Women Want A Real Man!!!

Most woman reading this will share this view “Women Want A Real Man” and in their mind have their own version of what that means. What she thinks and feels, needs to be respected and most of all listened to.

I strongly urge all men to read this:

I also know that men want to be able to please their partner, they feel terrible inside when they feel they can’t, or they feel they have tried and tried, but it’s hopeless.

So with these two desires, her wanting to be loved in the way she wants and him with the burning desire to please her and make her happy this should be easy, RIGHT? You’d think!

So let’s go some way to define what a Real Man is from a womans perspective.

A woman wants a man who wants to give her security in the way she needs it. This does not mean money, yes it feels good to have financial security, but this is not her direct connection to love. Her connection to love comes from his emotional intelligence in his desire to understand her and then take action every day to give her what she needs.

There are many ways in which she needs this security from him and every woman is unique. BUT what she wants is to know the man cares enough to find out and then DO IT!.

She also wants to know she the most important person in the world to him. If she feels his ***MOTHER***, another ***WOMAN***, his JOB, his friends are more important, then trouble will be brewing. It is dangerous if he assumes she knows she is important, because she has to experience it, again in the way she wants. Women want attention all the time, from a man they love. They are not unreasonable about it and it’s so easy to do, the little things make the world of difference.

She wants to feel that love from a man, that is true and genuine. She wants to have time to connect with him and see it in his eyes. Just the simple act of looking deep into her eyes and loving her no matter what is happening is one of mans most powerful tools. When I run this exercise in my sessions, even the toughest strongest, women just soften and connect with their feminine self and if feels wonderful inside for them.

A real man then works with her to help her not only become the person she wants to be, but in the future that she wants to have. So together you design a wonderful future together and you work as a team to achieve those goals.

You see it is the way a man GIVES to her is what makes the difference.

A real man has the emotional strength to help her feel safe to bring out in her the real woman in her. The mans reward for consistently doing this, is he will get back from her a powerful desire to make him feel like the man he has always wanted to be.

A real man is one that SERVES & PROTECTS his partner, in other words he gives he what she needs and keeps her safe from the outside world.

A real man will see when she is in pain emotionally and be there for her, loving her NOT judging her, or making her wrong. A weak man does not see her pain all he is focused on is how he feels, he does judge her and he does make her wrong.

  • If a man does this the relationship will start to DIE!

A woman is not designed to be the protector of the man, so if SHE feels that HE is NOT strong enough emotionally SHE has no choice, she will get strong because she has to and will then see her man now as a BOY, feminine or weak. Even if he earns £5 million a year the money does not equal masculine or strong, in her eyes if she is not looked after emotionally. The money is therefore worthless in emotional terms. So if a man thinks he gives her everything and that everything is attached some way to money he is going to fail fast.

This weakness in him is NOT sexually appealing for her and so intimacy can stop very quickly or become very difficult. Plus she will resent him and lose respect for him. She may still love him, but the love is now different, because she now has to become the man in the relationship.

A Real Man is a giver, a protector and serves his partner every day with what she needs, not what he thinks she needs, what she needs because he has taken time to find out.

When a man does this in the way that feels wonderful to her, SHE will stop at nothing to help him feel like the man he has always wanted to be. You see understanding and giving love is the answer.

What’s most important is a man has to be relentless and consistent, he can’t be wonderful for a few days not get the reaction he wants and then blame her. Where is the strength in that, if love is important, it is important “all of the time” and not some of the time.

So the question is this: Is a real man living in your relationship?

Please feel free to “Speak Your Mind” below…

About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.


  1. Anonymous says:

    So I think what this article is saying is true. But I think it doesn’t cover it all. Because, while women want all of this, they also have very specific physical criteria that weigh highly in their choice of a man (as in the end it is women who choose their partner and not the other way around). And I think, at least in central London, a man who doesn’t meet these physical criteria stand no chance meeting someone as girls will never give him a chance. Because the social dating law is that it is men who have to make the move. So, every time girls go out they will have a number of men approaching them, so they will choose their man based upon this physical criteria. And I believe that their physical criteria comes back to what you mention in the article above, namely security, and in physical terms this means height. Given that I am only 168 cm tall no women seems to be even noticing me when I am going out. And it is not because I am socially insecure; I am actually quite the opposite being very social with many friends (more than most people I hear), I am sporty, and successful career wise. And I keep hearing from probably all my female friends that I “deserve the best girl.” But it never happens to me, I hardly ever date in London, and I cannot come with any other explanation than that it is because I am short. And from having been quite confident in the past, I no longer am as the qualities I have seems not important to women, so I have even stopped trying to flirt with any girls. I am thinking of doing a confidence course, and I told my female friend this and she said “god if a man like you need to do a confidence class, then there is something wrong in this world as you are one of the most popular men i know…” Any thoughts?

