“They were at the end..!”

I see so many couples who through no fault of their own have totally misunderstood their relationship, their partner and for some totally misunderstood themselves.

Below are a few recent cases. 

# CASE 1: I thought I knew my wife and relationships. I thought everything was fine, I now know I had no idea what was really going on in my marriage and for her.

This gentleman thought he was going to lose his wife. She really didn’t want to spend time with him and was looking for ways to stay in the marriage, but not spend time with him.

She was unaware she was living in an identity that was not the true her within the relationship. She had become the sole protector of the family and the relationship.

To do this she had to disconnect from herself, for years she was secretly suffering to protect her family. She was unaware she had done this. This process was exhausting for her and the only way she could get to feeling any kind of relief was to escape.

By helping him learn what was really going on for her and how he could support her he created the necessary security she needed to reconnect to herself.

He was telling me how little he knew before going through couples work with me. He said education for him and his wife was the key to them reconnecting.

Both of them were totally unaware of what was happening to them, and in reaction they were doing all the wrong things which were simply making their lives worse and they had no idea.

She cannot believe how different she feels and she has no need to escape her husband today.

# CASE 2: “I have lived with my wife since I was 21. Of course I know her very well, but I now see that I never really knew her.”

His problem – he wanted out of his marriage, but was also afraid to go.

This gentleman was 70 years old and was talking to me about his experience of going through one of my marriage breakthrough programs.

On a recent business trip he confused himself by becoming emotionally connected to a female colleague. It made him feel he needed to get out of a successful (in years), but emotionally confusing marriage.

In essence he didn’t feel loved in the way he needed, but he did deeply love her, but was now confused. I discovered that she felt she had to be who she thought he wanted her to be. One by one I understood their problem and shared my findings with each other them.

He said that all his wife behaviours past and present now made sense to him. Shaking his head he said that it all seem so obvious to him now.

Now he understood her differently, her confusing behaviour was because she did love him, not because she didn’t. This is a common problem.

He said he had spent much of his life with her assuming she didn’t like him, let alone love him. He now realised how wrong he was and how his incorrect perception had dramatically affect their relationship.

His biggest regret was he lived his whole life without knowing this critical information. He said this information should be taught in schools.

I of course agreed!

Male and female both have very logical common sense. The challenge is their ‘logic’ is polls apart so it’s very easy to misunderstand each other at critical moments.

# CASE 3: He had an affair, but he said he loved her! He couldn’t explain why he did it and that just made things worse for her.

She wanted the relationship back, but struggled to trust him. She was keeping the affair alive and all he wanted to do was forget it and move on – but she couldn’t get past it.

I explain to him how emotionally unsafe his action had made her. I helped them both understand that she was going through her own private battle between the part of her that loved him and the part that kept screaming RUN!

He told me how much better the relationship had become after he was given step-by-step instructions of how to react to her when she was upset. I helped him understand how by becoming her protector she would find it far easier to let the affair go.

She said how different she now felt after understanding what her mind was trying to achieve by keeping the affair alive. She also shared me how different her husband had become with my help and how she now felt she could now go to him for support – this was key!

She said she was now starting to let his affair go, now she believed how much he loved her and could see how lost they were as a couple before he had the affair.

# CASE 4: She turned up in the meeting shaking barley able to comprehend the content of the session.

He wanted the relationship back, she didn’t know what she wanted. Part of her loved him and part wanted to run and keep running.

She told me how having her own sessions with me initially helped her to start to understand why she was so fearful around her husband and what to do about it. She gained the confidence and the courage to start to share with her husband how his behaviour had affected her life.

She told me that by gaining that inner strength she was able to see for the first time that she too had misunderstood her husband, she though it just him.

He shared that by learning what she really needed and how to really hear her, life at home had become so much easier. He said holidays and family time were much happier now both their fears had been understood and put to one side

He shared with me he will never change who he is ever again! And she learnt how to connect to a far stronger feminine energy within her.

In essence she became stronger the more vulnerable she allowed herself to be,much to her surprise.

These are just a few of the cases I see from the perspective of those that needed help and were smart enough to look for it and took action.

I know some of you reading this will be taking action to meet me somewhere within the next two years. My recommendation is take action before you hit crisis, don’t wait, it’s far too risky.

  • If you’re a husband and your wife won’t attend, join the many men who are learning one-on-one with me how to reconnect with their wives through really understanding them.
  • If you are a wife and your husband won’t attend come to a meeting and learn what is going on for him and how you can help him.
  • If you are a couple with minor problems that go round in circles do something now, don’t wait until your both out of control.
  • If your a couple in crisis then don’t wait act now

The process of building a successful relationship needs very specific skills, parents, society and schools don’t teach them so learning how is what made the difference to those couples above.

Healthy sexual attraction for life is possible you just have to know how to jointly be the creators of it.


About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.