Signs your marriage is over for her?

So how do you know when your marriage is over. For many women the marriage starts to feel over when she feels the man in her life doesn’t or will not connect with her emotionally.

Many couples that come for help have a very common problem, they find the husband can be very capable practically, but he struggles to connect with her on an emotional level. This can help her feel lonely and disconnected from him.

Many women who find themselves in this place of no connection for too long can search for the connection they need in other places. Some go to their children, some go to their friends and family and of course some seek out new connections. (If you are considering an affair please rethink as the complications are significant and are likely to confuse a secure direction). [Read more...]

Do you want her to really feel your love?

To all men, if you really want her to connect with you it’s so important to understand this little know fact. For a woman the connection through her eyes creates a powerful emotional energy that allows her to connect deeply with him. 

When he can look into her eyes and be there for her through all her emotions, only then can he really connect with her in the way she wants. His eye contact can trigger within her a true vulnerability that can allow her to be fully open to him emotionally and sexually.

You see through his eye contact she can see the truth in him for her, she can feel safe, secure and loved, but there is another side to this as you will discover… [Read more...]

I could feel anger bubbling within me

When I was growing up I never knew that I needed skills to make my relationships work. It never crossed my mind, I thought that relationships just happened. Two people met fell in love and that was life sorted.

So when problems started to happen for me the message was… “you have to work at it”. Well that message sounded hard to do because I had no idea what that really meant and aren’t relationships supposed to be fun? Good Lord, what was I thinking! Clearly not much back then, but I knew I was getting it wrong…

So when I started my search to discover what would really work I had no idea I was in for such a steep learning curve.

There was so much to learn and as I discovered more I could feel anger bubbling within me, why was I not taught this growing up? After all isn’t falling in love and keeping a relationship alive one of the biggest life skills we all need?

I didn’t know that the way women think was totally different to me. [Read more...]

Is the way you think going to lead you to love or divorce?

What are you and your partner feeding your brains about your relationship and what impact is it having on you both?

The reason I ask is because many people are not aware of the power that comes from consistently conditioning their brain. It’s powerful because it creates feelings and we attach feelings to things, thoughts and people.

So if a woman feels bad every time she talks to her husband, she will create an association to him that’s bad. She is conditioning her brain about how she feels about him.

You see from feelings people make decisions and many people are feeling wrong in their marriage and are deciding a divorce is the best solution to that problem. [Read more...]

Why are women most likely to file for a divorce?

Todays post is not just a warning to men it’s a message to men and women to beware of what’s happening in their own relationships without them knowing.

To be clear both people are 100% responsible for protecting their relationship.

Statistics are clearly showing that over 70% of women are filing for divorce and there are really good reasons for this.

This trend is actually very easy to understand once you know the significant differences between men and women.

The way men work is they like to get rid of their own problems very quickly. They can do this because they are less emotionally connected to their problems.

Women don’t work this way and their problems can have a bigger emotional affect on them. [Read more...]

What if you knew your relationship problems were not your real problems?

So lets look at Jim he has had two serious relationships and both those women cheated on him and now Jim is focused on whether he can ever trust a woman again.

I think most of us would sympathise with Jims situation, but what is the real problem? Trust does seem a logical place to start and overcome.

Jim tries to have another relationship, but after the initial euphoria his mind has automatically gone to protecting him and focuses him on his past problems and lack of success with women.

This focus causes problems for Jim and his new partner, he is naturally focused on protecting himself and she starts to feel untrusted, not good for her.

Neither Jim or his new partner feel good and the relationship starts to suffer. Both Jim and his new partner are focused on his trust problem and trying to solve it.

It won’t be long before real problems start, because Jim doesn’t actually have trust issues.

[Read more...]

Men and women getting lost in translation

So many couples are frustrated with each other because they have an expectation of their partner that’s almost impossible to achieve because the way they think is so different.

They expect their partner to think and feel a certain way, the truth is the differences are profound and can lead couples into problems they can’t solve.

Examples:

  • [HER] ”He won’t talk about his feelings?” (He feels bad enough why would he want to go over it again and again he will only feel worse, why would he want that? He want’s to solve it quietly on his own and get rid of it fast)
  • [HIM] ”She won’t stop talking about her feelings?” (She needs to talk about them because it helps her to feel better through connecting with those that say they care for her)

Another…. [Read more...]

Do you know what feelings your partner is attaching to you?

As our relationships progress our partners are attaching feelings to us. This happens automatically without conscious thought.

So if you cast your mind back over the past week? The past month and the last few years what do you think your partner has attached to you and is it what you want them to attach to you?

Some couples experience heightened attachments, such as when a trust is broken. This can create an attachment that stays with that person forever. [Read more...]

I am supposed to be intelligent and successful….

One of my clients at the top of his career came looking for help with one part of his life he was struggling with. He was having problems with his relationship and was desperate for help. He sent me an email wanting to share with you his experience of working with me.

His email started this way.

Hello Stephen

I drafted a comment about your excellent assistance some time ago.  I am trying to convey that while someone can be well educated this does not extend to relationship education and intelligence. 

He went on to write the following for you… [Read more...]

I feel detached from my partner, what is happening to me?