  2. Stephen Hedger says:

    We all have templates in our minds of what equals the perfect person for us, BUT after the initial attraction wears off what’s really important is what’s inside the person.

    I have had very weak emotionally challenged 6′ 7″ 18 stone rugby players fall apart in sessions so the height of the person is not reflective in the outcome of the relationship.

    Plus you only have to surf Google to see there are many short celebrity men with beautiful tall partners.

    I have a thought that it maybe you are confident with your friends and maybe less so because of your thoughts about your history with potential dates in bars.

    Maybe the people you are meeting are not meeting the real you and so what your friends see is not what those potential dates are experiencing.

    Your question has to be what do the girls I meet want to feel when they meet a potential date. Discover that answer and you’ll be more focused on them and less on your height worries.

  3. Anonymous says:

    This makes so much sense to me (as do all the things I’ve read) I want my husband to be strong, be there for me especially when I’m upset, a bit like when my teenage children are ‘creating’ and pushing boundaries and being difficult but I know that this behaviour is usally because they’re scared of something and scared of owning up to it but I know if I listen long enough to them without getting cross, eventually what is hurting/scaring them will come out. I suppose when I’m upset I do feel a bit like a teenager myself, scared but can’t say why. Maybe that’s what my husband doesn’t want … he wants an adult woman, not a teenager!

    My husband does say he wants to make me happy, he says he listens to me and understands what I’m saying but it feels like he listens to me then carries on as before

    My husband has read lots of your blogs and says a Real Man is the boss, someone who makes the decisions, makes the rules and is no. 1 in the house. He doesn’t ‘serve’ but he does protect by providing a home etc. He says he has to be the leader and I’m the follower, the supporter, that’s what makes him a man. That makes me sad.

    I love reading yours posts. I especially like the ones about giving love to get love, that is so easy to understand, so difficult sometimes to do. I keep reminding myself to show love and gratitude even if I don’t feel I’m getting it myself but sometimes that’s too hard and I give up until I feel strong enough to do it again. Sometimes I feel like I’m going round and round in circles.

    Thank you for writing your posts, many many times they give me inspiration and motivation to keep trying :-)

    • Stephen Hedger says:

      You are very welcome it’s a real pleasure to serve you both.

      One thing you could both think about is understanding how to meet each others needs the way your partner needs it, but you do it without expectation of anything in return.

      For example your partner wants you happy, for me there is no doubt this will be true for him. Most men want this, but they way they try to keep her happy is through his ideas of what that means and this is where he could fail and so cause frustration for you both. BTW both people in a relationship can end up doing this.


      Share with your partner what really equals love to you so he knows how to be successful with you. This could be words, actions etc…

      Also ask him, discover what words or behaviors you could create that equals love for him and do that without expectation.

      In essence what we are after is an honest love because that’s what you both really need and is given because it’s who you both are “loving giving people” and not part of a transaction.

      You see you can’t trade love and expect the passion to stay.

      Warmest wishes


  4. Anonymous says:

    I read this post with great frustration. Apparently, any man who does not do his partners bidding is not a “real man”. Loaded words – what man wants to say “I am not a real man”? Your approach works well for women – “you don’t do what I want so you are not a real man” but maybe us failed men have some needs too. There are two people in a partnership and if it isn’t working, maybe there’s more than one person to blame.

    • Stephen Hedger says:

      Thank you for your comment and I hear your frustration and yes of course men have needs too.

      The first challenge is not to look for blame, the answers are in understanding that there are major differences between men and women.

      Women do not want to be able to control their men, but they will have to if their man doesn’t understand them. In other words if he is not looking after her then she has to look after herself. If this happens this is when a woman loses respect for her partner.

      What I am hearing is you have lost trust in each other, rebuilding that has to be the first goal.

      This means that both of you will be in fear and resenting each other. So your desire to meet each other needs will be very low.

      This has to change and who goes first is not important what’s important is someone does.

      Please note: For a relationship to work the focus has to be on adding value to each other. As soon as the focus is on ourselves and what we are not getting the game is over.

      I’m sure this will create more questions so please feel free to challenge my answer.

      Kind regards