Total Relief

As this couple sat in front of me you could see the total relief on their faces. I smiled and asked them “what do you now need from me?” they both looked at each other and together smiling said “nothing”.

This snap shot of their current reality was the polar opposite of what they brought to me a few months before.

She was making all the sounds that sounded like separation and he was at a total loss as to why they were even in this situation.

All he knew his wife had totally changed and his world was turning upside down, she talked to him about the potential of staying married, but just living different lives even living in different parts of the world.

To him this was out of the question. [Read more...]

Personal development for couples in crisis

What you’re about to learn today is one of the big reasons couples in real crisis are turning their relationships around with me.

These couples have stopped their almost certain divorce through learning what you are about to read…

These couples are learning that if they want more out of their relationship then they must become ‘more’ before they make a final decision to leave the marriage. Couples who experience problems have usually become ‘less’ of who they really are in the marriage. These people are totally unaware that become less of who they really are actually creates significant personal pain for themselves.

So this means many individuals feel pain in their marriage, but they are attaching their pain to the wrong thing.   [Read more...]

Should we save our marriage?

Saving a marriage can seem an impossible feat especially if you’re in a marriage where no matter what you do it doesn’t seem to have any positive effect. It’s especially challenging when the trust is broken and for some, impossible when years of disconnection helps the individuals feel their love has died permanently.

Feelings in these situation are powerful, but many couples are learning that what they feel today can change. So trusting feelings that can break up a family must be met with some caution.

Most of the couples I work with come for my help through personal recommendations, or from professional recommendations such as Lawyers, GP’s, Psychologists etc.

Personally am very proud of the results couples are receiving. A recent couple said “…without my help their marriage would now be over”. This couple is Case No.1** illustrated below. [Read more...]

Can you really trust what you feel?

Todays post is so important to understand because too many couples are in trouble for a reason they are not connecting to. So I want to help you understand what can happen to a couple that could lead to a disconnection.

When couples try to fix what they think is the problem most couples will fail, but without knowing the real reason why. This can lead them to the wrong assumption about their relationship and so sadly they give up.

So imagine this, a person has felt bad in a relationship for a while and has attached those bad feelings to the relationship, so far a normal situation, but…

What if this person has actually created their own bad feelings and without knowing incorrectly made the relationship responsible?

This situation is very common, but is then confused by their partners reaction to this new emotional state in them. The ping-pong of confused, negative feelings mask where the problem started and so a symptom is created for the couple to either focus on, try to fix, or ignore leaving many couples lost. [Read more...]

She nearly lost a perfectly good marriage

The reason for sharing this post today is because many individuals leave their marriage and regret it later when it’s far too late to get it back. The impact on themselves and their family is destructive.

They think what they feel at the point they decide to leave the marriage is what they will still feel later and this is their illusion.

When a person really takes the time to understand why their thinking is leading them to want to leave the relationship, they are very likely to discover far more than they were consciously aware of.

This couple were married for over 15 years and everyone thought they were a great couple. He knew the relationship wasn’t great, but was not aware of how bad it had become for her. She loved him as a friend, but she longed for that youthful spark again, the fun, the passion, the hope of new adventures and surprises. She was a good mum, but she wanted to feel like a woman again.

She didn’t want an affair, but she knew she wanted more from her life of love. [Read more...]

Every couple is totally unique and so the solution to their problems has to be unique too…

I have been getting letters from my readers wanting more information because the service I offer seems so different.

The answer is the difference is significant I will share two of the many differences today and how my clients are being supported by these differences.

If you have been a reader for a while you will know that education is a key factor because many couples simply don’t have the knowledge of how to be married and how be an effective partner. The second key difference is the couple will work through key steps, milestones designed to lead them to their desired outcome. [Read more...]

Partner wants to leave the marriage and you desperately want to save it…

If you find yourself in this situation there are some things you must not do if you want to keep them.

You see the natural reaction is going to be to tell them it’s a terrible mistake, prove to them all the great things in the relationship and put pressure on them to see it your way whilst explaining the pain and destruction they will cause the children.

This is all understandable, but when you see the world from their perspective you might want to think again.

So lets jump into their shoes, they have probably been feeling awful for along time so they are going to feel emotionally empty. They will have deleted all the good in the relationship because keeping focused on the bad is what will keeps them emotionally safe and what they really want is to feel free of the pressure and pain the relationship is giving them. [Read more...]

