“DO NOT bury your head in the sand with this one…”

Many couples come to see me with a message that they have been signed up to my blog for years and now their marriage has hit a real crisis point and they are hoping I can fit them into my schedule FAST!

So what I’m seeing is people are very aware they are having difficulties years before, but they choose to put themselves through years of unnecessary stress waiting for there to be no other choice than seek help or get a divorce.

Sadly their belief initially is they thought/hoped their problems would magically get better on their own.

PLEASE NOTE: Relationship problems rarely fix themselves.

Waiting for problems to just go away is a very dangerous strategy as the best time to deal with a relationship problem is NOW! Not in one or two years time. [Read more...]

“My husband has no empathy” – Has she got this right?

Many women come into my sessions with this message “My husband has no empathy”. What she has experienced is there seems to be from her perspective little emotion from him and little understanding of what she is saying or going through. 

For her, he has little desire to share his feelings with her or to make any changes that help her connect with him. This will naturally affect her trust in him and her desire to trust he will be there for her.

Historically she is likely to have tried to get through to him. This leaves her with the impression she has to emotionally look after herself and she can start to struggle to see the point of him… [Read more...]

7 Popular Posts on StephenHedger.com

At least once per year I like to highlight popular posts for new readers and remind long-term readers of important messages that are easy to forget. 

There is no question that relationships are complicated, this is why I have committed to help people across the globe with my perspective on relationships through this free blog.

My unique perspective comes from spending most of my week with couples in crisis on the brink of divorce. [Read more...]

Please Save Our Marriage! – Testimonial

Please Save Our Marriage! This was the first email I recieved from Darren and Sue, they were at breaking point.

When they first entered my clinic you could cut the atmosphere with a knife. This was a couple with young children on the edge, breaking up seemed like the only option open to them…

Sue recounts what happened next…

When Darren and I first came to see Stephen, Darren and I were very disconnected in our relationship. We were in the midst of a power struggle and were successfully bringing out the worst in each other in our relationship. I had pretty much lost hope [Read more...]

Marriage in crisis due to an affair? Learn the steps to rebuilding the trust whilst creating a brand new dynamic that future proofs the relationship.

When an affair is discovered it has the ability to create the most volcanic reactions. Infidelity has the power to shock the relationship into never being the same again ever. So if you want to save your relationship then understanding your partners’ experience is going to be critical to helping them feel safe to trust again.

The person who discovers their partner has had an affair is shocked into their own personal battle.

It’s like they become two versions of themselves. One part of them still loves their partner, and the other part is aggressively protecting themselves from their partner.

So they become confused and disoriented. No matter what they do it doesn’t feel right, they want the pain to go, but everything is a trigger that leads to their partners’ affair. [Read more...]

#693: Couples in crisis naturally question compatibility

It’s natural to question if you married the right person when you have been suffering in your relationship. Some people suffer due to instant breaches of trust such as affairs. Some people suffer for years through stacking resentments towards their partner.

If you have ever questioned your compatibility and are concerned about the future, what you are about to read could be worth considering.

Incompatibility can come in many forms, so I will outline a few that cause couples a challenge.

  • Different life goals: – Mission/life purpose – Geography – Parenting styles
  • Sexually misaligned: [Read more...]

Rebuilding Trust in a Marriage

With the right approach it is possible to rebuild trust in a marriage so that your marriage is far stronger than it every was before, no matter what’s happened.

I have seen many couples go through devastating affairs and then learn how to breakthrough their fears and then work together to protect and feed the relationship what it really needs to survive.

At the end of this post you will learn how I helped one lady connect to a strength within her to deal with a devastating situation.

Trust can be broken for many reasons, the obvious ones are affairs, lying, or some kind of erratic behaviour. What many don’t see is that trust can be broken if our needs are not met. Trust can be broken if the dynamic that builds attraction is damaged. [Read more...]

“Why are we in crisis?”

No matter what you feel is the reason for your crisis, getting to the root cause is critical to help you move forward.

So many couples come in to my programs feeling they know what their real problem is only to discover a far deeper and much more powerful force is at play either within the individual(s), or within the dynamic, or sometimes both.

I have written historically about the idea that couples with marital problems always bring to me ‘symptoms’.

These are things like: Loss of love, Parenting Misalignment, Stress, Depression, Affairs, Money problems, Circular conflict, Controlling behaviours, Power struggles, Loss of passion/sexual attraction.

These are just a few of the many challenges couples are focused on and are trying to fix. [Read more...]

Unhappy marriage? Couples are shocked to learn their problems are not quite what they thought?

There are three relationships in any marriage, that’s right three!… and if you don’t get these right then please expect problems.

When relationships go wrong many people assume they feel bad because of their partners behaviours, or lack of them. This can of course have an significant effect in terms of their feelings. It’s critical to know what really created those feelings because a person wanting to leave a marriage is going to use their feelings as their guide to a better life.

If you want the real truth in your marriage then you’ll have to look at all three powerful influencers.

What about the other two relationships that will and do form a powerful part of the mix?

The other two relationships are the ones the two people in the marriage have with themselves. This is usually overlooked, but it forms a significant part of the journey I take couples through.

I have seen so many couples get their relationship back on track because they have discovered how to have a significantly better relationship with themselves. [Read more...]

Your mind is powerful – I have never shared this…

Today we are going to talk about the mind and the power it has to change the direction of your life without you knowing.

I see so many people out of control of their life because they have followed their feelings, as a result they have made terrible choices and have landed in really bad places emotionally.

So if you want to truly be in control of your life direction then this this post is for you.

What you are about to learn is a core part of what couples are learning with me, that helps them go from marital crisis into feeling free and safe to love each other again.