Detachment is the process of self protection. The person may feel that over months or years they have not been happy in their relationship. They may feel that their partner does not care about them, is not interested in them, or simply doesn’t love them.

The persons feelings towards their partner will have changed and the relationship can feel wrong to continue. Reconnection for this person can feel impossible and the desire to fix the relationship problems are usually very low.

The person in this situation will have a vision that the past will be a reflection of the future, so it’s painful for them to even consider, all this is normal. [Read more...]

My marriage feels dead and the love has gone. Please help?

If you have lost your feelings for your partner then this means you’ve probably spent sometime feeling that your partner doesn’t understand you.

You may feel that you’ve told them you are unhappy, but they have done nothing about it and so now you think they don’t care.

Or maybe you think they do care, but whatever they do does nothing for you now.

Maybe all you feel is resentment and you have lost respect for them. [Read more...]

Marriage Help For Couples With Marriage Problems

If you’re having marriage problems and you’re struggling to solve it, your going to need marriage help before the problem gets too serious. Most couples in trouble have usually experienced problems that keep coming back and this is because of one key problem…

You are both doing something that’s potentially destructive without knowing.

So if you’re both not aware of how you’re contributing to the marriage negatively then this means the foundations of the marriage are compromised. [Read more...]

The marriage advice all men should have

One of the key factors in my quest to help couples rebuild connected passionate relationships is helping them understand that men and women are different.

It’s a fact proven through science, a mans brain and how it works totally is different from a females brain.

This is one of the key factors to why couples struggle to get on and why the differences between the sexes form a huge part of my successful coaching programs.

One of the key factors for the success of my work is when I help the man to breakthrough his own fears in relationship to what she really means when she communicates to him. [Read more...]

Life for us is an adventure it’s about a planned, fun, free, sexy, passionate sometimes crazy life together.

I’m going to do something today that I don’t normally do, I’m going to give you my personal thoughts on life and relationships. I’m going to take off my professional hat and share what I believe is important and what has worked for my wife Cloe and me.

In my personal experience we only have one life, so go for your dreams don’t hold back ever. I personally couldn’t bear to look back at my life and feel that I didn’t give it my best shot.

Cloe shares this view totally, after all what else would you do? Worry you won’t get it? We agree that having a go, is far more important than focusing on the fear of not getting it. [Read more...]

Why do couples grow apart?

One fundamental reason is this: Women will marry the man she feels he can become, so she expects him to change and grow into that person. Men on the other hand marry the woman he wanted and so he doesn’t expect or want her to change.

This of course is going to create a significant challenge because every day they will be moving further and further apart from each other without knowing the possible expectations.

At the point of relationship breakdown women will explain their disappointment in their partner using words like “he has become someone I don’t recognise”. The men complain “she is negative and nagging” this is not who he married. [Read more...]

Maintaining attraction from dating through to married life

Today’s post is highly relevant to married couples as well as for single people looking for love. It is important because creating attraction is critical no matter what relationship phase you are in.

The pitfall that most people fall into in the early stages of their relationship is they naturally give to their partner what they think they themselves would like.

The problem the couple now face is they are very likely to want to please each other, but they could be turning each other off without knowing. People who are dating end up losing partners that are potentially good for them and married couples end up fulfilling their emotional needs outside the relationship. [Read more...]

Understanding men in relationships

What is a man designed to do? He is designed to be physically strong make firm decisions, breakthrough challenges and take action to solve or fix problems.

When he is in this space he feels great about himself and ironically this is what many women want their men to be like.

You see many women are surprised in my couples session when we discuss how our needs are met.

Women in relationship crisis will have needs missing. They feel the trust has gone and they usually feel less certain about their future. [Read more...]

10 Relationship Rules

  1. Never assume your partner is trying to hurt you
  2. Never make your partner wrong
  3. Never threaten the end of the relationship (unless you really mean it!)
  4. Never pull your love away
  5. Never make your relationship all about YOU!
  6. Always make your partner feel No1 in your life
  7. Always make your partners needs your needs too
  8. Always look for ways to help your partner feel great about themselves
  9. Always make unconditional love your priority (it will cost you if you don’t)
  10. Always make time for your relationship every day

[Read more...]

Relationship Advice For Women

Yesterday we spoke about helping men to be successful with their partners. Today the basic principle of putting yourself in the shoes of your partner is just as critical for her to do for him.

In other words how to understand him and why he does what he does.

One of the biggest sources of pain for most men is the inability to please, or be successful with his partner. The biggest pain for him is knowing he has failed her and he is not her source of pleasure.

Having worked with so many couples over the years I know that many women do not believe that pleasing her is his goal because she feels so dreadful when she is with him. [Read more...]

Lack of Understanding Cripples Couples!

The reason so many couples struggle is because they really don’t understand each other. If this goes on for long enough what they start to feel is fear/emotional pain, they feel alone and unsupported. The worst place to feel lonely is in a relationship.

Fear then becomes the filter of experience for that person. So when their partner communicates what they hear is very different from their partners’ original intention. In essence they are searching for problems as their partner communicates to them. Anyone can at this point find problems with the most innocent of comments. [Read more...]