one that lacks passion, freedom and honesty.

So if you have any doubts about what you need, or about your relationship discover if love is the top value in your relationship, because if it’s not then it needs to change before your relationship can be the one you really dreamed of.

For a relationship to be the right one for you, LOVE has to be the top value you both share.

What comes next is, how can that love grow and last, that question is very individual, but know this, if you don’t discover what you both need the relationship will die.

So feed your relationship the food it needs everyday, when you both commit to doing this, then you know you are in the right relationship.

How To Get The Man You Want & Keep Him

There is nothing worse than thinking you have found the man of your dreams only to lose him, and not really understand why.

Most women assume too early on that sleeping with her man is the route to his heart because she is giving him what he wants.

If you want him to respect you, then you have to respect you first. Make him see how valuable you are to him. He will never mind waiting if he really likes you, plus he will see excitement in the chase. When he knows that you only do