Side note: Business men and women are also learning these skill one-on-one with me to create more effective and confident selves in all areas of their life to create a better life balance whilst lowing stress. (I run 6 week courses for business individuals. If your interested please call Kate on 020 3793 2884).

[Read more...]

5 Core Foundations Needed For A Successful Marriage?

If you want a successful marriage then getting the right foundations in place is going to be critical to ensuring it’s survival. If your marriage is in trouble and these foundations have not been in place then you’ll start to understand why things are going wrong.

Intimate relationships are riddled with hidden problems that no one is either aware of or talks about.

So to avoid these problems these core foundations are needed if you are both going to make a real difference to each other.

I have spilt these into 5 foundational topics to help you. [Read more...]

Rebuilding trust to regain emotional connection

When a person in a relationship believes that their emotional self is not being looked after or respected by their partner they are highly likely to want to protect themselves from the person that is supposed to love them.

The process of protecting themselves leads that person to lose trust in their partners ability or desire to care about what they are thinking or feeling.

If this need to protect ones self goes on for long enough then the couple are in danger of one or worse both people emotionally detaching and this can be catastrophic for that couple.

The near impossible challenge is to love someone whilst needing to protect yourself from them. This process of protection leads people to feelings that suggest they love their partner, but they are not in love with them. [Read more...]

Can your subconscious mind can help you fall out of love

The simple answer is yes. Many individuals will communicate they have fallen out of love with their husband or wife. What they are not aware of is, to achieve this emotional state they had to do something to themselves to achieve it.

Falling out of love does not just magically happen there is a process within a person that enables it.

Because this persons experience of falling out of love is going to be driven by their subconscious mind they will experience automatic FEELINGS.

The person will feel their feelings have just happened to them, therefore this is their truth, when in reality they actually created them without knowing. This will leave the person telling a ‘truth’, the feelings they used to experience such as ‘love’ have gone, but not necessary forever because feelings such as ‘love’ can come and go depending on what we do. [Read more...]

How to regain trust in a relationship?

Whenever there is a breach of trust in a relationship it can feel impossible to get that trust back. Especially if it seems that a breach of trust has happened multiple times.

What you are about to read is what the smart people are learning so please read carefully. You see, when dealing with relationship challenges the logic you think will fix the problems is rarely what will. So if you want to learn what really works please become curious about what your going to discover below.

For every couple who are experiencing problems, loss of trust is going to be one of their biggest challenges.

It’s obvious that someone might want to know, how to rebuild trust after cheating, or after an affair, however trust is not only attached to other people, infidelity and lying… [Read more...]

Masterclass series Part 1: Why has our relationship lost it’s passion?

With passion, attraction and sexual energy being the life blood of any intimate relationship it’s critical that a couple understands how to keep this side of their relationship alive whilst knowing the hidden pitfalls that can kill it dead.

Many people, men and women complain their relationship has become passionless or loveless. They are experiencing either the passion dying over time, or one person has simply lost attraction for their partner.

This loss of passion and attraction is likely to be happening for a very good reason, but the couple will usually be unaware of what’s happening before it’s too late. [Read more...]

Too afraid to love…

If there was ever a list of problems that consumed the majority of couples, being ‘too afraid to love’ would be very high on that list. Sadly many individuals/couples are not aware that this is their challenge and as you read on you will discover why.

I see couples in crisis every week so I’m going to have a very unique perspective on the world of relationships, so in todays post i’m going to share what I’m seeing with these couples in crisis so if you are struggling this may help you.

If you were aware that ‘not being loved’ was one of the biggest fears for all humans then this might start to give us some perspective on why being ‘too afraid to love’ is such a widespread problem. [Read more...]

Can you really trust what you feel?

Todays post is so important to understand because too many couples are in trouble for a reason they are not connecting to. So I want to help you understand what can happen to a couple that could lead to a disconnection.

When couples try to fix what they think is the problem most couples will fail, but without knowing the real reason why. This can lead them to the wrong assumption about their relationship and so sadly they give up.

So imagine this, a person has felt bad in a relationship for a while and has attached those bad feelings to the relationship, so far a normal situation, but…

What if this person has actually created their own bad feelings and without knowing incorrectly made the relationship responsible?

This situation is very common, but is then confused by their partners reaction to this new emotional state in them. The ping-pong of confused, negative feelings mask where the problem started and so a symptom is created for the couple to either focus on, try to fix, or ignore leaving many couples lost. [Read more...]

When is a relationship most vulnerable?

Below are a few very common ways that relationships can become vulnerable, some are obvious and many are not and couples fall foul of these situations without knowing.

This list is in no particular order…

1. Couples with children about or have left home

It’s easy for couples to spend their entire life together focused on everything but feeding the relationship what it really needs.

The prioritisation of work, children, friends, hobbies external family lead to the relationship dying.

It’s likely one person may have complained historically it wasn’t working, but they brushed it to one side, fingers crossed they would be ok.

You see once the children leave home if there is no emotional connection then the point of the relationship dies.  [Read more...]

Getting to the truth in your relationship

One of the most important elements in rebuilding a relationship is getting to the truth. Many couples circle their real problems with the hope of either protecting the relationship, themselves or both. Some couples are not aware of what the truth is, some individuals have a totally different idea of the truth from their partner.

Many individuals with real problems can re-write the truth to fit with their new objectives.

Getting the truth on the table is the key to solving any problem. You see when couples start to understand the real reason why they are having problems their reactions to each other can then change dramatically. [Read more...]

This is shocking…

What I’m going to explore today is a principal that many successful people use to gain fast results in relationships, wealth, health and all aspects of life that are important to them.

One of the core principals of gaining success is called modelling. Modelling is the fastest way to become successful in any part of your life.

The principal is simple, find someone that has the results you want, model what they did and learn how to apply their steps to your life.

Imagine this…