Your mind is powerful – I have never shared this…

Today we are going to talk about the mind and the power it has to change the direction of your life without you knowing.

I see so many people out of control of their life because they have followed their feelings, as a result they have made terrible choices and have landed in really bad places emotionally.

So if you want to truly be in control of your life direction then this this post is for you.

What you are about to learn is a core part of what couples are learning with me, that helps them go from marital crisis into feeling free and safe to love each other again.

Side note: Business men and women are also learning these skill one-on-one with me to create more effective and confident selves in all areas of their life to create a better life balance whilst lowing stress. (I run 6 week courses for business individuals. If your interested please call Kate on 020 3793 2884).

I think that more than almost any another life situation marriages suffer the most through this lack of knowledge however it can be applied to all areas of life and if you are a parent this is a must to grasp.

Many reading this will not think what you are about to read is possible. Please don’t pressure them because for them they are simply not yet ready to learn.

Are you ready?

We create our own feelings good and bad.

What this means is if we are the creators of our own emotional experience then whatever we feel is our creation. No one person has the power to give us our feelings. “You made me feel…” is simply not possible.

Our feelings are simply based on our individual perceptions of situations. The challenge is our perceptions are created through deeply learned roots and filters from our our journey through life. Everyone is trying to do their best to understand themselves and others within our perceptual  world.

So if we are the creators of our emotional experience what that means is we can take control?

Yes once a person has understood how their experience is created then they can start to choose the experience they want.

The problems NOT understanding this information creates

We are taught to trust our feelings. What we are not taught is there are certain feelings that you can’t trust. For those that blindly trust all the feelings they can create decisions they might later regret.

This is why people who want to escape their marriage could be making a mistake they will regret.

Look at the world this way. If we are the creators of our own experience then what would a person have had to do to themselves to create a feeling that equals leaving their marriage is a good idea.

Most people will blame their partner and what they did and didn’t do. Unaware that it’s not what your partner does or doesn’t do that matters. It’s how you interpret their behaviours is what really counts and what you then do with that information.

I will give you an example: No matter what Cloe does or says I never assume she is trying to hurt me. I will always assume what she is doing is coming from a good place.

How do you think this changes my perception of her if she is upset or shouting at me in the moment?

Instead of defending me and feeling rejected I will spend time understanding her and helping her to feel safe and loved.

I am choosing my feelings to align with what I say is important to me. This allows me to live in my true identity.

This is my message for you today, there is a simple formula for creating a feeling and once you know it then you can start to take control not just of you, but also your relationship and and your life.

Many high level business men and women are now coming to me on their own to learn how to apply this simply but very powerful tool to themselves.

Married couples who are in crisis are learning this and many other critical skills to enable a safer happier connection with themselves and each other.

If your are interested to learn more please feel free to contact my office. 


  1. It is possible to choose the feelings you want you just have to learn how.
  2. People don’t have the power to give you your feelings.
  3. Taking control of your emotional self helps lower stressful, depressive states and puts you back in control
About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.