Steps To Fixing A Passionless Relationship

If there is no passion in your relationship there is going to be a reason and it is not going to be because your partner does not like, or want sex.

Many couples have one partner who wants the passion in their relationship to reignite, but they don’t know what to do, or how to approach it. They love their partner, but are not ready to give up this part of their life.

Many are scared to bring this topic up through fear of their partners reaction.

Sex happens at it best when two people react to a mutual and powerful desire. So women generally like to be in the right mood.

So what can create that mood for her?

If her world is full of problems then she will never be in the mood, so by supporting her outside of the bedroom and giving her all she needs will be your first step.

She needs to feel that you are her ROCK!

When she knows you really are the man, then she will automatically discover many ways that she can be the woman. Too many men let the woman become the man in the relationship and then wonder where the passion has gone.

If she becomes the man, she does it because she knows this is her best way to survive, but deep down she wants to be the woman and have a strong man look after her when she needs him. If she becomes the man she can resent this and therefore no longer be attracted in the same way to her partner.

Build the foundations for a passionate relationship.

She needs to feel important to you, she needs to feel that you understand her, you need to help her know that you love her and that you will be with her forever no matter what happens.

Her needs are the foundations so build up that trust, because if the trust has been dented then passion will be long gone.

Next is her mood – This is the state she is in at any given time.

If her head is in a “getting things done place” then offer the help her and be playful. This will change her mood and will help her thoughts go to you and how wonderful you are rather than her boring work.

We are all chemical and every month to a greater or lesser degree women will be responding to those monthly rollercoaster chemicals and this will be changing her moods.

So what chemicals help her to be in the mood for passion? The answer is anything that helps her feel good about her. When this happens she automatically releases chemicals that helps her want to be intimate especially if she can attach those feeling to you.

Laughter, dancing, walking, carbohydrates, chocolate these all work to change moods. Why do you think a moon lit walk after a fun romantic dinner works so well.

I have even heard that baby powder behind your ear works as she associates this with having children.

The bottom line is to get the spark back in your relationship one of you has to start to make the effort, and it may as well be you. You need your partner to feel amazing about themselves and attach those feeling to you.

This what happened when you first met. Post your comments below and let me know how you get on.

How to Stay Together – Relationship Problems

Relationship problems – how to stay together is still a question for many couples on the brink of collapse.

With the sustained rise in relationship problems splits and divorce still on the rise, couples are still not getting the message of how to stay together. If they keep on doing what they have been doing, then they will keep getting what they away got – more problems! Lets look at what’s happening and what needs to change.

Imagine for a moment what is important to you in your life. What would you miss if it wasn’t there? Home, job, husband, wife, partner, money I’m sure you can list many more.

So what do you do on a regular basis to make sure you keep all of those things?

  • If you have a home I expect you pay the rent or the mortgage each month because if you didn’t you would lose it.
  • If you have a job then if you did not do your best and turn up each day then you would lose that job. What you are doing is applying the right focus to those things to make sure you keep them.

The shocking truth

What would have to happen for you to lose your relationship? The shocking truth is just carry on doing what you’re doing. It’s the best route to disaster. I have read several studies that all point to the same conclusion. Couples do not talk to each other. The reports are suggesting that couples spend on average 20 minutes per week or 3 minutes a day in focused meaningful conversation.

Think back to when you were dating. How much time did you spend in meaningful conversation and focused fun? If your date was 2/3 hours that’s a lot of time and energy spent on you both. So why did you do that?

You did it because you had a goal. That goal was more dates, sex, love, marriage, great feelings, and fun, we all have our own agendas. But the bottom line was you felt great about you, your future and your partner. By dating, you created hope.

Where have your goals gone?

Now ask yourself how exciting does you future look now? If it does not look great and you are now bored you are entering the relationship danger zone. You can also guarantee that if you are feeling bored or unhappy then your partner is too. The less you communicate the worse it gets and before you know it either one of you is dreaming of a different life or an affair is on the horizon. The next step is to blame your partner or the relationship. You will feel resentment of not getting the life you thought you were going to get and this is likely to turn into a lack of respect. Once you get to that stage a break-up is very likely, is that what you really want?

We have nothing to talk about!

Many couples complain that they have nothing to talk about and they are right, they have different jobs roles and lives the common factor they have is live under the same roof so what can they talk about? Kids, money, their day, the grass needs cutting, no wonder they don‘t want to talk.

So what did they discuss when they were first dating? What they talked about then was their future, they created exciting goals, of future dates, weekends away, great nights out. Then these goal progressed to living together getting married, getting rich! Who knows what it was that excited you about your future with your partner but something did. Without goals, there would be no second date or a relationship and you can’t create goals if you don’t talk. Creating an exciting life together is your goal, this is where you start.

You have not lost your love you have lost your future.

You have not lost your love or your passion you are basically still the same people you both fell in love with, but by not communicating you have both successfully killed the relationship without realising. This is not the fault of the relationship it is the fault of the actions or lack of them.

You have heard people say

“We need to split up because this relationship is going nowhere”.
In translation it means that the couple has not created goals for their future, Therefore neither one can’t see a future so the conclusion is the relationship must be wrong.

Very oftern this is a cry for help.

What has happened is you have both failed in applying the very thing your relationship needs for it to survive, an exciting future. Create that first and in return you will both create fulfilled lives littered with fantastic memories rather than poor ones you might already have.

Start today, sit with your partner, and create a life together. What have you always dreamed of doing both personally and in the relationship? Decide and design the life you both want and then take the steps to achieve that life. Create small steps towards those bigger goals and work together at it.

Now you have lots to talk about and an exciting future of possibilities. In this world of plenty, the opportunities are endless. Get excited together, go, and get the life you know you both deserve.

Take action now and rediscover yourself and your partner again. Click “Relationship Help & Advce” to discover more ways to stay together and fast!

Stephen Hedger offers Relationship help at the Haddenham Health Centre

Stephen Hedger is now offering private and confidential relationship help at the Haddenham Health Centre in Buckinghamshire.

Stephen helps couple with all types of relationship issues and emergencies.

Services also cover help with associated problems

  • Stress
  • Depression
  • Anxiety

If you would like more information please call on 0845 519 4808

We Just Don’t Talk Anymore

Is the silence in your relationship shouting “We Have A Problem”?

If you are starting to realise that you and your partner no longer communicate then this may start to ring alarm bells that something is wrong.

Is this something that just you have noticed, or have you both mentioned it.
Maybe it’s your partner that says “…we don’t seem to talk anymore”, but for you everything is ok.

  • Was there ever a time that you both talked, if so what did you talk about?
  • When did it change?
  • What made the change happen?
  • If it seems that you don’t talk anymore, what don’t you talk about?
  • What do you talk about?
  • What do you want to talk about with your partner?
  • Why do you think you partner is not talking to you?

Every relationship is different and the individuals in the relationships have different needs.

A couple not talking could be harmless comfortable familiarity or could be a sign of concern where the relationship is being filled with hidden thoughts or possibly resentment.

Only the couple themselves will know the truth.

Are you missing how things used to be… have you lost something?

Maybe you have remembered the nights when you stayed up for hours talking about life and the universe and you want that back. Maybe you used to go away for weekends or go to concerts and work and family have taken over and now the relationship is suffering.

Communicating and keeping your relationship alive and exciting is a wonderful feeling.

Maybe you need a relationship health check with
Relationship Counsellor and NLP Coach Stephen Hedger.