“Why are you not helping your sister?”

I had to share this personal Hedger family story with you, the story in this post today is responsible for significant breakdown in marriages across the world, and it could be easily avoided.

In the moment this situation made me smile, however the bigger picture has far more serious consequences if the lesson is not learnt.

I can’t stress enough how important this is…

So picture this, Cloe and I are sitting down for dinner with the children, it’s a typical evening at the Hedger house. On this occasion I tell the children that Cloe and I have something important to discuss privately and their help with clearing up after dinner would be much appreciated.

Over the years Cloe and I have encouraged the children to grasp the importance of certain philosophies that will keep them safe in later life, one of those philosophies was the importance of giving.

So both children agreed and after our meal Cloe and I went to our office to start our conversation.

[A little back ground] My son is now early to mid teens and my daughter is younger, nearly a teenager.

After about ten minutes into our meeting I could hear the kitchen being cleared, but I became distracted by my sons voice coming from up stairs. He was clearly on FaceTime.

I was slightly irritated so I called him down.

“Why are you not helping your sister?” I asked.

“She told me she didn’t need me” he replied glaring at his sister for back-up.

“Is this true?” I asked slightly confused

“Well yes and no…” she replied sheepishly.

Inside I started to smile, this was an amazing moment a valuable lesson was about to be learned.

“Yes and no?” I repeated looking at her pretending to still be confused.

“Well I did say I didn’t need him”, my son smiled, “…but I didn’t think he would go?” her face was now sad and upset as she connected with the feeling that her brother didn’t care about her.

“WOMEN!” exclaimed my son throwing his arms in the air with frustrated. “Why don’t they say what they mean?”

Cloe and I agreed that this moment was too important to pass. The children had just experienced the very situation that adult couples across the world experience. So we sat down and helped them understand that the way they think and communicate is not the same not only because they are different people, but because male and female communicate in very different ways.

You see men and women communicate very differently and can become so frustrated with each other.

If this is practised too often resentment can wreak havoc on the couple and all they have done is misunderstood each other.

Couples that come to my sessions learn how to hear what the other is really saying to them. If you are having problems communication is going to be one of the challenges.

I am hoping you can start to see that just talking about your problems is not going to solve them, because you never really know what your partner is hearing as your speak.

It’s so important to learn how to translate each other, my son now knows how to hear what his sister is saying and his sister now knows that her brother does love her and cares about her.

Creating a loving and secure life is far easier when you understand how, and it does have to be learnt.

Like my children in this story, I once was in their shoes and I had to learn too. The rewards of learning how to create a successful relationship for me was the lottery win I was after. Plus, to be able to pass this on to our children is just the icing on the cake.

If you too want to learn more you know where we are.


About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.