We Just Don’t Talk Anymore

Is the silence in your relationship shouting “We Have A Problem”?

If you are starting to realise that you and your partner no longer communicate then this may start to ring alarm bells that something is wrong.

Is this something that just you have noticed, or have you both mentioned it.
Maybe it’s your partner that says “…we don’t seem to talk anymore”, but for you everything is ok.

  • Was there ever a time that you both talked, if so what did you talk about?
  • When did it change?
  • What made the change happen?
  • If it seems that you don’t talk anymore, what don’t you talk about?
  • What do you talk about?
  • What do you want to talk about with your partner?
  • Why do you think you partner is not talking to you?

Every relationship is different and the individuals in the relationships have different needs.

A couple not talking could be harmless comfortable familiarity or could be a sign of concern where the relationship is being filled with hidden thoughts or possibly resentment.

Only the couple themselves will know the truth.

Are you missing how things used to be… have you lost something?

Maybe you have remembered the nights when you stayed up for hours talking about life and the universe and you want that back. Maybe you used to go away for weekends or go to concerts and work and family have taken over and now the relationship is suffering.

Communicating and keeping your relationship alive and exciting is a wonderful feeling.

Maybe you need a relationship health check with
Relationship Counsellor and NLP Coach Stephen Hedger.

The golden rule for a successful relationship?

What feelings is your partner attaching to you
without you knowing?

No matter whether you’re dating, married, or trying to save your relationship there is one rule that you must know.

When you help someone to feel great about themselves when they are in your company, they will attach all their great feelings to time spent with you.

But beware, the reverse is also true and you may not know it’s happening.

Become an anchor for happiness

Help your partner to feel great about themselvess when they are with you today, this is the single best action you can take for relationship success. All of their senses will tune into your voice, the way you look, the way you smell and where they were when they felt great, these are triggers being created for moments in time, this is what we call an anchor.

When a past memory is created, it can be remembered through a trigger such as a sound, a sight or a smell that is the same or similar to that past experience.

This anchoring process is at play when people are dating. It is one of the reason the couple can’t get enough of each other. They both get addicted to their own feelings and then crave more of each other.

Longer term successful relationships still need those anchors to survive.

Whilst our relationship values change as the relationship matures. Values like long term security become one of the anchors that help us all to feel good about ourselves in our relationships.

We still need to feel confident that our partners care enough to want us to feel great and that the relationship is not being held together by just one person.

For example a woman may feel that she is being taken for granted. So now she’s attaching bad feeling to the man. She may take all that built up anger out on him over something small which to him seems an emotional over reaction.

Now both people in this relationship are starting to attach bad feelings to each other.

She is at fault for assuming he is a mind reader and knows what she is feeling. He is at fault for assuming he knows what’s caused her to become upset. Confused they both attach bad feelings to each other.

It’s the little things

Of course these little things will not break the relationship, but over time they can build-up, and resentment can become a very powerful emotion that can override the value of security.

When your partner attaches a lack of security to you then the relationship is in real trouble.

Relationships that are in trouble have helped either one or both people to experience bad feelings and attached those feeling to their partners, avoid this today.

Discover how you can help your partner to feel great about themselves in your company and take action now! Your relationships are valuable so look after them.

Re-ignite those good anchors. One great idea is to re-create a time when you both felt great such as a first date or a special restaurant. Take yourselves back in time and remember all the reason why you got together in the beginning.

Try it and let me know how you get on in your comments section below.

Relationship Problems – Communication Breakdown

Is communication with your partner getting harder?

relationship problems- communication breakdown

If you are experiencing relationship problems it’s very likely that a confusion in communication is at the root of the problem.

Your partner could be left with the wrong impression of you, and you’ll never know until it’s too late. As soon as your partner starts attaching bad feelings to you, it’s time to take action, because things can get out of hand fast for all the wrong reasons.

Men and women are totally different in the way they view the world and their relationship, so understanding the meaning behind their words is critical.

When someone speaks, what happens is you respond to them based on your interpretation of what they said. What you are hearing is not what they are thinking when they communicated those words. So a distortion of the meaning is highly likely.

Arguments are very often the fault of a loss of meaning in the translation.

What we do is we make up a assumption of the meaning and argue about the translation of the words rather than the actual intention.

Arguments can go round in circles like this as an interpretation of words is thrown back and forth and then denied… “…NO!… That’s not what I said!” “… YES IT WAS!”

If you want to understand what your partner is communicating try to get more information before you respond emotionally.

Get specifics from them about their meaning and discover their intentions behind their words, very often you will discover that the intentions are good and not what you initially thought.

Clear communication and understanding is critical to any relationship

If you are having persistent relationship problems and would like to book
some time with Stephen please choose one of the booking options below.