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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Couples are clueless and it’s not their fault

Divorce rates are showing us as a population are clueless about what needs to happen for us to keep our relationships alive.

At the end of this post, I’m going to share three key focuses that must be mastered if the couple wants to be successful together. You’ll also read why one lady was flabbergasted at how she was a significant part of their marital problems – she thought he was the problem.

Couples are struggling for far too many years and are making it worse without knowing because they are not aware that being married for life needs a shift in thinking to make it work for life.

What you had when you decided to get married is in no way enough to keep the relationship alive for life.

You see, no one is naturally good at being married for life. I know there are many that think they are naturally intuitive, but they simply don’t have the perspective that’s not natural for them. 

If one person is more intuitive, it helps, but it still doesn’t give them an ability to naturally understand their partners perspective, it would need to be taught.

Men and women are simply not the same, how they speak, how they interpret conversations, why they have conversations are all different, but couples are not aware of this.

In fact, their roles and responsibility in the relationship are totally different if they are going to keep their connection and passion alive, I have not yet met a couple that understands this.

Not understanding this is one reason why couples are killing their connection without knowing. They blame each other or conclude they are incompatible.

Resistance in the relationship will over time lead the couple to erode their connection.

So how many people are bored in their marriage? How many have a better time with their friends/colleagues? How many are losing love and passion?

Many have lost trust in some way, either they question if they are loved, or enough for their partner, or they question if they can trust their partner with others.

The biggest challenge I see is everyone is guessing about what is important to each other because that’s all they have to go on – clear communication is simply not happening.

People are simply not sharing what they need to be happy.

Look at this exchange with a client

One lady I was working with was sharing how selfish her husband was.

When I asked her if she had ever shared what she really needed, she took a moment to reflect and said no.

I asked – why not?

She reflected further and then told me she didn’t know what she needed.

I asked if she thought he would just know. She nodded. She thought he should just know.

She was flabbergasted that he would have no idea what she needed and so she left him guessing which set him up to fail with her.

He rarely got it right with her so knowing he would fail it paralysed him to not speak, not make decisions and either spend more time away from her or be passive when he was around her.

All this infuriated her and pushed him further away as he knew he couldn’t win.

It’s mission-critical to build your partner a map to your heart by you understand you and what you really need so you can set them up for success.

Below are three critical focuses to master if couples want a life long, passionate connection.

  1. Individuals must know how to master their own emotions. If their relationship with themselves isn’t good, this puts too much pressure on the marriage to make them happy. Individuals must bring value to the marriage through their healthy connection with themselves.
  2. Couples must teach each other their critical needs for the relationship to work for them. Without this, it leaves them needing to meet critical needs outside of the relationship. This can lead couples to stacking resentments and problems that can lead to suffering and disconnect.
  3. Couples must learn the fundamental differences between men and women. Men and women don’t understand how to translate each other’s behaviours accurately, so they make the wrong assumptions about their partners’ character. This can lead individuals to a loss of trust and self-protection.

Once all this is mastered then and only then can the couple build a vision that gives their connection real purpose that isn’t just paying for stuff and bringing up kids.

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • “Needy and not needed!”
  • “Discover the No.1 Philosophy of Highly Effective Spouses: From Struggle to Success”
  • “Unveiling the Secrets: How I Mastered the Art of Resolving Relationship Issues”
  • 3 Foundations for a Healthy Marriage
  • Misdiagnosis – Divorce Prevention Part 3

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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