I can’t carry on this way…

When a person trying to save their marriage feels they have done all they can to solve their problems, they have two choices. Stay in a marriage and accept their lot, or they can seek help. Divorce is of course an option, but is last on the list. This person needs to feel they have done all they can before they bail out.

Many of those people that do want to seek help can find themselves alone in their quest. Their partner has chosen for whatever reason to not explore their relationship with a third party. I have to say I hear many horror stories from my clients about their perception of the professional help they have sought historically, so I do understand peoples reluctance.

This leaves the person wanting to get help in a difficult position because they are so stuck.

So I encourage individuals to come in and [Read more...]

Signs your marriage is over for her?

So how do you know when your marriage is over. For many women the marriage starts to feel over when she feels the man in her life doesn’t or will not connect with her emotionally.

Many couples that come for help have a very common problem, they find the husband can be very capable practically, but he struggles to connect with her on an emotional level. This can help her feel lonely and disconnected from him.

Many women who find themselves in this place of no connection for too long can search for the connection they need in other places. Some go to their children, some go to their friends and family and of course some seek out new connections. (If you are considering an affair please rethink as the complications are significant and are likely to confuse a secure direction). [Read more...]

Is the way you think going to lead you to love or divorce?

What are you and your partner feeding your brains about your relationship and what impact is it having on you both?

The reason I ask is because many people are not aware of the power that comes from consistently conditioning their brain. It’s powerful because it creates feelings and we attach feelings to things, thoughts and people.

So if a woman feels bad every time she talks to her husband, she will create an association to him that’s bad. She is conditioning her brain about how she feels about him.

You see from feelings people make decisions and many people are feeling wrong in their marriage and are deciding a divorce is the best solution to that problem. [Read more...]

Can one person save a marriage from divorce?

When a person makes changes in themselves they affect how the other person responds. If the changes help their partner to feel secure, loved and wanted in the way they need, then a change in the marriage is totally possible.

The challenge is most people don’t understand their partners well enough to support them in the way they need, so their partner can become angry at their attempts and so they give up assuming there is no hope and this is not true.

All people really want is to feel they are loved for who they are and to know there is a real desire from their partners to meet their needs. In other words they need to feel like the most important person in their partners life.

So if one person takes charge and takes steps to learn about their partner, their partner will in reaction have to respond to these new changes.

The question I ask my clients is “who do you have to become to attract the relationship you desire?”  [Read more...]

Should all relationships be saved?

Shouldn’t a relationship / marriage be full of love, fun, passion and adventure. Shouldn’t it be a place to go to feel secure? Shouldn’t your partner care about how you feel no matter what? Shouldn’t a relationship have an exciting future?

For many this is how it should be, but isn’t how it actually is. They try to make it work, they try to communicate, but for many getting through to their partner can feel hopeless.

They start to feel their partner doesn’t care and so they suffer and suffer until the suffering turns to detachment and they feel so numb and cold towards their partner, they make the decision to leave the relationship. [Read more...]

Part one: How to save a marriage from divorce

If you are interested to understand how to help a couple from a destructive relationship and into one that works for both people then this is for you.

Step one: Save Your Marriage From Divorce

The first step is helping both people in the marriage take steps to reclaim their true identity.   Couples with problems lose confidence in themselves and each other because they are not living true to who they really are.

As problems escalate, this loss of identity is debilitating and will create confusion and fear in themselves and in their partner. [Read more...]

Rebuild trust in marriage: Can A marriage Survive without it?

I’m just going to jump into this post fast today. Without trust the marriage is dead so it’s critical to rebuild trust in a marriage fast. Trust is a foundation of any relationship.

The reason trust is so important is because without trust the couple will lose their security with each other. If the security has gone the couple will struggle to connect emotionally.

Loss of emotional connection creates intimacy challenges. [Read more...]

How To Save Your Marriage Alone!

If you want your marriage to work and your partner won’t seek help what do you do? This post is about how to save your marriage alone.

How you can make a difference in your relationship even if your partner doesn’t want to try?

The starting point is this: You have to know it is possible to save your marriage on your own, but you’re going to have to make some changes in the way you listen, understand your partner and how you behave. [Read more...]

Marriage Help For Couples With Marriage Problems

If you’re having marriage problems and you’re struggling to solve it, your going to need marriage help before the problem gets too serious. Most couples in trouble have usually experienced problems that keep coming back and this is because of one key problem…

You are both doing something that’s potentially destructive without knowing.

So if you’re both not aware of how you’re contributing to the marriage negatively then this means the foundations of the marriage are compromised. [Read more...]