Sexual Experimentation


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Will Sex Toys Lead Her Astray?

Dear Doctor Chaves, My girlfriend has been getting more and more into sex. When I first met her, she
was kind of shy, not too sexual. I didn’t have a problem with it. The longer
we’ve been together, the more she  wants to be more
experimental
. Now she wants to get sex toys
and use them. She’s changing so fast, and I don’t know if I like it. Will her
using sex toys make her think I’m not as good of a lover or lead her to cheating
or ending things? -Carlos I’ve
never come across any information or research that suggests women have left men because
of their sex toys. Usually women leave men for reasons other than not being
battery-operated. It sounds to me like your girlfriend is expanding her sexual horizons
and that is threatening to you. She’s becoming more comfortable with herself, her
body and sexual experimentation. For most guys, including this one, that’s a good
thing. You’re going to need to challenge your discomfort and unease with her
newfound sexual
confidence
and jump on the bandwagon of supportive sexual comfort. I
detect a certain amount of inferiority that the sex toy issue is triggering for you, but
becoming more confident in yourself, your sexual expression and your partners’ sexual
expression is going to be essential to growing as a couple. Her sex toy is not going to
lead her to cheating or ending things, but your insecurities may.
Here’s a tip that most men don’t know: Those sex toys —
the ones that on the surface make some men feel jealous, angry or inferior — can become
our biggest allies in bed. Don’t waste your time worrying if you compare or stack
up to a toy. You don’t get angry at your car for being able to get you to work
faster than your legs. Why get mad at a sex toy? It’s just doing its job and trying
to help you and your partner out. Once you rationalize the distorted
logic behind your anger toward a battery-operated device that can’t cuddle,
support, love, or communicate, you may begin to see some pleasant and pleasurable
changes. If you use a sex toy with your partner during sex, for example, placing a
vibrator on the clitoris of your partner during intercourse, she’ll probably like
it. She may enjoy the time you both spend sexually. She might orgasm more often or more
powerfully. She may think you’re a magician and that vibrator is your magic wand.
And when she’s having a girls night out and the ladies are talking about their sex
lives, she’ll be saying how amazing her sex life is and what a great lover her man
is. Yup, the vibrator puts in effort and you get the credit because it becomes an
extension of your lovemaking ability. To me, a great lover is one who helps facilitate
pleasure for their partner, not inhibit it.

Masturbation Exhibitionism

I have this thing where I like to masturbate in random places and I keep track of
where I’ve done it. It’s kind of a game or just something I do. Is this
normal?-Mike, Baltimore People masturbate in
random places and at random times, so it’s perfectly normal. Most people
don’t talk about where or when they’ve masturbated, but it’s often
different for different people. I’ve heard places including in the car while
driving, at school, in the library, at world landmarks, and at family members’ homes. I wouldn’t characterise your game as not normal, just unique. I do want to
bring up that if you’re playing this game, you want to respect the rights of others and
not expose yourself to people who have no desire to be a part of it. Use your best
judgment so that you don’t put yourself or others at risk (masturbating in public,
non-legal, exhibitionistic,
or coercive expressions, etc). The point is, keep it respectful, legal and
clean. Since it’s not in my nature to crush someone’s sexual expression, how
about a modification? Why not random places, random times in toilets? There’s a
toilet almost everywhere you go. You’re private, no one to disrespect and it’s not
illegal — just you, the porcelain god and a little self-lovin’.More from Dr.
Chaves, next…

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