When a person in a relationship believes that their emotional self is not being looked after or respected by their partner they are highly likely to want to protect themselves from the person that is supposed to love them.
The process of protecting themselves leads that person to lose trust in their partners ability or desire to care about what they are thinking or feeling.
If this need to protect ones self goes on for long enough then the couple are in danger of one or worse both people emotionally detaching and this can be catastrophic for that couple.
The near impossible challenge is to love someone whilst needing to protect yourself from them. This process of protection leads people to feelings that suggest they love their partner, but they are not in love with them.
A typical situation is two people end up protecting themselves until one person has had enough and makes noises that sound like loss of love, break-up, separation or divorce.
The message today for all couples is to make sure your emotional connection is maintained by understanding how to connect in a meaningful way to each other.
The starting point is to make the assumption that your partner thinks and translates their world in totally different ways to you.
What’s great about this position is you can now assume you know very little about what they really need and how they need it and this has the potential to put you in a position to learn.
Learning about your partner is critical because if you don’t show you care to understand them, their assumption can be you don’t care.
Too many people are judging their partner by the way they themselves think. Anyone that thinks this way is highly likely to be wrong when they make assumptions about their partner words or actions.
Couples can go round in circles with this process of contradicting each other words and intent. This crumbles the trust and helps people feel very lonely in their relationship.
I see a need to protect oneself in a relationship as a major danger signal because it can lead that person to a loss of feelings that are critical to keep the marriage/relationship alive.
The hidden battle that few people see is the fight between passion and security. The moment that the need for security overpowers the desire for passion the relationship is now vulnerable to problems they can’t solve.
Your job is to keep the passion alive, the challenge is most people don’t know how to achieve this.
Hungry to learn, either with your partner or on your own? Then book an initial consultation today.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
Click to find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
- How can we tell if we are heading for divorce? - October 19, 2025
- Why does a woman that loves her husband have multiple affairs? - July 15, 2025
- Loss of Love? How to Save Your Relationship - June 26, 2025